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Not to be a Debbie downer . .

pprMACHEheartpprMACHEheart Posts: 1,665Registered Users
But I really feel alone for the first time ever during the holiday season. Like I'm 24 years old and my parents are at the beginning stages of divorce and nothing has been the same since it's been announced. At first I was good, things didn't seem to bother me but literally there's no one here (meaning home) with me. No tree, no decorations or gifts, there's nothing but weirdness where this comforting, happy, warm feeling should be.

My dad is pretty hard to speak to and always has been and my mom is my best friend basically. She's in the process of moving out and I feel forgotten. I don't know how they stayed together for 31 years . . I really don't.

I should be happy tomorrow's Christmas, but I know I won't see either of my parents. Just my dog and me, like on Thanksgiving and I'm sad and I feel lonely.

I don't know what to do or how to shake it . . :(
last relaxer; 082708, BC; 081810, CG; 122410
high porosity, med/coarse texture, high density, color treated
condish;TN, DevaCurl Heaven in Hair stylers; Heaven in Hair, DevaCurl Curl Cream oils;Castor Oil

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Comments

  • StarmieStarmie Posts: 6,681Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    I'm sorry you're feeling so down, Christmas is a hard time to be alone, when we're constantly told it's a time for family and togetherness. I have my SO and kids but the rest of my family's in the UK and I always feel the distance more at Christmas.
    (((pprMACHEheart)))
    3b in South Australia.
  • PerriPPerriP Posts: 6,613Registered Users
    Big hugs to you. If you are alone, please go for a walk with the dog (several times) greet people with a smile. It will help you feel connected. Also if you are able to go out for a meal (on holidays alone I typically go to a diner and get a big breakfast around 4pm). Chatting with people will help you get through the day.
    I hope you see your parents

    Sent from my SCH-I535 using CurlTalk App
    Modified CG since Dec 2011
  • curlyarcacurlyarca Posts: 8,449Registered Users
    I was just talking to my sister about this around Thanksgiving. It is rough being single and disconnected sometimes, even when you're like me and don't really care for Christmas. Sometimes you just feel lonely when everyone else is with their families. I used to go out for Chinese on Christmas. Haven't done it in a while. I was actually thinking about going to Dave & Busters or the movies, too.

    I agree, it helps to make connections with people. It's just me and my dog, too. I'm glad that some businesses are open on major holidays.

    "In the depth of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer."

    4a, mbl, low porosity, normal thickness, fine hair.
  • curlypearlcurlypearl Posts: 11,970Registered Users Curl Novice
    The responses made me feel good. I'm glad we are a caring community. {{{pprMACHEheart}}}. I understand and I hope you find a way to feel less sad and alone. Post again if it helps.
    2/c Coarse hair med. density.
    Highly porous. Color over grey.
    I love all the Curl Junkie products. Still experimenting with gels and curl creams. Still hoping for 2nd day hair....
    Every day is a gift :flower:
  • chupiechupie Posts: 5,270Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    I deal with it by watching copious amounts of fluffy television, food and knitting. Hang in there (((((hugs)))).
  • curlyarcacurlyarca Posts: 8,449Registered Users
    Yes! I had Chinese, Japanese, Thai, and Vietnamese food for lunch today. Did my hair. Decided against Dave & Buster's and the movies. I'm watching Alex Haley's Queen and kind of shocked by how horrible Halle Berry's makeup is/was. HOT mess.

    Going to watch Spirited Away next, and then read a book.

    "In the depth of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer."

    4a, mbl, low porosity, normal thickness, fine hair.
  • DedachanDedachan Posts: 1,644Registered Users
    I feel lonely too. Just hang in there and remember, Christmas is just a day like any other, we put way to much meaning into it.

    ((hugs))

    P.S. I'm a Debbie and hadn't heard that expression before. Jeeeez :disgust:
  • Fifi.GFifi.G Posts: 15,490Registered Users
    Many (((hugs))). I am sorry you are feeling so alone. Christmas can be a tough one, for many people and for several reasons. I hope you can talk to your parents *at some point* and let them know how you feel. I am sure everyone is going through their own thing right now, but it still wouldn't hurt. Most of my friends parents who divorced went back to some form of (new) holiday normalcy. It just took a little while to make adjustments.

    Last year my mom and I cried the whole time we cooked. It was the first Christmas (and only 4 months) since my dad passed away. This year we held it together a bit better, but there is still a large emptiness. I just had to take a deep breath and keep going. I hope you can do that too. Get out and about, and do something you enjoy.
    When I hear terms like "hipster" I think, who told cliques they could leave high school??

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
  • sKorpio1190sKorpio1190 Posts: 1,862Registered Users
    I know just how you feel. For thanksgiving I was away at school and spent the day in my apartment with my dog. I'm home for Christmas but we don't do anything for it (I'm an only child so it's just me and my parents here) anyway. I always hate the holidays because they make me feel lonelier than ever. Seeing others with family and friends and hearing all the "what did you do for the holidays?" stories doesn't help either. Not to sound spiteful, but I'm glad to see I'm not "alone" in how I feel. I know what ur going thru, OP. I hope u feel better. I am at least happy to have my dog at least. She's my best friend
    Medium texture, normal porosity, normal elasticity :shock:
  • JosephineJosephine Posts: 14,175Registered Users
    Really sorry youre feeling alone. I also feel really down although not going through anything as bad as yourself. I just broke with my bf and keep thinking about our last Christmas. I didnt grow up celebrating Christmas but I still feel lonely thinking about him. Im actually looking forward to going back to work tomorrow. I just want the holidays to be over. Not looking forward to Nye either.
  • asugirlasugirl Posts: 937Registered Users
    Hey pprMACHEheart! I'm feeling you. My sister lives far away in WA and she is going through a divorce after being married 23 years. Her daughter is 17 and just about ready to leave home. I know she is going through a lonely time so I try to be the best big sis I can. All of us know what lonely feels like. I feel for you and your parents. I've been married a long time but know there would be much loneliness if we split. Your parents have been married just a little shorter time than we and that is a very long time to be together - this is so hard for them no matter how it is ending. Your life is just really starting and you will not feel lonely for long. Help your parents by letting them know how much you love them both. Hope you and your doggie have a great day together.

    2c/3a - fine - medium porosity & density
  • claudine191claudine191 Posts: 8,220Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    I've had many lonely holidays. So many, in fact, that I came to embrace them and being busy for the first time in a few years feels a bit strange.

    What I do to cope is everything I like. French toast for me, Frosty Paws for the gang, movies, sleeping, no chores, admiring nature, and being sloppy (or neat; whatever works for you). Something that helps me too is attending midnight mass. I do it not because I'm a staunch believer (I'm not), but because the act of singing with other people and wishing strangers "peace" helps me feel connected, and because every now and then, a priest says something I feel to be true. But it's mostly the singing of such lovely music.

    And I also try to do one really good deed. Right now I'm working on a complex dog rescue, and that brings me happiness. If I can play a part in saving this dog, my Xmas wish will have come true.

    So, for me, it comes back to making myself happy in a deep or sincere way, regardless of whatever Hallmark crap we're "supposed" to have or want. I don't think there's anything wrong with celebrating with a beloved pet. The source of the love we feel or receive really doesn't matter; love isn't qualifiable, in my mind.

    And lastly, you're not alone: we're all here for you, and wishing you the best. Do whatever makes you happy. You're the one who really matters.
  • spiderlashes5000spiderlashes5000 Posts: 17,495Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    I'm so sorry you are feeling this way. I'm sorry your parents are going thru a divorce, as well. Try to focus on the sacred aspects of the holiday...even if everything seems sad and lonely. And be sure to check in w/ your parents; they might really be grieving. Sending prayers up for all of you.

  • pprMACHEheartpprMACHEheart Posts: 1,665Registered Users
    Thanks so much guys. I kind sunk into it after posting yesterday. I cried a little in my room, made a big breakfast and ate until I was stuffed. I had a migraine to boot as well. My oldest cousin on my mom's side called me out of the blue and asked what I was doing and invited me over to hang out with some of my family and I took her up on the offer. I had to fight to go cause honestly at that point I wanted to just lay in the bed with my dog and be sad all day. I know that wouldn't have been helpful but . . . it seemed like a nice pity partying idea.

    But I forced myself to get dressed and went to the city to her place. I had a good time, I ate and laughed and honestly didn't feel so bad. I could feel the loneliness still looming around, but I kept pushing it away.

    I spoke to both my parents yesterday, but as for spending time with either it didn't happen.

    I would've gone to my exboyfriend's house but we're just working on things now and I feel it's too soon for us to jump into that. He checked on me all day which I appreciated. But I still feel that Christmas should be spent with family, so Idk . .. idk.

    Yesterday was decent, but it was different. My parents seem to think there's nothing wrong with it though. I suppose I have to get over it since I'll be 25 in February. Eh.
    last relaxer; 082708, BC; 081810, CG; 122410
    high porosity, med/coarse texture, high density, color treated
    condish;TN, DevaCurl Heaven in Hair stylers; Heaven in Hair, DevaCurl Curl Cream oils;Castor Oil

    YTChannel: /home/leaving?target=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fuser%2Fpapiermachecurls" class="Popup

    s-event.pngs-event.png
  • JosephineJosephine Posts: 14,175Registered Users
    Hey, it's a good thing you got out. Even if when you feel sad when you are out, it's still good to be around other people. Slowly you'll get used to it and get stronger. As someone told me here once you gotta 'fake it til you make it'. I doubt your parents think there is nothing wrong, it must be really hard on them too but they want to be strong for you.
  • claudine191claudine191 Posts: 8,220Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    "But I still feel that Christmas should be spent with family, so Idk . .. idk."

    This is what I would work on reconsidering, but not everybody will agree.
  • pprMACHEheartpprMACHEheart Posts: 1,665Registered Users
    I think I'm going to have to with the way things are going.
    last relaxer; 082708, BC; 081810, CG; 122410
    high porosity, med/coarse texture, high density, color treated
    condish;TN, DevaCurl Heaven in Hair stylers; Heaven in Hair, DevaCurl Curl Cream oils;Castor Oil

    YTChannel: /home/leaving?target=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fuser%2Fpapiermachecurls" class="Popup

    s-event.pngs-event.png
  • sKorpio1190sKorpio1190 Posts: 1,862Registered Users
    Josephine wrote: »
    Hey, it's a good thing you got out. Even if when you feel sad when you are out, it's still good to be around other people. Slowly you'll get used to it and get stronger. As someone told me here once you gotta 'fake it til you make it'. I doubt your parents think there is nothing wrong, it must be really hard on them too but they want to be strong for you.

    What if you don't want to bring other people down though? I mean I struggle with this myself because I don't want to make people feel bad because I'm sad when I'm out with them. I feel like it's better to avoid people when I am depressed for fear that I will make them have less fun or ruin their good time/mood. It's hard for me to fake being happy. I don't mean to make this forum about me, but I was just wondering what others thought about that
    Medium texture, normal porosity, normal elasticity :shock:
  • Fifi.GFifi.G Posts: 15,490Registered Users
    Josephine wrote: »
    Hey, it's a good thing you got out. Even if when you feel sad when you are out, it's still good to be around other people. Slowly you'll get used to it and get stronger. As someone told me here once you gotta 'fake it til you make it'. I doubt your parents think there is nothing wrong, it must be really hard on them too but they want to be strong for you.

    What if you don't want to bring other people down though? I mean I struggle with this myself because I don't want to make people feel bad because I'm sad when I'm out with them. I feel like it's better to avoid people when I am depressed for fear that I will make them have less fun or ruin their good time/mood. It's hard for me to fake being happy. I don't mean to make this forum about me, but I was just wondering what others thought about that

    I don't think you should worry about that. They could end up turning your mood around. There is absolutely nothing wrong with taking some time to yourself, and crying it out (that's normal when you are upset by something) BUT there comes a point when getting out is better than sitting around and wallowing in infinite sadness.

    I do not think it becomes a problem unless someone is sad for months and months on end and not open to a helping hand. I recently had to take a little breather from my best friend. I hated to but he is very depressed, has been for some time, can not and/or will not get back on his meds, and will not listen to any advice. He's in a dark and defensive place and is perfectly happy staying in it. That can become hard to handle when you love and care about someone.
    When I hear terms like "hipster" I think, who told cliques they could leave high school??

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
  • sKorpio1190sKorpio1190 Posts: 1,862Registered Users
    Thanks for the insight fifi. I knew someone like that as well. I backed off from her too because she was constantly depressed, overly aggressive, very pessimistic and refused to go on medication or even seek counseling. She is bi polar and thinks she can just "deal with it" on her own. I have not heard from her in months. But, I know I did all I could for her.
    Medium texture, normal porosity, normal elasticity :shock:
  • spiderlashes5000spiderlashes5000 Posts: 17,495Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    Thanks so much guys. I kind sunk into it after posting yesterday. I cried a little in my room, made a big breakfast and ate until I was stuffed. I had a migraine to boot as well. My oldest cousin on my mom's side called me out of the blue and asked what I was doing and invited me over to hang out with some of my family and I took her up on the offer. I had to fight to go cause honestly at that point I wanted to just lay in the bed with my dog and be sad all day. I know that wouldn't have been helpful but . . . it seemed like a nice pity partying idea.

    But I forced myself to get dressed and went to the city to her place. I had a good time, I ate and laughed and honestly didn't feel so bad. I could feel the loneliness still looming around, but I kept pushing it away.

    I spoke to both my parents yesterday, but as for spending time with either it didn't happen.

    I would've gone to my exboyfriend's house but we're just working on things now and I feel it's too soon for us to jump into that. He checked on me all day which I appreciated. But I still feel that Christmas should be spent with family, so Idk . .. idk.

    Yesterday was decent, but it was different. My parents seem to think there's nothing wrong with it though. I suppose I have to get over it since I'll be 25 in February. Eh.

    Well, yeah, you will have to adjust to a new reality.:thumright:

    If a tree and decorations make you feel happy, be sure to put them up next year. Hopefully, your parents will be settled into their new lives/homes by next Christmas and you can visit w/ both of them (and other relatives).

  • claudine191claudine191 Posts: 8,220Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    I have to say I disagree with those who advise against "bringing others down" by going out when you feel blue. It's up to everyone to manage her or his own feelings when encountering sadness, and to make the effort to do something for another at this time of year. Certainly there are those people who cannot be helped, but making even a token effort, such as offering a smile, a handshake or a hug, will make both the giver and receiver feel good.

    One sad person at a party is just life. I think PaperMache was right to go out, despite feeling somewhat lost.
  • Fifi.GFifi.G Posts: 15,490Registered Users
    I have to say I disagree with those who advise against "bringing others down" by going out when you feel blue. It's up to everyone to manage her or his own feelings when encountering sadness, and to make the effort to do something for another at this time of year. Certainly there are those people who cannot be helped, but making even a token effort, such as offering a smile, a handshake or a hug, will make both the giver and receiver feel good.

    One sad person at a party is just life. I think PaperMache was right to go out, despite feeling somewhat lost.

    Wait. Where? :) I didn't see anyone advise against it in the slightest. I saw curly after curly tell PMH to go out, blow the dust off (as the expression says), make some connections and welcome some smiles and hands. And one person worry about/struggle with the idea of bringing other people down when they are sad.
    When I hear terms like "hipster" I think, who told cliques they could leave high school??

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
  • Fifi.GFifi.G Posts: 15,490Registered Users
    Thanks for the insight fifi. I knew someone like that as well. I backed off from her too because she was constantly depressed, overly aggressive, very pessimistic and refused to go on medication or even seek counseling. She is bi polar and thinks she can just "deal with it" on her own. I have not heard from her in months. But, I know I did all I could for her.

    You are welcome. Friends love you. Don't forget that. They are there to help, and you are there to help them when they are in a funk. There have been numerous times that I was glad I made myself go out, despite my mood. It ended up being exactly what I needed.

    Glad you got out for a little while, (((PMH))). Again, I am sorry. That is a rough thing to be going thru during the holidays.
    When I hear terms like "hipster" I think, who told cliques they could leave high school??

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
  • pprMACHEheartpprMACHEheart Posts: 1,665Registered Users
    That's what I warred with, I didn't want to go and be that sad person and born everyone else having a good time down. But I figured if everyone else was happy it may rub off on me so I took a shot in the dark and hoped for the best.
    last relaxer; 082708, BC; 081810, CG; 122410
    high porosity, med/coarse texture, high density, color treated
    condish;TN, DevaCurl Heaven in Hair stylers; Heaven in Hair, DevaCurl Curl Cream oils;Castor Oil

    YTChannel: /home/leaving?target=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fuser%2Fpapiermachecurls" class="Popup

    s-event.pngs-event.png
  • spiderlashes5000spiderlashes5000 Posts: 17,495Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    That's what I warred with, I didn't want to go and be that sad person and born everyone else having a good time down. But I figured if everyone else was happy it may rub off on me so I took a shot in the dark and hoped for the best.

    I don't think the average person's day would be ruined bc you are feeling down in the dumps bc your parents are getting divorced. (And the Bible says we're supposed to carry each other's burdens.)

    I think the energy vampire types piss ppl off bc they are manipulative...not bc they are sad.

  • curlyprincess1curlyprincess1 Posts: 468Registered Users
    I'm not sure what's going on, but we are here for you.
    It's not easy being a princess, but hey, if the crown fits.
  • Fifi.GFifi.G Posts: 15,490Registered Users
    That's what I warred with, I didn't want to go and be that sad person and born everyone else having a good time down. But I figured if everyone else was happy it may rub off on me so I took a shot in the dark and hoped for the best.

    Same thing I said to sKorpio applies to you, too. Don't worry about that. I think we've all been there. Don't want to bother people, or bring them down, but that is part of what are friends for. It's not all rainbows and sunshine, 24-7.

    Even when I got completely flustered with my best friend, and took a tiny breather (I had worried myself absolutely sick about him)... I had him over for a birthday celebration soon after. He is really going through it himself, and again has been for over a year now, but I still wouldn't trade him for anyone else.
    When I hear terms like "hipster" I think, who told cliques they could leave high school??

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
  • claudine191claudine191 Posts: 8,220Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    That's what I warred with, I didn't want to go and be that sad person and born everyone else having a good time down. But I figured if everyone else was happy it may rub off on me so I took a shot in the dark and hoped for the best.

    I personally would have felt worse knowing someone was at home crying rather than take a chance on bringing me down.
  • spiderlashes5000spiderlashes5000 Posts: 17,495Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    That's what I warred with, I didn't want to go and be that sad person and born everyone else having a good time down. But I figured if everyone else was happy it may rub off on me so I took a shot in the dark and hoped for the best.

    I personally would have felt worse knowing someone was at home crying rather than take a chance on bringing me down.

    It feels good when you can help a friend! Or even a stranger. Or even an enemy (sometimes LOL).

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