"the talk"?

KaterinaKaterina Posts: 117Registered Users
Be still, my beating heart. This is the "big one" I've feared for so long: "the talk" with my oldest daughter. SEX.

I don't think I should replicate my own dealings with my mom re: "the talk" and about sex. As for the talk, my mom didn't tell me anything about my period, so when it happened one night during final rehearsal for the winter band concert, I had NO IDEA what was happening. And sex? In a word, she told me not to have sex with my boyfriend of the time. It embarrased both him and me. I won't repeat her words, but it was a 2 word warning.

I've actually had some introduction to the talk about her cycle, and she not yet had her menarche. However, she recently learned about the reproductive cycle of plants. There are several similar terms and the process is quite similar, in a plantish sort of way. I do know I want to use this material to talk with her. I know I must do it soon. One day she made mention of making out. I was shocked to learn that in 5th grade, she knows what this is. That means I need to talk with her soon and give her accurate and truthful, yet age-appropriate information.

I so dearly covet your suggestions!!! Thanks to one and all!
fine, wavy hair with lazy waves. Sometimes lanky spiral curls underneath when the weath is very humid. My waves are capricious like me! Presently using Burt's Bees condish, FOTE AVG with honey or Mop Top gel.


  • geekygeeky Posts: 4,995Registered Users
    I don't believe in "THE TALK" that you have one time. I think whatever questions kids asked should be answered honestly and age-appropriately. I say introduce the topic, let her ask questions and go from there.
    To Trenell, MizKerri and geeky:
    I pray none of you ever has to live in a communist state.

    Geeky is my hero. She's the true badass. The badass who doesn't even need to be a badass. There aren't enough O's in cool to describe her.
  • iris427iris427 Posts: 6,002Registered Users
    You said your daughter is in 5th grade, so I assume you don't mean the "how babies are made" talk, right? But you said she learned about how plants reproduce and that it's similar--does your daughter not know how sex works and (human) reproduction happens? I'm just not quite sure what you are looking to explain to her.

    I'm not a parent, but what Geeky said sounds right to me. Age-appropriate information. I'm not surprised that a 5th grader knows what "making out" means either.
  • shellibeanshellibean Posts: 4,500Registered Users
    I bet she already knows. Do they not have sex-ed at her school? We had it in the 5th grade.
    A closed mind is a wonderful thing to lose.

    "...you could have a turd on your head and no one would notice."~Subbrock

    "I had an imaginary puppy, but my grandpa ate him."~Bailey
  • RedCatWavesRedCatWaves Posts: 31,259Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    You just tell her...everything...the sooner the better. I teach my kids (my boys and my girl) about puberty and sex from very young ages, so there's never a single "talk". It's a series of talks over many years, always age appropriate.

    Please talk to her soon, and often.
  • internetchickinternetchick Posts: 6,191Registered Users
    I also don't believe in "the talk". My kids are 8, 5(in a few days), and 3, so we haven't had in depth talks yet. So far they know the correct terms for their genitals, and I have answered any sex questions honestly and age appropriately. My younger sister is pregnant, so there has been many questions about how babies are made :roll:
  • marielle448marielle448 Posts: 1,823Registered Users
    yup series of talks and never one big talk. Just begin to discuss things with her in age appropriate terms and elaborate as she asks questions and matures.

    Also I recently saw a new book by the author of Taking Charge of Your Fertility called Cycle Saavy. It's geared towards teens and really demystifies the whole period.
  • M2LRM2LR Posts: 8,630Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    I also agree that there is no "one" talk. I remember my mom kind of telling me things whenever I had a question. I think that it made it MUCH easier for me to go to her when I had a question or a problem. I think 5th grade is when I had my first sex ed class, but all of the girls knew about it all before then.

    With my son, he's 4, he's had questions on how babies get into tummies, and knows all about breasts and breastfeeding, etc. He actually told a friend of his what my breastpump was and what it did. LOL. We don't really hide anything from each other, either. I mean, within reason, and of course, he doesn't shower with me. But, if he sees me nekkid for whatever reason, and asks a question (How come you and sissy don't have a penis?) and stuff like that, I answer honestly, matter of factly. If I make a big deal out of it, then he thinks it's funny, and draws it out.
  • Oregano  (formerly babywavy)Oregano (formerly babywavy) Posts: 5,297Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    I don't think there was ever one "talk" in my house about getting my period. We were very open doored people, and I think I would see my own mother with her period from the time I was very young. I don't remember anyone having a talk with me about it. I just always knew because it was just always discussed.

    As far as the actual sex talk, I was 8 years old, and came running inside crying that two dogs were "stuck together" outside. My mom pulled me inside and explained most of it right there. I was traumatized for a while b/c she didn't just tell me WHY, she gave me a little overview of HOW - but I think this kept me from being overly curious and wanted to find out myself. :lol:

    Otherwise, she would just answer my questions as I asked them.
    ~ the artist formerly known as babywavy ~

    Please excuse any typos. For the time being, we are blaming it on my computer.
  • three rivers curlythree rivers curly Posts: 994Registered Users
    I see it more as a series of talks. As things come up, I try to explain them in the simplist and most honest way that I can without traumatizing her. I am also not a fan of the "stork" or "cabbage patch" kid stories.
    Better everyone think your a fool, than to open your mouth and prove them right.

    Perception is not reality.

  • rainshowerrainshower Posts: 4,420Registered Users
    sex talks should be ongoing. there shouldn't be just a "one big talk." the reason is because the information that you'd give a curious 4-year-old, for example, wouldn't be as detailed as the information that you'd give an 8 year old. and that information wouldn't be as detailed as the information that you'd give an 11 year old, and so forth.

    your talk to her about menstruation should be rather detailed, as she's old enough to comprehend body parts and the general idea of what they do and why.

    i've been answering our son's questions since he was four. generally, i wait until i notice that his questions are changing to determine how much more detail he needs.
    "Dogs stink too, but I like dog stink." ~ rileyb

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