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spinoff: at what age, the "talk?"

spiderlashes5000spiderlashes5000 Posts: 17,495Registered Users Curl Neophyte
At what age did your mothers have the talk with you? (ie, sex, how babies are made, rape)

Well, maybe for you those were all separate talks but forme they were all part of the same big talk.

And for those of you who are mothers, at what age did you have the talk w/ your daughters? With your sons?

I was 7 when my mother had it w/ me. My daughter is 8 and I still haven't had it w/ her...but I really want to and need to. Just trying to put it off a few more months.

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  • jeepcurlygurljeepcurlygurl Posts: 19,237Registered Users Curl Dabbler
    I'm 56. Still waitin.
    Really, my parents never said a word about sex, drugs, booze, etc. When my first period happened, my mom handed me the paraphernalia and that was it. Everything else I had to learn on my own.
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  • JosephineJosephine Posts: 14,175Registered Users
    I'm 56. Still waitin.
    Really, my parents never said a word about sex, drugs, booze, etc. When my first period happened, my mom handed me the paraphernalia and that was it. Everything else I had to learn on my own.

    LOL. My mom talked to me about my period around when i was 12 (I got mine way later). She talked to me about inappropriate touching at a way younger age but I don't remember when(this is due to an incident that happened to me around 5).

    Never had a sex talk.

    My dad talked to me (the same day my mom told me about periods) about how boys can be bad and persistant, and to be careful.
  • geminigemini Posts: 3,325Registered Users
    I'm 56. Still waitin.
    Really, my parents never said a word about sex, drugs, booze, etc. When my first period happened, my mom handed me the paraphernalia and that was it. Everything else I had to learn on my own.

    The above applies to me, except I am almost 38. I have a 7 year old daughter and it's been an ongoing discussion since she was 5.
  • ruralcurlsruralcurls Posts: 2,574Registered Users
    Same here. My parents never mentioned any of those things to me.


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  • SpringcurlSpringcurl Posts: 8,002Registered Users
    Never had it. But with my daughter we talked about it ongoing from the time she was 4 to the time she was like 15. not everyday, obviously, just when teachable moments came up.
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  • LayaliLayali Posts: 561Registered Users
    I had the talk with mom right around age 9, right before we were taught about puberty in school. It's important to note that prior to the discussion, I already knew quite a bit about sex from overhearing older kids (on the bus, my cousins, etc.) talk about it.

    Even if you don't feel your daughter is mature enough for a discussion about sex, I hope you have already had the inappropriate touch discussion.
    naturally 3b/3c

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  • juanabjuanab Posts: 4,037Registered Users
    I talked my daughter initially at age 5 about good and bad touches and it didn't matter who it was. At age 8, I started talking to her about sex, that it caused babies, diseases, being an adult action, being mentally and emotionally prepared and repercussions if you aren't. When she started her period, I also discussed that when guys hit puberty, sex is pretty much the number one thing they think about until they die or can't think. I continued talking her about all of the above until she turned 18. I still remind her ever once and awhile. We also made an agreement when she was in middle school, that although I would rather she wait until she was married to have sex, that she would tell me when was ready before she did. She turned 21, March 22nd and I asked her if the agreement is in place and said she said absolutely. My daughter knows I won't freak out. I am happy to say, she calls me one of her best friends.

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  • murrrcatmurrrcat Posts: 9,596Registered Users
    like 12, I didn't get my p-rad(that's my code word....creative right?) until like 14, y'all. I had sex ed at 11, worst time of my life, because I still played with barbies and thought boys were disgusting....(I did until college bwahaha), I had the inapropriate touching speak at 5/6ish.

    at 15, my dad took a pencil and sharpened it, a fork, some keys, a screw driver, and was like "if someone tries to touch you and you don't want them to...use these" *demonstrates how to stab people in the eye with various objects*

    Seriously.
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  • RedCatWavesRedCatWaves Posts: 31,258Registered Users
    It was ongoing, with all my kids...probably starting at around age 4 or so. Content of the conversations was commensurate with their interest and understanding, often question-led.
  • irociroc Posts: 7,890Registered Users
    It was ongoing, with all my kids...probably starting at around age 4 or so. Content of the conversations was commensurate with their interest and understanding, often question-led.

    This. For instance, my kids know about puberty and that someday they will get their period, and what the biological purpose of their period is. They've been told how babies are made, but not the actual sex conversation.

    I answer their questions but try not to get ahead of their questions or their age.

    Eta: we've talked about their bodies neing theirs and how no one should touch them and they should never ever feel like they have to do something thar makes them uncomfortable from very early on.

    I've also talked about drinking and drugs and peer pressure, in an age appropriate way. I've been talking to my daughter about peer pressure, such as, she shouldn't do what her friends are doing if she feels uncomfortable or feels its wrong, and she shouldn't ever be afraid to walk away. We've also talked about drugs, the difference between what the doctor gives you and others, and staying in school, inappropriate content on tv, being safe on the internet.

    I have very open conversations with my kids. I try to shelter them to keep them 'kids', but I talk to them like they're people, about real stuff, and often.

    My mom talked to me about sex when I was 8. I think I was too young and it felt traumatic. I also think she was 'too' open with me at times. I won't do that, but I talk to my kids on an appropriate 'friend' level bc I want them to feel comfortable talking to me, not afraid bc they only see me as this 'higher power'.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
  • Fifi.GFifi.G Posts: 15,490Registered Users
    I remember the inappropriate touch conversation happening at a very early age. 4 or 5.

    My dad gave me a sex talk at 15 which went a little something like this, "If you ever get pregnant, don't bother coming home". That was about it, until I opened a discussion with my mom about the 2nd guy I slept with and some resulting drama (long story). My mom was beyond proud of me. She literally lit up and gasped. You slept with ... ?? because he was uber good looking. I laughed hysterically, and realized I could have been talking to openly to her about much more.

    We never really had a drinking and drugs talk. Generic "Drugs are bad, mmmmkay?" were the most specific it got to me personally. My dad shared stories from his alcoholic father, and I was let in on slip ups by my older brothers. So it was more learn by example, and make my own mistakes. They did always let us know that we could call them, at any point in time, if we were drunk and needed a way home. There would be no judgement, that night. The next day would be a different story.
    When I hear terms like "hipster" I think, who told cliques they could leave high school??

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
  • missbanjomissbanjo Posts: 3,088Registered Users
    I don't recall any talks. My mom was 16, dad was 17 when I was born (shotgun wedding too) and there was always whispering, etc. It seemed I always knew it would be very bad if I had sex/got pregnant before I left home.
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  • lcl0706lcl0706 Posts: 959Registered Users
    I was 10 when my mom dumped a book in my lap & said "read it."

    my SO's daughter is 9 & really needs the talk but I am not her mother. I told SO the other day he needed to make sure that happens very soon. girls hit puberty earlier & earlier these days & I am already seeing signs in her.
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  • Fifi.GFifi.G Posts: 15,490Registered Users
    I forgot about the period talk. I never had one of those either. I learned everything I needed to know from my classmate, and close friend who started in the 3rd grade. She told mw everything I needed to know. I was still mortified when I started at 12, and did not say anything for some time. I eventually told my mom, and she was shocked that I did not bring it up when it happened. I had been told that getting your period meant you were a woman, by friends, and I was not ready to be a woman.

    ETA: My friend really did do an excellent job explaining it to me. Her mom was an early developer, and worked in a medical facility, and did a brilliant job relating it to her. I understood the why's and what to do. With that said, if you are not having the talks, someone else is. :-/
    When I hear terms like "hipster" I think, who told cliques they could leave high school??

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
  • juanabjuanab Posts: 4,037Registered Users
    Fifi.G wrote: »
    I forgot about the period talk. I never had one of those either. I learned everything I needed to know from my classmate, and close friend who started in the 3rd grade. She told mw everything I needed to know. I was still mortified when I started at 12, and did not say anything for some time. I eventually told my mom, and she was shocked that I did not bring it up when it happened. I had been told that getting your period meant you were a woman, by friends, and I was not ready to be a woman.

    ETA: My friend really did do an excellent job explaining it to me. Her mom was an early developer, and worked in a medical facility, and did a brilliant job relating it to her. I understood the why's and what to do. With that said, if you are not having the talks, someone else is. :-/

    It was a good thing you received excellent information from your friend. Before the age of Internet, if your friend or acquaintance gave you bad info (happened a lot back then), you couldn't verify what you had been told.

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  • Rubber BiscuitRubber Biscuit Posts: 1,294Registered Users
    ....
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  • LoloDSMLoloDSM Posts: 3,778Registered Users
    When I was 16 my mom asked if I knew how babies were made. I told her I did. She responded "don't do it." End of discussion.
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  • BeautyisMireeBeautyisMiree Posts: 202Registered Users
    I never had the talk with my parents. As soon as I turned 4 I knew about sex and rape, my parents never monitored what I watched so TV taught me about my body.

    I say when your daughter is 10 is the ideal time too tell her because what I've noticed is that when you tell kids about sex at an early age they become a little bit too developed and get too curious.

    If you tell your daughter at the age of 8 just tell her to respect her body and don't listen to what the celebs say about beauty.
  • AntoniaAntonia Posts: 68Registered Users
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  • Fifi.GFifi.G Posts: 15,490Registered Users
    juanab wrote: »
    Fifi.G wrote: »
    I forgot about the period talk. I never had one of those either. I learned everything I needed to know from my classmate, and close friend who started in the 3rd grade. She told mw everything I needed to know. I was still mortified when I started at 12, and did not say anything for some time. I eventually told my mom, and she was shocked that I did not bring it up when it happened. I had been told that getting your period meant you were a woman, by friends, and I was not ready to be a woman.

    ETA: My friend really did do an excellent job explaining it to me. Her mom was an early developer, and worked in a medical facility, and did a brilliant job relating it to her. I understood the why's and what to do. With that said, if you are not having the talks, someone else is. :-/

    It was a good thing you received excellent information from your friend. Before the age of Internet, if your friend or acquaintance gave you bad info (happened a lot back then), you couldn't verify what you had been told.


    The Encyclopedia Britannica could only only hold so much. Lol.

    'Fingers crossed it's in here!'
    When I hear terms like "hipster" I think, who told cliques they could leave high school??

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
  • Jess the MessJess the Mess Posts: 5,844Registered Users
    I have ongoing talks with my kids. Much more so now with my almost 13yo daughter. She used to be very uncomfortable talking about anything body/sex related to I bought her a book at 9 or so called "The Care and Keeping of You". It covered a full range of age appropriate topics including hair and periods. I told her to read it and come to me with any questions she had. That seemed to really help. She read it countless times over the next year or so. She seemed to process the info better on her own. We now talk openly with each other and I talk openly with other people with her around about my views on sex Ed, talking to your kids, and birth control. She doesn't mind now and knows she can always come to me.
    High Priestess JessMess, follower of the Goddess of the Coiling Way and Confiscator of Concoctions in the Order of the Curly Crusaders

  • Fifi.GFifi.G Posts: 15,490Registered Users
    P.S- You just flooded my mind with memories of door to door dictionary salesmen.
    When I hear terms like "hipster" I think, who told cliques they could leave high school??

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
  • LadyV69LadyV69 Posts: 3,397Registered Users
    I responded to this earlier today on my phone but it got eaten up in cyberspace.

    Anyhoo, I was maybe 7 or 8 when my mom told me about the birds and the bees. It was kind of laughable actually. She read passages from a pamphlet that was outdated even in the 1970's where some of the statements read that masturbation could lead to a mental breakdown and/or blindness and that womenfolk were not to discuss current events with the menfolk and to always have the house clean and dinner ready. Yeah. I didn't have the period talk at the time, though. I got it at age 10 and was totally clueless. For two or three days, I thought I was dying. When I finally told my mother what was happening, that was when she told me what periods were. Fine time to tell me. I also got the bad touch, good touch talk too. I don't think she did that part well though. Even though she did state that family members or other people we knew could do bad touches, she didn't say that I was never to blame or that I talk to her if I needed to. She made it sound as if I should be distrustful of everyone and to always be on guard, so in the end, that part did me more harm than good.
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  • RedCatWavesRedCatWaves Posts: 31,258Registered Users
    I have ongoing talks with my kids. Much more so now with my almost 13yo daughter. She used to be very uncomfortable talking about anything body/sex related to I bought her a book at 9 or so called "The Care and Keeping of You". It covered a full range of age appropriate topics including hair and periods. I told her to read it and come to me with any questions she had. That seemed to really help. She read it countless times over the next year or so. She seemed to process the info better on her own. We now talk openly with each other and I talk openly with other people with her around about my views on sex Ed, talking to your kids, and birth control. She doesn't mind now and knows she can always come to me.



    My daughter had that book too. So did all of her friends. She really got a lot out of it. We talked too, of course, but something about reading it with her friends really helped her understand.
  • crimsonshedemoncrimsonshedemon Posts: 2,098Registered Users
    Never. Rape is always the woman's fault, sex is only for marriage, of God wants you to have a baby, so be it, etc. i had to learn about everything on my own. With my kids, boy17 and girl15, it's been an ongoing topic since they were very young. I also bought them books so they could read on their own and ask questions.
  • webjockeywebjockey Posts: 2,786Registered Users
    There is no "the talk" in my home; it's part of routine personal health training sine they were born.
    hello.world.
  • Always@nightAlways@night Posts: 566Registered Users
    I was in kindergarden, my mom always answered any questions I had about anything and never saw the need to cover it up or make up stories. I was very mature for my age, and always had a lot of questions. So I learnt things very early.
  • spiderlashes5000spiderlashes5000 Posts: 17,495Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    Some of you already answered. Thanks. But to clarify: when did you tell your children specifically that a man puts his erect penis into a woman's vagina, ejaculates, and the sperm fertilizes an egg that comes from her ovaries?

    Not refering to general health discussions.

  • irociroc Posts: 7,890Registered Users
    Some of you already answered. Thanks. But to clarify: when did you tell your children specifically that a man puts his erect penis into a woman's vagina, ejaculates, and the sperm fertilizes an egg that comes from her ovaries?

    Not refering to general health discussions.


    My daughter is almost 9. Some time last year she was asking how women get pregnant. I explained that women have an egg, and it has to be joined by sperm from a man, and then I explained how it comes together inside the woman's body to become a baby. And then I asked her if she had any questions, and I waited. I was nervous bc thought she would ask how the sperm gets inside the woman, but she did not. I assume she is not ready for that part and will come ask me that when she's ready for the next part of the conversation. So I didn't push that.
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  • JosephineJosephine Posts: 14,175Registered Users
    iroc wrote: »
    Some of you already answered. Thanks. But to clarify: when did you tell your children specifically that a man puts his erect penis into a woman's vagina, ejaculates, and the sperm fertilizes an egg that comes from her ovaries?

    Not refering to general health discussions.


    My daughter is almost 9. Some time last year she was asking how women get pregnant. I explained that women have an egg, and it has to be joined by sperm from a man, and then I explained how it comes together inside the woman's body to become a baby. And then I asked her if she had any questions, and I waited. I was nervous bc thought she would ask how the sperm gets inside the woman, but she did not. I assume she is not ready for that part and will come ask me that when she's ready for the next part of the conversation. So I didn't push that.

    Haha I remember asking this to my mom. I already knew that the sperm got to the egg, learned it in class. She didn't really answer or maybe she said I'll know later. I figured it out and was thinking ewwww gross. I'm embarassed to say how old I was. I think most kids figure it out earlier lol.
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