Feeling discouraged

libranessentialibranessentia Posts: 84Registered Users
Man, I've gone about 8 months into not having a relaxer. I feel great about it. My hair is actually growing back so heatlthy and thick. I think my hair is a mix of 4a and 3c. I see a couple coils, especially in the back. I'm anxious to cut all my relxed ends off so I can really see everyting because I' m tired of fighting to keep my relaxed ends curly ;like my natural hair, but anyway all i do now is wash, condition, braid, then release. I love the freedom. My boyfriend...surprisingly doesn't mind. He told me he loved me regardless how i look or wore my hair. I'm grateful to have him still in my life...but it's my mom that's starting to get to me. She basically told me that my hair is ugly. I noticed that everday she gives me this funny look and always ask me what exactly am i doing to my hair and if I feel embarassed or selfconscious about the way that i look. I tell her no, but when i hear it from her all the time on an everyday basis...it's starting to get to that point. Right now my hair is wavy because of my braids...my mom just looks at it like it's the most ugliest thing that she's ever seen. She is so use to my hair always being stright that it's all she wants to see me as...not natural. All i hear from her is "you might as well cut it all off and look like a little boy since you're trying to go natural." She makes me feel like i'm making a mistake and that I'm ugly right now. I want to keep my natural hair, but I want her to accept the way that God and herself made me. I'm not going to damage my hair anymore with those chemicals and I don't understand why she continues to use them when her hair is thinning out from using it. Even my sis's hair hasn't grown any since she's been relaxing. I've grown so much hair so fast with out using the chemicals to "stretch" out my growth. I'm trying to get her to see that, but all she see is nappy and ugly. So I don't know. I'm strong enough to go through it...but I'm so tired of the negativity that my own mom displays towards me. :(
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Comments

  • mariag002mariag002 Posts: 3,557Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    :(
    First I have to say I'm sorry that you're going through this. Its always especially hard when your own family is trying to sabotage you. I don't know your mom or what type of relationship you have with her, but I would say don't yell at her because that won't make her see things your way. Tell her that you love the way God made you and that its too bad she won't accept the fact that she doesn't have to have caucasian hair to be beautiful. I'm a black hispanic and my mom is a white hispanic with straight hair, she doesn't understand either and she keeps looking at me like what the heck are you doing. I had beautiful, long, thick, curly hair down to my butt when I was a child. She got a hold of me and my hair wasn't shoulder length. I actually loved my hair and I feel like I have the right to love my hair, even if nobody else does. Stand up for yourself. Like I've said before, God only knows what that stuff does to our brains after so many years. Ignore her and just tell her that its something you're doing for yourself, not necessarily anything you're doing for her. She'll back off eventually. As far as your younger sister, who knows maybe she'll follow your lead. :D
    - Maria

    Big Chop: 9/23/07
    Relaxer free for almost 5 years!

  • SmallFrySmallFry Posts: 614Registered Users
    Very well said, mariag002; I agree with you!
    libranessentia, I'm so sorry you have to go thru this. And I know how you feel when you are trying to follow thru with transitioning but have put up with frequent negativity. I have to deal with this at work. But just keep your head up and stay strong. Look at all the progress you have made. :D 8 Months! Mom will just have to come around on her own. She'll see, maybe not tomorrow but in her own time. Untill then, keep doing your thing. Don't you even think about another relaxer :wink: , you are strong, better than that. Keep your eyes on the prize! No one said it was gonna be an easy road but we're here for you.
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  • travelgirltravelgirl Posts: 71Registered Users
    libranessentia:

    Congratulations on your transition. I know that it can be hard-my mom was really against me going natural as well. I've now been natural for 2 years and recently she finally did tell me that she liked my hair and it looked good on me. So there is hope that your mom may actually come around as well.

    So, whenever, you feel down and you need support there are so many people who will be there for you to encourage you. This site and many of the people on it encouraged me over the past two years.
    BC: 03/26/05
    CW and no oil
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  • eccentric_kurlzeccentric_kurlz Posts: 4,151Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    Unfortunately, your mom is from the school of thought where natural(be it curly, wavy, kinky, etc.)= bad.

    Don't look for that love and acceptance from her, though I know you want her to see that you love your natural hair, because you'll be waiting a LONG time for that. Women have been brainwashed into thinking that we must meet someone else's ideal of what beauty empcompasses.

    Be happy with your progress! It's hard transitioning, so don't be discouraged because one person has a problem with it(even though it is your mom). There are going to be ALOT of things that ALOT of people are going to have a problem with. Don't let them discourage you.

    At the end of the day, it's about what makes YOU happy. If you're happy, then that's all that matters, and I think it's wonderful that you BF is being so supportive. :) And you have the ladies here to give you support.
    A wonderful mix of coils, curls, corkscrews, and kinks.

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  • mariag002mariag002 Posts: 3,557Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    I'm not sure where the perception that straight is beautiful starts. I sure didn't pass it on to my daughters, but my baby learned it from somewhere. :(

    My 8 yr old daughter came crying to me one day because "its not fair that Amy has long, blonde straight hair and my hair is so curly" Amy is her best friend from school, and yes her hair is absolutely gorgeous. I told my daughter "..Yes Amy has beautiful hair, but guess what? Your hair is absolutely beautiful too. You can wear it curly or blow dry it straight." The funny thing is her friend Amy is always playing with my daughter's hair and saying how beautiful it is. My daughter's hair is dry down to her bra strap (if she actually wore a bra LOL) and wet its past her hips. I told her I'd chop it off and wear it myself, I'd kill for hair like that LOL :lol:
    - Maria

    Big Chop: 9/23/07
    Relaxer free for almost 5 years!

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