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How young a guy could you pull? Keep?

spiderlashes5000spiderlashes5000 Posts: 17,495Registered Users Curl Neophyte
Weird question to me but I recently started visiting a discussion forum on the topic of dating. No particular reason except I had it bookmarked from a few yrs ago when I wanted to ask a question and I just recently rediscovered it.

Some interesting conversations taking place over there! But one that keeps coming up is this belief that by age 30 men "with options" will only really be interested in women 5-10 yrs younger, and continue to have this preference for the rest of their lives.(But losers will take whatever they can get.)

I believe many men do have that preference (women 5-10 yrs younger) or even younger than that, based on my experiences on dating sites. eg, I often see the profiles of men who are 40 saying they are looking for women 28-41. This wknd I saw a 48 yrs old man with a preference for women 18-40. (He made the mistake of messaging me and I tore his ass up!:angry4:)

So on this discussion board today a 61 yr old woman said she joined a 50+ dating site, explaining that she looks good and thinks she "can compete w/ 50 y/os...but not 40 y/os."

Certain men took issue w/ this woman's comment and as usual, spewed a lot of stuff about "don't delude youself, you can't land a 50 y/o blahblah"...even tho all she said was she classes herself among the 50 women on the site...not whether 50 y/o men would be interested in a 61 y/o woman.

Anyway, I never really thought about this before. I have pretty much exclusively always dated older men bc I was kind of an early bloomer/achiever and wanted someone who had met the same milsetones I had.

But now that I'm getting older, I'm finding the older guys gross, and even the guys my age are leaving a lot to be desired in various ways.

Young guys still make passes at me but...not as many as before. And it's been a minute since a teenager has. (Good, bc that's AWKWARD! lol)

But I'm wondering, if I did decide I wanted to date younger or even my exact age, how hard would it be? How hard to attract them? And how hard for us to keep up w/ each other? (bc i'm assuming somewhat of a struggle on both sides in different areas)

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Comments

  • claudine191claudine191 Posts: 8,220Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    I dated and became engaged to a man five years younger than me. And I've dated younger several times since.

    I would say that age didn't really come into it....except for the first one.

    I do agree though that men consistently avoid acknowledging their own age by seeking younger, more malleable partners. It strikes me as pathetic.
  • spiderlashes5000spiderlashes5000 Posts: 17,495Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    I dated and became engaged to a man five years younger than me. And I've dated younger several times since.

    I would say that age didn't really come into it....except for the first one.

    I do agree though that men consistently avoid acknowledging their own age by seeking younger, more malleable partners. It strikes me as pathetic.

    Is it malleable they want...or firm? LOL As in, are they going for younger women for emotional reasons or physical?

    My exhusband is a lot older than I am. He said he wanted a younger woman bc he didn't have any kids and most of the women his age already had kids, and he wanted someone w/ whom he could start a family...for the first time.

    IDK if I believe that explanation completely. Maybe some of what you said rings true. (I'm not wimpy but I probably let a lot more of his BS slide than an older woman would have. Plus, less baggage.)

    He actually lied about his age, too. Never will I overlook a red flag like that.

    So how old were you when you were w/ the guy 5 yrs younger? In what ways was the age difference a factor? Would it have been obvious to a casual observer that you were older?

  • chupiechupie Posts: 5,270Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    Recently saw a gal, very young looking, trying to go gray but her husband pitched a fit. He didn't want to be married to someone who "looks old". I'm telling you even gray this woman would not "look old". And you should see the husband. Has to be at least 65ish. I had to sit on my hands to not say something.
  • claudine191claudine191 Posts: 8,220Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    @Chupie: Ugh. Men.

    @spider: the younger man I dated most seriously was losing his hair (though he was still handsome), so I think we looked very close in age. It's hard to judge these things. Also, I worked out and he didn't (though he watched his weight).

    Though five years isn't much (my ex-husband is six years older than I am), I
    guess I would say that there was a bit of provincialism in him that manifested as immaturity. I was more experienced in that I'd traveled and lived in more than one other city. In retrospect, though we were well-matched in many ways, I think his lack of sophistication was more annoying than I was willing to admit at the time.
  • KauaiMareCurlKauaiMareCurl Posts: 317Registered Users
    Ex husband was same age. First two serious relationships post split/divorce were few years older than me (43 at the time). Since breaking up with BF I had from 2007-2010, every significant relationship (albeit short term and not serious, lol) has been with a guy who is younger than me.

    Current BF (met in 2010 when I was 46; serious relationship status in 2011 when I was 47) is six years younger than me. He has only known me with graying hair and he has always known I am older than him and he loves me dearly, as I do him. I am now 50, and we are still going strong.

    To each his own. I was happy that BF was a year older than my "baby brother," although as much as we clicked even from the beginning, I'd have dealt with it if he had been younger, lol.

    Now I can't deal with a guy who has "moobs;" had a concern once, and truthfully it would've only been a one leg up, but it turned out he didn't have "moobs." Hope this doesn't offend anyone, lol!
  • KauaiMareCurlKauaiMareCurl Posts: 317Registered Users
  • jeepcurlygurljeepcurlygurl Posts: 19,249Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    I've dated men 15 years older and 15 years younger and everything in between. Age really had little to do with the relationships working or not. In the end tho I really prefer being with someone within 5 years or so either way. It's just more comfortable and easier.
    If a man or woman limit themselves to a certain age, they just might miss a fantastic relationship.
    --I'm located in Western PA.
    --I found NC in late 2004, CG since February 2005, started going grey in late 2005.
    --My hair is 3B with some 3A, texture-medium/fine, porosity-normal except for the ends which are porous, elasticity-normal.
    --My long time favorite products are Suave & VO5 conditioners, LA Looks Sport Gel, oils, honey, vinegar.
    --My CG and grey hair progress -- http://www.naturallycurly.com/curltalk/going-gray/179328-jeepys-grey-hair-progress.html
  • Lady_CreoleLady_Creole Posts: 400Registered Users
    Ex husband was same age. First two serious relationships post split/divorce were few years older than me (43 at the time). Since breaking up with BF I had from 2007-2010, every significant relationship (albeit short term and not serious, lol) has been with a guy who is younger than me.

    Current BF (met in 2010 when I was 46; serious relationship status in 2011 when I was 47) is six years younger than me. He has only known me with graying hair and he has always known I am older than him and he loves me dearly, as I do him. I am now 50, and we are still going strong.

    To each his own. I was happy that BF was a year older than my "baby brother," although as much as we clicked even from the beginning, I'd have dealt with it if he had been younger, lol.

    Now I can't deal with a guy who has "moobs;" had a concern once, and truthfully it would've only been a one leg up, but it turned out he didn't have "moobs." Hope this doesn't offend anyone, lol!

    Does "moobs" mean male boobs?
    My hair is "exotic, beautiful and free",,,yeah, that be ME!!!
    3B/C - Easy to straighten, [no heat ever/no protect. styling].

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  • Lady_CreoleLady_Creole Posts: 400Registered Users
    And here's us together. I love this man, dearly!
    ImageUploadedByCurlTalk1393018933.328215.jpg

    Awwww! You-two look so cute together and so happy!
    My hair is "exotic, beautiful and free",,,yeah, that be ME!!!
    3B/C - Easy to straighten, [no heat ever/no protect. styling].

    Low Porosity/Medium Density
    Mid Width/BSL-stretched/
    BC - 12/2012

    I am a "Co-Wash/Finger Comb Lady!
    Scalp Cleanser - SM ABS Purification Hair Masque
    Co-wash - Tresemme Naturals
    Hydration - SM CH
    Curl & Style Milk
    LOC - Organic Coconut Oil
    Styler - SM CH Curl Smoothie
    Deep Cond. - SM Yucca & Plantain Masque
  • sixelamysixelamy Posts: 4,156Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    This is an interesting thread.
    2c-3a - med-coarse - normal-high porosity - high density
    :bunny:
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  • KauaiMareCurlKauaiMareCurl Posts: 317Registered Users
    Yes, moobs = man boobs. And thanks for the kind words. We are ridiculously happy together, going on three years
  • Firefox7275Firefox7275 Posts: 3,750Registered Users
    I look a decade younger and am arguably immature for my age so can date down age-wise without difficulty: that is men I have met in real life, never tried dating sites or agencies.

    Last two significant partners are five years younger, in between was a brief stint with a man thirteen years younger. I finished it, he professed love and was still contacting me for months afterwards.
    2a-2c, medium texture, porous/ colour treated. Three years CG. Past bra strap length heading for waist.

    CO-wash: Inecto coconut/ Elvive Volume Collagen
    Treatments: Komaza Care Matani, coconut/ sweet almond/ fractionated coconut oils, Hairveda Sitrinillah
    Leave in: Fructis Sleek & Shine (old), Gliss Ultimate Volume, various Elvive
    Styler: Umberto Giannini jelly, Au Naturale styling gelee
    Flour sack towel, pixie diffuse or air dry.
    Experimenting with: benign neglect
  • claudine191claudine191 Posts: 8,220Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    I feel like there's something in the OP's phrasing.........something in the words, "Pull" and "Keep" that reinforces the idea of one's ego being tied to the degree of appeal one has have for men. I don't mean this as a judgement, but rather, an observation.
  • Fifi.GFifi.G Posts: 15,490Registered Users
    I don't know. I always find myself wanting to strangle the younger men I date. For the majority of my 38 years, or at least the dating majority, I have been interested in guys my age. When I say my age I mean 2 years younger or older. I have dated guys 5 years older with no problems. I have dated guys 5 years younger with several problems, excluding one but it was strictly physical to be quite honest. I am not going to say I could never meet a younger guy that I could relate to but I can say that I have not met one so far. I feel like a complete opposite from them as far as everything goes. No common ground.


    I do know there are several men who start looking for younger women once they hit a specific age, but there are just as many who do not.
    When I hear terms like "hipster" I think, who told cliques they could leave high school??

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
  • Fifi.GFifi.G Posts: 15,490Registered Users
    Just to add, I have wondered if I would have more problems with dating younger as I get older. At this point I in no way feel comfortable going 10 years younger. My oldest nephew is 11 years younger than me and it makes me feel pervy. I have no judgements for people who do date 10 years younger (unless they are underage). That's my discomfort zone. 5 years = no real connection possible (so far) and 10 years = pervert. Yep, I'm screwed on that one. Lol. But on the upside, I am finding older men more and more attractive (in my teens, 20's and early 30's the guys that were older than me, and interested were very intense. I want to eat your hair and gain it's magical powers, I think we knew each other in a past life, I want to buy you an apart in NOLA and come visit you kind of intense. I avoided because of this) and still love the fellas in my age range.
    When I hear terms like "hipster" I think, who told cliques they could leave high school??

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
  • Firefox7275Firefox7275 Posts: 3,750Registered Users
    I went for thirteen years younger because he has children from a lengthy relationship, so I thought there might be a maturity match.

    A major difference was our attitude to technology and social media. Mobile phones must have been the norm from his school days whereas I got my first Nokia at 29. I don't understand 'friends' on Facebook or Blackberry Messenger that are not people you actually know. I use niche interest message boards not Twitter. I text my mates but don't expect intimate relationships and even disagreements to be conducted largely via an instant messenger.

    Interestingly there is also somewhat of a divide on this issue, tho much less pronounced, with those that are five years younger.
    2a-2c, medium texture, porous/ colour treated. Three years CG. Past bra strap length heading for waist.

    CO-wash: Inecto coconut/ Elvive Volume Collagen
    Treatments: Komaza Care Matani, coconut/ sweet almond/ fractionated coconut oils, Hairveda Sitrinillah
    Leave in: Fructis Sleek & Shine (old), Gliss Ultimate Volume, various Elvive
    Styler: Umberto Giannini jelly, Au Naturale styling gelee
    Flour sack towel, pixie diffuse or air dry.
    Experimenting with: benign neglect
  • Firefox7275Firefox7275 Posts: 3,750Registered Users
    A major reason I don't find men older than me attractive is honestly that many look old enough to be my father. I mostly know people who smoke like chimneys, I never have, that plus alcohol/ drugs really takes its toll by 50.

    Equally it freaks me out if they look (or are!) young enough to be my son, I've had offers there plenty of times.

    My current guy looks a good five years older than me, sort of craggy good looks/ rough and ready/ character.

    Funny thing is I am not swayed by catalogue model cheekbones and abs (ugh) nor smooth unlined skin, and balding is great if they buzz cut the rest (mmm). Looking a little older than me is probably a bit like being taller, illogical.
    2a-2c, medium texture, porous/ colour treated. Three years CG. Past bra strap length heading for waist.

    CO-wash: Inecto coconut/ Elvive Volume Collagen
    Treatments: Komaza Care Matani, coconut/ sweet almond/ fractionated coconut oils, Hairveda Sitrinillah
    Leave in: Fructis Sleek & Shine (old), Gliss Ultimate Volume, various Elvive
    Styler: Umberto Giannini jelly, Au Naturale styling gelee
    Flour sack towel, pixie diffuse or air dry.
    Experimenting with: benign neglect
  • chupiechupie Posts: 5,270Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    many look old enough to be my father.

    And that's a problem because, you know, we are our parents age when we "cemented" them in our heads. My biggest issue during the time I went on Plenty of Fish is that 95% of the guys my age were uber motorcycle nuts. I mean Soooooooo many. I'm not big on motorcycles to start with and it makes me wonder if guy after guy after guy lists "motorcycles" first on their interest list and pose 40 ways with their bikes if this wasn't a major cause of their divorces. I mean it's unbelievable when guy after guy has a list that pretty much goes "motorcycles, hunting, fishing, anything outdoors". And that's a problem for me because I am NOT an outdoor enthusiast.
  • Firefox7275Firefox7275 Posts: 3,750Registered Users
    Wow, I know petrol heads but they are more cars than bikes, and not that obsessive. Maybe its become the norm on PoF. Like they see all the other guys with their bikes and 'identify with' that dating site instead of another one?

    Even if it wasn't the terminal factor in their marriage, does seen like they haven't learned they might need some more female friendly pastimes!
    2a-2c, medium texture, porous/ colour treated. Three years CG. Past bra strap length heading for waist.

    CO-wash: Inecto coconut/ Elvive Volume Collagen
    Treatments: Komaza Care Matani, coconut/ sweet almond/ fractionated coconut oils, Hairveda Sitrinillah
    Leave in: Fructis Sleek & Shine (old), Gliss Ultimate Volume, various Elvive
    Styler: Umberto Giannini jelly, Au Naturale styling gelee
    Flour sack towel, pixie diffuse or air dry.
    Experimenting with: benign neglect
  • chupiechupie Posts: 5,270Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    It's just pathetic. I wouldn't have been so stunned if it had even been half of them but it was a very wide majority. Very depressing.
  • jeepcurlygurljeepcurlygurl Posts: 19,249Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    ^ Being a biker/motorhead chick, that's all a plus for me, but the whole obsession with sports is the thing that makes my eyes glaze over
    --I'm located in Western PA.
    --I found NC in late 2004, CG since February 2005, started going grey in late 2005.
    --My hair is 3B with some 3A, texture-medium/fine, porosity-normal except for the ends which are porous, elasticity-normal.
    --My long time favorite products are Suave & VO5 conditioners, LA Looks Sport Gel, oils, honey, vinegar.
    --My CG and grey hair progress -- http://www.naturallycurly.com/curltalk/going-gray/179328-jeepys-grey-hair-progress.html
  • chupiechupie Posts: 5,270Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    Well I think it's all fine but so many??? Do they never go to a movie? Watch tv? Eat?
  • jeepcurlygurljeepcurlygurl Posts: 19,249Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    ^ Well the bikers I know do love to eat and watch tv. : )
    --I'm located in Western PA.
    --I found NC in late 2004, CG since February 2005, started going grey in late 2005.
    --My hair is 3B with some 3A, texture-medium/fine, porosity-normal except for the ends which are porous, elasticity-normal.
    --My long time favorite products are Suave & VO5 conditioners, LA Looks Sport Gel, oils, honey, vinegar.
    --My CG and grey hair progress -- http://www.naturallycurly.com/curltalk/going-gray/179328-jeepys-grey-hair-progress.html
  • Fifi.GFifi.G Posts: 15,490Registered Users
    I went for thirteen years younger because he has children from a lengthy relationship, so I thought there might be a maturity match.

    A major difference was our attitude to technology and social media. Mobile phones must have been the norm from his school days whereas I got my first Nokia at 29. I don't understand 'friends' on Facebook or Blackberry Messenger that are not people you actually know. I use niche interest message boards not Twitter. I text my mates but don't expect intimate relationships and even disagreements to be conducted largely via an instant messenger.

    Interestingly there is also somewhat of a divide on this issue, tho much less pronounced, with those that are five years younger.

    The attitude is the major difference with me. It has a lot to do with constant attachment to devices, and several other things. I started to notice a large difference in attitudes my senior year in high school. The freshman seemed like they were from a completely different planet. That difference continued to grow with every passing year.

    I was 28, close to 29 when I got my first cell. 2003. I did it because I had to. The idea of someone being able to call me at any time was not a welcome one. It was an annoyance. I was thankful that I was older and did not have to deal with my parents calling every two seconds when I was younger. I was always good to check in when I could but I loved the days of spending a weekend at a friends house with no phone. Peace!! I held out even longer on email, until I was forced to get that.

    I can't say older guys ever reminded me of my dad. They just came on incredibly strong and it started when I was 12. 19 or 20 year olds would come up to me at the swimming pool and start rubbing suntan lotion all over me. It was always a little too strong at what ever age I was at. Now the guys 5-10 years older than me are a group I know pretty well. We communicate with each other a bit better and I am at a better age for it. It's evolved.
    When I hear terms like "hipster" I think, who told cliques they could leave high school??

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
  • Fifi.GFifi.G Posts: 15,490Registered Users
    ^ Well the bikers I know do love to eat and watch tv. : )

    Me too. I've never been to a biker party that was not full of food. Those guys will cook a giant meal. It usually involved deer, and several other options. Lol. Never dated a biker (have dated a few gear heads) but I am friends with many. And my uncle has had a bike since I can remember so I am used to that. He can't ride anymore. He was riding with friends a few years ago and the woman taking the lead did not warm them when an 18 whlr hit a road construction barrel and sent it flying. She swerved (just a reaction) and it slammed into the rest. He is now disabled. Just learned to write again. The right side of his body was pretty torn up.
    When I hear terms like "hipster" I think, who told cliques they could leave high school??

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
  • chupiechupie Posts: 5,270Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    ^ which is exactly what I don't like about bikes. I know someone who recently died a long excruciating death after a motorcycle accident. My boss said about every make in her social circle bought a bike when they turned 45 if they didn't already have one. I assume it's like me and my hair. It's their "mid life crisis obsession".
  • Fifi.GFifi.G Posts: 15,490Registered Users
    Yeah, that was the second bad accident my uncle had been in. When I was 4 or 5 he was heading down a hill, leaving his house, and a pick up truck quickly pulled out of a drive way in front of him. His bike embedded in the door, he flew over the top of it and landed on his head. He was wearing a helmet but the still had to drill holes in his head to help reduce the swelling. He was okay; other than the occasional headache. The latest one broke several bones in his hand. It sent them through the skin, along with his knee cap and other leg bones. He didn't even realize it. He was up helping other people and checking on them when an off duty first responder passed by, stopped, approached him and told him to sit down. He was very lucky. He had to give up his job which he loved but he is getting back to doing things now. Just a little slower. They can be dangerous, but people do seem to love them. I actually deal with more deaths from cars than bikes.

    *His son and nephew (my cousins) ride too and they have had some crazy minor accidents. As if worrying about cars and trucks is not bad enough, they have both been knocked off their bikes by deer jumping across the road
    When I hear terms like "hipster" I think, who told cliques they could leave high school??

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
  • multicultcurlymulticultcurly Posts: 5,132Registered Users
    The age thing depends on how old you are, what life stage you're in, AMD how good you look. Generally speaking, a five year age difference either way isn't even noticeable, as you probably grew up with similar cultural influences and can relate to each other. Anything more than 10 years is where it gets tricky.

    Also, I think it isn't until 35 that most people who want a serious relationship begin to think of dating someone who is more than five years younger. It is a maturity thing.

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  • multicultcurlymulticultcurly Posts: 5,132Registered Users
    I am 33 but I get mistaken for being in my mid 20s. I don't want to date anyone younger than 30. But I also want a kid and to find someone to marry. My dating range is 30 to 43. I would prefer someone no older than 36, but I understand that you have to keep an open mind. I am not old, but I did have a 35 year old friend tell me that men my age would think I am too old when I was 31, so I should date younger. Wtf? No one should have midlife crises before being middle aged. Also, I am able to bear children and probably without any issues until 40. I haven't had her experience, but if that is the case, something is truly wrong with the world.

    I also think dating IRL is much easier to avoid the age weirdness than online. Most people's standards aren't as rigid IRL compared to their online dating standards.

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