Forced to Straighten because of rude remarks?!

TaylornevadaTaylornevada Posts: 2Registered Users

I just found this site and I'm so glad I did because I feel like the only one who has this issue! I have hair type 3a/3b and it usually looks like a complete bush -_-
Last semester I wore it curly for the first time and I looked across the classroom only to see a guy mocking my hair with his hands out as far as they could go and laughing. So I never wore it curly again the entire semester, which made a lot of split ends.

So this semester I decided to try wearing it curly again since he's not in any of my new classes. But everyone wanted to run their fingers through it, which was not helpful to the volume at all. Also, another guy in my class would NOT stop repeatedly calling me poodle, and even my friend was saying I looked like Carl from walking dead, I looked like Davy Jones because of his squid beard thing, I looked like I had dread locks and dread rolls. That was weeks ago and yet they still bring it up ALL the time to laugh at me about it. So I feel like I'm forced to straighten it! Braiding it while wet doesn't work to made the curls more wavy either.. Apparently I'm stuck with split ends until I'm out of high school


  • dixygirldixygirl Posts: 279Banned Users
    Hello TaylorNevada!
    I feel so sorry for you being a victim of bullying. I think this boy may actually have a crush on you. It has been my experience that when boys do those sort of things, it is really because they like you but may be a little awkward expressing themselves.
    I also am a HUGE fan of Teri LaFlesh, the author of Curly Like ME. You can find her website at Welcome
    I think her methodology of weighing the hair down with certain thick conditioners she mentions on her site is just what you need to be able to wear your hair curly, yet keep it in proportion so it hangs instead of standing up.
    You may find the rest of her videos here which will teach you what to do
    I hope this works for you so you do not have to do things to your hair that you do not want to do.
    3b/c, 2c at nape, fine, norm-hi porosity, low density, biracial, BSL
    Conditioner:Kanechom, Silicon Mix. Hello Hydration. ApHogee 2min
    Co-Wash: $ store cond
    Prepoo: combinations of:yogurt, liquid aminos, honey,mustard oil, egg,red palm oil,coconut milk
    Leave in Products: Silicon Mix Proteina de Perla LI, coconut milk, coconut oil, olive oil, or mustard oil
    Naturally curly color treated
    Fan of "Curly Like Me"
  • Morgan_AdcockMorgan_Adcock Posts: 2,573Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    Oh, my!

    It sounds like you may be brushing your hair. Is that correct? My hair is a lot like yours, and would look bushy too, if I were to brush it. I learned not to do that from Curly Girl: The Handbook (also available here). I'd really recommend getting your hands on a copy. It's got a ton of good information about things that work and don't work, from a hairdresser with super curly hair who specializes in curly hair.

    I think it's important to keep in mind that although you haven't worn your hair curly again, the bullies in your classes are still giving you a bad time, so it's really not what your hair is doing now, but what they once saw it do that they're giving you a bad time about. Boys that age can be such idiots, but fortunately, most of them improve when they get a bit older.

    Baby Fine 3B, low porosity, normal density and elasticity
    CGing since July 2008
  • dolaresdolares Posts: 69Registered Users
    Hi, sorry to hear bout those ignorant fools bullying you. You need to learn how to take better care of your hair. If you straighten your hair that means THEY WIN! You cannot allow people to get to you like that, learn to love your hair IT IS BEAUTIFUL, YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL!
  • CatitudeBooCatitudeBoo Posts: 590Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    Yeah, it sounds like you seriously need some guidance or insight on how to take care of your hair. If you have any questions (which it sounds like you will!), just ask us!
    CG since Dec. 2013  B)
    3b/c ~ fine ~ high porosity ~ low density
    No-Poo: SheaMoisture Manuka Honey & Mafura Oil Shampoo 
    RO: Tresemme Botanique Nourish & Replenish Conditioner 
    Stylers: Tresemme Flawless Curls Mousse & Extra Hold Hairspray 

  • klloydmajesticklloydmajestic Posts: 183Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    Agreed with the previous commenters! I learned so much from Lorraine Massey's book (linked in the earlier comment) and I do hope you pick it up. It is well worth a read!

    It is hard in high school to deal with less mature people (such as those who are making such negative comments about your hair), but like dolares said, if you straighten or hide your hair, they win! Your curly hair makes you unique and beautiful. You will learn that you need to do what makes you happy, and the rest will fall into place.

    I know how it feels though, I think we all were there at one time. There were a few people who would call me "Brillo pad" and orphan Annie, yet they would spend hours curling their hair with curling irons and such for school dances. I didn't have to do that because mine was already curly! :)

    Hang in there girl and rock those curls because they are part of you and there is no one on Earth that can do you better <3
    3b, low porosity, CG method
    BC 6 February 2016 and growing out. . . again!
    current products: 
    • conditioner: Jessicurl Too Shea!
    • pre-poo: grapeseed oil or coconut oil
    • cleanser: currently experimenting with different things
    • deep treatment: Jessicurl Deep Treatment
    • "protein" treatment: SheaMoisture Manuka Honey & Mafura Oil Intensive Hydration Masque
    • Stylers: Fruit of the Earth 100% Aloe Vera gel or SheaMoisture Coconut & Hibiscus Curl Enhancing Smoothie

  • SassifrassSassifrass Posts: 49Registered Users
    Hi Taylornevada and welcome to Naturallycurly!

    I'm sorry to hear about your bad experiences with the other students in your classes. People can be cruel and small-minded. There is absolutely nothing wrong with having hair that isn't straight and certainly not something for which you should be teased. Personally I think it is pretty cool to have hair that isn't straight because you just don't see a lot of nice curls out there so it makes you stand out more. I am admittedly biased on the matter though. :)

    I definitely got teased a lot for my hair when I was younger also. The other kids would say how my hair looked like a lion's mane, or they're say I look like a poodle. I was also always petite, small busted and all so I'd get a lot of insults about my hair being the biggest part of it. I eventually learned to accept my body and my hair and love myself for my differences (because ya know, they're not "faults"... everyone is different and that's OK!).

    Not everyone is like that and plenty of people will love you (and your hair!) without you having to change.

    If you want to wear your hair curly, I say wear it curly with pride and just ignore the people who are rude.
    3a, fine, low/medium density, high porosity. Protein loving.

    Lo poo: Desert Essence Coconut Shampoo.
    RO: DevaCurl One Condition
    LI: DevaCurl One Condition
    Styler: DevaCurl Ultra Defining Gel
    PT: IAgirl's Gelatin PT
  • DaniGirl88DaniGirl88 Posts: 1,583Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    Seriously sorry to hear that you are going through this. I'm sure several of us curlies have been through something similar (I know I have). I just hope you can find the help you need here to embrace and love your curls! The first step is learning how to take care of them and keep them healthy. We're here if you need anything at all!

    3B, fine, normal porosity, high density, medium width and length
    Conditioner: Tresemme Naturals, Trader Joe's Tea Tree Tingle
    Co-Wash: As I Am Coconut Co-Wash
    Leave in Products: As I Am Leave-In, SM Smoothie/Milk, KCKT, Giovanni Direct Leave-In
    Air Dry

    Looking for new products and methods to try!

  • MidwesterncurlMidwesterncurl Posts: 133Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    The first thing you need to do is start establishing some boundaries.

    Your classmates are not entitled to touch you. Your hair is part of your body, and they should not be touching your hair unless YOU want them to.

    Tell your "friends" to shut up. If they were your real friends, they would be sticking up for you against people who think they are being clever by name-calling.

    I'm so glad to be out of high school...
  • butter52butter52 Posts: 292Registered Users
    The best thing you can do is give those inmature kids a big smile and say "thank you! you also look good today"

    Dont play their game, dont give them what they want.
  • dixygirldixygirl Posts: 279Banned Users
    Another thing that I just rediscovered that I used to use in the 80s is Care Free Curl Instant Moisturizer. A fine mist of this product combed through the hair in the morning will take the biggest bush and turn it into silky, hanging, shining curls that move with you instead of standing up. You will have to play with the amount and allow a couple HOURS for it to air dry naturally without touching it. It will feel oily when wet. But once it dries, the oiliness goes away and you are left with pure strands of spun silk on your head. Your hair will NOT stand up like a bush when you find the right amount of this product to apply for your hair type. Your hair will not look big either. It will hang with lovely curls that move and flow with your body instead of standing up defying gravity. If your hair is really bushy, you may need to apply a bit more once the first application air dries a bit and let it air dry again to silky fabulousness. You may particularly want to add more to the ENDS after it air dries a bit. If your hair is not as bushy as you thought, then the first mists evenly combed through the hair will do the trick. I spray it from off a distance and to several spots on the head to assure even distribution. Then comb it through and wait a few hours for the magic to occur from wet and drippy to pure silk.

    But bear with it while it is wet and do NOT rub it out with a towel because it will feel overly dewy, wet and oily when wet. Bear with that. It goes through a transformation when it completely air dries and turns from wet and drippy into dry, pure luxurious silk that swings with your body and has natural clumping, softness and generally looks like the lustrous, soft dewy curls you always wished you had. I HIGHLY recommend anyone with bushy hair gives this a try and it is under $5.00. It is in the ethnic hair product section of most drug stores like Walmart in a gold and red spray bottle.
    Best wishes

    PS: Even after two to four hours of the product drying and absorbing in your hair, if you find it is a bit too dewy for you, fear not. Only after about 4 hours do I think it is OK to then rub of any excess with a towel. But that did not happen with my fine, thin hair. After about 4 or 5 hours, it is just totally dry and flawlessly silky. The 2nd day hair with this has even more body and fullness too as it dries out even more. You will really have to play with this product to figure out the right amount to apply for your hair. And unfortunately you do have to give it 2 -4 hours of air drying to see how it will look when dry. It stays wet for that long....with my hair anyways. But after some hours it turns into something truly amazing! I recommend you play with it the afternoon before, then sleep on it and the next day it will surely look marvelous. By the next day you will have figured out how much of it works for your hair. It may take 2 full even applications or it make take just one slightly toweled out after 4 hours of air drying for lighter hair. I have really BABY FINE, bushy hair and I did 2 full applications but let it air dry naturally for several hours. My hair no longer feels the least bit oily after sleeping with it overnight. It feels like the healthiest, silky hair on the planet. I have a friend with 4c hair who tried it, and they actually need a couple more applications on 2nd day. I will skip application today for my thin hair.
    A little known fact is that you may also roller set, rod set, and even wrap the hair with this product. However, it will take many hours longer to dry but will look exponentially silkier.
    Here is my thread where I review the product. I will add a photo to that thread of my 2nd day hair with a set using this product today
    3b/c, 2c at nape, fine, norm-hi porosity, low density, biracial, BSL
    Conditioner:Kanechom, Silicon Mix. Hello Hydration. ApHogee 2min
    Co-Wash: $ store cond
    Prepoo: combinations of:yogurt, liquid aminos, honey,mustard oil, egg,red palm oil,coconut milk
    Leave in Products: Silicon Mix Proteina de Perla LI, coconut milk, coconut oil, olive oil, or mustard oil
    Naturally curly color treated
    Fan of "Curly Like Me"
  • Fifi.GFifi.G Posts: 15,490Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    butter52 wrote: »
    The best thing you can do is give those inmature kids a big smile and say "thank you! you also look good today"

    Dont play their game, dont give them what they want.

    Right! They would have to get over me and my hair. I would not straighten or change for anyone. Bend around their remarks but do not break or give in to their opinions. They are just that. They will eventually tire and move on to something else, and this will happen much quicker when you gain some confidence in what is in and on your head.
    When I hear terms like "hipster" I think, who told cliques they could leave high school??

  • theliothelio Posts: 5,374Registered Users
    next time someone tries to touch your hair, smack their hand away. touching you without your permission is a form of assualt.
  • curlicious13curlicious13 Posts: 1,632Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    So sorry you are experiencing bullying. As everyone else has said, understand that their bullying you has nothing to do with you. All bullies are cowards and are really pathetic to say the least. Another good resource is live curly live free. I found a lot of good information on that website. Your best accessory is confidence. If you don't have that, no hair style or outfit will look good.

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