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Impotence and older men

spiderlashes5000spiderlashes5000 Posts: 17,495Registered Users Curl Neophyte
How many of you have encountered men who were impotent or suffering from ED? What ages were these men?

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  • MyrnaMyrna Posts: 2,332Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    Men of any age can have ED, especially if it is medication related. Many men who are diabetic and/or who have heart disease, will have erectile challenges; and men whose testosterone is low will also. So this probably doesnt help you, because it can be a physical cause, or an emotional one (though this is rare, but anxiety and/or depression can certainly impact the libido). I would say if it is a health related problem, it is most likely to appear in men in their 50's or older.
  • Fifi.GFifi.G Posts: 15,490Registered Users
    ^ Very true. Medication plays a large part, and it hits those with diabetes and heart problems more often. Beta Blockers are well known to cause ED and many are on them for high blood pressure. Some anti depressants do the same. Several people just experience temporary effects but those with conditions can often experience long term changes.

    I do not know as much about the emotional side of things. I do know it happens. I know some men honestly do not care much for sex, for a number of reasons, and need help in that department while others simply can't do as they wish.
    When I hear terms like "hipster" I think, who told cliques they could leave high school??

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  • Fifi.GFifi.G Posts: 15,490Registered Users
    For some reason my dad felt comfortable enough to tell me about his problems. Not in great detail. Just that beta blockers had initially caused the problem in his 40's and diabetes had taken away all chances of hope. Very strange conversation for him. He was not big on sex talks with his daughter in any shape, form or fashion. "If you get pregnant, don't come home", was all I had heard until that point. He was having a bad day and in the frame of mind that my mother should have left him a long time ago. I wanted nothing more than to

    ImageUploadedByCurlTalk1390957799.419370.jpg

    But I decided to be an adult and lend my ear. Rather sad. It hit him young and could not be helped. My mom was aware of this.
    When I hear terms like "hipster" I think, who told cliques they could leave high school??

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
  • MyrnaMyrna Posts: 2,332Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    Yah, ya know, he's your dad and all, but I would have had the same reaction - I basically think that sexual matters between parents and children - even adult children - are mostly off limits. Most of us think our parents never had sex, ever - despite the fact that we are here as evidence of their sexual activity, but no, we were immaculately conceived. :p
  • Fifi.GFifi.G Posts: 15,490Registered Users
    ^ Exactly. I don't want to know. I want to awkwardly run away like Napoleon Dynamite.
    When I hear terms like "hipster" I think, who told cliques they could leave high school??

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
  • curlypearlcurlypearl Posts: 11,970Registered Users Curl Novice
    I think that was very wrong of your father.
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  • spiderlashes5000spiderlashes5000 Posts: 17,495Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    dp

  • spiderlashes5000spiderlashes5000 Posts: 17,495Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    Fifi.G wrote: »
    For some reason my dad felt comfortable enough to tell me about his problems. Not in great detail. Just that beta blockers had initially caused the problem in his 40's and diabetes had taken away all chances of hope. Very strange conversation for him. He was not big on sex talks with his daughter in any shape, form or fashion. "If you get pregnant, don't come home", was all I had heard until that point. He was having a bad day and in the frame of mind that my mother should have left him a long time ago. I wanted nothing more than to

    ImageUploadedByCurlTalk1390957799.419370.jpg

    But I decided to be an adult and lend my ear. Rather sad. It hit him young and could not be helped. My mom was aware of this.

    Awww that's sad. Was he married when all of this happened? Can the ability ever come back if he's able to get his health back in order?

    So when youung and middle aged men develop ED due to medications, do they still have the psychological desire but no way to physically take the edge off? Or do they wind up having spontaneous wet dreams? Or does the horniness just go away?

  • Fifi.GFifi.G Posts: 15,490Registered Users
    curlypearl wrote: »
    I think that was very wrong of your father.

    It was. :)
    When I hear terms like "hipster" I think, who told cliques they could leave high school??

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
  • Fifi.GFifi.G Posts: 15,490Registered Users
    Awww, I feel bad for your father, Fifi. Was he married at the time this all happened?

    So what happens when young or middle aged men develop ED die to medications? Do they still have the psychological desire but just can't crank it up? So they have no way to relieve that pressure? Or they just have spontanous wet dreams? They're horny but they can't take the edge off?

    Yes, he was. He and my mom married in their late 20's, he was diagnosed with high bp in his 20's and with diabetes in his early 30's. I don't know all the details (other than the fact that my mom apparently had a very high sex drive which made me think... so that's where I got it from. thank you, mom ;) but I do think this happened in his early 40's. This being nothing. Nada. Urge there but the body would no longer function. Counter medications won't help in numerous situations like that either. It really messed with him, but several things did and he would not take care of himself as a result. He was very angry. My mom is the most laid back and calm woman you could meet. She is very considerate and understanding. From what I know she never made a big deal about it.
    When I hear terms like "hipster" I think, who told cliques they could leave high school??

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
  • spiderlashes5000spiderlashes5000 Posts: 17,495Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    So burning w/ desire but no way to relieve it? Like a person starving to death and no mouth to put food into? Seems like that would drive a person into madness...very quickly.

  • CurlyCitaCurlyCita Posts: 152Registered Users
    I personally know someone who just turned 20 and he suffers from ED sometimes. He has diabetes. Been having it for about 9 yrs now. It can be any age, as said above, especially if theres an underlying illness. Men over 45-50 can start to get it naturally though due to aging, diet, health, etc.
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  • CurlyCitaCurlyCita Posts: 152Registered Users
    Not every man that gets old though, i wanted to add. Just some do and some dont.
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    Wear braidout rest of week. Rebraid every night.

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  • JackieJoeJackieJoe Posts: 1Registered Users
    I recently dated an older man (80--I am 62). He was impotent--could not get or maintain an erection--but was still VERY interested in sex. He wanted to talk about it, look at Playboy, see me naked, touch me, etc. Somehow I had expected that since he couldn't "perform" he would not want to "go there". I was oh so wrong. In fact it was like being with a teenage boy who could not keep his hands to himself! He was more than willing to give me lots of attention in bed, but it was very awkward, and the age difference was a problem too.

    Apparently, he could satisfy himself to some degree, but he said it was not the same as when he was younger. Very sad and frustrating for him.

    I don't know what this adds to the discussion, but was just a recent experience. We are not seeing each other anymore. He wanted more of my time and attention than I was willing to give.
  • spiderlashes5000spiderlashes5000 Posts: 17,495Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    JackieJoe wrote: »
    I recently dated an older man (80--I am 62). He was impotent--could not get or maintain an erection--but was still VERY interested in sex. He wanted to talk about it, look at Playboy, see me naked, touch me, etc. Somehow I had expected that since he couldn't "perform" he would not want to "go there". I was oh so wrong. In fact it was like being with a teenage boy who could not keep his hands to himself! He was more than willing to give me lots of attention in bed, but it was very awkward, and the age difference was a problem too.

    Apparently, he could satisfy himself to some degree, but he said it was not the same as when he was younger. Very sad and frustrating for him.

    I don't know what this adds to the discussion, but was just a recent experience. We are not seeing each other anymore. He wanted more of my time and attention than I was willing to give.

    OMG! I guess this explains High Hefner wanting all those young, scantily-clad women around, even as he approaches 90 yrs of age! Same w/ the old, feeble centegenarian types who marry the likes of Anna Nicole Smith, etc.

    Yeah, I would not have thought the average 80 y/o man would still be interested in all that...assumed they dated just for the nonsexual companionship.

    I'm wondering, tho, when the average healthy married man starts to experience ED. And is it just an occasional, intermittent problem at first?

  • 2poodles2poodles Posts: 2,480Registered Users
    You got me curious, spiderlashes5000. Googling the average age of onset of ED led me to this article on webmd:

    Erectile Dysfunction Common With Age

    I had no idea that it was such a widespread problem. Guess my husband and I have been lucky so far!!
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  • spiderlashes5000spiderlashes5000 Posts: 17,495Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    2poodles wrote: »
    You got me curious, spiderlashes5000. Googling the average age of onset of ED led me to this article on webmd:

    Erectile Dysfunction Common With Age

    I had no idea that it was such a widespread problem. Guess my husband and I have been lucky so far!!

    Yes!

    Do you think sex would be the same for you if you knew he had to take Viagra beforehand? Hypothetically. Would it seem less fun? More?

  • 2poodles2poodles Posts: 2,480Registered Users
    Good question. I've never really thought about it. It would take some advance planning and we'd sacrifice some spontaneity....But, as long as I didn't feel like the impotence was due to a lack of interest/attraction, I suppose I'd be okay with it. I'd probably have to wrap my head around that a bit first.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]2Poodles :flower: Southeast PA
    fine, med porosity, normal elasticity
    Currently using the following 2 - 3 x/week:
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  • StarmieStarmie Posts: 6,681Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    A few weeks ago I was having a conversation with a colleague who lives with her son and his young family, she was telling me (why, I don't know) that things are not good at home, that her son and his wife have not had sex since their daughter was conceived (she'll be four in May) and he had recently been to the dr as he now had erectile problems, in a 'use it or lose it' way. I think he's about 40.
    More than anything I was quite taken aback that she has conversations like that with her son, I felt quite uncomfortable, but maybe that's the prude in me. And ot here.
    3b in South Australia.
  • StarmieStarmie Posts: 6,681Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    Oh, and today, in the chemists, I saw a young man (probably early 20's, with what I assumed to be his young daughter in tow) studying a box of 'Erectomax'. I think it obviously affects men of all ages for any number of reasons.
    3b in South Australia.
  • MyrnaMyrna Posts: 2,332Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    It may have been too much information for you,
    Starmie, and it may have been somewhat tactless for her to share personal information with you. However, the issue of erectile dysfunction is very difficult for men to talk about, face, and get help for. So the more it is discussed and normalized, the easier it becomes to get help and/or address it. Menopause used to be a taboo subject too; my mother used to speak in hushed tones about "the change". I would like to see medical and psychological issues normalized, de-stigmatized and openly discussed without shame or embarassment. I would like someone to do for ED what Katie Couric did for colon cancer.
  • CurlyInTheFogCurlyInTheFog Posts: 876Registered Users
    I don't know about most older men, but when I went with my mom (and dad) for her breast cancer surgery consult, she wanted to know how it would affect their sex life. Hello, Mom, your daughter is in the room! Anyway, my dad was about 80 or so at the time. As far as I know, everything went fine in that department. Not sure about now since he has dementia and is pretty frail, and I am not about to ask my mom. She is fine, btw. Very curable cancer. Surgery and no chemo or radiation.
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  • StarmieStarmie Posts: 6,681Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    Your'e right Myrna, I did think it was a bit tactless of her and wondered how her son would feel if he knew she was talking about it, and that was uncomfortable for me, though the conversation started out as one about the couple maybe separating and went from there. I think she just wanted to vent a bit and being psych nurses there's always someone to talk to and not many subjects that are off limits. He works as a fireman so I doubt that would be the sort of environment you'd want to talk about such a problem in and men are notoriously bad at opening up about personal things with their mates.
    3b in South Australia.
  • spiderlashes5000spiderlashes5000 Posts: 17,495Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    Myrna wrote: »
    It may have been too much information for you,
    Starmie, and it may have been somewhat tactless for her to share personal information with you. However, the issue of erectile dysfunction is very difficult for men to talk about, face, and get help for. So the more it is discussed and normalized, the easier it becomes to get help and/or address it. Menopause used to be a taboo subject too; my mother used to speak in hushed tones about "the change". I would like to see medical and psychological issues normalized, de-stigmatized and openly discussed without shame or embarassment. I would like someone to do for ED what Katie Couric did for colon cancer.

    Didn't Bob Dole? I mean, we didn't get to see the inside of his penis...but I think what he did helped a lot w/ public awareness.

    Men are so big on objectification...then something goes wrong w/ a body part (male or female), and the person feels they are less than human.:cwm21:

  • MyrnaMyrna Posts: 2,332Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    Yes, I think Bob Dole did but he was a little ahead of his time; and also, taking a little pill is not always the answer to erectile dysfunction. I think he normalized taking a pill; he did not normalize the problem itself, and, he as an "older" man could not speak to younger men who also may be troubled by ED.

    I dont think its that men feel they are less than human if something goes wrong. It is simply that they do not have menstrual periods, give birth, and have to see doctors as often as women do. Also they do not talk with one another like we women do, so they are probably a lot more fearful when something goes wrong, where as we women will often first talk with one another for support and information.
  • CGSince2002CGSince2002 Posts: 1,073Banned Users
    I believe in most cases it has to do more with how a man takes care of himself - or not - than with age. For years I've been reading and hearing most cases of e.d. in older men are due to clogging of the arteries, which is a sign of early cardiovascular disease. Here's what Dr. Oz (who is a cardiologist) had to say about it: Dr. Oz Advice - Causes of Erectile Dysfunction

    My 60 y.o. b/f began having some failures because he takes antihistamines and decongestants almost daily, so I "cracked down" on him because he knows fixing his diet may eliminate the need for all those OTC meds. He knows I'm very much into taking care of myself and he pretended he did too but is pretty self-indulgent. The way I see it is if he brings it upon himself for not taking care of his health I don't have to just "grin and bear it".
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  • MyrnaMyrna Posts: 2,332Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    ED is often related to an underlying medical condition, but not always.
  • curlyprincess1curlyprincess1 Posts: 468Registered Users
    I think it's more of a use it or lose it way of thinking. I believe the pipes should be cleaned out here and there. I think it's very important. Luckily, I've never had to deal with this. Good luck!
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  • chupiechupie Posts: 5,270Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    Going on a plant based diet very often rectifies this. It has to do with blood pressure, arteries and circulation. It's not the be all end all but probably a large chunk in the general population.
  • CGSince2002CGSince2002 Posts: 1,073Banned Users
    Myrna wrote: »
    ED is often related to an underlying medical condition, but not always.

    True, but in older men most of the times it is.
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