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What's the most important thing you can give your child

munchkinmunchkin Posts: 2,909Registered Users
I was thinking about this a while ago. I know what I thought so I asked my husband "what is the most important thing you can give a child" and surprisingly he said the same thing I was thinking. . . an education.

I (we) feel this way because I have some people in my family who "love" their children. That's all they talk about how much they love them. These same people have never stressed an education to their children. Education was never important to them. Some of them grew up and dropped out of high school. The parents didn't seem to think this was wrong. These "kids" now can't get jobs, can't keep jobs, can't support their kids (who they seem to have with several different women or men). BUT they love them.

Please as a parent stress the importance of education to your children, especially in this high technology world we have today. Make them stay in school. Some day you will be gone. All that love you gave them isn't going to provide for them and their families if they have no education or training to go along with it.
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Comments

  • violetsviolets Posts: 1,689Registered Users
    I couldn't agree more. I take it a bit further, not just education but self esteem as well and teach them to be a bit of a go-getter. Too many people have education but the ones that stand out are the ones that go a bit beyond that.

    You have no idea what it has cost me to have such low self esteem. I have education, lots of it. My parents never pushed me to do anything beyond just going to school. I stayed at a long time at a job that was below my skill level because I didn't have enough courage to change.

    I also agree with the parents that just "love" their kids. Yeah, they love them but also give them no tools to succeed. Don't get me started on that one...
  • anonymous_150263anonymous_150263 Posts: 773Registered Users
    Discipline. Highly lacking in our society today.
  • anonymous_150263anonymous_150263 Posts: 773Registered Users
    To elaborate.... even the issue with education stems from a lack of respect for authority. From things like kids not listening to teachers and no backup discipline at home. Parents yelling at teachers because their child got disciplined.. to adults blaming the cops because they got pulled over or got caught trafficking drugs or whatever. Ask a person who can't get a job because of their criminal history, but its never their fault, there's always an excuse.

    How about teaching our kids that their actions have a consequence? Going to school and doing well results in a higher paying job... breaking the law results in going to jail and not being able to get a job.

    I am educated and I enrich and encourage and love my children every day. But above all I discipline. I explaine what the consequence will be when they misbehave and above all I follow through. Sometimes this is really difficult. I really want to give my 4 year old a lollipop becuase he will stop crying but I already told him if he hit his sister again I was taking it away. Many parents threaten but don't follow through.

    If they don't respect authority they won't do well in school and will not do well overall in life. When they get older yes teach them when its appropriate to challenge authority. People who challenge authority become leaders of course but you have to be smart about it. For example... arguing with your college professor is likely to wind you up with a bad grade and damage your GPA. I learned that one the hard way!
  • sarah42sarah42 Posts: 4,034Registered Users
    I agree with teaching children responsibility and accountability for their choices. I read this column today that really speaks to this issue: Opinion: Negligent parents, lawbreaking kids - CNN.com
    ehLB.jpg
  • anonymous_150263anonymous_150263 Posts: 773Registered Users
    sarah42 wrote: »
    I agree with teaching children responsibility and accountability for their choices. I read this column today that really speaks to this issue: Opinion: Negligent parents, lawbreaking kids - CNN.com

    Great article! Thanks
  • multicultcurlymulticultcurly Posts: 5,132Registered Users
    sarah42 wrote: »
    I agree with teaching children responsibility and accountability for their choices. I read this column today that really speaks to this issue: Opinion: Negligent parents, lawbreaking kids - CNN.com

    I agree with the article. I wasn't sure if it were only me, but it does seem that many parents no longer want to take the responsibility to discipline their kids, and then they are genuinely surprised when their kids do something horrible or has no manners.

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  • WintaWinta Posts: 24Registered Users
    I'd still go with love, but love has a lot of aspects to it. For instance you love your child so you want the best for them in the future which means you want them to be educated. And, you love them so you want them to be good people, so they need structure, discipline and guidance. It's too complicated to give it just one word.
  • Jess the MessJess the Mess Posts: 5,844Registered Users
    While I agree that education is a huge thing I have to take a step back at this point. I have a son who has serious problems in school. Because he is borderline on disabilities he can receive no more help than he's getting even though he needs it. We have had to stop stressing getting great grades and start stressing try your hardest and we'll be proud. This might sound horrible but I don't see college in his future. Giving him other outlets that he excels in has been a huge help.

    I think self esteem/healthy body image is a huge deal.
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  • anonymous_150263anonymous_150263 Posts: 773Registered Users
    While I agree that education is a huge thing I have to take a step back at this point. I have a son who has serious problems in school. Because he is borderline on disabilities he can receive no more help than he's getting even though he needs it. We have had to stop stressing getting great grades and start stressing try your hardest and we'll be proud. This might sound horrible but I don't see college in his future. Giving him other outlets that he excels in has been a huge help.

    I think self esteem/healthy body image is a huge deal.

    I agree with you here. College and higher education isn't for everyone. Each person has their strengths and in the case of someone who doesnt do well with standard education I think that learning a trade is important. We need to play to their strenghts and even those with disabilities should learn to be proud of what they CAN do and not feel failures for what they can't. We love our children so we want what's best for them and a college education may not be best for everyone.








    Winta wrote: »
    I'd still go with love, but love has a lot of aspects to it. For instance you love your child so you want the best for them in the future which means you want them to be educated. And, you love them so you want them to be good people, so they need structure, discipline and guidance. It's too complicated to give it just one word.


    I think this pretty much sums it up. We discipline because we love them and want them to do what's right. We stress education becuase we want them to succeed because we love them.

    We are nothing without love
  • spiderlashes5000spiderlashes5000 Posts: 17,495Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    I agree w/ a healthy self esteem and a lot of confidence. Formal education can do a lot but nowadays more than 30% of the population has a college degree. And not all of those ppl are successful or content w/ the direction their lives are taking. A lot of educated ppl are in dead end jobs, in financial distress, in bad relationships, struggling w preventable emotional issues, etc.

    Yes, I think love is necessary for healthy self esteem.

    Not trying to minimize the importance of education; but I personally don't know anyone (socially) who hasn't completed high school. So in my little world, a high school diploma is a given. I used to think a college degree and maybe even an advanced degree were all but necessities. But now I see that ppl w/o them can do well...especially if they are White.

  • munchkinmunchkin Posts: 2,909Registered Users
    I realize higher education after high school isn't for everyone. I am basically talking about kids who drop out of high school. The dropout rates keep getting higher each year.

    That said, with manufacturing and other jobs being lost in this country, a college education is necessary in many cases. I graduated from high school in 1968. At that time, you could get a good office job with just a high school diploma. The job I retired from after 43 years with only a high school diploma (Administrative Assistant) now requires at least an Associate's Degree. The same with my husband's position. He was only a high school graduate and worked his way up the ladder in the computer field to the position of Director in his company. When he retired, if you didn't have a college degree, you wouldn't have been hired for his position either.
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  • violetsviolets Posts: 1,689Registered Users
    While I agree that education is a huge thing I have to take a step back at this point. I have a son who has serious problems in school. Because he is borderline on disabilities he can receive no more help than he's getting even though he needs it. We have had to stop stressing getting great grades and start stressing try your hardest and we'll be proud. This might sound horrible but I don't see college in his future. Giving him other outlets that he excels in has been a huge help.

    I think self esteem/healthy body image is a huge deal.

    Sometimes we forget college isn't for everyone. If I had a child with disabilities, I would not be stressing good grades either. I would be trying to figure out what he/she is good at and trying to channel/encourage that direction. You are doing that already, that's they key.
  • violetsviolets Posts: 1,689Registered Users
    I agree w/ a healthy self esteem and a lot of confidence. Formal education can do a lot but nowadays more than 30% of the population has a college degree. And not all of those ppl are successful or content w/ the direction their lives are taking. A lot of educated ppl are in dead end jobs, in financial distress, in bad relationships, struggling w preventable emotional issues, etc.

    Yes, I think love is necessary for healthy self esteem.

    Not trying to minimize the importance of education; but I personally don't know anyone (socially) who hasn't completed high school. So in my little world, a high school diploma is a given. I used to think a college degree and maybe even an advanced degree were all but necessities. But now I see that ppl w/o them can do well...especially if they are White.


    MY bf doesn't have a college degree but he has always made good money. He does have a very broad skill set, something rare, I think.
    I always joke with him that he has those jobs because he is male and white. He is all about work so he is well aware that if he gets laid off/unemployed he will be competing with the same skill set that has a college degree. So I think that makes him push himself harder at work.
  • NvmbrCurlssNvmbrCurlss Posts: 732Registered Users
    The best thing I can give my children (#2 is on its way!), is a positive model to follow. I'm a caseworker and I agree each kid needs something different, I agree an education is key but not the be all and I see kids everyday just as lost as the folks raising them. My husband and I try hard to set THE example:) We remain as available as we can to set THE example.
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  • ruralcurlsruralcurls Posts: 2,574Registered Users
    Great question.

    I think in another time, and definitely another place, education would be a great answer. However, given the current state of our schools, I just don't think it is the best answer. Maybe when we under go massive school reform that will be the best thing we can give our kids. Maybe that is the answer if you can afford the best school, but that makes it about money being the gift.

    Sometimes, kids hate school. Usually because they are struggling in some way. And that is in no way the parents fault. Personally, I feel getting all As is entirely overrated. When was the last time you were asked about your grades?

    Compassion. Kindness. Empathy. These are things I want to see everyone pass along to children.

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  • asugirlasugirl Posts: 937Registered Users
    There's a lot of stuff I want to give my daughter, but I keep learning that first and foremost, it's love. Education is also at the top of the list, so is confidence and experience. But every time I concentrate too hard on one - right now it's maintaining GPA to optimize scholarship potential :) - I stress the both of us out and we're at odds. All of that does not matter unless our kids feel happy, motivated, and loved. Sometimes I have to stop the argument and just give her a hug and tell her I love her.

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  • munchkinmunchkin Posts: 2,909Registered Users
    I never said a child should get all A's in school. A lot of great people didn't necessarily have all A's, but most of them did stay in school and got the most out of their education. I have been watching Breaking Amish and realize with their 8th grade educations they have a hard time making it outside of their community. We had a community garage sale a week ago. We have a fairly large Amish community in our area. Some of the them could not even count out their money (and this was on items adding up to around $5). I see people in other countries who are deprived from having educations only to be brain washed by their leaders. An education is the only way we as a nation and as people can go forward.

    I do want to say hand in hand with this you need to support your child with love, confidence, and self esteem.
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  • ruralcurlsruralcurls Posts: 2,574Registered Users
    That was really nice, munchkin. I think I see where you are going with it.

    I didn't mean to imply you thought kids had to get all As. Unfortunately, even though they may try to hide it, that is what the school system is stressing these days. Our county just revamped their grading system so more people will be getting As.

    Unfortunately, many people graduate without knowing how to count change. Cash is not used as often as it once was and it is super easy to get a phone to do the calculations.
    I think kids are missing out on a lot of things due to the ridiculous amount testing forced on the schools now.

    Also, I think sometimes adults just will not be able to impress upon certain kids how important education really is. School can be such a miserable stressful place for way too many kids. Hopefully, it is something the kids will realize as adults. Like you said, we do need keep educating to move forward.


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  • curlyprincess1curlyprincess1 Posts: 468Registered Users
    A sense of self.
    It's not easy being a princess, but hey, if the crown fits.
  • RytokaRytoka Posts: 309Registered Users
    A sense if self worth and independence! My husband and I tell my teenage daughter all the time "go to college, be independent, know yourself, then go do something stupid like fall in love and have children" I know people with middle aged children who still come running to their parents for a bail out. I think education is important but I make sure to let her know she isn't entitled to anything in this world! You have to work hard to get what you want. Giving your child the tools to be an independent and productive part of society is so important!
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  • LayaliLayali Posts: 561Registered Users
    Education and high self-esteem.

    Being smart and hardworking means nothing if you don't believe in yourself and your abilities to accomplish your goals.
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  • SundialSundial Posts: 72Registered Users
    I think...self-respect, a strong ethical/value system, social skills, and positive, healthy adult role models.

    Then, after that, I think I'd add things like education, life planning and goal setting skills, and so on.
  • spiderlashes5000spiderlashes5000 Posts: 17,495Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    munchkin wrote: »
    I never said a child should get all A's in school. A lot of great people didn't necessarily have all A's, but most of them did stay in school and got the most out of their education. I have been watching Breaking Amish and realize with their 8th grade educations they have a hard time making it outside of their community. We had a community garage sale a week ago. We have a fairly large Amish community in our area. Some of the them could not even count out their money (and this was on items adding up to around $5). I see people in other countries who are deprived from having educations only to be brain washed by their leaders. An education is the only way we as a nation and as people can go forward.

    I do want to say hand in hand with this you need to support your child with love, confidence, and self esteem.

    Wow, I would have though Amish ppl would be better at that than nonAmish bc they would have relied on electronic cash registers and calulators a lot less.

  • OBBOBB Posts: 4,174Registered Users
    your time
  • anonymous_150263anonymous_150263 Posts: 773Registered Users
    OBB wrote: »
    your time

    I love this. So very true
  • spiderlashes5000spiderlashes5000 Posts: 17,495Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    OBB wrote: »
    your time

    Just playing devil's advocate here but what if you were kind of a crappy person? Would all the time spent be more harmful or more beneficial? Would some children be better off for not having spent time with or even known a bad parent?

  • Jess the MessJess the Mess Posts: 5,844Registered Users
    Do bad parents go out if their way to spend lots of time with their children? None that I know do.
    High Priestess JessMess, follower of the Goddess of the Coiling Way and Confiscator of Concoctions in the Order of the Curly Crusaders

  • Fifi.GFifi.G Posts: 15,490Registered Users
    sarah42 wrote: »
    I agree with teaching children responsibility and accountability for their choices. I read this column today that really speaks to this issue: Opinion: Negligent parents, lawbreaking kids - CNN.com

    No children here, but I am always interested in these topics. I like to do a great deal of side reading on different child rearing movements and methods being used in schools and home throughout the years.

    I completely agree with discipline, responsibility and accountability being major things to teach your children, and also being sincerely lacking in todays society.

    While I understand the importance of confidence and self esteem, I have to say I loathe the self esteem movement. My generation (X, aka the latch key kid generation) was studied and seen as children who lacked self esteem and needed help. The self esteem movement was slowly and slightly introduced to the end of my generation (my part) and those younger than me were absolutely hammered with it. Even the major promoters (social psychologists and self proclaimed child experts) of this movement (experiment), who once sang it's praises from the roof top, are now back tracking and apologizing for the lack of research and thought. Too much emphasis has been put on the child's self esteem and too little on their actual performance, ability and character. It has actually created many young adults who have a very poor, and false, sense of self esteem and confidence and some unrealistic expectations in the world. There has to be a real balance there or it all fails miserably.
    When I hear terms like "hipster" I think, who told cliques they could leave high school??

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  • Fifi.GFifi.G Posts: 15,490Registered Users
    Fifi.G wrote: »
    sarah42 wrote: »
    I agree with teaching children responsibility and accountability for their choices. I read this column today that really speaks to this issue: Opinion: Negligent parents, lawbreaking kids - CNN.com

    While I understand the importance of confidence and self esteem, I have to say I loathe the self esteem movement. My generation (X, aka the latch key kid generation) was studied and seen as children who lacked self esteem and needed help. The self esteem movement was slowly and slightly introduced to the end of my generation (my part) and those younger than me were absolutely hammered with it. Even the major promoters (social psychologists and self proclaimed child experts) of this movement (experiment), who once sang it's praises from the roof top, are now back tracking and apologizing for the lack of research and thought. Too much emphasis has been put on the child's self esteem and too little on their actual performance, ability and character.

    Just to further a bit more... It really is a strange and heavy handed approach in schools. Several children come out of the gate with a pretty healthy sense of self esteem and confidence. Several have parents who do a pretty good job on their own. Instilling more and more can take it to an absurd and delusional level. Then there are some who have none and need help. It's not one size fits all. It's one of those things that I think people can help a child build, but only by honest feed back. Really, everyone has their ups and knock down with it. That's life and that's natural, and not all can be taught by someone else. You need moments where you don't feel as confident or sure so you can work harder and do better.
    When I hear terms like "hipster" I think, who told cliques they could leave high school??

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  • spiderlashes5000spiderlashes5000 Posts: 17,495Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    Do bad parents go out if their way to spend lots of time with their children? None that I know do.

    Yes, definitely. Bad doesn't necessarily mean absentee or neglectful.

    There are plenty of very devoted parents, even stay at home parents, who just aren't of good character or who aren't good w/ kids or who have issues.

    A good friend of mine was raised by a single mother who had/has mild schizophrenia and had been abused as a child...so she continued the cycle of abuse. The mother loved her kids but wasn't able to care for them properly IMO. (Not saying my friend's mother was "kind of a crappy person:" she was sick. But there are plenty of other ppl who spend time w/ their kids who just aren't the greatest ppl -- involved in crime, overly critical, dirty, high strung, immature, whatever.

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