How do you break up with someone?

sakiohmasakiohma Posts: 104Registered Users
My boyfriend and I have been dating for three years and we've been friends for almost ten years. We even lost our virginity to each other. Everything has been perfect. I have no complaints about him... but I don't love him.

We used to talk for about five hours, but now I can barely get 20 minutes out of him. Things have changed. More importantly, neither of us plan to marry until we are in our 30's (we're 24 and 26 now) so I feel that dating for 5-8 more years would be unrealistic for us.

In short, I have no backbone. Can you help me by telling me your experiences?

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TRANSITIONED: Since Dec 23, 2010 (I think...)
BC DATE: July 23, 2013 (about 31 months)
7/23/13 :: SL
1/9/14 :: CBL
5/13/14 :: APL

I :love1:Shea Moisture, Nubian Heritage, Camille Rose!


  • PerriPPerriP Posts: 6,613Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    The longer you wait, the harder and more painful it is. Be prepared to lose him as a friend, as well as his family and many of your shared friends.

    The only way to do it is to do it. If you live together, please look into the legalities of your lease. If you have joint debt, it would be nice if you could split it but be prepared to handle it yourself. Any accounts, utilities, phones, etc that are linked need to be separated.

    There is no easy way and if you don't make a decision you'll spend more time somewhere you don't want to be.
    Modified CG since Dec 2011
  • mustangbunnymustangbunny Posts: 1,033Registered Users
    It really sucks breaking up with someone. I don't know if it will help but I can tell you about the last time I did that. It was just one of those situations where I woke up one day and just thought, I don't want this anymore. And I totally put it off for a few days because I was really busy at that time and he lived a good half hour from me. I didn't really want to drive that far to break up with someone and then have to drive all the way home, upset. But the longer I put it off the more I realized I really wanted to be out of it and not having it hanging over me, like a little black rain cloud. So I just sucked it up, said it, started crying and got out of there ASAP. I've done that hand wringing, long talk break up and it's not good for me.

    There's a chance he knows this is coming, too, and it might not be as awful as you're thinking. I'd say have something to do afterwards, to take your mind off of it. I'm always tempted to dwell on things like that but it just makes me more miserable. We have so many better things to do! Chin up, it will be over before you know it.

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  • sixelamysixelamy Posts: 4,157Registered Users Curl Novice
    The last time I broke up with someone, I was just honest. I think honesty is the best way to go, because then there won't be any questions about what one of you did wrong, etc. It's hard to be honest sometimes, but in my case I didn't really care. The guy told me I should focus on writing my research paper when I told him my grandpa had died. So I was a bit heartless back to him... but at least he knew why I broke up with him. I told him not to blame himself, I just don't feel the same way about him as he did about me. But sounds like in your case you both have changed directions, and maybe he's trying to make the same decision you are? I don't know.. I don't know your situation. I would just be honest about your feelings and whatever else you need to say.
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  • chupiechupie Posts: 5,280Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    Honesty is a good thing. It's just the best way to go.
    2a medium porous, You can see my wavy tutorials here: and my wavy blog is The Wavy Nation
  • sakiohmasakiohma Posts: 104Registered Users
    Thank you all. I just hope it won't mean an end to our friendship. I've known him for so long.

    Sent from my SAMSUNG-SGH-I897 using CurlTalk App
    TRANSITIONED: Since Dec 23, 2010 (I think...)
    BC DATE: July 23, 2013 (about 31 months)
    7/23/13 :: SL
    1/9/14 :: CBL
    5/13/14 :: APL

    I :love1:Shea Moisture, Nubian Heritage, Camille Rose!
  • kolochitakolochita Posts: 118Registered Users
    Sometimes it is possibsle to keep a friendship, but there always is a period of adjustment, where distance and space for both persons are necessary. My ex and I are friends (we were really good friends as well as a couple), but it took time for us to get it back. And it's not completely the same...we don't mention our current dating life, for example. That's just awkward for us.
    But do remember that when a door closes, somewhere there's an open window :) just do what will make you feel good and at ease..

    Sent from my GT-S6310N using CurlTalk App

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  • DaniGirl88DaniGirl88 Posts: 1,583Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    This is definitely a hard thing to do, but I second what others have said and agree that honesty is the best thing. Just talk to him. Say what you're feeling and see what he says. Like someone else has stated, he could know it is coming. Just remember that you have to do what is best for you. There's a chance you can get back to being friends after everything has settled. Good luck!

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