Unsupportive family/friends

robynmprobynmp Posts: 75Registered Users
Whenever I complain about my hair or am genuinely frustrated with my hair, like in tears my family and friends are SO dismissive. Like tonight for example me and my boyfriend had a dinner party and yesterday my curls were like superstar beautiful. I work my butt off on them tonight and they look AWFUL for our party. I put in a touch too much oil and its stringy and limp. I'm nearly in tears and people are supposed to come over. He just tells me "I guess learn better next time." "I spent over three hours today on this! It's frustrating!" He just told me I'm driving him nuts. My family is the same way, dismissing my distress as neurotic or silly. I have no natural friends and no one understands.
Fine, 2c-3a, high porosity, high density, bleached ends.


Hair hates glycerin

Comments

  • BluebloodBlueblood Posts: 1,748Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    Thing is to other people who love you, you are more than just your hair and your appearance so they don't notice your bad hair days.
  • naturally_me456naturally_me456 Posts: 3Registered Users
    Being natural can be frustrating sometimes,with keeping moisture,and frizz.Your hair isn't always going to agree with you.Bad hair days are going to happen.Thats something that they might have to come to accept.Sometime you need someone to talk to,listen,and understand you.i talk about hair.But i mean i don't really know that people with curly hair(even if they do have curly hair they don't exactly want to talk about it).If you would like we could be curl friends..:hello2::hello2:
  • DedachanDedachan Posts: 1,644Registered Users
    People won't understand because it's just hair to them or they don't understand the specifics of curly hair (a bit like discussing your favourite tv show with someone who's never watched it. They'll nod and a listen a bit, but they don't really know what you are on about).

    We are all usually very self-conscious about our own selves when other people really aren't taking that much notice of how we look, so don't worry so much about it.

    There are plenty of curlies over here to help and listen. There is a learning curve with how to treat curly hair. The important thing is you are on the path and soon enough you will have a routine that is quick and easy for you.
  • robynmprobynmp Posts: 75Registered Users
    Being natural can be frustrating sometimes,with keeping moisture,and frizz.Your hair isn't always going to agree with you.Bad hair days are going to happen.Thats something that they might have to come to accept.Sometime you need someone to talk to,listen,and understand you.i talk about hair.But i mean i don't really know that people with curly hair(even if they do have curly hair they don't exactly want to talk about it).If you would like we could be curl friends..:hello2::hello2:

    You're so sweet!! That would be so nice, I'd love to!! :love5:

    I know they don't understand it and see me as more then my hair but would it be so hard to just say "I would be frustrated too! That sucks." Instead of dismissing it? I guess it doesn't help that people assume curls are so low maintenance. Friends always say to me "can't you just wash it and blow dry it then you're done??" Nope! Not this curly anyways!!
    Fine, 2c-3a, high porosity, high density, bleached ends.


    Hair hates glycerin
  • bringingcurliesback?bringingcurliesback? Posts: 1,308Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    They won't understand always. And perhaps may never understand the struggle like ever. But we're here for you girl. :)

    Sent from my SAMSUNG-SGH-I317 using CurlTalk App
    *Current Routine*
    LP: SM RSB
    CO/CW: CJ Daily Fix, GR Restorative, SM RSB, SM SFC
    DC: SM, CJ Rehab, G.Nutrafix, DIY
    LI: a CO, KCKT
    Sealers: an oil, JC N&S
    Stylers: just CO, CJ CIAB, KCCC, aloe gel, FSG
    Once in a while: ACV, Lemon-Aid

    Oils to seal, rinse, and/or pre-poo as needed :love10:

    2c/3a/3b coarse, normal porosity
    :toothy4: CG since 2007 :flower:
  • CatitudeBooCatitudeBoo Posts: 578Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    I've experienced the same/similar things, especially from my mother who is Asian with stick-straight hair. "It's just hair!" Yeah, easy for her to say. She's always on me for taking more than 5-minute showers (my state is in a serious drought right now). Um....5-minute showers are NOT going to happen, lol.
    CG since Dec. 2013  B)
    3b/c ~ fine ~ high porosity ~ low density
    No-Poo: SheaMoisture Manuka Honey & Mafura Oil Shampoo 
    RO: Tresemme Botanique Nourish & Replenish Conditioner 
    Stylers: Tresemme Flawless Curls Mousse & Extra Hold Hairspray 


  • eveumeveum Posts: 744Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    I have body dismorphia and I struggle with this too. I'm pretty closed off about my feelings and I don't tell my family much about what it's like for me. They're not so much unsupportive as they are a little ignorant, which is my fault. If my hair doesn't go right in the morning I will get very upset/annoyed, especially if I have a time limit to style it I will start stressing out majorly. My hair is the only thing I like about my appearance so I've overinflated the importance of it in my mind, like it can make or break my day. Which I know is unhealthy.

    For me, I like everything pertaining to my routine to be a certain 'way', I can't really explain it but I'm really really picky about it. Like, I need the placement of lighting and mirrors to be in a certain arrangement (this is for makeup too), and if this changes then I feel like my whole routine could be thrown off and there's more chance of things going wrong. Last year my parents painted the bathroom and of course the shower was out of use for a few days. When they told me I immediately started panicking because I was overdue to wash my hair already at that point. I got really upset, mostly because people might have thought I was being ridiculously overreactive. However my mum came and talked to me (my parents are both psychiatric nurses, so they're good at that) and I told her everything about my therapy and how I feel about how I look, and she had guessed already that I don't like the way I do things to be changed, even for a short period of time.

    I have a very supportive (long distance) boyfriend though that I can tell everything to, when I stay with him and his family he knows what goes through my head in regards to my appearance and if I start tearing up while I'm trying to style my hair he knows that I'm getting stressed out over it. My hair always looks nice to him (apparently) though so I don't know, maybe it's all in my head.

    Low Shampoo: Aveda Be Curly Shampoo
    Conditioner: Tresemme Naturals Nourishing Moisture/ Perfectly Undone
    Treatments: SM Black Castor Oil Masque/ Packet Gelatine
    Leave in: Redken Diamond Oil Conditioner
    Styling: AG Recoil Curl Activator/V05 Mega Hold/Cornstarch
    Refresh: Redken Fresh Curls Curl Boost


    Between Waist and Hip Length (stretched), 2C with 2B roots
  • robynmprobynmp Posts: 75Registered Users
    eveum wrote: »
    I have body dismorphia and I struggle with this too. I'm pretty closed off about my feelings and I don't tell my family much about what it's like for me. They're not so much unsupportive as they are a little ignorant, which is my fault. If my hair doesn't go right in the morning I will get very upset/annoyed, especially if I have a time limit to style it I will start stressing out majorly. My hair is the only thing I like about my appearance so I've overinflated the importance of it in my mind, like it can make or break my day. Which I know is unhealthy.

    For me, I like everything pertaining to my routine to be a certain 'way', I can't really explain it but I'm really really picky about it. Like, I need the placement of lighting and mirrors to be in a certain arrangement (this is for makeup too), and if this changes then I feel like my whole routine could be thrown off and there's more chance of things going wrong. Last year my parents painted the bathroom and of course the shower was out of use for a few days. When they told me I immediately started panicking because I was overdue to wash my hair already at that point. I got really upset, mostly because people might have thought I was being ridiculously overreactive. However my mum came and talked to me (my parents are both psychiatric nurses, so they're good at that) and I told her everything about my therapy and how I feel about how I look, and she had guessed already that I don't like the way I do things to be changed, even for a short period of time.

    I have a very supportive (long distance) boyfriend though that I can tell everything to, when I stay with him and his family he knows what goes through my head in regards to my appearance and if I start tearing up while I'm trying to style my hair he knows that I'm getting stressed out over it. My hair always looks nice to him (apparently) though so I don't know, maybe it's all in my head.

    I'm kind of like that too, I hate when people mess up my schedule. I like knowing exactly how much time I have to do everything and when people spontaneously change plans it really makes me panic. It sounds like your parents are trying to be supportive though, and want to understand!:)
    Fine, 2c-3a, high porosity, high density, bleached ends.


    Hair hates glycerin
  • MjslyfeMjslyfe Posts: 8Registered Users
    I usually talk endlessly about how much I love my kinky hair. I want my family and friends to know how much I love it. I think they may not necessarily be supportive but professing my love for its natural state kind of sends the message that I accept it and I don't want to conform to their opinions. They will learn to accept and or love your hair if they see that you love it!


    Check out my natural hair videos on youtube: Seach MJ Lewis

    ~ MJ
  • FeedYourHeadFeedYourHead Posts: 248Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    Mjslyfe wrote: »
    I usually talk endlessly about how much I love my kinky hair. I want my family and friends to know how much I love it. I think they may not necessarily be supportive but professing my love for its natural state kind of sends the message that I accept it and I don't want to conform to their opinions. They will learn to accept and or love your hair if they see that you love it!
    ~ MJ

    ITA--and that has been the case in my own family! When I first started growing my hair out and letting it do its own thing (in 2002 or 2003, after my curly Dad's second round of chemo), Mom would make comments to the effect that I'd look better going back to short and straightened hair. When I went CG in 2008, she made snide comments about my "dreads," because she didn't think you could get your hair properly clean without a harsh detergent.

    Fast forward six years, and many conversations on what I'd learned in Curly Hair 101...

    Guess what I got for Christmas 2014? A copy of Curly Girl. Guess who I got it from? Yup, Mom. Not only has she backed off, she thinks my natural hair looks great!
    Name: FeedYourHead's Hair

    Description: 3A/3B/2C in the back, Botticelli, medium, thick, low porosity, modified CG since 2008

    Likes: Shea Moisture Manuka Honey & Mafura Oil sulfate-free shampoo; Curls Coconut Curlada conditioner; KCKT; LA Looks Extreme Sport Gel; coconut oil; honey; banana hair masks
    Dislikes: Silicones (:thumbdown:), Hairbrushes (:eek:) and harsh detergents (:protest:)
  • hmr1016hmr1016 Posts: 60Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    Whenever anyone I know pokes fun about how I walk around the house with my hair plopped in a t shirt or why my blow dryer has a giant crazy pink plastic contraption on the end or why there are like 5 different conditioners in my shower, I tell them that I actually like my hair for the first time in my life. I tell them that I'm taking care of my heart and my hair.
    Current 2B/2C Routine:
    Cleanse - Camille Rose Sweet Ginger Cleansing Rinse, NYM Curl Talk Shampoo, or DevaCurl Buildup Buster
    Condition - Elucence Moisure Balance Conditioner
    Treatments - Olaplex (step 3) or Elucence Moisture Repair Treatment
    Style -  KKKT + AG Re:Coil + Jessicurl Spiralicious Styling Gel

  • CurlyJennyDCurlyJennyD Posts: 23Registered Users, Curl Ambassador Curl Novice
    I think that's why I find this forum to be so wonderful.  So many curlies uniting!  Everyone on here gets it.  

    Like many, my curly hair has been a big part of self-hatred.  I certainly was "taught" by the behaviors of those around me that curly hair is a horrid thing and should be straightened at all times!  However, now that so many curlies are embracing their hair, and we actually get to see naturally curly hair out in public (gasp!), I am amazed over and over again by how beautiful it is!  When a curlie finally figures out what is right for her/his hair the results are amazing!  So beautiful.  Remember that if you see a curly out on the street who has gotten it right, be sure to pay a compliment ("beautiful hair!"). 

    I have just allowed my elderly mother to move in with my husband and me.  Right after she arrived, I took her to a birthday luncheon of a group of my friends.  As we were exiting the event my mother said, "[that lady who was sitting across from us] has *the most beautiful hair* I've ever seen!  What makes it so beautiful is the fact that it's STRAIGHT, blond, and shiny!"  I have dark, curly, not-shiny hair (my mother has straight, blond hair) and grew up with this woman setting the rules for beauty. Of course I couldn't help but think, "perhaps a nursing home is a better option for you!.  Preferably a charity one..."  HA!  :wink:  
  • piebakershairenvypiebakershairenvy Posts: 8Registered Users, Curl Ambassador Curl Neophyte
    Honestly I often feel like I can't even talk about it because my family thinks I'm being silly. For them I am just wishing I had curly/wavy hair and trying to make it so. "So-n-so can't get away from her curls, they are there all the time, So-n-so's hair is truly curly."  So I'm trying to keep a low profile while I figure out my hair and then once it's figured out they won't have anything to argue about. 

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