I'm not a parent, but I need a parent's advice.

hairlikemerida

My mother absolutely hates my hair. I'm not sure what it is, I think it's 3A or 3B, but if you've seen Brave, it's like Merida's hair. My hair is frizzy and large and my mother is always saying that I should straighten it because it would make me look prettier. I love my hair the way it is, it's a part of who I am. It represents the hot-tempered, fiery girl that I actually am.
And she's always saying how I should wear makeup. I'm almost 16 and I don't really care about that stuff. I used to before 8th grade because my mom always made the hairdresser cut my hair short and give me bangs, which was the worst idea ever.

How do I get her to stop bugging me? And why is she always doing this? Whenever she comments on it, it hurts. It feels like she's taking a stab at my personality as a whole.

Any advice?

taele1090

I dont think you can make her stop you just have to ignore it and love your hair. Its different for her she might not understand curly hair and when ppl see something they don't understand they either hate it or criticize it

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jennag

Criticizing from a parent is so hard. My sister and I have had endless amounts of therapy because of this. What I have come to understand as a parent myself is we desperately want our children to be happy. If our child is surrounded by people who think she's amazing, we can let go a little. When girls all look alike, they have less chance of being pounced on by the herd. Then we can stand back and tell ourselves they are happy and well adjusted. I truly look at it as a protection thing, otherwise I would have gone crazy trying to make my parents understand I am an individual, not a part of the heard. Stand strong and while she is making you feel bad (which she is probably not trying to do), she is in her way, trying to protect you. Maybe?

CurlyGrey3

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hairlikemerida

Thank you, so much. You guys wrote wonderful responses. I'm sure she's not doing it on purpose, but she wants me to show people up. Whenever I talk about school, she always says, "Why don't you just dress up one day and see what everyone says? Put on makeup and do your hair."

I tell her that I don't care. And she says I should. Thanks again. I'll try to take your advice.

Rednaturalcurls

You just have to learn to ignore it unfortunately. My mom is the same way and I'm 36. Its either that it looks dry or I shouldn't touch it so much because i make it frizzy or couldnt i push it away from my face. The worst is when someone comments on my hair (usually nice comment) she instantly jumps in with oh she hates it or something along those lines. Um no I don't. As I have gotten older I have mostly learned how to just blow it off because I know she doesn't mean any harm and she just doesn't really understand my hair (no one else has curly hair like me in my family). So just try to take what she says with a grain of salt and know she means no bad intent.

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collegecurly27

hairlikemerida wrote: »

My mother absolutely hates my hair. I'm not sure what it is, I think it's 3A or 3B, but if you've seen Brave, it's like Merida's hair. My hair is frizzy and large and my mother is always saying that I should straighten it because it would make me look prettier. I love my hair the way it is, it's a part of who I am. It represents the hot-tempered, fiery girl that I actually am.
And she's always saying how I should wear makeup. I'm almost 16 and I don't really care about that stuff. I used to before 8th grade because my mom always made the hairdresser cut my hair short and give me bangs, which was the worst idea ever.

How do I get her to stop bugging me? And why is she always doing this? Whenever she comments on it, it hurts. It feels like she's taking a stab at my personality as a whole.

Any advice?

This is really hard because its your mom. I think it's great that you're happy with who you are-especially your curly hair. That's such a rare quality in a 16 year old and should be celebrated! Based on experience with my family, you're just going to have to practice ignoring her. Try not to get mad/yell/exercise your "fiery temper" because that's just going to make her keep commenting (this is the hardest part). Stay very calm, very pleasant and refuse to participate-don't make a big deal about it, just ignore her and change the subject- hopefully she will eventually get bored talking to herself and give up. Remember that you can always get up and leave a room. I hope it works out for you!