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I'm totally crushed

someonestakarasomeonestakara Posts: 88Registered Users
I just found out yesterday that my best friend attempted suicide. I don't know what to do. I feel so lost and I haven't stopped crying every waking moment.
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Comments

  • spiderlashes5000spiderlashes5000 Posts: 17,495Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    I'm sorry!

    Urge her to seek professional counseling. If you know what insurance plan she has, try to do some of the legwork for her and find a few clinicians who are in her network and are located near her home or job. Also get her the toll free number of the suicide hotline that serves her geographic area for high crisis times when the professional isn't available and she doesn't want to talk to friends/family.

    Just try to be a good friend and remind her of how important she is in your life and that what she is going thru is only temporary.

    Do you know what the issues are? Just general depression? Or did something recently happen? Does she abuse drugs or alcohol?

  • scrillsscrills Posts: 6,700Registered Users
    Im so sorry you and your friend are going through this. I have a friend who completed the act. Its tough.

    Be careful to
    1 not make her feel guilty, bad, weak, selfish, etc.

    2 make her feel loved

    3 take this very seriuos

    If there is anything i can do to help

    Sent from my SPH-D710 using CurlTalk App
  • curlypearlcurlypearl Posts: 11,970Registered Users Curl Novice
    I'm so very sorry. That is a dreadful experience for you to go through. It happened to me also. My best friend jumped out a 3-story window, survived, and then attempted asphyxiation in a car. Years later, she died of breast cancer.

    You got excellent advice already so I am going to address something a little different. I have to admit although I was terribly upset when she attempted suicide, one of my emotions was anger. You may experience many emotions besides pain and grief. Be loving and gentle to yourself as much as possible. We are hear for you and sympathize. {{{Someonestakara}}}
    2/c Coarse hair med. density.
    Highly porous. Color over grey.
    I love all the Curl Junkie products. Still experimenting with gels and curl creams. Still hoping for 2nd day hair....
    Every day is a gift :flower:
  • someonestakarasomeonestakara Posts: 88Registered Users
    She's in the regional mental hospital right now. She's had a lot of problems with bulimia in the past, plus her grandmother died and her boyfriend of almost two years broke up with her.
    Cowash/Leave in- Suave naturals
    RO-GVPCB
    Gels- Biotera Styling Gel
    SOTC-Biotera Curl Creme
    Medium hair with normal porosity
    Type 2C/3A
  • someonestakarasomeonestakara Posts: 88Registered Users
    curlypearl wrote: »
    I'm so very sorry. That is a dreadful experience for you to go through. It happened to me also. My best friend jumped out a 3-story window, survived, and then attempted asphyxiation in a car. Years later, she died of breast cancer.

    You got excellent advice already so I am going to address something a little different. I have to admit although I was terribly upset when she attempted suicide, one of my emotions was anger. You may experience many emotions besides pain and grief. Be loving and gentle to yourself as much as possible. We are hear for you and sympathize. {{{Someonestakara}}}

    Thanks! I understand what you mean about anger, I was so angry that she didn't talked to me about it, because after everything that happened I always told her I was there for her and that I loved her. I also feel like I should have and could have done more to help her. I feel guilty for feeling like this too.
    Cowash/Leave in- Suave naturals
    RO-GVPCB
    Gels- Biotera Styling Gel
    SOTC-Biotera Curl Creme
    Medium hair with normal porosity
    Type 2C/3A
  • curlypearlcurlypearl Posts: 11,970Registered Users Curl Novice
    I understand. Just so sorry. I don't have any words of wisdom, but I understand how you feel and I've been there.
    2/c Coarse hair med. density.
    Highly porous. Color over grey.
    I love all the Curl Junkie products. Still experimenting with gels and curl creams. Still hoping for 2nd day hair....
    Every day is a gift :flower:
  • someonestakarasomeonestakara Posts: 88Registered Users
    curlypearl wrote: »
    I understand. Just so sorry. I don't have any words of wisdom, but I understand how you feel and I've been there.

    I think, in all honesty, that's all I can ask for. I mean she's just 16 and she's my best friend and I don't know what I'd do without her.
    Cowash/Leave in- Suave naturals
    RO-GVPCB
    Gels- Biotera Styling Gel
    SOTC-Biotera Curl Creme
    Medium hair with normal porosity
    Type 2C/3A
  • SamanthascurlzSamanthascurlz Posts: 1,082Registered Users
    I think you are an amazing friend for caring for her. Being there and trying your best to help her is what you can do :icon_smile:
    CG, High Porosity, Fine, Low Density, Medium Elasticity
    Suave, V05, GF Go clean gel, ACV rinses, CO, and Gelatine PT.
    [URL="[url=http://www.naturallycurly.com/curltalk/members/samanthascurlz-albums-evolvement-my-hair.html]Curls[/url]"][/url]Curls
  • someonestakarasomeonestakara Posts: 88Registered Users
    I think you are an amazing friend for caring for her. Being there and trying your best to help her is what you can do :icon_smile:

    Thanks:) I just hope ill be able to see we when she gets back, or if she'll even wanna see me. What do I say?
    Cowash/Leave in- Suave naturals
    RO-GVPCB
    Gels- Biotera Styling Gel
    SOTC-Biotera Curl Creme
    Medium hair with normal porosity
    Type 2C/3A
  • SamanthascurlzSamanthascurlz Posts: 1,082Registered Users
    I think you are an amazing friend for caring for her. Being there and trying your best to help her is what you can do :icon_smile:

    Thanks:) I just hope ill be able to see we when she gets back, or if she'll even wanna see me. What do I say?

    I don't think you should jump right in from where the situation is. What I mean is, don't be too inquisitive as to why she attempted it (not saying you would be I am just being general). Literally, just talk to her. Speak to her as you normally would. From there you can see how she is currently feeling and what you can do to assist her. This is very complicated, so don't ever feel like you aren't doing enough. You are doing a courageous and real friend act. :)
    CG, High Porosity, Fine, Low Density, Medium Elasticity
    Suave, V05, GF Go clean gel, ACV rinses, CO, and Gelatine PT.
    [URL="[url=http://www.naturallycurly.com/curltalk/members/samanthascurlz-albums-evolvement-my-hair.html]Curls[/url]"][/url]Curls
  • someonestakarasomeonestakara Posts: 88Registered Users
    I think you are an amazing friend for caring for her. Being there and trying your best to help her is what you can do :icon_smile:

    Thanks:) I just hope ill be able to see we when she gets back, or if she'll even wanna see me. What do I say?

    I don't think you should jump right in from where the situation is. What I mean is, don't be too inquisitive as to why she attempted it (not saying you would be I am just being general). Literally, just talk to her. Speak to her as you normally would. From there you can see how she is currently feeling and what you can do to assist her. This is very complicated, so don't ever feel like you aren't doing enough. You are doing a courageous and real friend act. :)

    I mean I do wanna know why, but I know she'll tell me when she's ready. Thanks for the confidence boost! I just wish I knew what do to, but everyone's being a wonderful help! :)
    Cowash/Leave in- Suave naturals
    RO-GVPCB
    Gels- Biotera Styling Gel
    SOTC-Biotera Curl Creme
    Medium hair with normal porosity
    Type 2C/3A
  • SamanthascurlzSamanthascurlz Posts: 1,082Registered Users

    Thanks:) I just hope ill be able to see we when she gets back, or if she'll even wanna see me. What do I say?

    I don't think you should jump right in from where the situation is. What I mean is, don't be too inquisitive as to why she attempted it (not saying you would be I am just being general). Literally, just talk to her. Speak to her as you normally would. From there you can see how she is currently feeling and what you can do to assist her. This is very complicated, so don't ever feel like you aren't doing enough. You are doing a courageous and real friend act. :)

    I mean I do wanna know why, but I know she'll tell me when she's ready. Thanks for the confidence boost! I just wish I knew what do to, but everyone's being a wonderful help! :)

    Of course you do! You are her friend and want to jump in her head! But remember, I am sure she is asked A LOT! So let her know that she can let you know when she is ready.
    CG, High Porosity, Fine, Low Density, Medium Elasticity
    Suave, V05, GF Go clean gel, ACV rinses, CO, and Gelatine PT.
    [URL="[url=http://www.naturallycurly.com/curltalk/members/samanthascurlz-albums-evolvement-my-hair.html]Curls[/url]"][/url]Curls
  • someonestakarasomeonestakara Posts: 88Registered Users
    I guess the bad thing is this whole situation has made me terribly depressed but I have no idea what to say when I do call.
    Cowash/Leave in- Suave naturals
    RO-GVPCB
    Gels- Biotera Styling Gel
    SOTC-Biotera Curl Creme
    Medium hair with normal porosity
    Type 2C/3A
  • SamanthascurlzSamanthascurlz Posts: 1,082Registered Users
    I guess the bad thing is this whole situation has made me terribly depressed but I have no idea what to say when I do call.

    tell your friend how much you miss her and how much she means to you.
    CG, High Porosity, Fine, Low Density, Medium Elasticity
    Suave, V05, GF Go clean gel, ACV rinses, CO, and Gelatine PT.
    [URL="[url=http://www.naturallycurly.com/curltalk/members/samanthascurlz-albums-evolvement-my-hair.html]Curls[/url]"][/url]Curls
  • Purplecurls17Purplecurls17 Posts: 152Registered Users
    First of all, I send large amounts of ((HUGS))
    These ladies have given you lots of excellent advice. There have been two attempted suicides in my family. One being my own mother and one was my cousin. My cousin opened up to me about it and said that the reason he did not go through with it was because he imagined his daughter's life without a father and that kept him from doing the act.
    Your friend needs someone there through all the anger, and sadness.Someone she can depend on to be there when life gets tough, everyone needs that one person that they can go to without judgment and you sound like that person. The best thing that you can do is listen when she needs it and be there so she doesn't feel alone.
    I pray for a speedy recovery for your friend <3 You sound like a terrific best friend :)
  • someonestakarasomeonestakara Posts: 88Registered Users
    Thanks so much samanthacurlz!(:
    Cowash/Leave in- Suave naturals
    RO-GVPCB
    Gels- Biotera Styling Gel
    SOTC-Biotera Curl Creme
    Medium hair with normal porosity
    Type 2C/3A
  • scrillsscrills Posts: 6,700Registered Users
    When i visited a friend after an attempt, i tried to get him to amswer his survey questions are erractic as possible. We both have sick sense of humor so it was funny and it took the pressure off.

    I didnt ask him about what happened. I am as nosey as the next person, but remember her wellness is priority right now, so i would wait to ask.

    (they made him do these test in order to gauge his mood. It was the same questions over and over again, just reworded).

    Its ok for you to have your own feeelings aboit what happened. Uay just have to find someone else to discuss them with right now



    Sent from my SPH-D710 using CurlTalk App
  • curlypearlcurlypearl Posts: 11,970Registered Users Curl Novice
    I think the replies and advice here are very wise and caring.

    Purplecurls, my mom also attempted suicide several times and would have succeeded except for being found in time and just by accident. My heart goes out to you.
    2/c Coarse hair med. density.
    Highly porous. Color over grey.
    I love all the Curl Junkie products. Still experimenting with gels and curl creams. Still hoping for 2nd day hair....
    Every day is a gift :flower:
  • JulesonlineJulesonline Posts: 444Registered Users
    Be constant and present with her. I know this is very tough for u and her. I empathize with you. As she has been admitted to an inpatient facility, know that she'll get the help and supervision she needs right now to help her through this crisis. What you could do is find out when the visitor hours are and then find out if she is feeling up to seeing anyone yet. If she is, go and sit with her and be present. Sometimes just sitting quietly with someone in a crisis is enough. I would not press her for reasons etc, at this point. Let the professionals work with her on that, eventually she may open up with you. Tell her that you love her and that you are there for her. Often in the milieu, there are activities such as puzzles and coloring. You could see if she'd like to partake in one of those with her.
    JulesOnline
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  • someonestakarasomeonestakara Posts: 88Registered Users
    You guys are so amazing! Thank you for being here with me when it seems like nobody else is! It's wonderful to be a part if a group like this
    Cowash/Leave in- Suave naturals
    RO-GVPCB
    Gels- Biotera Styling Gel
    SOTC-Biotera Curl Creme
    Medium hair with normal porosity
    Type 2C/3A
  • LotsawavesLotsawaves Posts: 8,660Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    That was a lot for a 16 year old to deal with. Also a lot for you as a friend to try to understand and come to grips with. She sounds like she was vulnerable to begin with and the death of her grandmother and the dumping of her bf probably took her over the edge. That would be a lot for an adult to deal with much less a teenager.

    Know that she is getting the help she needs and you only have to let her know that you are there for her. Let her talk if/when she is ready. She may be embarrassed or uncomfortable.

    This is just my opinion, but I feel that when a person reaches the point of wanting to take their own life, they are in a selfish mode. They aren't thinking of others. That's why she didn't confide in you. She also may have thought you wouldn't understand. That doesn't mean she doesn't think of you as a friend or value your friendship.
    From Michael Berg:

    Every person has a unique connection to the Creator that can never be extinguished, and every person has a great soul that can manifest important things in our world. To make a person feel less than they are because of something inside themselves, be it faith, race, or sexual orientation, is the greatest sin of all."
  • curlypearlcurlypearl Posts: 11,970Registered Users Curl Novice
    Lotsa makes a very good point. I remember Fantasia (who won American Idol) saying that when she became suicidal, she wasn't thinking of anyone else. She had become famous, was richer than she had ever dreamed of being, had a baby girl that she loved but was in a terrible depression. I believe that in that state a person is kind of selfish in that he or she is unable to think or care about anything except their own misery. And as Lotsa said, perhaps she thought you wouldn't understand,

    I know you wanted to be there for her and you want to help her now. You are a wonderful friend and when she is better, the two of you will again be very close.
    2/c Coarse hair med. density.
    Highly porous. Color over grey.
    I love all the Curl Junkie products. Still experimenting with gels and curl creams. Still hoping for 2nd day hair....
    Every day is a gift :flower:
  • someonestakarasomeonestakara Posts: 88Registered Users
    Thanks for all your help! I feel a little better, I guess it will take me a little while to get used to the idea of her not being here when I just wanna say hi or tell her that I love her
    Cowash/Leave in- Suave naturals
    RO-GVPCB
    Gels- Biotera Styling Gel
    SOTC-Biotera Curl Creme
    Medium hair with normal porosity
    Type 2C/3A
  • scrillsscrills Posts: 6,700Registered Users
    You can still say hi and tell her that you love her. in fact, you should def do those things


    I know a lot of people think suicide is selfish, but i have a slightly different view. Maybe because when my friend did it, and I was that last phone call, I could hear the hurt. When someone is in so much pain that the only way they know to end it is to their life, I don't necessarily see that as selfish. I get that they are only thinking of themselves, but that is an intense about of pain to get a person to reach that point. if it was "physical pain", we would understand
  • DedachanDedachan Posts: 1,644Registered Users
    Sorry to hear this. I partially understand how helpless you feel. Someone once confided in me, also when I was in high school, that she would kill herself if she lost her mother to cancer. She was mad at me for telling the guidance counseler, and to this day I have no idea if what I did was of any help, but it was all I could think to do at the time.

    I think the advice given here is excellent.

    ((((((((hugs)))))))))
  • someonestakarasomeonestakara Posts: 88Registered Users
    scrills wrote: »
    You can still say hi and tell her that you love her. in fact, you should def do those things


    I know a lot of people think suicide is selfish, but i have a slightly different view. Maybe because when my friend did it, and I was that last phone call, I could hear the hurt. When someone is in so much pain that the only way they know to end it is to their life, I don't necessarily see that as selfish. I get that they are only thinking of themselves, but that is an intense about of pain to get a person to reach that point. if it was "physical pain", we would understand

    I understand that but darnit! I should be able to be selfish too! She's my best friend and I don't wanna lose her! I know that seems petty, but she's the only friend I really trust and id go crazy if she actually succeeded
    Cowash/Leave in- Suave naturals
    RO-GVPCB
    Gels- Biotera Styling Gel
    SOTC-Biotera Curl Creme
    Medium hair with normal porosity
    Type 2C/3A
  • spiderlashes5000spiderlashes5000 Posts: 17,495Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    How are her parents reacting to this? How are they, in general? Are they kind to her? Did she ever mention that she had tried to talk to them about the issues she's dealing with? Are they the kind of ppl who will be committed to getting her the help she needs or are they the type to want to sweep this incident under the rug to avoid further "embarrassment?"

  • LotsawavesLotsawaves Posts: 8,660Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    Good questions, Spider. She's going to need a lot of support.
    From Michael Berg:

    Every person has a unique connection to the Creator that can never be extinguished, and every person has a great soul that can manifest important things in our world. To make a person feel less than they are because of something inside themselves, be it faith, race, or sexual orientation, is the greatest sin of all."
  • someonestakarasomeonestakara Posts: 88Registered Users
    How are her parents reacting to this? How are they, in general? Are they kind to her? Did she ever mention that she had tried to talk to them about the issues she's dealing with? Are they the kind of ppl who will be committed to getting her the help she needs or are they the type to want to sweep this incident under the rug to avoid further "embarrassment?"

    This sounds awful, but her parents are just stupid. They kicked her out last summer, they always call her fat and her dad hits her. I've offered for her to come live with me or tell somebody, but she doesn't want to leave her younger brothers alone in the house or have them split up do to the foster care system. When her cousin called and eventually took her to the hospital when they found out, her parents asked her cousin if they should ground her for overdosing and trying to kill herself. I definitely think they won't be good for her once she gets home, I think they will ridicule her because they don't understand. I honestly don't think it was them that wanted her to go to the mental hospital. I'm just worried.
    Cowash/Leave in- Suave naturals
    RO-GVPCB
    Gels- Biotera Styling Gel
    SOTC-Biotera Curl Creme
    Medium hair with normal porosity
    Type 2C/3A
  • LotsawavesLotsawaves Posts: 8,660Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    Well, if she had of succeeded her brothers would be alone now. Her parents sound like they don't know how to parent. Teenagers can be a handful. I know I raised 2, but that is no excuse to belittle and hit them. It's tough enough being a teenager.
    From Michael Berg:

    Every person has a unique connection to the Creator that can never be extinguished, and every person has a great soul that can manifest important things in our world. To make a person feel less than they are because of something inside themselves, be it faith, race, or sexual orientation, is the greatest sin of all."
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