My parents are splitting up

eveumeveum Registered Users Posts: 744 Curl Neophyte
I really don't know how to deal with it, I'm 20, my sisters are 17 and 16 so we all understand the concept of separating but I can't get my head around it. We were told about 3 months ago and it was a complete shock, I've never heard my parents argue once in the time before so none of us saw it coming. I think I took it the hardest, I was angry all the time, didn't speak to either of them for weeks and spent a lot of time out of my house with my boyfriend (long distance).

I can't even believe it's been that long already, lately my mum keeps talking about moving out and it's breaking my heart, she asked me if I was going to spend half the time with her and half where I am now and I said no. This is our family home and I don't want to be anywhere else, I don't want her to be anywhere else either.

I'm talking to them at the minute but it's getting less because I feel depressed for different reasons and have no way of coping. I don't know what to do.

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  • BluebloodBlueblood Registered Users Posts: 1,748 Curl Neophyte
    There is nothing you can do but take care of yourself.

    You have a right to vent your anger at your parents (and please do this openly for your own well-being) you can't change their minds.

    Also while mine and a few of my friends' parents who split up when we were under 10 argued or fought, my friends' whose parents split up when they were adults didn't.
  • butter52butter52 Registered Users Posts: 292
    Im sorry you are upset about it but I think you have to try to be mature about this.

    You are old enough to just leave the house and go live with your bf, and also your mom has the right to live the house and find her own bfs. Your parents are old enough to decide what to do with their life to be happy.

    I think you should feel good they didnt make a bunch of drama and arguing but were civilized about it and didnt make home a hell. You are really lucky about that.

    As long as they dont say or do anything stupid to you, I think you should do an effort to be suportive. Its their right to seek hapiness and the least they need is their grown up children to "blackmail" them emotionally when actually you might leave the home in few years to seek your own hapiness.

    Im sorry if Im harsh, but just imagine one day you wanted to break up with somebody in a civilized way and your loved ones pressured you not to, it would suck. Breaking up is hard enough.

    You love your parents, so be happy they are finding their own path and they are expecting you to be part of it.
  • CGSince2002CGSince2002 Banned Users Posts: 1,073
    I kind of agree with butter52. You are at an age when you will soon feel the need to find your own identity in the world.

    In a book I read many years ago called "Passages" it said that about every 7 years people experience internal changes that reflect on the outside, and around 21 I've seen lots of people, myself included, wanting to pull away from home and try something "different". This is perfectly normal so you would've eventually not been home all the time even if you didn't move, because you'd be more actively pursuing your own interests.

    I'm thinking that the reason you're so upset is because your parents split shattered your notion of ever-lasting love and/or is bringing about too many changes that seem hard for you, like no longer having the whole family together for special occasions, and such. But the way to think about it is not that love cannot last but that very often when people are too young to even know themselves well enough, they end up marrying people they are not very compatible with and therefore, any love they had wore out.

    Obviously, your parents were not truly happy, they probably stayed together to give you a better start in life, and as the children you probably never thought about it, just taking for granted that they were happy or that living as a family should be enough, but with all the stress that raising a family involves, believe me, having an empty emotional/love life sucks. It's sad when it's one's own parents but that's life. My own parents divorced when I was 17, just before my graduation, but I was actually relieved when my father left the house because they would have these scary fights sometimes. For years my relationship with him was strained because he had a temper and all the blame was put on him, I had not had a close relationship with him. It wasn't until I became a mother myself and starting having conversations with him that I began to understand his side of things.

    So try to be forgiving of your parents' human weaknesses and concentrate on their good points, plus the blessing of at least having have them together to raise you all these years. I myself ended up divorced (twice...) and my children did not grow up with their father, so while divorce is usually hard on the children at least you have the choice of continuing your relationship with both parents.

    I will say a prayer for you and I send you my best wishes.
  • wavydazewavydaze Registered Users Posts: 2,065 Curl Novice
    Try to be loving and understanding of your parents. Divorce is not the worst thing in the world, in fact it can be a very very good thing. Most likely they're getting a divorce because they'll be happier separated, and they very much have a right to seek happiness in their lives. Try to support and understand them.
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  • crazycurlychickcrazycurlychick Registered Users Posts: 344
    I'm sorry to hear that. My mom asked my dad to leave when I was 15 for a legit reason and I was more mad at her for not letting him stay but now after 2 years I've realized he was the one in the wrong, knowing who's right and who's wrong doesn't make it any easier.

    I got extremely depressed and it was a year after I developed anxiety and food issues so it was a recipe for disaster.

    The way I coped was by finding a close friend to talk to and trying to keep everything as normal as possible.

    My dad is now engaged so that's a new stress.

    Everyone takes things differently and even 2 years later I still have days I don't want to answer when my dad calls, days I get mad and cry over something he or his fiance post online, some days I even send him texts telling him how mad I am and how hard this is.

    Venting your feelings may help. I'll be praying for you and your family during this difficult time.
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