My natural hair just doesn't feel sexy...

Tel8Tel8 Registered Users Posts: 5

I've not had a relaxer for two years, and spent 17 months of that time transitioning fiercely because I just couldn't wait to be natural. Fast forward 8 months.

I do not feel sexy.

My hair would be mid-back length straightened, is healthy, curly and cute, but it just isn't sexy. I look like a kid. I'm 23. I don't want to look like a mop. It's a lot less adorable on me than on a ten year old. So what can I do? I've been fixed on straightening it for a while now, but I'm worried about heat damage. I've worked really hard to keep my hair healthy since I stopped relaxing, so I don't want to throw all that away over something as stupid as this. It's just... I don't have a boyfriend, and I feel really conspicuous when I'm out in public because I look so... "natural". I live in London if it helps. You know, the place where pretty black girls have weave down to their bum. A shoulder length tightly curled 'fro just isn't all that cute here. At least, not on me.
4A, super thick, fine edges - low maintenance

2.5 years natural (no way... really?) and loving every tangled, tousled, fuzzy edged, frizzy, curly, coily minute of it!:occasion9:

My Fotki Natural hair journey:

My YouTube:


  • sixelamysixelamy Registered Users Posts: 4,157 Curl Novice
    I was there, and still kind of am. After straightening for so long, because it's the "norm", being curly is quite different. I love my curls, but I don't know if they look good on me. I don't seem to get very positive responses, because I've straightened for so long and everybody loves it straight. I guess this is where your inner self and confidence comes into play. You could try playing around with some different hair styles. I find browsing youtube for some simple updos for shorter hair help. Nothing will really "fix" your mind since you've done pretty much a 180 with your hair. Embrace it and accept it for what it is.
    2c-3a - med-coarse - normal-high porosity - high density
    NP/LP: CJ Daily Fix, KMF Whenever / Giovanni TTTT
    RO/LI: Aussie Moist, CJ Argan & Olive Oil, Hask Keratin Protein
    DC/PROTEIN: KC Stellar Strands / CNPF
    STYLER: CJ Curl Queen
    COLOR: henna, amla & indigo
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  • BluebloodBlueblood Registered Users Posts: 1,748 Curl Neophyte
    Tel8 wrote: »

    I do not feel sexy.

    The issue is your self confidence NOT your hair.

    If you walk around thinking your not great no-one else will think you are great.

    Guys like 'fros because they can put their hands in it.
  • adthomasadthomas Registered Users Posts: 5,525 Curl Neophyte
    I personally don't like really long weaves. especially ones that are blaring obvious weaves like the ones with the unnatural looking front hairline. got me like :confused: I don't understand how anyone thinks that looks good But that's just me. Everyone has different taste and maybe curly hair isn't yours.

    I get the opposite.. People always tell me they prefer my hair curly especially guys.
    Yes, it's real. No, you can't touch it. :wav:
  • gagirl09gagirl09 Registered Users Posts: 2,316
    1. Work on your self confidence. Easiest way: fake it until you make. Srlsy this works.

    2. I can relate to the looking kiddie comment. When I wear my hair in a WNG I have a mop of curly hair on my head. I don't wear in WNGs all the time. I primarily wear my hair stretched( braid outs) out so I look "like a woman" because I feel I look kiddie with the WNG. OR I pineapple my WNG until I have a fluffy curly fro. Anywayz look at hairstyles on YT to get more ideas on how to wear your hair more mature.
    Last relaxer: Nov. 24, 2008
    BC: December 19, 2009
    Products: Whatever works!
  • KorkscrewKorkscrew Registered Users Posts: 1,834 Curl Neophyte
    The whole straight-haired thing is a trap IMO because, okay let's say you go straight and - maybe because you're more confident - you attract more men. Alright, but then there's also a fair chance one or more of the guys you end up with will be rejecting of your natural hair at some point because he expected you to stick with some slightly Eurocentric version of yourself. But the guy who will accept you in all your beautiful, natural glory ... now HE is a keeper :D ... My husband met me when I was curly, and I'm happy that's the case. I knew some guys would always be put off by curls, but then those weren't the ones I was interested in dating.

    You read stories in various natural hair forums about women who wore their hair a certain way to attract men, and then did (what he perceived as ... ) a bait-n-switch by going natural and it created a problem in the r-ship and undermined her self-esteem :angry3: Because even if she "gets her way" and wears her hair natural despite his protests, she's still left with that feeling of rejection. I KNOW I would feel plenty hurt by that.

    Anyway, congrats for all the effort you've put into your journey. I agree with others that there are styles you could explore. Maybe there are fellow curlies in person or online to help give you encouragement. Maybe you have hair idols whose pics you can revisit too. Please don't give up just yet. Coily/curly/wavy hair is sexy as HELL :occasion5:

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