Anyone have couple friends?

LadyV69LadyV69 Posts: 3,397Registered Users
So I've been with my SO for four months. It's been exhilerating and challenging, but that's the case with any relationship, I think. However, I've been wondering if it's too soon for me to consider having us try to make friends with other couples. I have my own friends, but I'm beginning to notice that a couple of them are starting to drift away. I'm not sure whether it's from envy or whatever, but it's not a development I like to see. I have had people in the past disappear when they got boyfriends and I didn't like it, so I am especially conscious of that. I really don't want to be that kind of friend and I have made several attempts to include these two people on outings with me and SO as well as individually, but they have excuses. The other thing is that SO doesn't really have any close friends, which is of concern to me because I fear that he may start relying on me to supply all his social and emotional needs. I did that when I was younger with past boyfriends and it's not a burden I want to carry. It's difficult enough to make friends individually as an adult, but attempting to be friends with other couples seems particularly daunting as you have to consider the dynamics of several people, not just one. Neither SO nor I are extroverted and many of my friends are single, so I don't have a lot of couple friends built in. I have never been in a relationship with someone and had couple friends and I've never double dated, so this is a really foreign concept to me. I also feel it might be easier for SO if he made friends in a group situation. For those that are coupled/married, are you friends with other couples? If so, what are the friendships like?
Fine haired, low density, highly porous curly kinky lady
Last relaxer: Not sure. 3/08 or 4/08
BC'd: 9/18/09
Co-wash: Suave Naturals, HEHH, Trader Joe's Tea Tree Tingle, CJ Daily Fix
Leave-In: KCKT, Giovanni Direct Leave-In, CJ Smoothing Lotion
Stylers: ORS Twist and Loc Gel, KCCC, Ecostyler, SheaMoisture Deep Treatment Masque
Deep Conditioner: DevaCurl Heaven In Hair, CJ Deep Fix

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Comments

  • JosephineJosephine Posts: 14,408Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    I've noticed that most of my friends(single) don't like to be the third wheel even if they feel comfy around me and bf(and past bfs) but a couple of them have. A couple of my friends just won't at all which is highly annoying. Obviously I see them less now. They only come around if it's a bday or huge group event. My bf has a couple of friends who are not like that. They hang out with us sometime (individually) and that's cool. We're all just friends at the end of the day.

    I would like to have couple friends but we don't at the moment which sucks. Especially for trips. Single folks(even in groups) usually dont wanna go on a trip with a couple, especially just one.

    I know some couples through work but they have kids. My ex and I actually went on a meetup to meet other couples but we didn't meet any. I'm okay now with just me and the boy. If we meet other couples cool, but I'm not going out of my way to meet any. My ex was not that open and only wanted to hang out with couples. All his friends were married but I didn't relate with any of the wives and we never became friends. They all also had kids so we still didn't hang out with them that much.

    I feel your pain, I suggest meetup groups. I love my boy, but sometimes you need other people around, you know.
  • LotsawavesLotsawaves Posts: 9,775Registered Users Curl Virtuoso
    Jim and I are in the same situation. Most of my friends are single and most of the couples he knows are work related and younger. There is one couple he is friends with but I don't particularly like the woman. She's a bit overbearing when she drinks. My BFF is married, but neither of us like her husband.

    We've been talking about going to meetup.com and getting involved in some of the groups we have interests in and possibly find couple friends that way.
    From Michael Berg:

    Every person has a unique connection to the Creator that can never be extinguished, and every person has a great soul that can manifest important things in our world. To make a person feel less than they are because of something inside themselves, be it faith, race, or sexual orientation, is the greatest sin of all."
  • spiderlashes5000spiderlashes5000 Posts: 17,898Registered Users Curl Virtuoso
    In my experience it has sometimes been a bit awkward bc 1) my relationships and my friends' relationships were often at different stages in the dating life cycle when we were trying to double date, 2) bc my friends were sometimes very different types from my man and didn't gel and 3) sometimes gfs or wives can be a bit competitive when a new woman joins the clique.

    The easiest scenario is when it's w/ a sibling and their SOs, assuming the siblings get along. When I got married, one of my husband's brothers and his wife always called us and asked us to do things w/ them, and the wife really tried to "welcome me to the family" so I was immediately at ease. The other brother sometimes did the same thing but he had less free time and his wife was very shy so it didn't work as well as w/ the first brother.

    One good way to introduce the bf to the gang is to invite him to happy hour w/ a few friends. you never really know who will show up and it's likely someone will invite their SO, too. If the vibe isn't too friendly, you and your bf can just keep each other company. But if it's a good group that night, he should be able to jump right in.

    But yeah, try to make sure you continue to have girl time w/ your homies; don't let them drift away. (Do you think they're just not trying to crowd you or do you t hink they might not like your bf?)

  • LadyV69LadyV69 Posts: 3,397Registered Users
    ^The friends in particular that I think are drifting away have never met the BF, so it can't be because they don't like him. It could be envy or they feel awkward so they don't want to demand too much of my attention right now. The ones that have met him like him so far.

    I still belong to Meetup but I've hardly been to any events recently. I did see one this Friday for a group I belong to that has a fair amount of couples but whether BF wants to go or not is at issue.
    Fine haired, low density, highly porous curly kinky lady
    Last relaxer: Not sure. 3/08 or 4/08
    BC'd: 9/18/09
    Co-wash: Suave Naturals, HEHH, Trader Joe's Tea Tree Tingle, CJ Daily Fix
    Leave-In: KCKT, Giovanni Direct Leave-In, CJ Smoothing Lotion
    Stylers: ORS Twist and Loc Gel, KCCC, Ecostyler, SheaMoisture Deep Treatment Masque
    Deep Conditioner: DevaCurl Heaven In Hair, CJ Deep Fix

    http://confessionsofladyv69.wordpress.com/

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