Finally! (long)

LadyV69LadyV69 Posts: 3,397Registered Users
I did mention in a thread over a week ago that I now have a new boyfriend. This is the first time since then that I've had the chance to update. Also, to avoid confusion, because I mention several different friends, I've used their first name initials here.

19 months ago, I met this guy, who shall forever be nameless, at a meetup that a friend J dragged me to. I've mentioned him before. It consisted of a mixer and a fashion show. Due to the fact that part of the event was a fashion show, I didn’t expect to see a lot of guys there, but I was mistaken. He lived in Riverdale (a least a 90 minute subway ride from me) and was freelancing in PR at the time as he’d been laid off the year before. After a couple of dates, I found out that he was 13 years older than me but the age difference didn’t really matter much as we were at a similar stage in our lives. He seemed gentle and sweet. We went out to dinner, to the movies, a comedy club and one or two other things. He made me laugh. He made me feel cherished. Nothing prepared me for the type of person he really was under all that sweetness and light.

See, after seeing him for about a month, he wanted to get intimate. However, I have this STI. HPV. I have a high risk strain that can cause cervical cancer if not monitored or treated. I’ve had it for 6 years now. For the first couple of years after I was diagnosed with it, I chose not to deal with it at all. I ignored it, pretending I didn’t have it. And went on to have sex with two guys without mentioning a syllable about it to them. A lot of people may think that I did the right thing by keeping silent since the virus is so ubiquitous and it goes dormant with most people within a couple of years anyway, often without them having a clue and in the case of men, there’s no test for them to detect it. The only way they’d ever know is if they get genital warts-and that’s the low risk kind of virus. That’s not in the cards for me. I’ve known for a long time. According to what I’ve read, I may have had this virus since my 20′s. The virus can be dormant for months or years before stress or something triggers it into active status. If I’ve potentially had it for that long, there’s no way for me to know who transmitted it to me. For awhile, I did blame just about every previous guy I slept with, but in the end it’s futile. I blamed myself too, for not being as discriminate and careful as I could have been. In a way, I still blame myself, but I’m working on stopping that. Anyhoo, after about a couple of years and the virus still being active with pap smear after pap smear, I decided to start dealing with it and try to learn how to live with it. A lot of the sites that discussed the virus suggested that it’s best to let potential sexual partners know that you have it as it’s only fair that they have a choice whether they want to take to risk of exposure or not. Mind you, most of my friends didn’t even know I had HPV, so telling this guy about it was extremely difficult. There’s still a lot of stigma about STI’s and STD’s.

So I told him what I had and he claimed he was fine with it. We fooled around, but we didn’t have sex, which I’m grateful for now. Two days later, he called to tell me that he didn’t think he was ready to get serious after all due to financial issues and said we should “just keep it light.” I knew that most of what he said was BS and that he wasn’t okay with the HPV. I had started to become invested in the relationship and I was upset. I finally told a good number of friends that I had it and most of them said I’d dodged a bullet, but deep down, I felt dirty and ashamed. If this guy couldn’t deal with it, I didn’t think any other man would be able to either. I didn’t think I’d ever to be able to date again because I figured if I had to reveal my condition, I’d get rejected over and over and I knew I couldn’t handle it. So I prepared to spend the rest of my life alone.

But a small part of me didn’t want to give up completely. A few days after getting dumped, I contacted an online psychic that friend M raved about. The next day, the psychic stated that within a year, I would meet a man who wouldn’t care about my condition. As long as I didn’t tell him about it just before we became intimate and educated him on it, things would work out. And I wouldn’t have to do anything either. He would find me. Exactly 12 months goes by and there’s no guy. “A psychic’s timetable doesn’t always match ours. A year could be two years by their timetable,” Friend S told me a few months ago. Well, five weeks ago, I met someone at a singles mixer. I didn't really expect to meet anyone there and I almost didn't go as I got lost finding the lounge it was held in, but of course, now I'm glad I went. Honestly, at first I wasn’t so sure about him as he wasn’t what I expected. Or the type of guy that I thought I wanted. But over time, he's showed me that he has an endless capacity of love and acceptance that a lot of other men don’t have.

A couple of weeks ago, we went to some art galleries. He's an artist and studied it formally in school, so he was able to explain certain things about style and technique to me that I never knew before. We'd gone out to eat afterward and he'd stated that he'd like for us to be intimate in the near future. I figured that I had to take that opening right then and tell him about my condition as I knew that longer we went out, the harder it would be to say anything and the more invested I’d get with him. I would’ve preferred that I didn’t have to tell him in a public place, but my previous mistake was saying something when I and the partner were alone. So I told him. And he said that he could deal with it and that he wouldn’t leave. But I didn’t immediately believe him as I’ve heard that before. I’ve learned the hard way to go by what people do, not what they say. He called me the following night and at first, my heart dropped, because I figured he’d tell me that we were finished. But no. What he said was, “I just wanted to see how you were doing.”

“This isn’t goodbye?”

“No. When I said I wasn’t going anywhere, I meant it. I think we have something. I want to see where this goes.”

I wanted to cry. He’s shown me greater character than I could’ve hoped for. I can't remember the last time I was this happy. I don’t know where this journey will take us, but I hope we do go far. I’ve already experienced the worst that can happen. I have to begin processing the best that can happen.
Fine haired, low density, highly porous curly kinky lady
Last relaxer: Not sure. 3/08 or 4/08
BC'd: 9/18/09
Co-wash: Suave Naturals, HEHH, Trader Joe's Tea Tree Tingle, CJ Daily Fix
Leave-In: KCKT, Giovanni Direct Leave-In, CJ Smoothing Lotion
Stylers: ORS Twist and Loc Gel, KCCC, Ecostyler, SheaMoisture Deep Treatment Masque
Deep Conditioner: DevaCurl Heaven In Hair, CJ Deep Fix

http://confessionsofladyv69.wordpress.com/

Comments

  • xcptnlxcptnl Posts: 15,678Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    I am hoping for the best for you. You deserve it.
    Central Massachusetts

    One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends is that three out of four murders are committed by people who know the victim. ~George Carlin~

    In regards to Vagazzling: They just want to get into the goods without worrying about getting scratched up by fake crystals. ~spring1onu~
  • multicultcurlymulticultcurly Posts: 5,136Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    I am very happy for you!
    3b/c, medium-coarse, low porosity, high density
    HG: Jessicurl Too Shea and Kinky Curly Curling Custard
    Shampoo: nonsulfate shampoo and Suave Naturals sulfate shampoo when needed
  • B-wavyB-wavy Posts: 1,733Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    LadyV, thank you for sharing your story. I'm wishing all the very best for you!
  • murrrcatmurrrcat Posts: 9,596Registered Users
    ladyv, I love your story!

    I hope everything works out for you because you deserve it.

    I hate the stigmatization of Stds and sti's. I feel the people that are most negative about it or most grossed out are the ones themselves who probably have an std and just don't want to deal with it or don't even know it because they rather remain in the dark and be judgmental. And that dude, who didn't want to see you? He could have it himself, I mean he wouldn't know anyway. What a jerk.




    slightly off topic my professor was talking about herpes, and the different types and she said how she thought her 5 year old had a cold sore one day and she said out loud "I hope he doesn't have herpes!!" and then regretted it because of how judgmental people would get, because she herself gets cold sores and she told us "Yea so I guess I have herpes too....don't go telling everyone your teacher has herpes though" and even though she was joking and making light I could still see people in the class looking at her in disgust for saying she got cold sores. it just makes me so mad.
    tumblr_mji9u1Fwza1rh1wv4o1_500.jpg
  • SarcasmIsBeautySarcasmIsBeauty Posts: 5,640Registered Users
    Congrats ladyv!! I'm happy for you :)
    Turtles: omg please don't put that in your moo moo

    Nej: too late... moo moo has been infiltrated.
  • spiderlashes5000spiderlashes5000 Posts: 17,898Registered Users Curl Virtuoso
    Wishing you the best, LadyV!

  • JosephineJosephine Posts: 14,408Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    So happy for you. There are a lot of people out there like your first experience but there are also a lot of people that don't care and a lot that will not get completely turned off by it either.
  • CanItBeChristineCanItBeChristine Posts: 6,343Registered Users
    I was so happy to read this!
  • LoloDSMLoloDSM Posts: 3,778Registered Users
    I'm happy for you, LadyV. The new guy sounds like a good egg. I hope he treats you well.

    FWIW, I had HPV in my late 20s and had a LEEP procedure to have precancerous cells removed. Fortunately, all if my paps have been normal since then, but I remember how scary it was at the time.

    Recently, my doctor told me that almost everyone who is sexually active has HPV.
    Loose botticelli curls and waves
    No silicones/no sulfates since March 2008
  • divegirldivegirl Posts: 1,286Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    LoloDSM wrote: »
    I'm happy for you, LadyV. The new guy sounds like a good egg. I hope he treats you well.

    FWIW, I had HPV in my late 20s and had a LEEP procedure to have precancerous cells removed. Fortunately, all if my paps have been normal since then, but I remember how scary it was at the time.

    Recently, my doctor told me that almost everyone who is sexually active has HPV.

    My doctor told me that too. I was diagnosed with HPV after my second-to-last pap smear. I had to tell my boyfriend (we had already been dating for a while by that point). His only reaction was concern for my health. That just made me love him even more :thumbleft: So, LadyV, it sounds like you have a winner!!

    I was lucky enough that my most recent pap smear showed no trace of HPV, so it spontaneously cleared up in my case.
  • LadyV69LadyV69 Posts: 3,397Registered Users
    Thanks all.

    This past weekend, he stated that he had gotten a strange feeling the night we met. He had gotten to the mixer around the time it started while I arrived 90 minutes later, partly due to the fact that I got lost trying to find the venue it was being held at. Within 5 minutes after I got there, I went to a buffet table to get some appetizers. He says that he first noticed me at the table and when he saw me, this feeling overcame him in that he felt he just had to talk to me because he felt that we had some things in common. I didn't notice him as my back was toward him. After I left the table, I started chatting with another guy but within a few minutes, I knew that I wasn't into him. During a break in the conversation, I noticed my now boyfriend standing about 2 feet from me and thought he looked interesting. He had a ponytail, a goatee and wore a beret. Before I could figure out how to end the conversation with guy #1, my now boyfriend sauntered over. When we all entered the lounge, all the guests were given one playing card (ace of spades, jack of diamonds, etc) and were told to go up to people and ask them if they had a matching card as an icebreaker. I thought it was corny, but there are times when things like that do help, particularly if you aren't too outgoing. So the now boyfriend sauntered over and asked if I had a playing card that matched his (His was either a 10 of spades or 10 of clubs). I didn't have the exact match (I don't remember exactly what I had, but I think it was 10 of diamonds) but we immediately hit it off. Guy #1 excused himself after a few minutes and was never seen again :D

    I honestly think our finding each other was destiny.
    Fine haired, low density, highly porous curly kinky lady
    Last relaxer: Not sure. 3/08 or 4/08
    BC'd: 9/18/09
    Co-wash: Suave Naturals, HEHH, Trader Joe's Tea Tree Tingle, CJ Daily Fix
    Leave-In: KCKT, Giovanni Direct Leave-In, CJ Smoothing Lotion
    Stylers: ORS Twist and Loc Gel, KCCC, Ecostyler, SheaMoisture Deep Treatment Masque
    Deep Conditioner: DevaCurl Heaven In Hair, CJ Deep Fix

    http://confessionsofladyv69.wordpress.com/
  • LoveInBetweenLoveInBetween Posts: 392Registered Users
    LadyV, your story is touching. I'm happy for you! I hope things work out for you this time around, you deserve it. If a man can over look your greatest flaws to see the beauty within you, he is a keeper.

    I never realised HPV could be so serious. My GYN told me that I shouldn't worry about it because my body is young so I wouldn't have a problem fighting off the infection...I guess she was wrong seeing that you were in your 20s when you contracted it. I got the hpv vaccine at my 2 year postpartum check up, it consisted of 3 doses every few months...I'm actually over due for my second dose...guess I'll be going to Kaiser tomorrow.

    Can't wait to hear more about you and your new man. I hope the intimacy between you goes well!

    Sent from my SPH-L710 using CurlTalk App
    Curl Routine
    Co: As I am Coconut CoWash,VO5 Claifying Conditioner
    DC: Macadamia Repair Masque
    LI: KCKT, Suave Naturals Coconut
    Style Creme: Shea Moisture Curl Enhancing Smoothie
    Gel: KCCC, Eco Styler Argan Oil
    Sealer: EVCO, EVOO

    3b/3c, High Desity, High Porosity, Medium Texture, BSL
    ""Live by the sun, love by the moon"


  • StarmieStarmie Posts: 7,169Registered Users Curl Virtuoso
    I hope it all works out for you, he sounds like a keeper.
    3b in South Australia.

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