CurlTalk

When You Used to Relax ... ?

KorkscrewKorkscrew Posts: 1,834Registered Users
Hey gals, this question leads back down memory lane (at least for those of us who've relaxed our hair prior to going natural) ...

Were any chemical relaxers you used completely successful in straightening your hair? Did your hair revert back to its natural state once wet, so that it was still necessary to manipulate it w/a blow dryer and/or heat as it dried for it to look straight or partially straight? I ask this because, for me the answer to all those questions is a resounding NO. Those chemicals basically failed the Hell out of me and I wonder how they were for you. I wonder what level of success or failure you personally had w/that stuff :blob:
«13

Comments

  • adthomasadthomas Posts: 5,525Registered Users
    Yes and no.mine would take but it would take longer than the regular time. Stylist would leave it in longer and repeatedly work it through. I know now my hair is lopo which is chemical resistant. Needless to say I usually had horrible scalp burns and scabs. Sometimes my hair would stick to my scalp in the scab and I would have to peel it off. Horrible memories!!!! I would still have to blow dry or rollerset or wrap my hair

    Now I have a cousin who relaxers never took in her hair. She would sweat and it would all curl back up like she never relaxed it. People were always oohing ahing over her hair but She hates curly hair. Last time I saw her she had done BKT and it looked like it didn't take either and her hair was dry.
    Yes, it's real. No, you can't touch it. :wav:
  • BlackAngelPlayahBlackAngelPlayah Posts: 1,419Registered Users
    Luster Pink did a great job on my hair. If I was still relaxing, I'd be using that.
    :afro:FroZen:afro:
  • KorkscrewKorkscrew Posts: 1,834Registered Users
    Sorry this is so long. I got all chatty from too much caffeine ;) ...

    I completely relate to the burning and scabby scalp thing! Happened so often. Just like you, they kept it on a longer time than usual. Yeah, that surely was treacherous. Never again.

    Never. Again.

    Are you saying "lopo" is another term for "chemically resistant"? Also, when you say you had to roller set, blow dry and wrap, do you mean that's what you had to do to make it straight again after wetting it (like the problem I had)?

    Too bad your cousin doesn't like her curly hair! Then again, it surely took me a minute to REALLY embrace mine (Let's be honest: it took years).

    My mother has natural hair reluctance and is attached to the hot comb (no relaxers). Her attitude about natural hair is pretty extreme - one she shares w/many of her generation. It took a while for me to realize that my sibs and I may have disliked our hair, in part, because of her attitude toward her own. And years after going natural, I finally grasped that it's pointless to try and change her attitude. Her natural hair (from what I recall * sigh *) looks gorgeous but she "reasons" that - are you ready? - all African hair is "ugly and hard like steel wool" because of the "Biblical curse of Ham" :banghead: ... I mean I just love her but she needs to invest in different reading material and get out more. Maybe - I say this sarcastically and I think you'll get it - maybe she is the one justification for that "Touch My Hair Campaign" petting zoo situation. I mean, maybe she could get educated on how soft and healthy natural hair often is. Again, I really think she suffers a lot from certain generational thinking. Seems we younger folk have advanced beyond some of this stuff. I certainly hope so. Btw, I've noticed many of my older Jewish peeps suffering the same kind of curl phobia.

    You brought up the BKT and my reaction was "Oh yeah, another dodged bullet" LOL ... Have heard so many people complain about dry hair (like your cousin's) ... or general hair damage, because of that mess. Almost got this "treatment" one time. Did you ever get a BKT, or consider it?
  • KorkscrewKorkscrew Posts: 1,834Registered Users
    Luster Pink did a great job on my hair. If I was still relaxing, I'd be using that.

    After applying and rinsing out Luster Pink, were you able to just let your hair dry naturally and it would just dry straight? ... Or did you have to tweak things further, like AdThomas and I had to?

    Btw, I took a quick look at your blog pics (I'll read it later tomorrow) and ... your hair is amazing :love4: I admit too being thoroughly envious of your root lift.
  • adthomasadthomas Posts: 5,525Registered Users
    Korkscrew wrote: »
    Sorry this is so long. I got all chatty from too much caffeine ;) ...

    I completely relate to the burning and scabby scalp thing! Happened so often. Just like you, they kept it on a longer time than usual. Yeah, that surely was treacherous. Never again.

    Never. Again.

    Are you saying "lopo" is another term for "chemically resistant"? Also, when you say you had to roller set, blow dry and wrap, do you mean that's what you had to do to make it straight again after wetting it (like the problem I had)?

    Too bad your cousin doesn't like her curly hair! Then again, it surely took me a minute to REALLY embrace mine (Let's be honest: it took years).

    My mother has natural hair reluctance and is attached to the hot comb (no relaxers). Her attitude about natural hair is pretty extreme - one she shares w/many of her generation. It took a while for me to realize that my sibs and I may have disliked our hair, in part, because of her attitude toward her own. And years after going natural, I finally grasped that it's pointless to try and change her attitude. Her natural hair (from what I recall * sigh *) looks gorgeous but she "reasons" that - are you ready? - all African hair is "ugly and hard like steel wool" because of the "Biblical curse of Ham" :banghead: ... I mean I just love her but she needs to invest in different reading material and get out more. Maybe - I say this sarcastically and I think you'll get it - maybe she is the one justification for that "Touch My Hair Campaign" petting zoo situation. I mean, maybe she could get educated on how soft and healthy natural hair often is. Again, I really think she suffers a lot from certain generational thinking. Seems we younger folk have advanced beyond some of this stuff. I certainly hope so. Btw, I've noticed many of my older Jewish peeps suffering the same kind of curl phobia.

    You brought up the BKT and my reaction was "Oh yeah, another dodged bullet" LOL ... Have heard so many people complain about dry hair (like your cousin's) ... or general hair damage, because of that mess. Almost got this "treatment" one time. Did you ever get a BKT, or consider it?

    I mean low porosity hair is chemical resistant. Figuring out I'm lopo changed my world as far as how I take care of my natural hair.

    Porosity and Curly Hair
    Yes, it's real. No, you can't touch it. :wav:
  • KorkscrewKorkscrew Posts: 1,834Registered Users
    I see. Mine is normal/high now (though ppl's porosity can change, depending). I don't think it was lopo then, because I didn't have problems w/my hair "taking" products easily, and it definitely took color easily. Looks like I may never know why the stuff didn't work. Oh well.
  • adthomasadthomas Posts: 5,525Registered Users
    Korkscrew wrote: »
    I see. Mine is normal/high now (though ppl's porosity can change, depending). I don't think it was lopo then, because I didn't have problems w/my hair "taking" products easily, and it definitely took color easily. Looks like I may never know why the stuff didn't work. Oh well.

    I did okay with rinses but permanent was a disaster.
    Yes, it's real. No, you can't touch it. :wav:
  • secret_karmasecret_karma Posts: 438Registered Users
    Hi Korkscrew your hair is a 3 something right? My friend's hair is like you described. She relaxes her hair but it always reverts back to curly. She says the relaxer helps to tame her curls but it doesn't make it permanently straight. Maybe you have unbreakable protein bonds. That's a good problem to have :)
  • lashon20lashon20 Posts: 1,150Registered Users
    My hair never stayed straight from relaxers. If I left in a long time to try to get it straight, it would be over processed and break off . I would just wear my hair in a loose curly wash n go. It would only stay straight until I washed it.

    Sent from my Event using CurlTalk App
    /home/leaving?target=http%3A%2F%2Fmynaturalhairjourney.shutterfly.com%2F" class="Popup


    Shampoos: Ion Hard Water Shampoo
    Conditioners: Curl Junkie
    Stylers: As I Am Smoothing Gel, Jane Carter Incredible Curls, Camille Rose Almond Jai Twisting Butter, Hairveda Whipped Gelly
    Moisturizers: Camille Rose Moisture Milk, Camille Rose Fresh Curl
    Leave-Ins: KBB Sweet Ambrosia
    Pomades: Hairveda Almond Glaze
  • anissafersureanissafersure Posts: 255Registered Users
    My mom used to use 2 boxes of Olive Oil's super strength relaxers on my hair and it didn't get ANYWHERE near straight. My hair was still curly, but a lot more manageable. It was such a waste.
  • KorkscrewKorkscrew Posts: 1,834Registered Users
    Hi Korkscrew your hair is a 3 something right? My friend's hair is like you described. She relaxes her hair but it always reverts back to curly. She says the relaxer helps to tame her curls but it doesn't make it permanently straight. Maybe you have unbreakable protein bonds. That's a good problem to have :)

    Hi Secretkarma! Yeah you're right. It's a very dense forest of 3b/3c w/some 3a :) Thanks for letting me know about your friend. It's comforting to hear it wasn't just me failed by relaxers (though I wish none of us went through it). Wish I had unbreakable protein bonds LOL … I see what you're getting at but sadly, I accidentally chemically straightened my hair recently by using a box hair dye that contained too much developer. It was straightened in places and damaged. Not a cute look at all. Had to baby my hair, grow some of it out and switch over to Henna for color.
    lashon20 wrote: »
    My hair never stayed straight from relaxers. If I left in a long time to try to get it straight, it would be over processed and break off . I would just wear my hair in a loose curly wash n go. It would only stay straight until I washed it.

    Sent from my Event using CurlTalk App

    Lashon, more good info – thanks :D Looks like these relaxers have failed quite a few of us.

    Question: When you did your WNGs after having a relaxer, was your hair a lot less curly, or do you think there was very little difference in your curl pattern from before vs. after your relaxer? (Mine was only changed from about a 3b/c to a strong 2c/3a … and that's after relaxing and then trying to blow-drying my wet hair straight :disgust:)
    My mom used to use 2 boxes of Olive Oil's super strength relaxers on my hair and it didn't get ANYWHERE near straight. My hair was still curly, but a lot more manageable. It was such a waste.

    Thanks for more confirmation that relaxers were and still are BS. I just remember being a kid and staring longingly at all those boxed relaxers at the grocery, of women w/straight STRAIGHT hair and thinking I could just slap some of that magic poison, oops I meant lotion, on my head, rinse it out and every strand on my skull would be forever flattened and silky with the sun rising before me amen. Guess not :evil1:
  • lashon20lashon20 Posts: 1,150Registered Users
    My hair was a lot looser with the relaxer like 3c. But without a relaxer I have tight 4a curls.
    Korkscrew wrote: »
    Hi Korkscrew your hair is a 3 something right? My friend's hair is like you described. She relaxes her hair but it always reverts back to curly. She says the relaxer helps to tame her curls but it doesn't make it permanently straight. Maybe you have unbreakable protein bonds. That's a good problem to have :)

    Hi Secretkarma! Yeah you're right. It's a very dense forest of 3b/3c w/some 3a :) Thanks for letting me know about your friend. It's comforting to hear it wasn't just me failed by relaxers (though I wish none of us went through it). Wish I had unbreakable protein bonds LOL … I see what you're getting at but sadly, I accidentally chemically straightened my hair recently by using a box hair dye that contained too much developer. It was straightened in places and damaged. Not a cute look at all. Had to baby my hair, grow some of it out and switch over to Henna for color.
    lashon20 wrote: »
    My hair never stayed straight from relaxers. If I left in a long time to try to get it straight, it would be over processed and break off . I would just wear my hair in a loose curly wash n go. It would only stay straight until I washed it.

    Sent from my Event using CurlTalk App

    Lashon, more good info – thanks :D Looks like these relaxers have failed quite a few of us.

    Question: When you did your WNGs after having a relaxer, was your hair a lot less curly, or do you think there was very little difference in your curl pattern from before vs. after your relaxer? (Mine was only changed from about a 3b/c to a strong 2c/3a … and that's after relaxing and then trying to blow-drying my wet hair straight :disgust:)
    My mom used to use 2 boxes of Olive Oil's super strength relaxers on my hair and it didn't get ANYWHERE near straight. My hair was still curly, but a lot more manageable. It was such a waste.

    Thanks for more confirmation that relaxers were and still are BS. I just remember being a kid and staring longingly at all those boxed relaxers at the grocery, of women w/straight STRAIGHT hair and thinking I could just slap some of that magic poison, oops I meant lotion, on my head, rinse it out and every strand on my skull would be forever flattened and silky with the sun rising before me amen. Guess not :evil1:



    Sent from my Event using CurlTalk App
    /home/leaving?target=http%3A%2F%2Fmynaturalhairjourney.shutterfly.com%2F" class="Popup


    Shampoos: Ion Hard Water Shampoo
    Conditioners: Curl Junkie
    Stylers: As I Am Smoothing Gel, Jane Carter Incredible Curls, Camille Rose Almond Jai Twisting Butter, Hairveda Whipped Gelly
    Moisturizers: Camille Rose Moisture Milk, Camille Rose Fresh Curl
    Leave-Ins: KBB Sweet Ambrosia
    Pomades: Hairveda Almond Glaze
  • KorkscrewKorkscrew Posts: 1,834Registered Users
  • KinkyChicKinkyChic Posts: 58Registered Users
    Korkscrew wrote: »
    Sorry this is so long. I got all chatty from too much caffeine ;) ...

    I completely relate to the burning and scabby scalp thing! Happened so often. Just like you, they kept it on a longer time than usual. Yeah, that surely was treacherous. Never again.

    Never. Again.

    Are you saying "lopo" is another term for "chemically resistant"? Also, when you say you had to roller set, blow dry and wrap, do you mean that's what you had to do to make it straight again after wetting it (like the problem I had)?

    Too bad your cousin doesn't like her curly hair! Then again, it surely took me a minute to REALLY embrace mine (Let's be honest: it took years).

    My mother has natural hair reluctance and is attached to the hot comb (no relaxers). Her attitude about natural hair is pretty extreme - one she shares w/many of her generation. It took a while for me to realize that my sibs and I may have disliked our hair, in part, because of her attitude toward her own. And years after going natural, I finally grasped that it's pointless to try and change her attitude. Her natural hair (from what I recall * sigh *) looks gorgeous but she "reasons" that - are you ready? - all African hair is "ugly and hard like steel wool" because of the "Biblical curse of Ham" :banghead: ... I mean I just love her but she needs to invest in different reading material and get out more. Maybe - I say this sarcastically and I think you'll get it - maybe she is the one justification for that "Touch My Hair Campaign" petting zoo situation. I mean, maybe she could get educated on how soft and healthy natural hair often is. Again, I really think she suffers a lot from certain generational thinking. Seems we younger folk have advanced beyond some of this stuff. I certainly hope so. Btw, I've noticed many of my older Jewish peeps suffering the same kind of curl phobia.

    You brought up the BKT and my reaction was "Oh yeah, another dodged bullet" LOL ... Have heard so many people complain about dry hair (like your cousin's) ... or general hair damage, because of that mess. Almost got this "treatment" one time. Did you ever get a BKT, or consider it?

    Omg, I am ROFL LOL!!:laughing3: I'm crying laughing!! This was the absolute best laugh I've had today. I'm shocked my mom didn't think to use that one on me. She has gotten on my nerves about my hair in the last week and I'm trying to decide whether to be a good daughter and shrug it off or tell her. The crazy part is that she hasn't seen my hair or its progress in over a year.
  • randi415randi415 Posts: 2Registered Users
    I always had to get a roller set or blow dried, then flat ironed to get it straight. Soon as I'd wash my hair it would revert back. Now it was never as coarse as it is now when it was relaxed it just looked like heat damaged natural hair. My stylist would leave it on longer than necessary and spray certain spots with Sheen if I said it burned. SMH I don't think I ever got a relaxer w/out having to deal with scabs a few days later. I do not miss those days!

    Sent from my SPH-L900 using CurlTalk App
  • brimom19brimom19 Posts: 43Registered Users
    I have three biracial daughters and I was constantly encouraged to perm their hair by their father's family... So I did. I have since learned better and they are all natural, however, when they were relaxed I still had to take a straighten iron to it because it always ended up having an weird wave pattern. I complete understand the unsupportive family. My mother as well as their dads family think I am crazy for not relaxing their hair. I don't have much support from either side, but I know what is best for my kids, so their opinions don't matter much to me.
  • adthomasadthomas Posts: 5,525Registered Users
    randi415 wrote: »
    I always had to get a roller set or blow dried, then flat ironed to get it straight. Soon as I'd wash my hair it would revert back. Now it was never as coarse as it is now when it was relaxed it just looked like heat damaged natural hair. My stylist would leave it on longer than necessary and spray certain spots with Sheen if I said it burned. SMH I don't think I ever got a relaxer w/out having to deal with scabs a few days later. I do not miss those days!

    Sent from my SPH-L900 using CurlTalk App

    I remember the oil sheen for the burning. It didn't do jack. And when I complained to a stylist once about the scabs she told me to get some Neosporin. Like that should have to be used in my scalp. I have apologized too my scalp for the unnecessary torture.
    Yes, it's real. No, you can't touch it. :wav:
  • adthomasadthomas Posts: 5,525Registered Users
    brimom19 wrote: »
    I have three biracial daughters and I was constantly encouraged to perm their hair by their father's family... So I did. I have since learned better and they are all natural, however, when they were relaxed I still had to take a straighten iron to it because it always ended up having an weird wave pattern. I complete understand the unsupportive family. My mother as well as their dads family think I am crazy for not relaxing their hair. I don't have much support from either side, but I know what is best for my kids, so their opinions don't matter much to me.

    I don't know how old your daughters are but I personally don't believe in putting relaxers in children's hair. I would not subject my child if I had one to even the possibility of the kind of chemical burns I had.
    If they keep bothering you to relax then they must get the vibe they can pressure you enough to change your mind. You n eed to stop engaging in these conversations with them. you let them know in a firm way the answer is no and it is not up for discussion. And every time they start shut that mess down quick. You even give the look like a mama gives when you are one move away from getting your tail beat. They will get the idea. And they will leave you alone.
    Yes, it's real. No, you can't touch it. :wav:
  • brimom19brimom19 Posts: 43Registered Users
    Their dads family doesn't bother me about it anymore. Their dad is on board and that is enough said. My mother is another issue, she has always tried to be "in my business". But as I said her opinion doesn't matter, but it doesn't stop her from stating it.
  • adthomasadthomas Posts: 5,525Registered Users
    brimom19 wrote: »
    Their dads family doesn't bother me about it anymore. Their dad is on board and that is enough said. My mother is another issue, she has always tried to be "in my business". But as I said her opinion doesn't matter, but it doesn't stop her from stating it.

    My mom will speak her peace that one time but then she'll leave it alone. She knows better than to nag me too much about how I run my business. I don't tolerate that and there have been a few blowups between us over the years. she'd even tell you once I make up my mind that's it.
    Yes, it's real. No, you can't touch it. :wav:
  • KorkscrewKorkscrew Posts: 1,834Registered Users
    KinkyChic wrote: »
    Omg, I am ROFL LOL!!:laughing3: I'm crying laughing!! This was the absolute best laugh I've had today. I'm shocked my mom didn't think to use that one on me. She has gotten on my nerves about my hair in the last week and I'm trying to decide whether to be a good daughter and shrug it off or tell her. The crazy part is that she hasn't seen my hair or its progress in over a year.

    LOL KinkyChic. Laughter is great medicine, right? :D

    Man it's a judgement call when it comes to handling this, I think.

    I wonder what would happen if, when your mom started up w/you again, you pretended she was aiming all that hair hate at herself (which is really what's happening, probably). What if you just calmly said, “Your natural hair is lovely” after she criticized yours? What if you just practiced that line on her for a while to see what she did with it?

    I used to get into an argument whenever my mom started complaining about African hair. Then one time I tried the approach above (“Mom, I think your natural hair is lovely, and I'd love to see it again.”) One time she just wouldn't stop complaining though, so while she talked I started hugging her. (She hugged me back but kept complaining :)) But whenever she paused for a second I'd tell her things I love about her hair (her texture – springy and soft (not like wool LOL); her color – salt and pepper; her look – majestic, regal, elegant). Of course she kept disagreeing that time but we ended up laughing and changing the subject. Admittedly, it still fires me up though when that BS about Ham comes up. I hate interpretations of religious texts that propagate racist ideology.
    randi415 wrote: »
    I always had to get a roller set or blow dried, then flat ironed to get it straight. Soon as I'd wash my hair it would revert back. Now it was never as coarse as it is now when it was relaxed it just looked like heat damaged natural hair. My stylist would leave it on longer than necessary and spray certain spots with Sheen if I said it burned. SMH I don't think I ever got a relaxer w/out having to deal with scabs a few days later. I do not miss those days!

    Sent from my SPH-L900 using CurlTalk App

    Randi, before you ever got your first relaxer, did you know that relaxers would still require all this extra work? I didn't. Can't believe so many of us were willing to put up w/the damaged look and all those scabs on our heads. All that because we thought we'd be more beautiful!

    [More responses below … ]
  • KorkscrewKorkscrew Posts: 1,834Registered Users
    brimom19 wrote: »
    I have three biracial daughters and I was constantly encouraged to perm their hair by their father's family... So I did. I have since learned better and they are all natural, however, when they were relaxed I still had to take a straighten iron to it because it always ended up having an weird wave pattern. I complete understand the unsupportive family. My mother as well as their dads family think I am crazy for not relaxing their hair. I don't have much support from either side, but I know what is best for my kids, so their opinions don't matter much to me.

    Yep, the curl-bashing thing is ubiquitous, at least in the US. If all those relatives told me I was “crazy” for not straightening my kid's hair, I'd tell them - even if I didn't mean it - that I don't care for their hair, and they are crazy for not curling it. I would say it just to try and make them engage their brains.
    brimom19 wrote: »
    My mother is another issue, she has always tried to be "in my business". But as I said her opinion doesn't matter, but it doesn't stop her from stating it.

    Not sure this has happened yet, but her opinion does matter the moment your kids overhear it, or the moment those comments are aimed at them. It's abusive IMO. If it were me I'd make it plain to her that if she says anything in the presence of my kids about their natural texture being unacceptable, she will be immediately invited out of my house, or if we're somewhere else, I will take the kids and leave. She doesn't have to get your logic. If she's less married to repeating her upsetting comments than to seeing you and the kids, she'll get the point and stop. And you might even earn a little more respect by putting your foot down.
  • brimom19brimom19 Posts: 43Registered Users
    Don't get me wrong I am by no way a push over or weak by anyone's stretch of the imagination. I have my convictions and I stand by them. When I said that her opinion didn't matter I meant that it doesn't move me or in any way sway me from my decision about my girls hair. I know what is best for them. Yes, I did perm their hair, but when I learned better I did better. I am teaching my girls to love themselves for who God created them to be..., every part of them. My mom doesn't get it yet, hopefully she will or atleast respect my decision. We are from the Deep South and there are VERY few naturals around here and even fewer biracial couples. I have dealt with racism from both sides. I never figured that hair would be such a huge issue and was surprised when it became one.
  • KorkscrewKorkscrew Posts: 1,834Registered Users
    Oh I didn't mean to make you out as weak. I just have some strong opinions. It's great that your kids have a mom who is willing to abandon the straightening tools and stand up for her principles in the face of all that pressure :)

    Although my interracial family and I didn't spend a lot of time down South, I know what you mean about having been outnumbered, and having hair made into a big deal. It was a constant tame-the-curls campaign!
  • adthomasadthomas Posts: 5,525Registered Users
    I live in the Deep South and I think sometimes people tend to lump it all together. I think a lot depends on where you live. My cousin married a white guy. They are both doctors and they moved to a town where people treated them like dirt. They planned to stay there a few years to knock off their debts for being in impoverished area but left it got so bad. Still it took years for them to sell their house because a black white couple had lived there. Where I live it is very diverse and lots of military and lots of tourists. People don't care much about interracial dating and marriage. I have only dated one guy in the last 10 years who wasn't white or latino (honestly I don't consider latino a race but some people do.) My my mom lives two hours away and I have had black people strangers approach me there while out with white friends ask me why I was hanging out with white people. I went to a store with a guyfriend to buy a locket for his mom. He was white and the white clerk was rude acting like she was disgusted and barely tried to be helpful. I told him to ask to see a ring but he wouldn't do it. LOL!

    Oh and I see a lot of naturals in New Orleans.
    Yes, it's real. No, you can't touch it. :wav:
  • KorkscrewKorkscrew Posts: 1,834Registered Users
    adthomas wrote: »
    My my mom lives two hours away and I have had black people strangers approach me there while out with white friends ask me why I was hanging out with white people. I went to a store with a guyfriend to buy a locket for his mom. He was white and the white clerk was rude acting like she was disgusted and barely tried to be helpful. I told him to ask to see a ring but he wouldn't do it. LOL!

    Tacky and tackier. I see your friend's point. I wouldn't have continued shopping at that joint either after that.
  • brimom19brimom19 Posts: 43Registered Users
    Just plain ignorance to me. I don't understand racism and never will. When I was pregnant with my first my father asked me to get an abortion. I was 24, had my college degree, and was teaching. I of course told him no and we haven't spoken in 14 years. My grandmother(my dad's mother) then came to me and ask me to give her up for adoption). I haven't spoken That entire side of the family in years, which doesn't bother me anymore. My girls have started to ask a lot of questions because their cousins see my dads side. They are just confused as to why. I tell them constantly that they are beautiful, smart, and strong... Which they are. They have so much love from my mothers side of the family, but racism is alive and real where I live in Alabama.
  • adthomasadthomas Posts: 5,525Registered Users
    brimom19 wrote: »
    Just plain ignorance to me. I don't understand racism and never will. When I was pregnant with my first my father asked me to get an abortion. I was 24, had my college degree, and was teaching. I of course told him no and we haven't spoken in 14 years. My grandmother(my dad's mother) then came to me and ask me to give her up for adoption). I haven't spoken That entire side of the family in years, which doesn't bother me anymore. My girls have started to ask a lot of questions because their cousins see my dads side. They are just confused as to why. I tell them constantly that they are beautiful, smart, and strong... Which they are. They have so much love from my mothers side of the family, but racism is alive and real where I live in Alabama.

    That is sad that people can let their hate overrule their love for their family. I will pray for them and your girls. I dated a white guy once whose sister had black kids. His father would have nothing to do with them and wouldnt allow my bf to have photos of them in the house. Man probably would have killed over if I'd married his son.
    When my cousin married a white guy some family members werent happy about it but they love her so they accept it. In fact my cousin's sister has always said how much she hates white people but but she is crazy about her niece and nephew I guess because family is family.
    My dad and stepmom have told me they dont believe in interracial marriage. But do I honestly think a single family member would disown me. Not a chance.

    Edit - what I should have said is my parents don't believe in marrying white people. Any other race they don't care. These relatives never really say why they feel the way they do.
    Yes, it's real. No, you can't touch it. :wav:
  • RizosMioRizosMio Posts: 141Registered Users
    My relaxers always took well, my hairdresser would leave it on until it started burning though. My hair was laid each time without miss that's for sure. Lol.

    I'm transitioning now and the problems some of you speak of in your families also exist in mine. I feel like black Hispanics are some of the worst when it comes to curly hair...hair has to be in the type 2s to ever be considered "good" and even then, it's better off relaxed. The self hate is such a shame.
  • adthomasadthomas Posts: 5,525Registered Users
    RizosMio wrote: »
    My relaxers always took well, my hairdresser would leave it on until it started burning though. My hair was laid each time without miss that's for sure. Lol.

    I'm transitioning now and the problems some of you speak of in your families also exist in mine. I feel like black Hispanics are some of the worst when it comes to curly hair...hair has to be in the type 2s to ever be considered "good" and even then, it's better off relaxed. The self hate is such a shame.
    Some relatives you are never going to convince. In a recent visit with family I got to hear someone call natural hair "Kizzy hair". They meant it negative. Actually Kizzy was one of mt favorite characters in Roots. That actress was beautiful. Lol! Buena suerte with your transition.

    Good Luck Buena Suerte with your transition
    Yes, it's real. No, you can't touch it. :wav:
«13