Am I the rebound?!

sexyNcurlysexyNcurly Posts: 241Registered Users
I'll try to make the backstory of this short. I met this guy on a dating site a few years back. We got along great, had a lot in common. He said he didn't want a serious relationship at the time so we just hung out. Then he ended up meeting someone else and being in relationship with them so we stopped hanging out. I periodically checked in on him on Facebook...just to see if he was still in relationship, when i saw he wasn't, I messaged him and he was happy to talk and wanted to hang out. Which we did. Again, he didn't want anything serious as he had just gotten out of a relationship. A few weeks later he said he was going to give his relationship another try. So recently I found him on Facebook again, with a single status..I messaged him and we talked, the usual how are you, blah blah blah. Then he said this was perfect timing for us to be talking because he was single now and he mentioned we should go out to dinner sometime to catch up. Then I talked to him the other day and we ended up hanging out at my house to watch a movie and we also made out and other stuff, not sex though. I forgot how great of a kisser he was. But now I'm afraid that I'm the rebound girl!! He said he broke up with her cause she was too clingy and wouldn't let him do anything he wanted to do. So it's not like she dumped him. Should I ask him about this?? I don't want to freak him out either. We have so much in common and enjoy each others company. I'm afraid he is going to meet someone else and I'll have just been the in between girl again. Please help!!!

Comments

  • spiderlashes5000spiderlashes5000 Posts: 17,898Registered Users Curl Virtuoso
    sexyNcurly wrote: »
    I'll try to make the backstory of this short. I met this guy on a dating site a few years back. We got along great, had a lot in common. He said he didn't want a serious relationship at the time so we just hung out. Then he ended up meeting someone else and being in relationship with them so we stopped hanging out. I periodically checked in on him on Facebook...just to see if he was still in relationship, when i saw he wasn't, I messaged him and he was happy to talk and wanted to hang out. Which we did. Again, he didn't want anything serious as he had just gotten out of a relationship. A few weeks later he said he was going to give his relationship another try. So recently I found him on Facebook again, with a single status..I messaged him and we talked, the usual how are you, blah blah blah. Then he said this was perfect timing for us to be talking because he was single now and he mentioned we should go out to dinner sometime to catch up. Then I talked to him the other day and we ended up hanging out at my house to watch a movie and we also made out and other stuff, not sex though. I forgot how great of a kisser he was. But now I'm afraid that I'm the rebound girl!! He said he broke up with her cause she was too clingy and wouldn't let him do anything he wanted to do. So it's not like she dumped him. Should I ask him about this?? I don't want to freak him out either. We have so much in common and enjoy each others company. I'm afraid he is going to meet someone else and I'll have just been the in between girl again. Please help!!!

    Stop. You're doing too much.

  • sixelamysixelamy Posts: 4,157Registered Users Curl Novice
    I don't mean to sound harsh, but do you really want to be 3rd choice? If a man didn't pick me to begin with, forget him!
    2c-3a - med-coarse - normal-high porosity - high density
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  • ashlyndmarieashlyndmarie Posts: 211Registered Users
    You shouldn't take him seriously. Especially because he said he didn't want a relationship but hopped right into one with another girl. So right there his credibility is questionable. Hes getting the best parts of you (affection, kissing, etc) without committing. So what does that tell him?

    Also he's telling you something without saying it. He doesn't want a clingy girl....and you bringing up that subject of being a "rebound girl" makes you seem like you expect certain responsibilities from him. Yall arent in a relationship so don't try to have "relationship conversations".

    don't invest anything into him.

    Sent from my SGH-T999 using CurlTalk App
  • spiderlashes5000spiderlashes5000 Posts: 17,898Registered Users Curl Virtuoso
    I don't like how he is using the FB relationship feature like he's Pavlov ringing a bell. Stop checking is page; stop reaching out to him.

  • JosephineJosephine Posts: 14,408Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    Agree with all the others. I'm really not sure how or why you are attracted to a guy who starts seeing someone else when he was talking to you. He said he didn't want to be in a serious relationship (his indirect way of saying you are not enough for him) he got into something with someone else. You are his backup. It's perfect timing for him to fool around and talk to you, nothing else.
  • Fifi.GFifi.G Posts: 15,490Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    I have to agree with the other ladies. You said it yourself. You are the in between girl. A filler, if you will. The fact that he has told you repeatedly that he does not want a serious relationship, only to jump into one with someone else, confirms this. If you want to or can have bit of fun with him with no serious expectations or strings, have fun. If you want something more, and it sounds like you do, you probably need to spare yourself the discomfort and look elsewhere.

    Sorry if I sound harsh. I'm sure most of us have been there, at one point or another.
    When I hear terms like "hipster" I think, who told cliques they could leave high school??

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  • CurlyCanadianCurlyCanadian Posts: 10,904Registered Users, Curl Ambassador Curl Connoisseur
    If he was interested, he would have sent you a message or called first.
    I believe in manicures. I believe in overdressing. I believe in primping at leisure and wearing lipstick. I believe in pink. I believe that laughing is the best calorie burner. I believe in kissing, kissing a lot. I believe in being strong when everything seems to be going wrong. I believe that happy girls are the prettiest girls. I believe that tomorrow is another day and I believe in miracles.
    Audrey Hepburn
  • PerriPPerriP Posts: 6,613Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    Fifi.G wrote: »
    I have to agree with the other ladies. You said it yourself. You are the in between girl. A filler, if you will. The fact that he has told you repeatedly that he does not want a serious relationship, only to jump into one with someone else, confirms this. If you want to or can have bit of fun with him with no serious expectations or strings, have fun. If you want something more, and it sounds like you do, you probably need to spare yourself the discomfort and look elsewhere.

    Sorry if I sound harsh. I'm sure most of us have been there, at one point or another.

    This. I think you've already shown that you want more than just having fun with him. Please know that he knows that, too. That's why he explains to you he doesn't want more. And now is great timing because he's single. Here's the thing. It could have been great timing twice before and he opted out with you and in with someone else.

    Please be kind to yourself.

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  • The New BlackThe New Black Posts: 16,754Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    What Spidey said.
    montage-3.gif No MAS.

    I am the new Black.

    "Hope the Mail are saving space tomorrow for Samantha Brick's reaction piece on the reactions to her piece about the reactions to her piece." ~ Tweet reposted by Rou.
  • sew and sewsew and sew Posts: 3,443Registered Users
    It might help if you put yourself in his shoes and looked at the situation.

    There's a guy who messages you over FB when things end with a guy you have had solid relationship investment in (for lack of better words). You've told him you're not looking for something like that, as you've gone in and out of having it.

    Regardless, you know he's willing to give himself to you in whatever form you will receive him, here and now, because he keeps tabs on your availability and reaches out when he sees the door open. He's clearly really into you.

    At best you're just not into him enough, but you like the guy as a person and he is fun to fool around with. Or all you want to do is have purely casual relations right now. At worst, he's dispensable to you, his meaning to you is dependent on making you feel wanted, and doesn't extend beyond that.

    ITA with PerriP with "please be kind to yourself."

    You have good instincts about this. It's hard to listen to them because you really like him, but it's worth it in the long run.

    A guy worth your investment will not have a haze, from your perspective, around him that leaves you unsure. You'll just know he cares.

    This guy is saying he's not that guy. The only way to know if this guy could be that guy is to let him take any and all the foundational steps that move things between you two forward. For future reference, that requires you not being the first to reach out if/when communication wanes again.
    “It was only a sunny smile and little it cost in the giving but like morning light it scattered the night and made the day worth living.” - F. Scott Fitzgerald

    3B ■ Medium/Course ■ High Porosity
  • scrillsscrills Posts: 6,700Registered Users
    I once read that you should be your own best friend. so, if you best friend presenting this situation to you, what would you say?


    Personally, I would ask my BF why she keep reaching out to him instead of it being the other way around. That is where I would start the conversation.

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