Waiting til birth to find out gender...

ClarissasCurls

Anybody do this? Thoughts on how it was?

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spiderlashes5000

ClarissasCurls wrote: »

Anybody do this? Thoughts on how it was?

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I wouldn't have the patience or self-restraint!

ClarissasCurls

I came to the conclusion that I would...and itd be amazing...but I feel it's best for the father for yall to find out at 20 weeks or so. Because that helps give him that link and connection. We get to experience everything and they just get to be spectators...so I feel it's special.

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spiderlashes5000

ClarissasCurls wrote: »

I came to the conclusion that I would...and itd be amazing...but I feel it's best for the father for yall to find out at 20 weeks or so. Because that helps give him that link and connection. We get to experience everything and they just get to be spectators...so I feel it's special.

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You feel it's best for the father to know right away or best for the father to wait?

I wanted to know for practical reasons like thinking of names and decorating the nursery.

I guess getting surprised could be cool, too, tho.

ClarissasCurls

Oh for the father to know in advance. It gives him something during the pregnancy. Knowing if it'll be his little girl or little boy. And to call him or her by name. Since we have both picked out already. Honestly whether you find out at 20 weeks or at birth...its still a surprise!

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spiderlashes5000

And sometimes the baby doesn't cooperate so you don't know. Or the dr gets it wrong. I suppose amnio can determine it pretty reliably but not everyone wants to go thru that.

ClarissasCurls

Oh no, lol gender just isn't that important to me. Healthy is all that matters. I just know itd be easier on him in the end.

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CurlyInTheFog

I really, really wanted to know with my first baby, and he was uncooperative so we had to wait. I thought it was a boy and was very impatient to find out if I was right, lol. The anticipation was killer. With my second son I was over 35, so had CVS done (like amnio but earlier), so knew it was a boy by 13 weeks. That was pretty cool because his brother knew he'd have a little brother and could call him by name. This was all a while ago, though, and it was less common to know ahead of time.

ClarissasCurls

Was it at least exciting for you? My Fiancé just out of nowhere said he wanted to wait tonight. And made me make a pact...so...I guess we'll be waiting til birth lol sigh. He always does this. I got used to the idea of finding out and now he wants to wait. But whatever. I get a thrill out of not knowing and being able to make people guess and wait! Lol

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CurlyInTheFog

I guess it was exciting, but kind of annoying because I'm not very patient about things like that. In a way it kind of overshadows things, because you're all "What is it? What is it?" instead of "Yay! A baby!" Of course, that part passes quickly, but it seems kind of silly to me to center everything around whether it's a girl or a boy. Anyway, having a newborn was enough of a shock, lol. I didn't need more surprises. He was 2 1/2 weeks early, and that was my first clue that "prepared" and "kids" don't go together. :tongue5:

ClarissasCurls

Lol oh goodness, thats so me. I'm very impatient and I'm do systematic and have to have EVERYTHING planned to the T. I had my whole wedding planned out in 2 days with everything set up and it's still a year and 4 months away...but I guess I want to have this to teach me some patience and with it being SO hard to get pregnant already...I wanna focus on the baby. And not a gender. Cause it wouldn't matter at this point. Just want a healthy little one this time.

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Amneris

ClarissasCurls wrote: »

Anybody do this? Thoughts on how it was?

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I did for both. I don't think I would want to know. I feel it would cause me more anxiety during pregnancy and then if the result was not what I was hoping for, it would ruin the second part of my pregnancy and my bonding with baby. By birth, you are just so excited to meet the baby whoever he or she is that it doesn't matter and then you are too busy to be disappointed for long. That's my experience - everyone is different. I have two boys and want more and I probably won't find out if I do have more. Everyone I know with two boys who had a third and found out told me they regretted it for the above reasons. And if it is what I want (a girl) I'd love to have something to push for and then the beautiful surprise after.

Amneris

I also think there is way too much gendering of babies and I don't want to give people 20-24 more weeks to do it. If I did find out, I'd keep it to myself and husband and maybe my immediate family and a few close friends.

Amneris

LOL, I'm not sure about husbands and them getting to experience things. If he's so anxious to experience him, let him have some fatigue, sickness, weight gain, mood swings, swelling etc. For my husband, just seeing the changes in me, feeling the baby kicking and discussing the future kept him very involved. The father is not likely to be as bonded to a brand-new baby as the mama anyway, especially if you take mat leave and breast feed, but those early days pass quickly and he will be bonded closely to the child in no time whether or not he knew the gender beforehand.

ClarissasCurls

I agree. Although I wouldn't care or have any gender disappointment, and neither would he, I would rather have the gender not play such a big role in my pregnancy. And thats what I said lol but he's sensitive and wants to be as involved as possible. I love that you waited with both though. I don't know anybody who did it, and everybody thinks I'm crazy.

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goldy

I didn't find out the first time & am doing it again

The father loves feeling the baby move/kick and talking to the baby daily. I think he's putting effort in to feel connected to the baby. He did want to know but respected that I didn't & jumped right on board with not finding out.

ClarissasCurls

That's awesome! Did you find it hard to wait? I'm not strong willed lol but I want to do this so bad.

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Jenny C

I waited with both my girls and didn't find it hard at all. I know it's a surprise whenever you find out, but it's just not the same IMO.

As far as decorating, we had a small room that was going to the be nursery for any babies we had so I wanted to keep it gender neutral anyway. We did really cute sea creatures in yellow, light blue. purple and green.

ClarissasCurls

That's so amazing. I agree, its not the same finding out early and finding out at birth. But I understand why people don't wait. I love gender neutral colors. I'm more attracted to them so that'll never be an issue. My only concern was that some people said it was hard when they waited because throughout the whole pregnancy, they fell in love with both what they envisioned their little boy to be and their little girl. So when they gave birth and it was a boy or girl...they felt depressed to say goodbye to whichever one it wasnt. If that makes sense. I'd be perfectly okay with either. But I feel like that would be emotional.

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spiderlashes5000

ClarissasCurls wrote: »

That's so amazing. I agree, its not the same finding out early and finding out at birth. But I understand why people don't wait. I love gender neutral colors. I'm more attracted to them so that'll never be an issue. My only concern was that some people said it was hard when they waited because throughout the whole pregnancy, they fell in love with both what they envisioned their little boy to be and their little girl. So when they gave birth and it was a boy or girl...they felt depressed to say goodbye to whichever one it wasnt. If that makes sense. I'd be perfectly okay with either. But I feel like that would be emotional.

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I pictured my daughter (1st) would look totally different than she actually looked/looks. And I was horribly disappointed when I found out 2nd was gonna be a boy. But as soon as they're born, you forget about all of the trivial hopes and expectations, and you're just so thrilled to have them, exactly as they are. Well, that was my experience.

ClarissasCurls

That's how I feel. And thats another reason id like to wait. Because although idc about gender and my fiancé doesn't really either anymore. He HAS ALWAYS wanted a boy. And this may be my one and only child. Most likely it will be. So if it's a girl...id like for him to find out once she's placed in his arms. I think he'll be so amazed, that it won't matter anymore!

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Loveliam

We attempted to wait with our son, but the sono nurse accidentally inferred it was a boy. So then we were fairly certain it was a boy

ClarissasCurls

Oh man, that's another thing. I don't want them to slip up at the ultrasound! But I actually found a blog of a woman who did it and experienced what im afraid of experiencing...I think my fiancé and I may just find out and keep it a secret. We can buy pink or blue or purple or whatever if we want to have more gender specific clothing but that way we get gender neutral stuff and the items we truly need. (Without everybody bombarding us with tons of pink or blue.) Here's the blog post I read..

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ClarissasCurls

http://www.jennifromtheblog.com/2013/03/my-real-thoughts-on-being-team-green.html?m=1

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Spiralli

20 years ago for me. I wanted to know, but DH did not want to know. I knew that I would not be able to keep it a secret if I found out. So it was easier for me not to have to constantly edit myself and just wait to find out at birth.

ClarissasCurls

Spiralli wrote: »

20 years ago for me. I wanted to know, but DH did not want to know. I knew that I would not be able to keep it a secret if I found out. So it was easier for me not to have to constantly edit myself and just wait to find out at birth.

Did you feel regret or disappointment or sadness? Like the blog said? That's my only worry.

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Jenny C

ClarissasCurls wrote: »

That's how I feel. And thats another reason id like to wait. Because although idc about gender and my fiancé doesn't really either anymore. He HAS ALWAYS wanted a boy. And this may be my one and only child. Most likely it will be. So if it's a girl...id like for him to find out once she's placed in his arms. I think he'll be so amazed, that it won't matter anymore!

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That was kind of my thinking too. I really, really wanted a girl and I knew I'd be disappointed if I found out I was having a boy, like now the baby in my mind wouldn't be my ideal fantasy baby - but I knew that if I waited and they placed a baby boy in my arms all my disappointments would go out the window.

ClarissasCurls

That was mine too for him. He still thinks that knowing will help him prep himself for if it's a girl or boy so we're finding out. But we're not telling anyone that we know and will remain gender neutral. And if we wanna buy gender specific outfits...we will and we will put them away. I feel like its a win win.

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ClarissasCurls

Although waiting will still always seem exciting to me.

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ruralcurls

I didn't find out with any of my kids and things went just fine. I hope everything goes well for you.

RedCatWaves

I cried when I found out my 4th baby was a boy on ultrasound at 20 weeks. I already had 2 boys and 1 girl. I REALLY wanted another girl. I fully admit to being disappointed. I was glad I had months to adjust to a boy before the birth. I would have gotten over it anyway, of course, but I wouldn't have wanted to mar his birthday with my disappointment.