Your First Time Thread Part 2 (ADULT)

LovemenappyLovemenappy Posts: 332Registered Users
Ok, so since we've gotten permission to open another thread. I will just be vague in the OP as I'm not sure what would cause alarm and what wouldn't. Remember to not be graphic. :)

Anyway, I've always gotten the impression from what I heard other women tell me that my first time would "hurt". It was awkward, and dirty, but I was very pleased with the person I lost my virginity too (which is the man I am with now). I've always been a goody two shoes and when I first met my bf (who was a college football player) I always assumed that if I told him "Hey Im a virgin" he would laugh or run away. I don't know. I had read on SO many forums geared towards men that they wanted someone with more experience, and I've heard so many men IRL say this too. It became embedded in my brain that a man wouldn't want me unless I wasn't a virgin. I was so ignorant. Looking back I wish I had had an older woman to have sat me down and tell me the truth. So I went on this mission, to lose my virginity to someone. Someone who I cared about, but someone I didn't care SO much about that if they said something mean about my body I wouldn't be upset.


So I met my boyfriend, and I was AMPED to lose it. My next concern was "Oh but they said it was going to hurt if I have an attached hymen.". So I had to fix that. I did a lot of research on the hymen, penetration etc, and to be as non graphic as I can be.....I "fixed that" issue too. Please don't judge me. I know that I was taking a risk with my body but I was so self conscious and IGNORANT.

The only GOOD thing I did I feel like, is I became more aware of what my body liked. I looked at myself with a mirror, knew where everything was, and taught myself to love my body and like "sexual" feelings.

Finally, we have sex, I lead completely, and I think he was surprised at my....well what he called "energy"...lol. I thought I had something to prove so I just went crazy and did everything that I thought other women did. I got NO pleasure out of it (but no pain either) but I was more concerned with what he liked.

I lost mine in probably the most cliche place ever (car in some make out area). The trunk kept hitting his head. The radio came on and the WORST song was on...it was that Travis Porter "Ok now ladies" song. Uggghhh it was so awkward. lol. Then it got even more weird when we finished. He stopped walked three feet backwards from the car and just stared at me like this :eek:. And so now I was REALLY self conscious and I was like "What???!!!" And he was like you have a lot of energy. I remember he looked liked he had just played two football games. I remember him saying "Awww man...I can't go anywhere else tonight, I need to take a shower now!" and when I looked at him I burst out laughing. My whole body was scraped up. It was awkward, dirty, hot, and probably wasn't pretty but it was the best first time I could have ever had. Now did I like it? NO. I was SO disappointed. I didn't feel pain or pleasure. I actually was pretty PISSED off. In all the condom commercials and KY commercials they act like it's the best thing since sliced bread. It then came to me that I took risks with my body, was self conscious for a year, and lied to my boyfriend.....for this. I know now that my body just needed time to adjust to LIKING sex, but at the time I was just pissed off. Later on I told him I was a virgin at the time and he was shocked and was like "Why didn't you tell me?" and I told him how I thought he wouldn't want a virgin because he was a jock and I KNEW he had been with more experienced women and he was like "Being a virgin is a good thing, most men would prefer that over you being with every single guy on the block. A virgin is rare nowadays, Im offended you would think I would have a problem with that. You shouldnt have lied about that." He was really upset about it and I was like :sad6:

It's all so embarassing now, but Im sharing this so any other woman who may be worried about this will know they aren't alone and will have some assurance that....it really isn't that big of a deal. It's SO true that if you love yourself...know YOUR body, the man you "lose it" to will as well. Dont be stupid like me and try and "fix" something that's not broken. If I could go back in time...THIS is what I would have told myself. :)

What are your thoughts/experiences? Are there any myths that you believed prior to you having sex? Did it hurt? Were you afraid? Were you ready? Hopefully this will dispel any myths surrounding sex.

Comments

  • RedCatWavesRedCatWaves Posts: 31,259Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    Yes, it was uncomfortable. And there was a bit of blood. Enough that we really should have put down a towel or something. I didn't enjoy it that time, but it got MUCH better the second and subsequent times.

    I was much-too-young, but I'm glad I got it over with early and didn't need to spend years and years worrying about it. I can imagine that the fear of first-time-sex builds to epic proportions in those who wait until they are well into adulthood to experience it.

    To all those considering taking up this enjoyable hobby...please use birth control and protect yourself with condoms. You can get pregnant, even the first time, and you can catch something even from people you think are very clean or who claim to be virgins. Use common sense.
  • JosephineJosephine Posts: 14,408Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    I never feared sex but since I knew I was sensitive(many failed attempts at painfully trying to insert a tampon) I knew it would hurt. I started gradually at 18 and probably completely had sex around 19 or 20. I had a long distance bf so thats also why the process was slow and he was huge. I never bled but it was painful.

    I never enjoyed sex til my later 20s. I've never had an orgasm from sex until very recently with current bf while on top and it's only happened twice but it was miraculous. The orgasm itself didn't feel better but I felt closer to him.

    I was ready the first time because I was totally in love and thought I wanted to marry him and he felt the same way and is a really nice guy. Even though I didn't enjoy sex he was very giving orally and I always had an orgasm.

    I've never heard any myths about sex nor cared about virginity. The concept of virginity never made sense to me since it's usually only valued amongst women so I never understood the point of staying 'untouched' if most likely you won't end up with a guy who is. Also it just doesn't make sense to me.
  • jeepcurlygurljeepcurlygurl Posts: 20,717Registered Users, Curl Ambassador Curl Virtuoso
    The first time I was 16, in a car, with a guy I liked (and still am friendly with all these years later) but it was just a one time thing and wasn't a really big deal. Virginity was of no importance to me. It was a little uncomfortable, not what I'd call pleasurable since neither one of us knew what the heck we were doing.
    The 2nd time was horrific and not for this thread.
    I had a few different partners for a couple years after that and it got better but still not great. Then I had a boyfriend who was awesome and really showed me what it was all about. Thanks to him, I am still very much a sexual being in my 'old age'.
    : )
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  • LovemenappyLovemenappy Posts: 332Registered Users
    Josephine wrote: »
    I never feared sex but since I knew I was sensitive(many failed attempts at painfully trying to insert a tampon) I knew it would hurt. I started gradually at 18 and probably completely had sex around 19 or 20. I had a long distance bf so thats also why the process was slow and he was huge. I never bled but it was painful.

    I never enjoyed sex til my later 20s. I've never had an orgasm from sex until very recently with current bf while on top and it's only happened twice but it was miraculous. The orgasm itself didn't feel better but I felt closer to him.

    I was ready the first time because I was totally in love and thought I wanted to marry him and he felt the same way and is a really nice guy. Even though I didn't enjoy sex he was very giving orally and I always had an orgasm.

    I've never heard any myths about sex nor cared about virginity. The concept of virginity never made sense to me since it's usually only valued amongst women so I never understood the point of staying 'untouched' if most likely you won't end up with a guy who is. Also it just doesn't make sense to me.

    Congrats on your recent "O". Have you considered doing kegels? This should make you have them from penetration more frequently. I think a lot of women, or so I read, Have trouble having one this way. I've never had that issue for some reason. I started to figure out different parts of my body at a young age and when I first had one I thought I was having a seizure...lmao (again, this just goes to show how dangerous miseducation is...lol). I cannot with oral though, I have no idea why. Every woman that I know gets satisfaction from oral but me. My bf gets extremely frustrated from it.

    I had the same issue, it was at times difficult fully getting it in because of the size of my bf and I feel like part of my "preparation period" was due to me being intimidated about his sizing.
  • gagirl09gagirl09 Posts: 2,316Registered Users
    Reading the first story in my head I was like in my head ok, ok,ok, hmmm interesting. Then. when I read the part about the Travis Porter song I laughed so hard with my head tilted back. Thanks for sharing. I will be 26 on Tuesday and still haven't done the deed nor any type of leading up partner work.
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  • violetsviolets Posts: 1,689Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    My story is very boring.
    I was 26 and it was my wedding night.
    I don't remember it hurting but I didn't feel much either way. No pain or blood.

    I was very akward about sex. I didn't really enjoy it much until years later.
    I was always taught that sex was a bad shameful thing.
  • annabananaliseannabananalise Posts: 1,913Registered Users
    Well we had to try a couple of times before it worked. It was with my first bf of four years in college. He was my first everything, actually.

    The first attempts didnt work bc it hurt for me and we kept stopping. Fortunately each attempt wasn't as awkward as it could have been. Each time we went to whataburger as reward for our efforts. Even when it finally worked, it took us awhile before it was enjoyable for me.
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  • curlysue21curlysue21 Posts: 5,219Registered Users
    I had an experience with a boy at 15. He either was not erect or was not well endowed because he did not seem to penetrate me how he should have. He ended up telling everyone at school we slept together of course and I became a laughing stock. The whole thing was mortifying.

    Fast forward a couple of years when I met my now husband. It was very painful at first and I did bleed a little. He was patient and took his time though. But before you know it we were like jackrabbits. I like to think he was technically my first.

    I agree with RCW's comment too. Always use protection and be safe. Looking back I made lots of dumb decisions that could've affected me for life.
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  • LoveInBetweenLoveInBetween Posts: 392Registered Users
    My first time was in high school with my exboyfriend. It happened in his bed while his parents were working. It wasn't planned or anything, it just happened. I lost it in a pretty unconfortable way, most women lose it on their back's, but I was on TOP of him and he pulled me down on it. He was rather large so I'm sure you could imagine my suprise. I didn't experience any bleeding, which I assusmed was due to my tampon usage. I felt a little bit of pleasure, but I was also more focused on pleasing him. It felt so close to him afterward, that's what I love about sex it can take a relationship to a whole new level. 6 months later I ended up getting pregnant by him with my daughter who is now 2 years old. Unfortunately, we are no longer together and have both moved on, but after a lot of pain, heartache, and 18 months of not speaking to each other, we have reconciled for the sake of our daughter and remain friends.

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  • Fifi.GFifi.G Posts: 15,490Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    At 16 I started dating my first love. For a few years prior to this relationship I entertained the idea of remaining a virgin until married. Once in the relationship I changed my mind to being in truly in love, and ready. The relationship progressed naturally, I was madly in love by the 4th month, but tortured him for a year. On October 31st, 1992, at the age of 17, I lost my virginity. I was supposed to be at an all night horror movie festival which, fittingly enough, was the location of our first date one year before. Instead I was parked at lesser known location of evil doings, sipping a screw driver (yup), and getting ready to climb in the back seat of his best friends Subaru station wagon. His friend was being distracted by my my friend, in her vehicle. I am forever in her debt for that one.

    Anywho, I had heard several stories from other women. They ranged from mild discomfort to horrible pain. Two were incredibly bad situations, and were not by choice. Add all of that to my nerves, and the fact that he was well above average, and I had many sources of fear to pull from. BUT that did not discount the fact that I was in love, ready, and prepared to *be safe*.

    I remember it like it was yesterday. Jane Say's by Janes Addiction was playing on my "feels like the first time" mixed tape, he was cussing the snaps on the body suit I wore, I was laughing and thinking "Holy Isht! This is really happening!" The next thoughts that ran through my mind contained a few ouches, I hope I am doing this right, and "that's it?" He looked like he had just won the lottery, and my numbers were way off. I was still happy. I had done it, and survived! We got dressed soon after and noticed someone walking toward the car. It was the fuzz! The officer had been watching the area (O-O = ZOMG), waiting for a few specific people to show up, and we were messing with plan. He was not happy. He walked us to my friends car, told those with ID's to get them out, and walked away to answer his radio. No Sir! We quickly hopped in the car and my friend floored it. We did not look back. Things might not have gone the way I imagined, but it was a rather exciting and eventful night and I would not change a thing. I replaced virgin with outlaw.

    The following day I was sore, and leery of the next time but I sucked it up. From that moment on things improved, and we managed to make a frequent habit out of it, for the next 6 years. I guess I did something right.
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  • LoloDSMLoloDSM Posts: 3,778Registered Users
    My first time was in the bathtub of a hotel room I rented for my best friend's 18th birthday. I hosted a party for her and everyone got drunk. We were all speech and theater kids, so this was a night of drunk geeks and nerds.

    I was a senior in high school and was 18. I had flirted with The Guy for a year and a half. Although I was a virgin, I had been "messing around" with boys for a couple years. I had broken my hymen years earlier in an unfortunate jungle gym incident, so sex didn't hurt. I enjoyed it and went on the pill shortly thereafter.

    I let the birthday girl have the bed with her boyfriend which is how I ended in the bathtub. I married the guy, but we divorced after four years after he cheated on me.
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  • Corrina777Corrina777 Posts: 3,204Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    I was 17, and it was a guy I had been friends with since freshman year (we were seniors), but we had only been dating for a month or so. I had always planned to wait until I was married, but I was rebounding pretty badly from a very intense relationship before that. We were at his place making out and things started to get kind of hot and heavy and the next thing I knew we were walking upstairs to his bedroom and I was thinking to myself, "oh, I guess we're going to have sex now." (Note, the lack of exclamation point in my inner dialogue). And it happened (it was a Led Zeppelin song playing- no, not Stairway to Heaven- but just as cliche, I believe it was Whole Lotta Love). My inner dialogue was just as enthusiastic during as it was prior to ("oh. I'm having sex now."). It did hurt, not just while it was happening, but I was sore for the next day or two. My friend was really awesome about all of it- he knew it was my first time. And it was definitely much better the next time we tried. While my first time wasn't exactly hearts and flowers, I'm still happy that it happened the way it did (and with that particular guy). Although we stopped dating, we still stay in touch almost 20 years later.
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  • NejNej Posts: 2,444Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    I was 23 and I picked up a dude off the street and the next thing I knew he was trying to have sex with me. He asked why I was dry and I told him it had been awhile. Then I kicked him out. The end.

    I don't remember my first full time with a bf. So I guess the above is it. If just the top counts. If it doesn't then I don't remember. I'm THAT awesome. and I don't care.
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  • aishasoleilaishasoleil Posts: 75Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    I was 18. He was 18. We'd been dating for a few months and had done a lot of fooling around, but I was always afraid to go any further due to some issues from my childhood. He was so understanding and never pushed the issue. It's funny because the day we finally did the deed, *I* was the one who initiated it. We were, of course, in a car parked out in the boonies. Lol. He was shocked when I gave the okay and kept asking if I was sure. I was. To be honest, he was the first guy I had ever felt like getting so intimate with. I'd had other boyfriends before him that I would barely kiss. So, this was a big deal. And I think because I was truly ready, I didn't feel pain at all. Was it awkward? Yes. I mean, we were in a Pontiac Sunfire! Was there blood? Yes, but not a whole lot. Did I enjoy it? Yes! But I cried as soon as we finished. Haha! Poor guy didn't know what to think. I guess I cried because I had always guarded my virginity and I thought losing it somehow changed me. It did, but not in a bad way at all. Anyway, my first time was also his first time. I never asked him what *he* was thinking that night. Now I'm curious. But he'd be annoyed if I woke him up just to ask him that! Oh, we ended up married by the way. We'll be celebrating 7 yrs. in June. (And our 9th year since we first began dating in September... the same month our second child is due.)
  • LovemenappyLovemenappy Posts: 332Registered Users
    I was 18. He was 18. We'd been dating for a few months and had done a lot of fooling around, but I was always afraid to go any further due to some issues from my childhood. He was so understanding and never pushed the issue. It's funny because the day we finally did the deed, *I* was the one who initiated it. We were, of course, in a car parked out in the boonies. Lol. He was shocked when I gave the okay and kept asking if I was sure. I was. To be honest, he was the first guy I had ever felt like getting so intimate with. I'd had other boyfriends before him that I would barely kiss. So, this was a big deal. And I think because I was truly ready, I didn't feel pain at all. Was it awkward? Yes. I mean, we were in a Pontiac Sunfire! Was there blood? Yes, but not a whole lot. Did I enjoy it? Yes! But I cried as soon as we finished. Haha! Poor guy didn't know what to think. I guess I cried because I had always guarded my virginity and I thought losing it somehow changed me. It did, but not in a bad way at all. Anyway, my first time was also his first time. I never asked him what *he* was thinking that night. Now I'm curious. But he'd be annoyed if I woke him up just to ask him that! Oh, we ended up married by the way. We'll be celebrating 7 yrs. in June. (And our 9th year since we first began dating in September... the same month our second child is due.)

    AWWWWW that's so SWEET!!!!!!! :love10: LOL....congrats on your baby as well!
  • mad scientistmad scientist Posts: 3,530Registered Users
    I was 20. My boyfriend and I had been dating for a year. We had both lived at home and I wanted to wait until I moved out because I associated with independence and adulthood.

    Anyways, first time (for both of us) was quick and not very memorable. Except for the fact that I got a UTI. And continued to get UTIs every time thereafter for the next year (it was LDR so we only saw each other once a month). I think I was allergic to spermicide After I went on the pill that issue resolved itself and sex definitely got better

    Been having sex with the same guy for 20 years. We've been married for 13 years and have 2 kids.
  • JosephineJosephine Posts: 14,408Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    Josephine wrote: »
    I never feared sex but since I knew I was sensitive(many failed attempts at painfully trying to insert a tampon) I knew it would hurt. I started gradually at 18 and probably completely had sex around 19 or 20. I had a long distance bf so thats also why the process was slow and he was huge. I never bled but it was painful.

    I never enjoyed sex til my later 20s. I've never had an orgasm from sex until very recently with current bf while on top and it's only happened twice but it was miraculous. The orgasm itself didn't feel better but I felt closer to him.

    I was ready the first time because I was totally in love and thought I wanted to marry him and he felt the same way and is a really nice guy. Even though I didn't enjoy sex he was very giving orally and I always had an orgasm.

    I've never heard any myths about sex nor cared about virginity. The concept of virginity never made sense to me since it's usually only valued amongst women so I never understood the point of staying 'untouched' if most likely you won't end up with a guy who is. Also it just doesn't make sense to me.

    Congrats on your recent "O". Have you considered doing kegels? This should make you have them from penetration more frequently. I think a lot of women, or so I read, Have trouble having one this way. I've never had that issue for some reason. I started to figure out different parts of my body at a young age and when I first had one I thought I was having a seizure...lmao (again, this just goes to show how dangerous miseducation is...lol). I cannot with oral though, I have no idea why. Every woman that I know gets satisfaction from oral but me. My bf gets extremely frustrated from it.

    I had the same issue, it was at times difficult fully getting it in because of the size of my bf and I feel like part of my "preparation period" was due to me being intimidated about his sizing.

    I have thought about kegels and using other devices but I've always been satisfied with coming from oral. In general it feels better that way but it definitely feels nice the other way as well. I had a bf that couldnt get off on oral. He said he never could and that was frustrating for me too.
  • SystemSystem Posts: 39,059 Administrator
    I hesitate to post in this thread. I consider my 'first' time to be with my now husband, November 22, 1993. Two days before I turned 19. It was very uncomfortable and the stretching sensation burned. I did bleed and I was so sore and walked bow-legged for about a week. I assume it was possible for my hymen to grow back? I don't regret it, we used a condom, and we've been together for 20 years, married for 17 of those. I wouldn't have slept just someone just to do it. We were engaged and loved each other. My rule for myself was not to have sex with someone I couldn't see myself having a child with.

    (I was raped at 11 and that is not a first time in my eyes)
  • aishasoleilaishasoleil Posts: 75Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    I was 18. He was 18. We'd been dating for a few months and had done a lot of fooling around, but I was always afraid to go any further due to some issues from my childhood. He was so understanding and never pushed the issue. It's funny because the day we finally did the deed, *I* was the one who initiated it. We were, of course, in a car parked out in the boonies. Lol. He was shocked when I gave the okay and kept asking if I was sure. I was. To be honest, he was the first guy I had ever felt like getting so intimate with. I'd had other boyfriends before him that I would barely kiss. So, this was a big deal. And I think because I was truly ready, I didn't feel pain at all. Was it awkward? Yes. I mean, we were in a Pontiac Sunfire! Was there blood? Yes, but not a whole lot. Did I enjoy it? Yes! But I cried as soon as we finished. Haha! Poor guy didn't know what to think. I guess I cried because I had always guarded my virginity and I thought losing it somehow changed me. It did, but not in a bad way at all. Anyway, my first time was also his first time. I never asked him what *he* was thinking that night. Now I'm curious. But he'd be annoyed if I woke him up just to ask him that! Oh, we ended up married by the way. We'll be celebrating 7 yrs. in June. (And our 9th year since we first began dating in September... the same month our second child is due.)

    AWWWWW that's so SWEET!!!!!!! :love10: LOL....congrats on your baby as well!

    Thank you!!! :-)
  • aishasoleilaishasoleil Posts: 75Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    Speckla wrote: »
    I hesitate to post in this thread. I consider my 'first' time to be with my now husband, November 22, 1993. Two days before I turned 19. It was very uncomfortable and the stretching sensation burned. I did bleed and I was so sore and walked bow-legged for about a week. I assume it was possible for my hymen to grow back? I don't regret it, we used a condom, and we've been together for 20 years, married for 17 of those. I wouldn't have slept just someone just to do it. We were engaged and loved each other. My rule for myself was not to have sex with someone I couldn't see myself having a child with.

    (I was raped at 11 and that is not a first time in my eyes)

    I'm sorry you had to experience something so horrible, especially at such a young age. I completely agree that your true first time was with your now husband. I also like your personal rule of not having sex with someone you wouldn't want to have children with. Our oldest child is 6, but when he gets old enough to hear the "talk" I am definitely going to teach him that rule.
  • wild_sasparillawild_sasparilla Posts: 4,306Registered Users
    I'm so sorry little Specks went through that horror. :( I'd also like to point out that rape is not sex, so rest assured that that is not a first time in the eyes of anyone who doesn't belong in prison, either.
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  • LoveInBetweenLoveInBetween Posts: 392Registered Users
    Speckla wrote: »
    I hesitate to post in this thread. I consider my 'first' time to be with my now husband, November 22, 1993. Two days before I turned 19. It was very uncomfortable and the stretching sensation burned. I did bleed and I was so sore and walked bow-legged for about a week. I assume it was possible for my hymen to grow back? I don't regret it, we used a condom, and we've been together for 20 years, married for 17 of those. I wouldn't have slept just someone just to do it. We were engaged and loved each other. My rule for myself was not to have sex with someone I couldn't see myself having a child with.

    (I was raped at 11 and that is not a first time in my eyes)

    Awww, Speckla I'm glad your story had a happy ending.

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  • Fifi.GFifi.G Posts: 15,490Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    Speckla wrote: »
    I hesitate to post in this thread. I consider my 'first' time to be with my now husband, November 22, 1993. Two days before I turned 19. It was very uncomfortable and the stretching sensation burned. I did bleed and I was so sore and walked bow-legged for about a week. I assume it was possible for my hymen to grow back? I don't regret it, we used a condom, and we've been together for 20 years, married for 17 of those. I wouldn't have slept just someone just to do it. We were engaged and loved each other. My rule for myself was not to have sex with someone I couldn't see myself having a child with.

    (I was raped at 11 and that is not a first time in my eyes)

    I understand the hesitation, Speck but I am so glad that you did not let it stop you.

    I have two very dear old friends who went through painful situations. They both took the time to share their stories with me because they wanted me to hold on to (or reinforce) my existing need for it to truly mean something to me. They are two beautiful, and strong, women who had a great impact on me through their experiences. In more ways than one. You might just have the same impact on someone else who could be questioning or feeling silly about *their* ideals.
    When I hear terms like "hipster" I think, who told cliques they could leave high school??

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

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