I cut off 10+ years of natural hair, and I feel okay!

bharjalabharjala Registered Users Posts: 52
So, yeah, I did it.

If any of you know me, or remember me, I was terribly unhappy with my hair. I tried so many things, seriously considered relaxing after I hit the 10 year mark, and just hated it. It didn't make me feel pretty, it made me feel stupid and... I felt ashamed for not loving this hair that clearly so many others did.

I've only ever gotten a hair cut twice in my life. Once in 2002 on my relaxed hair, to about chin length, and again in 2003 for my transition cut (which was really an accidental BC at a white salon). The first time I got my hair cut, I went to a JCPenney salon in Augusta GA as suggested by a good friend. The stylist knew what she was doing, but I could tell--she really glared at me hard for cutting my hair, even when it was relaxed and full of deposits from home perms and well water. When I told her that I didn't know what to do with it, and was considering stopping relaxing, she and the girl next to me looked at me like I'd just misquoted the lyrics to "The Reason Why I Sing." It was a death glare. I also dared to mention that I might want to cut it, and she said that my hair couldn't hold it, and didn't talk to me for the rest of the styling.

That, coupled with years of having chemically treated hair that just wouldn't grow really convinced me that if it was short, it'd be short for life. And I'd be ugly, and look fat, and my brother would hate me. (My brother is... very old school. He likes long hair on women. His ex wife cut her hair, and they got a divorce the next month. When I went natural and did the accidental BC, I hadn't seen him for years and I had shoulder length hair. The FIRST thing he did, before even hugging me, was look at me disdainfully and say "Why? Why did you cut your hair?" and he shook his head and got in the car.) I was so afraid to change it, that I just kept dealing with it, and hating it.

Remember the hair guilt post? I felt guilty for not loving my hair, and stupid for waiting, and trying, and hoping that it'd get easier with length, that I'd fall in love with it. I felt like an idiot for spending so much of my life working on it, only to have styles that I'd cover up because I can't wear my hair down and I HATE big hair. I've been conditioned for so long when I was young that big hair was nappy and ghetto and all of that stuff that we're past now. But it's still there. When I see big hair on me, I see my drunk of a birth father and just... ugliness. So... moving on. I was afraid it wouldn't grow if I cut it...

Well, after over a decade with natural hair, I can tell you that it grows and grows if you leave it alone. Hours ago, I had hair to my TAILBONE. And it was a few days ago that I realized that... it'll grow back. Just do it... You hate yourself... the madness!

My mother in law was diagnosed with breast cancer yesterday morning. And she told me that it's as good a time as any to do it, and to just go and get it done before I lose my nerve. So I went, just a few hours ago, to a SuperCuts (sue me, the girl there was 100% Ethiopian with a big chop of her own, and it cost $18!) and just got it all cut off. All of it. I have a pixie TWA now, and my hair inspiration right now is Carmen from My Natural Sistas, the defined "do."

I have to learn how to work a TWA... And I'm afraid now, but inspired and invigorated and excited as well. Change is good, and I just cut out so much of the negativity and bad memories that I've hauled around for so long.

I've included some before and after pics. Now, on to styling!
~My salvation lies in your love... Alexi Murdoch~

Comments

  • BluebloodBlueblood Registered Users Posts: 1,748 Curl Neophyte
    Well done!
    bharjala wrote: »
    (My brother is... very old school. He likes long hair on women. His ex wife cut her hair, and they got a divorce the next month.
    What a way to get rid of a husband!
    bharjala wrote: »
    When I went natural and did the accidental BC, I hadn't seen him for years and I had shoulder length hair. The FIRST thing he did, before even hugging me, was look at me disdainfully and say "Why? Why did you cut your hair?" and he shook his head and got in the car.)
    Sorry your brother needs to get into the 21st Century and also realise he can't control the women in his life otherwise if he has daughters he's going to be in for more hell than normal when they are teenagers.
  • bharjalabharjala Registered Users Posts: 52
    Blueblood wrote: »
    Well done!
    bharjala wrote: »
    (My brother is... very old school. He likes long hair on women. His ex wife cut her hair, and they got a divorce the next month.
    What a way to get rid of a husband!
    bharjala wrote: »
    When I went natural and did the accidental BC, I hadn't seen him for years and I had shoulder length hair. The FIRST thing he did, before even hugging me, was look at me disdainfully and say "Why? Why did you cut your hair?" and he shook his head and got in the car.)
    Sorry your brother needs to get into the 21st Century and also realise he can't control the women in his life otherwise if he has daughters he's going to be in for more hell than normal when they are teenagers.

    You are hilarious! Yes, he's old school. Mama was white, well mixed, but she passed as white and had straight, smooth, beautiful hair. After years of dating black women, and getting divorced by his short-bobbed ex, he moved on to latin ladies with loooong hair. He also hates makeup.

    His daughter's hair is a mess, but she's had relaxers since she was 2 years old. I saw her mother do it (the ex wife) saying "now you gon' have good hair, like it was supposed to be!" She had the most adorable 3b curls ever. smh...
    ~My salvation lies in your love... Alexi Murdoch~
  • BluebloodBlueblood Registered Users Posts: 1,748 Curl Neophyte
    bharjala wrote: »

    You are hilarious! Yes, he's old school. Mama was white, well mixed, but she passed as white and had straight, smooth, beautiful hair.
    Your hair is beautiful too.
    bharjala wrote: »
    After years of dating black women, and getting divorced by his short-bobbed ex, he moved on to latin ladies with loooong hair. He also hates makeup.
    Women have a tendency to cut their hair as they get older.
    bharjala wrote: »
    His daughter's hair is a mess, but she's had relaxers since she was 2 years old. I saw her mother do it (the ex wife) saying "now you gon' have good hair, like it was supposed to be!" She had the most adorable 3b curls ever. smh...
    Poor kid.

    In 18 years or so time she will be on a site like this trying to sort out the screwed up messages she was told as a kid.

    Though she probably will keep looking at your head, may decide that she wants to be like her confident aunt and will just cut her hair off.

    Oh lots of guys don't like make up - well least the ones I've asked. Though they are polite enough not to make comments about it unless their partner has it on what they consider inappropriately i.e. cleaning the house, doing DIY
  • NebhNebh Registered Users Posts: 36
    Congrats and bless to having brighter new memories:flower:
    :love5:coily ~ kinky ~ fine ~ 4 ~ no-poo
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  • NayaMooreNayaMoore Registered Users Posts: 60
    Your hair looks great! Also that's so sad people relaxed their kids hair at 2 years old.
  • chupiechupie Registered Users Posts: 5,280 Curl Connoisseur
    bharjala wrote: »
    I saw her mother do it (the ex wife) saying "now you gon' have good hair, like it was supposed to be!" She had the most adorable 3b curls ever. smh...

    That makes me so sad for her :(.

    Your hair is adorable!!!!
    2a medium porous, You can see my wavy tutorials here: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLy8bclCLgER5N_uVYSYZNxhBHSXAW40OQ and my wavy blog is The Wavy Nation http://wavynation.wordpress.com
  • bharjalabharjala Registered Users Posts: 52
    Nebh wrote: »
    Congrats and bless to having brighter new memories:flower:
    NayaMoore wrote: »
    Your hair looks great! Also that's so sad people relaxed their kids hair at 2 years old.
    chupie wrote: »
    bharjala wrote: »
    I saw her mother do it (the ex wife) saying "now you gon' have good hair, like it was supposed to be!" She had the most adorable 3b curls ever. smh...

    That makes me so sad for her :(.

    Your hair is adorable!!!!

    Thanks everyone! This is really like learning my hair all over again :). I can feel how it reacts to products and see the patterns at the root... It's liberating!
    ~My salvation lies in your love... Alexi Murdoch~
  • CoifedCoilsCoifedCoils Registered Users Posts: 31
    You look pretty with both short and long hair. I like your cut and hope you have fun with it!
  • exclusivelykexclusivelyk Registered Users Posts: 22
    Omw.. This is such an inspirational post... I love your hair long and short... But I esp love your hair short for the reason you did it...that is such an inspiration for me because I too have issues loving my hair.. Currently I am trying to let it grow without constantly doing protective styling by way of braids all the time.. It is a challenge.. Ooh we Monster (my hairs name) and I be having so many fights but in the end we get through it... I know how it feels to not love your hair and be scared that those around you want love it too.. But then post just let's me know that even a person with tail bone length hair shares the same feelings as me

    Sent from my LG-D500 using CurlTalk App
  • Morgan_AdcockMorgan_Adcock Registered Users Posts: 2,573 Curl Neophyte
    I had been growing my hair ever since learning about the Curly Girl method, which led me to hairdressers who didn't scalp me. I'd never had long hair and wanted to try it. Well in over five years it got pretty darned long for me (though it has so much jump that it didn't look all that long). At first I really enjoyed it, but by the last few months, I'd come to realise that it was more a social norm, and not so much an expression of myself. So I had it cut much shorter last month, and, like you, I'm enjoying my hair now.
    Peace,
    Morgan

    Baby Fine 3B, low porosity, normal density and elasticity
    CGing since July 2008
  • sixelamysixelamy Registered Users Posts: 4,157 Curl Novice
    Way to go! You are very inspirational! Nobody should have to go through life hating how they look, no matter what anybody else thinks.

    Good for you :) You are beautiful.
    2c-3a - med-coarse - normal-high porosity - high density
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  • dixygirldixygirl Banned Users Posts: 279
    Gosh I am trying so hard to get my hair to tail bone length! I even stopped getting Japanese straighteners which made my hair beautiful in hopes of growing my hair to my tailbone or classic length.
    Am I missing something? You did not bc off chemically treated hair to try to get healthier hair. Your hair was already healthy and natural for 10 years and to your tail bone at that.... And you cut it all off due to an emotional tantrum or something???:glasses1::glasses1:
    What exactly did this accomplish? Did I miss something? Your texture is the same so you did not change the hair that was making you upset emotionally. What did you accomplish? You just wanted less of it because you did not like a lot of hair?
    oh boy:sad3:
    Good luck. I hope it makes you happy. I fear that a deeper issue is at play here. You mentioned that your big hair reminds you of your drunken Black father. I think maybe you should have done a BKT, texturizer or gotten it flat ironed or something if you hate reminders of your Black father. I actually think that it being SHORT and tight will remind you even MORE of your father. The real issue sounds to me that you dislike your natural texture (that reminds you of your Black father )as opposed to disliking the length. Well that is what it sounds like you were saying to me. I personally wish I could have spoken with you prior to this move to try to get you to reconsider what type of change would more successfully address the emotions you were feeling at the time.
    Best wishes with your twa.
  • gagirl09gagirl09 Registered Users Posts: 2,316
    I think more good than harm came from this haircut. I remember when I cut my relaxer off and how worried I was and at first I was like what did I just do???????? But I adjusted and life moved on. The poster cut her hair and wants to keep it that way for now because x,y, and z (also was the other reason to support her mom during breast cancer. I wasn't sure if thAt was an implied reason) I cut mine to get rid of relaxer that, for my family background, didn't mean ghetto but militant and threatening to those who might want to hire me. I wished to change that and to stop destroying my ends.
    Last relaxer: Nov. 24, 2008
    BC: December 19, 2009
    Products: Whatever works!
  • sjones26sjones26 Registered Users Posts: 16
    I have been thinking about doing my second big chop for a few months now. I've been growing my hair out for almost 5 years now & it's a little longer than mid back length & I told myself I'm giving myself til June. Today at work I couldn't help smiling because I decided that I'm going to chop next week after picture day. My mom is a hair stylist & she cut my hair the first time, but now she's asking why would you cut it. I, too, am not attached to my hair. It will grow back & I love being free. I'm excited it is time for a change!


    Fotki~ www.fotki.com/sjones26
    Tumblr~ www.jonesey29.tumblr.com
    BC~ 09/03/09
    3c/4a~ fine/med
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    Moisturizing Condish/Styling~ HEHH or Suave Naturals Tropical Coconut + Avocado oil
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  • adthomasadthomas Registered Users Posts: 5,525 Curl Neophyte
    It is very common for women, at least black women I know, to cut their hair off when they are ready for a major change in their life. For many it symbolizes a fresh start even if they aren't stopping the relaxing process. Think Angela Bassett in Waiting to Exhale. The OP cut off a lot of baggage showing she is moving forward with a new chapter. I'm glad I went and did my bc early because I did feel a type of liberation I think I would not have felt with initially having longer natural hair. I had never had really short hair and I know many black women whose SO's have become pissed when they cut their hair. For some women a lifetime of being told their long hair is their beauty can make me them feel dependant and scared to be without it.A security blanket. I know now My beauty and my femininess does not depend on me having long hair as society suggests. I can chop it all off tomorrow and know I'll still be sexy as hell. I'm not saying it is for everyone but being a woman and rocking two inches of hair with confidence and sophistication and class takes a certain type of person. Truth is not everyone has the balls to do what the OP did. If the OP is happy I'm happy for her.
    Yes, it's real. No, you can't touch it. :wav:

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