Belly touching

AmandacurlsAmandacurls Posts: 6,252Registered Users Curl Neophyte
I'm a very "personal bubble" kind of person I don't like a lot of people touching me. Since I've been pregnant people act like I'm public property and touch me without asking and after I've said to stop or don't. This is mainly happening at work so I contacted HR about it. I don't want to get people in trouble but I've never done this to anyone pregnant or not. Some people have told me I just need to get used to it and that they don't care if I don't want them to they're gonna touch my belly if they want. It makes me extremely uncomfortable! Am I wrong?

Comments

  • Geek_ChicGeek_Chic Posts: 1,275Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    I've never been pregnant, but I was uncomfortable just reading your post, especially the part about those who say they'll touch you if they want, whether you like it or not. I can't imagine being in that situation, having to continue working there under those conditions. That kind of behavior wouldn't be appropriate anywhere else, and it shouldn't be ok when you're pregnant. I have to wonder if these same people would think it was ok if you started randomly touching their bellies or family jewels or breasts whenever you felt like it. Would they simply take it if you flat out stated you'd continue to do so when they said "please don't", or if you said they should "get used to it"?

    When you said "Stop, and please don't do that anymore. It makes me uncomfortable," that should have been the end of it. Since speaking to the people doing it didn't resolve the situation, I think you're absolutely right to go to HR. There's an expectation that you should be comfortable in your workplace, not fearful or anxious about someone touching you against your wishes.

    If HR doesn't take any steps to curb this behavior, you might speak to someone knowledgeable about your local laws, a lawyer and/or local police. You can speak to the police without making a report, I believe, and most lawyers offer a free consultation. I'm fairly certain your coworkers' behavior qualifies as both harassment and battery, maybe assault also. If your coworkers won't abide by your wishes alone, maybe they'd take heed if you quoted the legal code. My first thought wouldn't be "I should press charges", but this behavior is NOT OK. If HR does nothing, and quoting the relevant legal code doesn't make an impression, then absolutely follow through with appropriate legal action. In the meantime, document, document, document - who, what, where, etc. You may well need that information later.
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  • curlyprincess1curlyprincess1 Posts: 468Registered Users
    That never happened to me.
    It's not easy being a princess, but hey, if the crown fits.
  • spiderlashes5000spiderlashes5000 Posts: 17,898Registered Users Curl Virtuoso
    Of course, you shouldn't be touched if you don't want to be.

    But based on several of your recent posts, I think your hormones are getting the better of you. They did of me, too (w/ my 2nd pregnancy...boy).

    It seems like things are pissing you off more than they should be.

    Sorry if that sounds bad or is sexist. I just remember having a beef w/ everybody during my second pregnancy and every little comment, look and question had me either in tears or ready to start swinging. LOL

    I think you need a nonhormonal filter right now.

  • sKorpio1190sKorpio1190 Posts: 1,862Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    Legal action? Seriously? That's taking it way too far. It's not like they're punching her. Besides, it'll stop soon enough anyway. Touching a pregnant woman's belly is not an insult of any kind. It's one thing to be sexually harassed or assaulted, but to go to the cops for having ur belly rubbed when ur pregnant? Oh please. Don't waste their time. There are many more important issues for them to deal with
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  • spiderlashes5000spiderlashes5000 Posts: 17,898Registered Users Curl Virtuoso
    Geek_Chic wrote: »
    I've never been pregnant, but I was uncomfortable just reading your post, especially the part about those who say they'll touch you if they want, whether you like it or not. I can't imagine being in that situation, having to continue working there under those conditions. That kind of behavior wouldn't be appropriate anywhere else, and it shouldn't be ok when you're pregnant. I have to wonder if these same people would think it was ok if you started randomly touching their bellies or family jewels or breasts whenever you felt like it. Would they simply take it if you flat out stated you'd continue to do so when they said "please don't", or if you said they should "get used to it"?

    When you said "Stop, and please don't do that anymore. It makes me uncomfortable," that should have been the end of it. Since speaking to the people doing it didn't resolve the situation, I think you're absolutely right to go to HR. There's an expectation that you should be comfortable in your workplace, not fearful or anxious about someone touching you against your wishes.

    If HR doesn't take any steps to curb this behavior, you might speak to someone knowledgeable about your local laws, a lawyer and/or local police. You can speak to the police without making a report, I believe, and most lawyers offer a free consultation. I'm fairly certain your coworkers' behavior qualifies as both harassment and battery, maybe assault also. If your coworkers won't abide by your wishes alone, maybe they'd take heed if you quoted the legal code. My first thought wouldn't be "I should press charges", but this behavior is NOT OK. If HR does nothing, and quoting the relevant legal code doesn't make an impression, then absolutely follow through with appropriate legal action. In the meantime, document, document, document - who, what, where, etc. You may well need that information later.

    My guess is that they are well-meaning acquaintences who are trying to be funny and the OP is overly sensitive to it bc her hormones are going crazy.

    I hope she doesn't do any of that ^^^bc after the pregnancy she will have aliented all these ppl for no good reason.

    But yes, ppl should be required to take a sensitivity training on pregnancy. If it's not the unwanted touches, it's the obnoxious comments and jokes. It can be very, very trying.

  • inheritedcurlsinheritedcurls Posts: 2,954Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    Nobody should touch you if you don't want them too. Maybe they joked but will back off. Give them time...if not you have a right to slap their hand away. Maybe then they will get the hint.
  • RedCatWavesRedCatWaves Posts: 31,259Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    I think you need to lighten up a bit. People love pregnant women. They are a sign that we are human and there is so much potential in new life. As a society, we tend to idolize pregnancy. I think you should relax and try to enjoy the attention and special status, rather than being so incensed that people are paying attention to you. Develop a sense of humor...perhaps something like "whoa there cowboy/girl, no belly touching" is better than threatening a lawsuit or reporting to HR. Believe me, when you're done gestating, you'll be able to go back to being invisible.

    And don't be one of those parents who risks asphyxiation and puts a blanket on the baby's face rather than allowing strangers to...gasp...look upon their baby.
  • sixelamysixelamy Posts: 4,157Registered Users Curl Novice
    I don't think you are wrong. I've never been pregnant, but when I am eventually, I don't want everybody touching me either. I'm a touchy feely person ONLY with people I am comfortable with. If I don't live with you, keep your hands off! How uncomfortable for you!

    If you've asked them to stop and they haven't, it isn't bad to go a step above. However, I agree with the comment about going to the police, etc is a bit extreme... (but I don't get that feeling from the OP). It is definitely wrong of them to be mouthy with you when you've politely asked them to stop. In a workplace, this would be a very reasonable report to HR. Everybody has boundaries, and they have overstepped yours and need to respect them.
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  • domilafydomilafy Posts: 2Registered Users
    a mother's care.

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