CurlTalk

How can I raise my self esteem?

sKorpio1190sKorpio1190 Posts: 1,862Registered Users
I have terrible self esteem. It really hit me just how low it is today though. I have been stood up many times by one particular guy who I'm not even dating, just messing around with. Despite being stood up many times, I continue to see him and be hung up on him. He told me a few days ago he couldn't wait to see me before I left for school again. Well, I leave in the morning and I have not heard from him. Yup, I've been stood up again, and yet, I sit here wishing and wishing he would contact me. I always tell myself not to go running back to him but I always do. I'm realizing more and more that I must not have an ounce of self worth because I have put up with this, many times, for 2 years now. I don't want to be like this anymore. My poor rationality has me thinking that it's better to be seen a handful of times and get whatever I can from him than to have nothing at all. I know it sounds bad, but it is honestly how I feel right now. I would appreciate any type of moral support right now. I really don't want to be like this for the rest of my life. I just can't stop thinking about him and how angry I am at him, and at myself for continuing to be his doormat. Thanks for listening
Medium texture, normal porosity, normal elasticity :shock:

Comments

  • sixelamysixelamy Posts: 4,156Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    Trust me, I know how you feel. It isn't easy to work on personal self esteem and it takes a lot of hard work. Some people say fake it til you make it, but that never worked for me. I think you just get to a point where you can't handle anymore bs and you move on. It sounds like you are at that point right now. Imagine how good it would feel to tell HIM no. You really have to dig deep and get to know what you want. You can't find happiness or self esteem in a guy.... it comes from deep within you. Start small.... do something that you know makes you happy once a week. Try new things. Take yourself out on a date to the movies - that always makes me feel liberated.

    Its hard to get over someone, especially someone that doesn't seem to give 2 *****s. Been there done that. Only way to get over it is to realize you deserve way better and cut him out of your life. If he wants to be in your life, then he has to play by your rules - to treat you like a queen. You have power over your own life, don't give it to somebody else.
    2c-3a - med-coarse - normal-high porosity - high density
    :bunny:
    NP/LP: CJ Daily Fix, KMF Whenever / Giovanni TTTT
    RO/LI: Aussie Moist, CJ Argan & Olive Oil, Hask Keratin Protein
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  • sKorpio1190sKorpio1190 Posts: 1,862Registered Users
    Thank u six :)
    Medium texture, normal porosity, normal elasticity :shock:
  • sixelamysixelamy Posts: 4,156Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    You're welcome. Hope you get to feeling like yourself soon :)
    2c-3a - med-coarse - normal-high porosity - high density
    :bunny:
    NP/LP: CJ Daily Fix, KMF Whenever / Giovanni TTTT
    RO/LI: Aussie Moist, CJ Argan & Olive Oil, Hask Keratin Protein
    DC/PROTEIN: KC Stellar Strands / CNPF
    STYLER: CJ Curl Queen
    COLOR: henna, amla & indigo
    :thumbdown:: glycerin in high/low dews, polyquat-10 & 11, parabens
  • PerriPPerriP Posts: 6,613Registered Users
    Once, In a similar situation I realized that I was like a little mouse, running after any crumb of attention he threw my way. I would see myself being a little mouse scurrying about. That stopped it for me. I refused to be that mouse.

    Sent from my SCH-I535 using CurlTalk App
    Modified CG since Dec 2011
  • The New BlackThe New Black Posts: 16,738Registered Users
    At least you realize it. That's step one.
    montage-3.gif No MAS.

    I am the new Black.

    "Hope the Mail are saving space tomorrow for Samantha Brick's reaction piece on the reactions to her piece about the reactions to her piece." ~ Tweet reposted by Rou.
  • claudine191claudine191 Posts: 8,220Registered Users
    How about taking decisive action and sending him an email or text or whatever that says, "You know what? I'm done." It may be hard to tough it out afterward, but I'll bet you'll feel better and proud of yourself afterward.
  • RustinaRustina Posts: 894Registered Users
    Sorry you are feeling so crummy, but this is the first step in the right direction. Excellent suggestions from the ladies above.

    In my personal experience, self-esteem is a reflection of how you view yourself, not in the way others view you. The fact that this guy treats you like gum on his shoe has nothing to do with you and everything to do with him; but you are only seeing yourself through his eyes and that's why you feel so crappy. Building self-esteem comes from feeling pride in your own accomplishments, not in how others perceive you. So get out there and do something - take a class and master something you've never tried before, tackle a craft or home improvement project you've been putting off, volunteer somewhere, do a favor for someone. It will take time, but you'll get there.
    Sulfate/non-water-soluble silicone free since 8/16/10
    Northern VA
    Med-coarse, normal porosity, low elasticity
    Dye-free since 11/2010

  • bringingcurliesback?bringingcurliesback? Posts: 1,307Registered Users
    @sKorpio1190 I'm sorry you feel that way (I hate saying that it doesn't do anything). But hey now that that's out of the way lol. Something similiar happened to me. Except I've never been in a relationship... although I have heard I cam give excellent advice and many find it hard to believe lol. Anyway in highschool, this girl came to me sophmore year. We had a lovely fun group of friends and this girl came and tore us apart. I'm a very nice person. In other words you'd never know if I didn't like you. Well eventually it was just me and this girl because I didn't want to be mean. She was like a toxic friendif that makes sense. I was always quite a charismatic person... I kind kf had this gift so to speak lol and I could make absolutely anyone see the light. I could make people feel slow wonderful even if they had a cloud over their head by simply speaking to them and letting my heart out. Sadly I could never do this for myself. Well because of this girl I started seeing the glass half empty etc. Lost my self confidence or whatever I had of it anyway. Terrible, simply devestating that I went from being a flower (my real name means love of the sun) and ironically I was in the darkness. She took every moral and belief i had and destroyed it. Telling me it was fake amd in reality it wasn't possible. That all my dreams were stupid and I thought small. The sad part was I ler her. So much so that I ended up in a pyschology department for nearly 8 months. Luckily I figured things out and started helping the people there who had real problems or ones much bigger than mine. The head psychiatrist asked if I wanted medication
    I had the strength to say no.

    Sent from my SAMSUNG-SGH-I317 using CurlTalk App
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    Stylers: just CO, CJ CIAB, KCCC, aloe gel, FSG
    Once in a while: ACV, Lemon-Aid

    Oils to seal, rinse, and/or pre-poo as needed :love10:

    2c/3a/3b coarse, normal porosity
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  • bringingcurliesback?bringingcurliesback? Posts: 1,307Registered Users
    Until this day this girl doesn't know what happened. But I'm glad it did. The end of jr. Year I found some amazing friends because she moved away. She messaged me on social media telling me I'm a terrible friend because I don't listen to her (super clingy). I mean I'm nice but not even a boyfriend should be put through that lol. She messaged me months later saying I had been talking about her and then most recently she messaged me that she moved out and is engaged, now getting married soon that she was wrong about what she said to me online and that I was one if not one of the only good friends she had. Well of course my heart melted... but my best friend told me you can't do this for her. That I owe myself more than that. After all what respect would I have for myself. Well I don't know about that but until this day I'm still working on it. Its funny actually because the charisma is coming back lol and so is the wishful thinking. However I need to start believing in myself as well. We'll work on this together. After all a wavy/curly haired extremely gorgeous goddess with oozing confidence will make this boy see just what he's missing next time he sees you. Oh and btw I'm a scorpio too ;)

    Sent from my SAMSUNG-SGH-I317 using CurlTalk App
    *Current Routine*
    LP: SM RSB
    CO/CW: CJ Daily Fix, GR Restorative, SM RSB, SM SFC
    DC: SM, CJ Rehab, G.Nutrafix, DIY
    LI: a CO, KCKT
    Sealers: an oil, JC N&S
    Stylers: just CO, CJ CIAB, KCCC, aloe gel, FSG
    Once in a while: ACV, Lemon-Aid

    Oils to seal, rinse, and/or pre-poo as needed :love10:

    2c/3a/3b coarse, normal porosity
    :toothy4: CG since 2007 :flower:
  • curlypearlcurlypearl Posts: 11,970Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    SKorpio I'm so very, very sorry that you are suffering this way. I wish I had some good advice but I don't. The advice others gave in this thread seems sincere and heartfelt, so hopefully that will be helpful to you.

    I'm just responding because I am sure there are many, many others who feel this way who commiserate with you and feel sympathy and wish they could help. So for everyone who lurks or for whatever reason doesn't feel they can respond right now, as well as from me {{{SKorpio}}} - hope you gain more self esteem and can be happier soon.
    2/c Coarse hair med. density.
    Highly porous. Color over grey.
    I love all the Curl Junkie products. Still experimenting with gels and curl creams. Still hoping for 2nd day hair....
    Every day is a gift :flower:
  • bringingcurliesback?bringingcurliesback? Posts: 1,307Registered Users
    This is probably a different kind of confidence but I don't really where makeup at all anymore (used to always wear eyemakeup in highschool)... its crazy because I'd never think that. I also cut my hair in october to my chin... two things I would never have believed if I looked in a crystal ball when I graduated lol. If being able to find my beauty without my physical appaearance seems like nothing I think its the start of something even more beautiful. Its a little scary, I feel quite fearless. But afraid lol. I feel strong so much so that I ordered a book on weight training. I also introduced meat back into my diet 2 months ago and I'm not beating myself up over it. My goal is to build some muscles this year and become totally bad ass. Hopefully that will boost my self esteem even more. Lol And if I fail atleast I tried. The goal is to start!

    I got 2 kittens adopted at the animal shelter yesterday and I was only there for less than 2 hours. I will be teaching my second semester of Sunday school today and driving to church in a little white jeep wrangler sport. I'm sharing my 3 bedroom house with another family of four until they can figure something out (get jobs and make it on their own) so a total of 10 people in my house. I was sleeping on a yoga mat since August 2013 and I just got a bed (hasn't been a week yet). I'm starting to feel like its thanksgiving everyday now and I have done so many crazy things as well as gotten so many things my little highschool self may have never thought possible. Its so amazing and ridiculous at the same time! So sometimes I thank that girl because she tore me apart and I became the strongest zombie ever. I can't be tamed and you shouldn't be either! I mean your hair can't be so why should you? And shame on a guy for thinking they can show you up like that! I promise you if you use this to your advantage you will come so far. I know I have. Although I'm not the same girl I was I think she'd love the girl I am today and the one I'm becoming. Now to stop this relentless cussing lol. Its not cute. :D

    Sent from my SAMSUNG-SGH-I317 using CurlTalk App
    *Current Routine*
    LP: SM RSB
    CO/CW: CJ Daily Fix, GR Restorative, SM RSB, SM SFC
    DC: SM, CJ Rehab, G.Nutrafix, DIY
    LI: a CO, KCKT
    Sealers: an oil, JC N&S
    Stylers: just CO, CJ CIAB, KCCC, aloe gel, FSG
    Once in a while: ACV, Lemon-Aid

    Oils to seal, rinse, and/or pre-poo as needed :love10:

    2c/3a/3b coarse, normal porosity
    :toothy4: CG since 2007 :flower:
  • sKorpio1190sKorpio1190 Posts: 1,862Registered Users
    Wow. Thank you so much everyone for your support. I really appreciate it. I still have not heard from him. I've been "seeing" him (if u know what i mean) for 2 years now so I'm hoping that he's not going to stop talking to me this way. I just want to know that he's not ignoring me :sad5: I will definitely take everyone's advice to heart. Right now I'm trying to learn to focus on my good qualities. It's not easy since I don't think I've ever done it. I honestly believe that I am a nice person and would make a good gf to someone (never had a bf) but I feel so disheartened because no one seems to agree (guys i mean). It leaves me feeling like I'm wrong and that I'm not a "worthy" person of being loved. It's hard for me to think that it's his loss or that he's the ******* for not responding to me since this seems to be a pattern with guys in my life. :cry: Still hoping I hear something from him. It's hard for me to believe that after 2 years he would cut me off like this :angry7: trying to stay positive though. thanks again everyone. It means a lot to me to see how many caring people there are out there
    Medium texture, normal porosity, normal elasticity :shock:
  • DCWavyLadyDCWavyLady Posts: 373Registered Users
    I'm sorry to hear what you're going through. I also threw myself at a guy...for several years in college. I would think about how I was acting and hated myself for it, yet I couldn't help myself. Two things.....the day I decided that I had had enough and let him go was one of the best and most liberating days of my life and two, I regret not doing it sooner. I think back at college and wonder how much more fun I would have had with my girlfriends if I had let him go earlier. Hope you feel better soon! ...and send that final text!
  • sew and sewsew and sew Posts: 3,443Registered Users
    Wow. Thank you so much everyone for your support. I really appreciate it. I still have not heard from him. I've been "seeing" him (if u know what i mean) for 2 years now so I'm hoping that he's not going to stop talking to me this way. I just want to know that he's not ignoring me :sad5: I will definitely take everyone's advice to heart. Right now I'm trying to learn to focus on my good qualities. It's not easy since I don't think I've ever done it. I honestly believe that I am a nice person and would make a good gf to someone (never had a bf) but I feel so disheartened because no one seems to agree (guys i mean). It leaves me feeling like I'm wrong and that I'm not a "worthy" person of being loved. It's hard for me to think that it's his loss or that he's the ******* for not responding to me since this seems to be a pattern with guys in my life. :cry: Still hoping I hear something from him. It's hard for me to believe that after 2 years he would cut me off like this :angry7: trying to stay positive though. thanks again everyone. It means a lot to me to see how many caring people there are out there

    One thing that strikes me when I read your posts here is that you are a thoughtful, caring person. The right guy for you will appreciate that about you, not take it for granted. It's such a simple thought, I know...but I think it's one your heart needs to really see. A friend I had in college taught me that lesson through his friendship (we were attracted to each other in the beginning, but realized we would be incompatible lifestyle wise if we tried a relationship). 'This (the warmth and respect) is how things should be when it's right' is what the friendship taught me.

    As soon as that really sinks in to you, in my experience you'll have no problem honoring it above the drama of any situation with a guy.

    You really do need (if you're going to be in a relationship) someone who your kindness is not wasted on.

    I know this probably doesn't sound too comforting, but just hang in there. Be patient. Do the things with your life that you really want to do, and let yourself be discriminating about the character and substance of the guys who take your attention along the way.

    This guy isn't right for you and you need to get free of worrying about how things with him are panning out. Your well-being is far more important than it.
    “It was only a sunny smile and little it cost in the giving but like morning light it scattered the night and made the day worth living.” - F. Scott Fitzgerald

    3B ■ Medium/Course ■ High Porosity
  • sKorpio1190sKorpio1190 Posts: 1,862Registered Users
    Thank you so much sew. Your words are so kind, and quite right. I do think I'm a very caring person, which sometimes is my downfall. I don't know how to just stop even when I know the other person doesn't deserve it anymore. I hope I do find someone who appreciates it one day. The funny thing is, my ex contacted me a few days ago and expressed that he was very sad when I stopped speaking to him a year ago. He told me I was such a big part in his life and he realized it when I was gone. It made me feel so good to see that I can be missed, especially after this other jerk still hasn't contacted me back. It really made my day to hear from him. I guess it is possible for someone to miss me and care about me, for once :)
    Medium texture, normal porosity, normal elasticity :shock:
  • sixelamysixelamy Posts: 4,156Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    Wow. Thank you so much everyone for your support. I really appreciate it. I still have not heard from him. I've been "seeing" him (if u know what i mean) for 2 years now so I'm hoping that he's not going to stop talking to me this way. I just want to know that he's not ignoring me :sad5: I will definitely take everyone's advice to heart. Right now I'm trying to learn to focus on my good qualities. It's not easy since I don't think I've ever done it. I honestly believe that I am a nice person and would make a good gf to someone (never had a bf) but I feel so disheartened because no one seems to agree (guys i mean). It leaves me feeling like I'm wrong and that I'm not a "worthy" person of being loved. It's hard for me to think that it's his loss or that he's the ******* for not responding to me since this seems to be a pattern with guys in my life. :cry: Still hoping I hear something from him. It's hard for me to believe that after 2 years he would cut me off like this :angry7: trying to stay positive though. thanks again everyone. It means a lot to me to see how many caring people there are out there

    If it gives you any hope at all... I never had a *real* relationship until I was 30 years old. I seemed to attract the guys who wanted a girl, but not the relationship. It also made me feel completely not worthy of real love, to the point that I really thought that it wouldn't happen for me.

    What changed it for me was, the only love of my life broke up with me, because I pretty much sabotaged the relationship thinking he was going to leave me. Honestly, I was pretty pathetic. He hadn't had many relationships either, so it was hard for us to meet somewhere in the middle and he had a hard time thinking about how his actions affected other people. So a couple months later, I started dating somebody else who I really thought I could marry... and the old love of my life saw I was with somebody else. Well, turns out this new guy was really controlling - I picked up on it quick and got the heck out of there. I gained much more respect for myself and knew exactly what I wanted and didn't want. I thought the "controlling" guy was what I was looking for all of my life (not the controlling part, but he was a sappy romantic), but I found out I hated it - it was like dating myself in the respect that he was very clingy. It was a wake up call for me - I would NEVER EVER act that way with somebody else again. I guess seeing me with someone else was a wake up call for my old love too. He tried to talk to other women, but it just didn't feel right. Now 1 1/2 years later we are still together (3 1/2 years total) and looking to get engaged soon. What changed our situation was, I knew what I wanted, I didn't take his crap anymore, and I started speaking up for myself in a clear way. Those have always been the hardest things for me to do. He appreciates me talking back to him, as weird as that sounds.

    So.. all I'm trying to say is, don't lose hope that there is someone out there for you that will treat you great! :)

    Also..

    So what if he is ignoring you? Believe me, I know how you feel in this department, because that's one thing that I can't stand. Someone once told me this, and it didn't help at the time at all - but it is totally true! He would be doing you a HUGE HUGE favor if he is ignoring you. I don't know you personally, but nobody deserves to be treated the way that he treats you. I really have a big heart for women in situations like these, it's not easy in the least. Write a note to yourself that you will see everyday, and write on it what you wrote to us - that you don't want to be this way anymore.
    2c-3a - med-coarse - normal-high porosity - high density
    :bunny:
    NP/LP: CJ Daily Fix, KMF Whenever / Giovanni TTTT
    RO/LI: Aussie Moist, CJ Argan & Olive Oil, Hask Keratin Protein
    DC/PROTEIN: KC Stellar Strands / CNPF
    STYLER: CJ Curl Queen
    COLOR: henna, amla & indigo
    :thumbdown:: glycerin in high/low dews, polyquat-10 & 11, parabens
  • DaniGirl88DaniGirl88 Posts: 1,583Registered Users
    I am so sorry that you are experiencing this. Like others have stated, you are not alone (although that probably doesn't really make you feel any better). I think in this situation, you just have to remind yourself of how wonderful you are! And you are wonderful.

    I've had low self-esteem for most of my life. Not feeling pretty enough, skinny enough, good enough. I agree with what someone else pointed out: you have to believe in yourself or your self-esteem won't get any better. I always thought that if someone just told me I was beautiful then I wouldn't feel this way. Or if they told me I was good enough, I would feel so much different. Turns out, that didn't work (my husband would tell me everyday and still no change in my personal perceptions).

    My husband, on the other hand, has so much confidence and has extremely high self-esteem. I always ask him how and he simply says, "Because I'm awesome." He never lets anyone bring him down, which is one of the things I love about him.

    I think, as humans, we have this innate need to fit in and be accepted by our peers. If we ever feel any kind of rejection, it sticks with us and makes us question ourselves. We always tend to hold on to the negative remarks in our lives rather than the positive ones.

    So, I would say start telling yourself something positive every day. See if that helps. Read positive stories/blogs and find new ways to compliment yourself. I once had a friend who put a rubber-band on her wrist and would lightly snap it each time she had a negative thought (helped her get through her divorce).

    Above all, I would recommend surrounding yourself with people who love you for you and try to weed out all the people causing your negative perceptions about yourself. I know this is a process and can be unbelievably hard, but it might be worth it in the end. Best of luck my dear!
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

    3B, fine, normal porosity, high density, medium width and length
    Conditioner: Tresemme Naturals, Trader Joe's Tea Tree Tingle
    Co-Wash: As I Am Coconut Co-Wash
    Leave in Products: As I Am Leave-In, SM Smoothie/Milk, KCKT, Giovanni Direct Leave-In
    Air Dry

    Looking for new products and methods to try!



  • sKorpio1190sKorpio1190 Posts: 1,862Registered Users
    sixelamy wrote: »
    Wow. Thank you so much everyone for your support. I really appreciate it. I still have not heard from him. I've been "seeing" him (if u know what i mean) for 2 years now so I'm hoping that he's not going to stop talking to me this way. I just want to know that he's not ignoring me :sad5: I will definitely take everyone's advice to heart. Right now I'm trying to learn to focus on my good qualities. It's not easy since I don't think I've ever done it. I honestly believe that I am a nice person and would make a good gf to someone (never had a bf) but I feel so disheartened because no one seems to agree (guys i mean). It leaves me feeling like I'm wrong and that I'm not a "worthy" person of being loved. It's hard for me to think that it's his loss or that he's the ******* for not responding to me since this seems to be a pattern with guys in my life. :cry: Still hoping I hear something from him. It's hard for me to believe that after 2 years he would cut me off like this :angry7: trying to stay positive though. thanks again everyone. It means a lot to me to see how many caring people there are out there

    If it gives you any hope at all... I never had a *real* relationship until I was 30 years old. I seemed to attract the guys who wanted a girl, but not the relationship. It also made me feel completely not worthy of real love, to the point that I really thought that it wouldn't happen for me.

    What changed it for me was, the only love of my life broke up with me, because I pretty much sabotaged the relationship thinking he was going to leave me. Honestly, I was pretty pathetic. He hadn't had many relationships either, so it was hard for us to meet somewhere in the middle and he had a hard time thinking about how his actions affected other people. So a couple months later, I started dating somebody else who I really thought I could marry... and the old love of my life saw I was with somebody else. Well, turns out this new guy was really controlling - I picked up on it quick and got the heck out of there. I gained much more respect for myself and knew exactly what I wanted and didn't want. I thought the "controlling" guy was what I was looking for all of my life (not the controlling part, but he was a sappy romantic), but I found out I hated it - it was like dating myself in the respect that he was very clingy. It was a wake up call for me - I would NEVER EVER act that way with somebody else again. I guess seeing me with someone else was a wake up call for my old love too. He tried to talk to other women, but it just didn't feel right. Now 1 1/2 years later we are still together (3 1/2 years total) and looking to get engaged soon. What changed our situation was, I knew what I wanted, I didn't take his crap anymore, and I started speaking up for myself in a clear way. Those have always been the hardest things for me to do. He appreciates me talking back to him, as weird as that sounds.

    So.. all I'm trying to say is, don't lose hope that there is someone out there for you that will treat you great! :)

    Also..

    So what if he is ignoring you? Believe me, I know how you feel in this department, because that's one thing that I can't stand. Someone once told me this, and it didn't help at the time at all - but it is totally true! He would be doing you a HUGE HUGE favor if he is ignoring you. I don't know you personally, but nobody deserves to be treated the way that he treats you. I really have a big heart for women in situations like these, it's not easy in the least. Write a note to yourself that you will see everyday, and write on it what you wrote to us - that you don't want to be this way anymore.

    The funny thing is that with the ex, he's the first guy i actually stood up to as well. That's why I stopped talking to him because I couldn't take his antics anymore. I assumed he would never want to talk to me again since I pretty much cursed him out and walked away. Glad to know that I was wrong. I have to work on not being clingy too. Idk why because I had a good upbringing, but i have found that i have abandonment issues. I always assume people, especially guys, will stop talking to me or get bored of me. I wish i knew where it came from. Deep down I know you are right about him ignoring me being good for me, i just hate feeling bad about it. I treated him extremely well and to be tossed aside like garbage hurts. Sure, we never dated, but we did see each other for 2 years. It hurts to know that all that could be forgotten in a minute. I hope I can find someone one day like u did!
    Medium texture, normal porosity, normal elasticity :shock:
  • sKorpio1190sKorpio1190 Posts: 1,862Registered Users
    DaniGirl88 wrote: »
    I am so sorry that you are experiencing this. Like others have stated, you are not alone (although that probably doesn't really make you feel any better). I think in this situation, you just have to remind yourself of how wonderful you are! And you are wonderful.

    I've had low self-esteem for most of my life. Not feeling pretty enough, skinny enough, good enough. I agree with what someone else pointed out: you have to believe in yourself or your self-esteem won't get any better. I always thought that if someone just told me I was beautiful then I wouldn't feel this way. Or if they told me I was good enough, I would feel so much different. Turns out, that didn't work (my husband would tell me everyday and still no change in my personal perceptions).

    My husband, on the other hand, has so much confidence and has extremely high self-esteem. I always ask him how and he simply says, "Because I'm awesome." He never lets anyone bring him down, which is one of the things I love about him.

    I think, as humans, we have this innate need to fit in and be accepted by our peers. If we ever feel any kind of rejection, it sticks with us and makes us question ourselves. We always tend to hold on to the negative remarks in our lives rather than the positive ones.

    So, I would say start telling yourself something positive every day. See if that helps. Read positive stories/blogs and find new ways to compliment yourself. I once had a friend who put a rubber-band on her wrist and would lightly snap it each time she had a negative thought (helped her get through her divorce).

    Above all, I would recommend surrounding yourself with people who love you for you and try to weed out all the people causing your negative perceptions about yourself. I know this is a process and can be unbelievably hard, but it might be worth it in the end. Best of luck my dear!

    Thanks Dani. The guys I have been attracted to always had very high self esteem too lol. I guess we are attracted to what we lack within ourselves. So, it's funny you mention that your husband is like that. I love that response, "because i'm awesome." Lol. I wish I could be like that! I think you're right about needing to feel good about urself from within and not from other people telling you. I realize that now especially because I'm already wondering how long it'll be before the ex gets tired of me too. I sound crazy, I know:sad8:
    Medium texture, normal porosity, normal elasticity :shock:
  • sixelamysixelamy Posts: 4,156Registered Users Curl Neophyte

    The funny thing is that with the ex, he's the first guy i actually stood up to as well. That's why I stopped talking to him because I couldn't take his antics anymore. I assumed he would never want to talk to me again since I pretty much cursed him out and walked away. Glad to know that I was wrong. I have to work on not being clingy too. Idk why because I had a good upbringing, but i have found that i have abandonment issues. I always assume people, especially guys, will stop talking to me or get bored of me. I wish i knew where it came from. Deep down I know you are right about him ignoring me being good for me, i just hate feeling bad about it. I treated him extremely well and to be tossed aside like garbage hurts. Sure, we never dated, but we did see each other for 2 years. It hurts to know that all that could be forgotten in a minute. I hope I can find someone one day like u did!


    See.. there's something to be said for standing up for yourself! Men have more respect for women who don't take their sh*t. Although, some hate it and leave lol. I'm glad your ex is making you feel a bit better, that's always nice :) It helped me to think about the opposite - what if I'm bored with them?? Seriously.. think about it. How can we not be bored with someone who doesn't give us what we need/want? All you need to do is switch your thinking up a bit, and you will see great improvements in how you view yourself and others. I'm the queen of abandonment issues, I get you 100%.
    2c-3a - med-coarse - normal-high porosity - high density
    :bunny:
    NP/LP: CJ Daily Fix, KMF Whenever / Giovanni TTTT
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  • sKorpio1190sKorpio1190 Posts: 1,862Registered Users
    I'm so glad u understand, even though it has to be from something no one should have to struggle with
    Medium texture, normal porosity, normal elasticity :shock:
  • DaniGirl88DaniGirl88 Posts: 1,583Registered Users
    I feel akin to you ladies now, well more-so than ever.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

    3B, fine, normal porosity, high density, medium width and length
    Conditioner: Tresemme Naturals, Trader Joe's Tea Tree Tingle
    Co-Wash: As I Am Coconut Co-Wash
    Leave in Products: As I Am Leave-In, SM Smoothie/Milk, KCKT, Giovanni Direct Leave-In
    Air Dry

    Looking for new products and methods to try!



  • sKorpio1190sKorpio1190 Posts: 1,862Registered Users
    DaniGirl88 wrote: »
    I feel akin to you ladies now, well more-so than ever.

    :) I almost didn't recognize u with ur pic changed!
    Medium texture, normal porosity, normal elasticity :shock:
  • TrickTrick Posts: 140Registered Users
    sKorpio, part of self esteem comes with age (I used to roll my eyes at people who said that to me when I was already in my 20s, but I'm 32 now and there's definitely a difference! not saying I have HIGH self esteem by any means, but it's not as bad as it used to be), and part of it also comes from surrounding yourself with people who genuinely like you and WANT to build you up. This doesn't have to be someone you're dating (in fact, that is usually not a good thing to depend on, a boyfriend/girlfriend can't be responsible for your self esteem), people who are just friends but don't want to hear you talk badly about yourself can do it very well. Part of it ALSO has to be you actively deciding to be more positive in your life, even if you can only do this in little baby steps. Try to catch yourself thinking ONE bad thing a day and prove to yourself why that thought isn't really true -- it's tough, but it actually works.

    5 of 6 years ago I would have thought that everything I just told you up there was a big bunch of BS lol but it's actually pretty true. And I think everyone has low esteem moments occasionally, it's just a matter of not getting overwhelmed by them.

    :occasion5:

    2c/3a, fine, low porosity.

    Poo: Garnier Fructis Pure Clean (yes, it has A Sulfate!!, but I have Teflon hair)
    Co-wash (when I feel so inclined, which isn't often!): VO5 Kiwi Lime Clarifying Conditioner
    Conditioner/LI:
    same for both -- whatever I have in the shower at the time (I experiment a lot)
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    Dry: Diffuse or air dry, or both...depends on my mood

  • sKorpio1190sKorpio1190 Posts: 1,862Registered Users
    Yea, I have noticed that women who are older are usually more confident. It definitely is the case with my mom. She says when she was my age she was like me and now she's too loud and bold lol. I'm hoping that my self esteem will go up like hers did. Then it actually gives me something to look forward to as I age!
    Medium texture, normal porosity, normal elasticity :shock: