CurlTalk

Struggling with my hair

I've never embraced my curls, so I've straightened for the past 20 years or so. Now, at 40 and 3 kids later, I've tried extensions, relaxers, keratin, everything you can imagine. My hair has definitely thinned and changed, and I've successfully driven it to the point of no return -- I flat ironed it to its death.
I've had to now go short to revitalize it and am letting come back curly and am still struggling.
So I wear it slicked back everyday, and put sunglasses on my head so I'm not a flat head. Head bands look ridiculous on me. I feel like the sunglasses look ridiculous, but at least i have some volume. I don't have much time to get ready in the morning, so this is at least neat.
I'm resigned to getting a wig or straightening. Does anyone have any other suggestions. It's too many lengths and too short to look nice curly
Help!

Comments

  • lori.mattoxlori.mattox Posts: 210Registered Users
    What is your routine like for your hair? I will admit that it was a shock for me to see my hair so short when I finally cut my relaxed ends off my hair- I went from shoulder length curls to having ears/neck exposed for the first time in 14 years. It may be something to get used to, or in finding the right products for your curls to be enhanced.
    3C/4A Fine texture, low porosity, low/medium density? Trying CG since Dec. 2013
    Shampoo: Curl's Creamy Curl Cleanser or clarifying shampoo when needed.
    Co-wash: Curl's coconut curlada
    Deep Condition: Experimenting in the kitchen
    oil: flaxseed and coconut for treatments
    Styler: Tresemme conditioner, alone or mixed together with aloe vera gel
    Sealer: aloe vera juice
  • multicultcurlymulticultcurly Posts: 5,132Registered Users
    Can you take a photo so we know what you are working with? You can hide your face of you don't want it on the internet. Also, are you okay with curly hair or do you only prefer straight hair?

    Cutting hair super short when you really don't want to is difficult and can be painful. You need to get healthier hair care habits. Unless your hair is baby fine you may still be able yo west it straight if you choose. However, your current habits are not the way.

    Sent from my HTCEVOV4G using CurlTalk App
    3b/c, medium-coarse, low porosity, high density
    HG: Jessicurl Too Shea and Kinky Curly Curling Custard
    Shampoo: nonsulfate shampoo and Suave Naturals sulfate shampoo when needed
  • KkonzackKkonzack Posts: 8Registered Users
    I prefer straight hair. Here is a pic of my curly hair. ThAnk you in advance!
  • KkonzackKkonzack Posts: 8Registered Users
    I have no routine. I just slick my hair back so I don't have to deal with it! :(
  • multicultcurlymulticultcurly Posts: 5,132Registered Users
    Your hair looks nice and you seem to have an easy curl pattern to work with. At that length, the easiest and healthiest option would be to keep your hair curly.

    As your hair grows out, you may look into roller setting or blow dry once a week and use hot rollers until your next wash day to maintain straight hair. You also may want to see if you can find a straightener and learn how to keep chemically altered hair healthy.

    For now, see if you can tolerate the curls. Play with face framing layers. Try new makeup looks and dress in.flattering clothes. This will make you feel better.

    As far as hair care, you can try a modified version of CG. Avoid sulfates and silicones. Your hair looks to be medium texture so you probably can use a variety of products. Your hair looks very nice. But the problem seems ro be psychological so you're going to have to find ways to change how you think. You may always prefer straight hair, but that doesn't seem to be an option for you now.

    Sent from my HTCEVOV4G using CurlTalk App
    3b/c, medium-coarse, low porosity, high density
    HG: Jessicurl Too Shea and Kinky Curly Curling Custard
    Shampoo: nonsulfate shampoo and Suave Naturals sulfate shampoo when needed
  • KkonzackKkonzack Posts: 8Registered Users
    I know it's all in my head. I just don't like the feel of product in the hair, and there's no choice with curly hair! What method of straightening would you suggest if I went that direction?
  • KorkscrewKorkscrew Posts: 1,834Registered Users
    It made sense for you to give your natural hair a chance IMO, since caring for natural hair is on average far less expensive and damaging than straightening treatments and extensions - especially if you won't be using a lot of products. Also, as your hair grows and you read up on products, you'll find there are products that don't "feel producty" but still yield excellent results. You may also find that your styling choices expand as your hair grows, or as you explore hair styling options in general (like, at this site), over time.

    To wear your hair so that it looks both curly and "healthy", you quite logically cut the damaged parts off. You've already shown patience w/this major change. I think it will be important to continue to have as much patience with yourself and your hair right now as you possibly can. You might not like your natural hair at this length, but I can tell you from a personal POV: you might like or love your hair in a few months time as your hair grows.

    It might really help to set a future goal for your hair. Like, you can google images of people who have a naturally curly hair pattern that approximates your own so you can see what pretty styles or cuts you can have as your hair grows out. ... Whatever you do for now, just know your hair will probably look different in a few months time (based on your loose pattern) and you may be quite relieved you didn't go back to straightening it or extensions (which you were already sick of).
  • KauaiMareCurlKauaiMareCurl Posts: 317Registered Users
    Kkonzack wrote: »
    I prefer straight hair. Here is a pic of my curly hair. ThAnk you in advance!

    Your hair is beautiful! Fake it (while curly), until you feel it. On my days when my hair is meh (usually halfway through day three, when I look at myself in the mirror at work and wonder, "what was I thinking this morning, this is not good"), I just remind myself that I am a beautiful, fabulous woman who's having a wee bit (although it's sometimes more than a wee bit) of frizz today, but I'm still gorgeous.
  • multicultcurlymulticultcurly Posts: 5,132Registered Users
    I agree with Korkscrew that you should try for a little while to see if you like it as it grows out. Maybe set a date four months from now. If you still don't like the curls, then you can begin straightening it. Your hair seems to be very defined and shiny with little effort. What products do you currently use? You probably just need a nonsulfate shampoo, silicone free conditioner and a gel or gelly. Yes to Cucumbers or Carrots and Tresseme Naturals Moisturizing Conditioner can be bought at drugstores or Target. Not sure if you will need a leave in conditioner.

    I am not suggesting chemical straightening, but some options would probably be the Ouidad softener, Rusk anti curl or Phyto relaxer 1. If you go this route in four months, get it done professionally and do your research. Either way, you still need to learn to take care of your hair.

    Sent from my HTCEVOV4G using CurlTalk App
    3b/c, medium-coarse, low porosity, high density
    HG: Jessicurl Too Shea and Kinky Curly Curling Custard
    Shampoo: nonsulfate shampoo and Suave Naturals sulfate shampoo when needed
  • BluebloodBlueblood Posts: 1,748Registered Users
    Kkonzack wrote: »
    I have no routine. I just slick my hair back so I don't have to deal with it! :(

    If that's "slicked back" then it obviously suits you as your hair looks great.

    And as the others have said when you don't feel confident fake it.
  • Morgan_AdcockMorgan_Adcock Posts: 2,573Registered Users
    Not trying to put pressure on you to wear your hair any way other than the one you like best, but I really think your hair is beautiful.
    Peace,
    Morgan

    Baby Fine 3B, low porosity, normal density and elasticity
    CGing since July 2008
  • Firefox7275Firefox7275 Posts: 3,750Registered Users
    I think you have a lovely curl pattern and length. There are many styling products that leave hair feeling soft when fully dry, they don't all feel 'producty' by any means.

    Some practise conditioner only styling. If a commercial gel goes crunchy you just 'scrunch out the crunch'. Softer options include flaxseed gel or okra gel which are more curl definers than hard hold.

    There are many types of headbands from super thin to very wide, from absolutely plain coloured ribbon to giant flowers, I struggle to believe you don't suit any. There are also little bobby pins or clips with flowers or diamanté or other motifs on.
    2a-2c, medium texture, porous/ colour treated. Three years CG. Past bra strap length heading for waist.

    CO-wash: Inecto coconut/ Elvive Volume Collagen
    Treatments: Komaza Care Matani, coconut/ sweet almond/ fractionated coconut oils, Hairveda Sitrinillah
    Leave in: Fructis Sleek & Shine (old), Gliss Ultimate Volume, various Elvive
    Styler: Umberto Giannini jelly, Au Naturale styling gelee
    Flour sack towel, pixie diffuse or air dry.
    Experimenting with: benign neglect
  • mustangbunnymustangbunny Posts: 1,033Registered Users
    Honestly, I really hated my wavy hair the first month I went CG. I never had one good hair day. But I found a lot of inspiration in the before/after thread and that kept me going. It gets really hard sometimes to stick with it, but you'll be so glad you did when you finally have a good curly day! By all means, do what you want, it's your hair. You have to do what works best for you. But you have a beautiful curl pattern and the more you take care of your hair the better it will look!

    Hang in there!


    Low-poo: Looking for a new one.
    Condish: V05 Tea Therapy, Body Shop Banana
    Leave in: Giovanni Direct Leave In
    PT: My hair needs very little. I use Suave Naturals Coconut when I need a little bit and follow up with a moisturizing conditioner.
    Styler: Giovanni LA

    Go Red Wings!
    :hockey: