CurlTalk

I hit my boyfriend

virginbluevirginblue Posts: 194Registered Users
I. Feel. Awful. I got really drunk, got mad at my boyfriend and hit him. More like pushed him, but it was still way out of line. I was out of control. I've texted him since saying that he doesn't deserve to be treated that way and I don't deserve to be with him. He hasn't responded and I'm trying to come to terms with the possibility that he may not want to be together anymore. I have a history of violence when I drink and am going to court this month for an assault and battery on a police officer charge. I have been in rehab for my alcoholism before and have relapsed a few times. My boyfriend knows I have a problem and is very adamant about me staying sober. I feel like a terrible person and even if he does forgive me, I'm not sure that I can forgive myself. I feel like it's a cop out to purely blame my drunkenness on the incident. I must be an angry and cruel person deep down. I feel lost without him. I know I shouldn't incessantly text or call him, but not hearing from him makes me very sad. I already miss him. I know some of the responses will say that I am an abuser, will always be an abuser and that I should be arrested. I can't say I necessarily disagree. Be harsh. I can't get much lower than this.
2b//high porosity//fine texture//medium density//low elasticity//loves protein
Lo-poo: SMMR, SMC&S
Clarifying: VO5 shampoos
Co-wash: VO5 conditioners
RO: VO5 conditioners
Styling: AIF, FSG, gelatin gel, ecostyler krystal
PT: IAGirl's gelatin treatment

Comments

  • CurlyInTheFogCurlyInTheFog Posts: 876Registered Users
    My and my husband's best friend from college drank himself to death at the age of 36. He was a brilliant, funny, sweet guy, but he alienated all his friends and died alone of a seizure. If you don't feel that you've hit bottom enough to turn your life around, please think about how much worse it can get. If your BF is done with you, maybe it will be enough of a wake up call for you. I hope you make it this time.
    3a/b, F, normal porosity

    Suave conditioner, LAL gel
  • BluebloodBlueblood Posts: 1,748Registered Users
    Virginblue at no point in your post have you admitted you are an alcoholic.

    You need to sort yourself out before chasing after someone else.

    And yes I know a few alcoholics who are sober and its not been easy for them.
  • PoPo Posts: 2,607Registered Users
    I'm sorry you're going through this. Addiction is a horrible disease, but don't give up on getting sooner! What triggered this last relapse? How old are you?

    FYI, you need to stop incessantly calling and texting him. It's annoying and it makes you seem insincere. Let him be so he can decide what he wants to do. I know that sounds harsh, but it's true.
    3c/4a
  • The New BlackThe New Black Posts: 16,738Registered Users
    Blueblood wrote: »
    Virginblue at no point in your post have you admitted you are an alcoholic.

    You need to sort yourself out before chasing after someone else.

    And yes I know a few alcoholics who are sober and its not been easy for them.
    Yes she did.
    montage-3.gif No MAS.

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  • spiderlashes5000spiderlashes5000 Posts: 17,495Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    What kind of feedback do you want from us? You already know what the problem is and the solution: STOP DRINKING. If you need in-patient treatment, 12 step, psychiatric counseling, support groups, whatever to keep you away from your drink, do them. If you are a believer, pray for strength. I will say a prayer for you, too.

    We're not here to bash you. Well, most of us aren't. Feel free to vent whenever you want.

    Not sure what to say about the bf. Maybe he will forgive you, maybe he won't. If he doesn't, there will surely be someone else. Right now your priority needs to be getting well.

  • claudine191claudine191 Posts: 8,220Registered Users
    I'm not going to be hard on you. You're torturing yourself already.

    Get yourself to an A.A. meeting asap. Leave the boyfriend alone. And let us know how you're doing.

    I believe you can make it through this. Have faith.
  • LotsawavesLotsawaves Posts: 8,660Registered Users
    You say you have been in rehab. Were you in any program/s when you got out of rehab? AA?
    From Michael Berg:

    Every person has a unique connection to the Creator that can never be extinguished, and every person has a great soul that can manifest important things in our world. To make a person feel less than they are because of something inside themselves, be it faith, race, or sexual orientation, is the greatest sin of all."
  • virginbluevirginblue Posts: 194Registered Users
    Po wrote: »
    I'm sorry you're going through this. Addiction is a horrible disease, but don't give up on getting sooner! What triggered this last relapse? How old are you?

    FYI, you need to stop incessantly calling and texting him. It's annoying and it makes you seem insincere. Let him be so he can decide what he wants to do. I know that sounds harsh, but it's true.

    I was hanging out with an old drinking buddy. I pretty much set myself up for failure. I'm 25. I started drinking in my teens and was physically dependent by the time I was 20. I didn't make it very clear in my post but I have only texted my boyfriend once. I have been refraining from contacting him any further.
    2b//high porosity//fine texture//medium density//low elasticity//loves protein
    Lo-poo: SMMR, SMC&S
    Clarifying: VO5 shampoos
    Co-wash: VO5 conditioners
    RO: VO5 conditioners
    Styling: AIF, FSG, gelatin gel, ecostyler krystal
    PT: IAGirl's gelatin treatment
  • virginbluevirginblue Posts: 194Registered Users
    What kind of feedback do you want from us? You already know what the problem is and the solution: STOP DRINKING.

    Of course I already know this. Even with treatment, I still find it very hard to stay sober. Also I know I only used a part of your original post and you wished me well, so I do appreciate that.
    2b//high porosity//fine texture//medium density//low elasticity//loves protein
    Lo-poo: SMMR, SMC&S
    Clarifying: VO5 shampoos
    Co-wash: VO5 conditioners
    RO: VO5 conditioners
    Styling: AIF, FSG, gelatin gel, ecostyler krystal
    PT: IAGirl's gelatin treatment
  • virginbluevirginblue Posts: 194Registered Users
    Lotsawaves wrote: »
    You say you have been in rehab. Were you in any program/s when you got out of rehab? AA?

    No. I didn't try very hard to seek treatment after rehab. Also, sorry for the multiple posts. Idk how to multi quote on mobile.
    2b//high porosity//fine texture//medium density//low elasticity//loves protein
    Lo-poo: SMMR, SMC&S
    Clarifying: VO5 shampoos
    Co-wash: VO5 conditioners
    RO: VO5 conditioners
    Styling: AIF, FSG, gelatin gel, ecostyler krystal
    PT: IAGirl's gelatin treatment
  • scrillsscrills Posts: 6,700Registered Users
    no worries, I'm not sure you can multi-quote on the phone.

    I agree with Claudine and some of the others. There is no need for me to harsh, you already doing that to yourself.

    Let's focus on where we go from here. Let's come up with a plan. Start envisioning yourself as a former alcoholic. let's find a support group.

    And first, just allow yourself a good cry. Let go of some of the pain.

    Was there something that started you on this path? It would be good to address the root cause.
  • curlypearlcurlypearl Posts: 11,970Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    I am having trouble "liking" posts, but Scrills, I really like and agree with your approach.

    ETA: Virginblue, you have 2 problems. (1) the drinking and (2) the hitting. You may only hit when you are drinking but it is still a separate problem. I hope you receive the care and treatment that you need and I hope that sounds sincere and not condescending. You are carrying a huge load.
    2/c Coarse hair med. density.
    Highly porous. Color over grey.
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  • SaMmIe10SaMmIe10 Posts: 243Registered Users
    I'm not sure where you are from, but if you google AA meetings you can find loads of 12 step meetings in your area by going to their website. There honestly are meetings every day of the week. Having support from people who have been there can be a huge positive help.

    I hope you find something that helps you. We aren't here to judge you, as I'm sure we all have done things we regret. I hope you are doing ok.
    Hair Type: Combo of 2A, 2B and 2C ... with a weird straight underlayer :dontknow:
    Fine, normal porosity, normal elasticity.

    Currently using:
    Low Poo: Yes To Cucumbers Color Protection Shampoo
    Cowash: VO5 Moisture Milks
    Styler: KCCC
    Gel: Herbal Essences Totally Twisted Gel, Tigi Bed Head Creative Genius gel

    Started CG 9/10/13
  • SaMmIe10SaMmIe10 Posts: 243Registered Users
    Hair Type: Combo of 2A, 2B and 2C ... with a weird straight underlayer :dontknow:
    Fine, normal porosity, normal elasticity.

    Currently using:
    Low Poo: Yes To Cucumbers Color Protection Shampoo
    Cowash: VO5 Moisture Milks
    Styler: KCCC
    Gel: Herbal Essences Totally Twisted Gel, Tigi Bed Head Creative Genius gel

    Started CG 9/10/13
  • LotsawavesLotsawaves Posts: 8,660Registered Users
    I hope you are doing well. You haven't been posting. You know, you will seek help when YOU are ready. No one else can determine that for you. As far as the bf. Maybe you weren't ready for a relationship right now. Keep us posted. We do care and are here for you.
    From Michael Berg:

    Every person has a unique connection to the Creator that can never be extinguished, and every person has a great soul that can manifest important things in our world. To make a person feel less than they are because of something inside themselves, be it faith, race, or sexual orientation, is the greatest sin of all."
  • virginbluevirginblue Posts: 194Registered Users
    The replies have been helpful. Thanks, Lotsawaves. I've just been dealing with a lot of stress ATM. My bf is coming over tonight to see me for the first time since the incident. I'm not sure how it's going to pan out but I guess I'm prepared for whatever. I'm seeking help but am not terribly optimistic. I've been in therapy on and off since I was in junior high and nothing helps much. All of my therapists agree that I am mistrustful, have trouble establishing rapport, have poor insight and have a limited willingness to change. So...not the best therapy candidate. I'm opting for group therapy but the drug/alcohol center in my town is designed mostly for the unemployed. I work regular business hours and I'm still waiting for a call back. This is all probably more info than is necessary or relevant. Just nervous, I guess.
    2b//high porosity//fine texture//medium density//low elasticity//loves protein
    Lo-poo: SMMR, SMC&S
    Clarifying: VO5 shampoos
    Co-wash: VO5 conditioners
    RO: VO5 conditioners
    Styling: AIF, FSG, gelatin gel, ecostyler krystal
    PT: IAGirl's gelatin treatment
  • scrillsscrills Posts: 6,700Registered Users
    (maybe it's because I've been talking to my friend who is travelling around europe and S. America right now at yoga retreats, etc., but....)

    It is good to admit your faults. That is part of the process. but don't focus on them so much that you feel helpless. Allow yourself to appreciate your successes. Focus on one thing at a time. Find a therapist that makes you feel more optimistic about your future. Find instances where you have, for example, established rapport or trust and build from there.
  • LotsawavesLotsawaves Posts: 8,660Registered Users
    virginblue wrote: »
    The replies have been helpful. Thanks, Lotsawaves. I've just been dealing with a lot of stress ATM. My bf is coming over tonight to see me for the first time since the incident. I'm not sure how it's going to pan out but I guess I'm prepared for whatever. I'm seeking help but am not terribly optimistic. I've been in therapy on and off since I was in junior high and nothing helps much. All of my therapists agree that I am mistrustful, have trouble establishing rapport, have poor insight and have a limited willingness to change. So...not the best therapy candidate. I'm opting for group therapy but the drug/alcohol center in my town is designed mostly for the unemployed. I work regular business hours and I'm still waiting for a call back. This is all probably more info than is necessary or relevant. Just nervous, I guess.

    Just get help. You need to think about you right now. Some jobs will allow for you to take time off for problems like this. Your insurance, if you have it, should pay for it. It's OK to feel nervous. We are all here to help you thru this. No one will judge you.
    From Michael Berg:

    Every person has a unique connection to the Creator that can never be extinguished, and every person has a great soul that can manifest important things in our world. To make a person feel less than they are because of something inside themselves, be it faith, race, or sexual orientation, is the greatest sin of all."