What's the most important thing you can give your child
munchkin
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I was thinking about this a while ago. I know what I thought so I asked my husband "what is the most important thing you can give a child" and surprisingly he said the same thing I was thinking. . . an education.
I (we) feel this way because I have some people in my family who "love" their children. That's all they talk about how much they love them. These same people have never stressed an education to their children. Education was never important to them. Some of them grew up and dropped out of high school. The parents didn't seem to think this was wrong. These "kids" now can't get jobs, can't keep jobs, can't support their kids (who they seem to have with several different women or men). BUT they love them.
Please as a parent stress the importance of education to your children, especially in this high technology world we have today. Make them stay in school. Some day you will be gone. All that love you gave them isn't going to provide for them and their families if they have no education or training to go along with it.
I (we) feel this way because I have some people in my family who "love" their children. That's all they talk about how much they love them. These same people have never stressed an education to their children. Education was never important to them. Some of them grew up and dropped out of high school. The parents didn't seem to think this was wrong. These "kids" now can't get jobs, can't keep jobs, can't support their kids (who they seem to have with several different women or men). BUT they love them.
Please as a parent stress the importance of education to your children, especially in this high technology world we have today. Make them stay in school. Some day you will be gone. All that love you gave them isn't going to provide for them and their families if they have no education or training to go along with it.
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You have no idea what it has cost me to have such low self esteem. I have education, lots of it. My parents never pushed me to do anything beyond just going to school. I stayed at a long time at a job that was below my skill level because I didn't have enough courage to change.
I also agree with the parents that just "love" their kids. Yeah, they love them but also give them no tools to succeed. Don't get me started on that one...
How about teaching our kids that their actions have a consequence? Going to school and doing well results in a higher paying job... breaking the law results in going to jail and not being able to get a job.
I am educated and I enrich and encourage and love my children every day. But above all I discipline. I explaine what the consequence will be when they misbehave and above all I follow through. Sometimes this is really difficult. I really want to give my 4 year old a lollipop becuase he will stop crying but I already told him if he hit his sister again I was taking it away. Many parents threaten but don't follow through.
If they don't respect authority they won't do well in school and will not do well overall in life. When they get older yes teach them when its appropriate to challenge authority. People who challenge authority become leaders of course but you have to be smart about it. For example... arguing with your college professor is likely to wind you up with a bad grade and damage your GPA. I learned that one the hard way!
Great article! Thanks
I agree with the article. I wasn't sure if it were only me, but it does seem that many parents no longer want to take the responsibility to discipline their kids, and then they are genuinely surprised when their kids do something horrible or has no manners.
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I think self esteem/healthy body image is a huge deal.
I agree with you here. College and higher education isn't for everyone. Each person has their strengths and in the case of someone who doesnt do well with standard education I think that learning a trade is important. We need to play to their strenghts and even those with disabilities should learn to be proud of what they CAN do and not feel failures for what they can't. We love our children so we want what's best for them and a college education may not be best for everyone.
I think this pretty much sums it up. We discipline because we love them and want them to do what's right. We stress education becuase we want them to succeed because we love them.
We are nothing without love
Yes, I think love is necessary for healthy self esteem.
Not trying to minimize the importance of education; but I personally don't know anyone (socially) who hasn't completed high school. So in my little world, a high school diploma is a given. I used to think a college degree and maybe even an advanced degree were all but necessities. But now I see that ppl w/o them can do well...especially if they are White.
That said, with manufacturing and other jobs being lost in this country, a college education is necessary in many cases. I graduated from high school in 1968. At that time, you could get a good office job with just a high school diploma. The job I retired from after 43 years with only a high school diploma (Administrative Assistant) now requires at least an Associate's Degree. The same with my husband's position. He was only a high school graduate and worked his way up the ladder in the computer field to the position of Director in his company. When he retired, if you didn't have a college degree, you wouldn't have been hired for his position either.
Sometimes we forget college isn't for everyone. If I had a child with disabilities, I would not be stressing good grades either. I would be trying to figure out what he/she is good at and trying to channel/encourage that direction. You are doing that already, that's they key.
MY bf doesn't have a college degree but he has always made good money. He does have a very broad skill set, something rare, I think.
I always joke with him that he has those jobs because he is male and white. He is all about work so he is well aware that if he gets laid off/unemployed he will be competing with the same skill set that has a college degree. So I think that makes him push himself harder at work.
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"To much is given, much is expected"
I think in another time, and definitely another place, education would be a great answer. However, given the current state of our schools, I just don't think it is the best answer. Maybe when we under go massive school reform that will be the best thing we can give our kids. Maybe that is the answer if you can afford the best school, but that makes it about money being the gift.
Sometimes, kids hate school. Usually because they are struggling in some way. And that is in no way the parents fault. Personally, I feel getting all As is entirely overrated. When was the last time you were asked about your grades?
Compassion. Kindness. Empathy. These are things I want to see everyone pass along to children.
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I do want to say hand in hand with this you need to support your child with love, confidence, and self esteem.
I didn't mean to imply you thought kids had to get all As. Unfortunately, even though they may try to hide it, that is what the school system is stressing these days. Our county just revamped their grading system so more people will be getting As.
Unfortunately, many people graduate without knowing how to count change. Cash is not used as often as it once was and it is super easy to get a phone to do the calculations.
I think kids are missing out on a lot of things due to the ridiculous amount testing forced on the schools now.
Also, I think sometimes adults just will not be able to impress upon certain kids how important education really is. School can be such a miserable stressful place for way too many kids. Hopefully, it is something the kids will realize as adults. Like you said, we do need keep educating to move forward.
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Being smart and hardworking means nothing if you don't believe in yourself and your abilities to accomplish your goals.
Explanation by the tongue makes most things clear, but love unexplained is clearer. ~ Rumi
Then, after that, I think I'd add things like education, life planning and goal setting skills, and so on.
Wow, I would have though Amish ppl would be better at that than nonAmish bc they would have relied on electronic cash registers and calulators a lot less.
I love this. So very true
Just playing devil's advocate here but what if you were kind of a crappy person? Would all the time spent be more harmful or more beneficial? Would some children be better off for not having spent time with or even known a bad parent?
No children here, but I am always interested in these topics. I like to do a great deal of side reading on different child rearing movements and methods being used in schools and home throughout the years.
I completely agree with discipline, responsibility and accountability being major things to teach your children, and also being sincerely lacking in todays society.
While I understand the importance of confidence and self esteem, I have to say I loathe the self esteem movement. My generation (X, aka the latch key kid generation) was studied and seen as children who lacked self esteem and needed help. The self esteem movement was slowly and slightly introduced to the end of my generation (my part) and those younger than me were absolutely hammered with it. Even the major promoters (social psychologists and self proclaimed child experts) of this movement (experiment), who once sang it's praises from the roof top, are now back tracking and apologizing for the lack of research and thought. Too much emphasis has been put on the child's self esteem and too little on their actual performance, ability and character. It has actually created many young adults who have a very poor, and false, sense of self esteem and confidence and some unrealistic expectations in the world. There has to be a real balance there or it all fails miserably.
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Just to further a bit more... It really is a strange and heavy handed approach in schools. Several children come out of the gate with a pretty healthy sense of self esteem and confidence. Several have parents who do a pretty good job on their own. Instilling more and more can take it to an absurd and delusional level. Then there are some who have none and need help. It's not one size fits all. It's one of those things that I think people can help a child build, but only by honest feed back. Really, everyone has their ups and knock down with it. That's life and that's natural, and not all can be taught by someone else. You need moments where you don't feel as confident or sure so you can work harder and do better.
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Yes, definitely. Bad doesn't necessarily mean absentee or neglectful.
There are plenty of very devoted parents, even stay at home parents, who just aren't of good character or who aren't good w/ kids or who have issues.
A good friend of mine was raised by a single mother who had/has mild schizophrenia and had been abused as a child...so she continued the cycle of abuse. The mother loved her kids but wasn't able to care for them properly IMO. (Not saying my friend's mother was "kind of a crappy person:" she was sick. But there are plenty of other ppl who spend time w/ their kids who just aren't the greatest ppl -- involved in crime, overly critical, dirty, high strung, immature, whatever.