My obsession with being pretty, I need help.

one way streetone way street Posts: 772Registered Users
I always feel like I need to be pretty. Everyday, I always see this girl, Sara who's the prettiest girl in our school. She thinks she's ugly, which is just crap if you ask me. I'm starting to become really obsessed. People tell my I'm pretty, but I never agree. I always feel like I need makeup to cover my dark circles and scars from picking at blackheads. I defnitely felt horrible on Valentine's Day, because my crush told me to my face that "no one cares about me." He was just kidding, but it still hurt. I feel like no one will ever like me because I'm ugly and that I'll never get married and I'll live alone. I'm sorry if this is just a teen problem, but I really hate feeling like this.
mod. CG 2C-3A/M/iii
Fotki album and journal updated: 10/01/07
password: springlet

Currently: Trying to stop straightening so much. Using Elucence conditioner and whatever works for me.

Comments

  • EilonwyEilonwy Posts: 12,391Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    Angiecurls, I honestly think that your feelings are normal for someone your age. Sara feels the same way you do, and so do all the other girls in your class. So do the guys! That doesn't mean that it's silly or "just a teen problem," though. Everyone cares about their appearance, because we all want that special girl or guy to notice us. And of course there are always fashion magazines telling us how we "should" look. And Valentine's Day makes a lot of people feel inadequate, no matter what their age. The difference is that as you get older, you'll put things in perspective. I've got dark under-eye circles too, and while they can be a little annoying, I just put concealer on them and it's not a big deal. I'm sorry your crush made those stupid comments. It sounds like he didn't want to be mean, though.

    Feel free to PM me!
  • DominicanaHeatDominicanaHeat Posts: 2,729Registered Users
    Aww man, don't feel bad. Like Eilonwy said, those are normal feelings at your age. I remember when I was a teenager, I can honestly say I was an "Ugly Betty". I hated it. People would tell me I was pretty but I think it was either they were patronizing me or they liked me so much as a person that they felt I was beautiful all around. But ya know what, as I got older, I started to learn more about how to take care of myself, and I realized that I didn't have to do much to to improve my looks. It was 95% emotional maintenance that I had to, and only 5% physical beauty maintenance feel and look a whole lot better. I feel loads of self confidence every day, even when I have bad hair days, feel bloated, got puffy eyes or a zit here or there.
    3a/3b thick coarse WL dark brown hair. CG/Mod CG since: 5/4/05. Current products: Right now my hair is in such a tizzy over this winter weather we are hving that nothing really seems to be working. I need a haircut.
  • zeldagoblinzeldagoblin Posts: 575Registered Users
    Dominica is a wise woman!! "95% emotional maintenance that I had to, and only 5% physical beauty maintenance ". Sums it up very well.

    I have 3 sisters who are true raving beauties. You can see one of them on my pics, on the halloween pic. And, erm, she is convinced that she is UGLY! Man, thats hard to hear, when you feel like Mrs Average in the first place, to hear someone you think is beautiful say they are ugly. But I guess it just proves that we are as pretty as we feel, and if we dont like what we see in the mirror, nothing anyone else tells us will change it.

    I was scared I would never get married too, I couldnt imagine finding someone who would like me, but it happened, he happens to love big crazy hair too, conveniently!!! So there is hope! :)

    Not much I can say to help, but I wanted to post some support, knowing how it feels.

    Hugs

    Liz xx
    Here are my curly pics, password is fuzz

    http://public.fotki.com/zeldagoblin/

    But then again, too few to mention...
  • one way streetone way street Posts: 772Registered Users
    Oh thanks so much guys. You really helped me. I really like that 95% emotional beauty maintenance, 5% physical beauty maintenance. That would be a really good slogan for something.

    100% of Beauty=95% emotional maitenace + 5% beauty maintenance.
    mod. CG 2C-3A/M/iii
    Fotki album and journal updated: 10/01/07
    password: springlet

    Currently: Trying to stop straightening so much. Using Elucence conditioner and whatever works for me.
  • sfisher323sfisher323 Posts: 537Registered Users
    I think that belongs in someone's signature. :) Hell, maybe mine, I could use the reminder every now and then.


    It's certainly not a teen problem! I was struggling with this just today (almost 26), and I do every now and again. I watch my mom struggle with it every now and then (almost 53). We live in a society where we're told that looks matter - and not just any looks, but particular sizes, shapes, colors, and so forth. It's no wonder we all worry about it at various times.

    And the emotional thing is true. On my happiest days, I feel my most attractive. :)
    embracing my inner curl since late Nov 2006
    2b/3a (I think?)
    color-treated red/brown, medium-textured hair
    PJ, currently using Suave citrus smoothie, B2B pom cond, GF C&S leave-in, AG re:coil, LOOB, HE SMU, Jessicurl HCC, CC, AIS
  • rouquinnerouquinne Posts: 13,734Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    i'm almost 47 and i go through it all the time.

    to be 100% honest, i look at myself in the mirror and the only thing i ever say to myself is "you're so ugly". i often wonder why other people don't see me that way...
    My blog:

    http://labellatestarossa.blogspot.ca/

    Little Mother of all the Roaches, President-for-Life of the MAC Harlots!
  • badgercurlsbadgercurls Posts: 3,077Registered Users
    I agree with the 95% emotional and 5% physical thing, too. I can see my own life as a good example of it. I can really identify with what you're saying, angiecurls. When I was in high school, I always thought I was so plain. I was afraid no one would ever notice me and I feared that I would never have a boyfriend. In reality, some people did notice me in high school, but I was so caught up in thinking I was so boring and plain to even notice. I was always jealous of the girls who got all of the attention, and I wanted to be like them, but I was afraid they'd reject me if I wanted to hang out with them.

    I think I always wanted to have one of those fantasy movie makeovers a la the Princess Diaries or She's All That where I would turn into this hot girl overnight. It did happen, but not overnight, and not in the way I thought.

    I'm 24 now and very confident in myself, but it's taken a lot of mental and emotional work. I don't look much different than I did in high school, but I feel so much better about myself. I have a wonderful, gorgeous boyfriend who says he was also kind of a "plain" guy in high school. Last summer, I ran into several old high school classmates who did double-takes and said things like, "Oh my gosh, you got hot!!" (I wanted to say, "Actually, I just got happy.") I also ran into the "hot" girls from high school and realized that years of being mean, shallow, and obsessed with their looks have taken a toll on them. It seems like a lot of them kind of peaked in high school and their lives have gone down hill since then because they've kept their nasty, mean, dramatic high school ways. It made me really glad I never suceeded in becoming "one of them."

    Anyway, I guess my point is that you are normal in the way that you feel, but that doesn't mean it makes it easier. Try to focus on doing things that make you feel good about yourself - whether it's a hobby you're really good at, doing something nice for other people, or learning a new skill - and less on what you look like on the outside. The outside will follow the inside.
  • noellenoelle Posts: 377Registered Users
    I also ran into the "hot" girls from high school and realized that years of being mean, shallow, and obsessed with their looks have taken a toll on them. It seems like a lot of them kind of peaked in high school and their lives have gone down hill since then because they've kept their nasty, mean, dramatic high school ways. It made me really glad I never suceeded in becoming "one of them."

    Anyway, I guess my point is that you are normal in the way that you feel, but that doesn't mean it makes it easier. Try to focus on doing things that make you feel good about yourself - whether it's a hobby you're really good at, doing something nice for other people, or learning a new skill - and less on what you look like on the outside. The outside will follow the inside.

    This has been my experience as well. You expressed it perfectly, badgercurls!

    The people who age the best are the ones who have beautiful personalities...they just keep getting better!
    2C top/3A&B underneath. Activate Hydrating Conditioner, Jessicurl products.
  • CurlyHead391CurlyHead391 Posts: 11Registered Users
    Awwwww don't worry. I go through the same thing all the time. I see girls all the time that are gorgeous, and it is hard to not compare yourself with them. Some days I feel pretty, some days I feel ugly. Some days I feel like I sing good, sometimes I feel like I don't sing well. Some days I feel smart, but then I see my friend's report card and don't feel as smart. Instead of comparing yourself to others, look at what you do have, like your special talents, your friends, etc. Just be happy with what you were blessed with and realize that YOU ARE SPECIAL, and there is NO ONE like you.
    ~Christine

    Life is too precious to be taken for granted; make the most of the time that you have. You never know when God will decide to take you home.
  • embudiniembudini Posts: 580Registered Users
    Angiecurls,, I can relate, not much help but...

    Oh, BTW, have you read the Uglies~Pretties~Specials trilogy? This thread title reminded me of those books...
    PW: ihaveafotki :toothy2:
    Fotki UPDATED! 12-14-2007
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    Former Tween Scene Columnist
  • ScarletScarlet Posts: 3,125Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    In general I think what you're feeling is very normal and natural. I'm 38 and I still feel this way.

    However, I will say that even though this guy may have been joking, making a joke like this at someone else's expense isn't funny; it's hurtful If this is something he does often, I would encourage you to reevaluate your friendship (or whatever) with him.
    The first lesson of economics is scarcity: There is never enough of anything to satisfy all those who want it. The first lesson of politics is to disregard the first lesson of economics - Thomas Sowell
  • tooj68tooj68 Posts: 471Registered Users
    It's funny, but usually the ones who were the "popular beauties" in high school, end up looking frumpy when they hit adulthood, and the "plain janes" blossom and look pretty darned hot when they get older.

    This is the case with sooo many women I know. When I went to my 20 year reunion I was like, HAH! Finally some justice!!


    Be patient. You'll blossom into a total knockout!

    BTW--you already sound beautiful to me!! :D
    3B, with oodles and oodles of curly hair! :toothy7:
    Summer Faves: Devacare NoPoo & OneC, CF High Humidity Gel.
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  • EilonwyEilonwy Posts: 12,391Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    I'd like to add that since you (the OP) are pretty young, your appearance will still change and develop. There were a few years when my nose outpaced the rest of my face :wink: but everything wound up pretty proportionate, if I say so myself.
  • one way streetone way street Posts: 772Registered Users
    tooj68 wrote:
    It's funny, but usually the ones who were the "popular beauties" in high school, end up looking frumpy when they hit aduthood, and the "plain janes" blossom and look pretty darned hot when they get older.


    BTW--you already sound beautiful to me!! :D


    Aww thanks, tooj! It's weird, all the popular girls in my school are "fake pretty". If they didn't wear tons of makeup, they would be very plain. Sara, the girl I was talking about earlier isn't like that, but sometimes I look at the popular girls getting all the attention from boys and think, "What makes them so special?" None of them are drop dead gorgeous, they're fake, rude, and dumb. Even though it still bugs me sometimes, I'm learning that all that stuff doesn't really matter. 10 years from now, who will care who the most popular girl in school was?
    mod. CG 2C-3A/M/iii
    Fotki album and journal updated: 10/01/07
    password: springlet

    Currently: Trying to stop straightening so much. Using Elucence conditioner and whatever works for me.

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