Really mods, you locked the "First time" thread?

geeky

Why is that not appropriate for NC, but a thread of a few days ago about libido OK? And a marriage thread that was just as (non) explicit was fine too?

How do you determine what is and is not OK?

murrrcat

you have to pm them about issues or they will delete this.

mrspoppers

Feedback can go here. I am also curious about what is okay and not okay. There have been some racy threads on this board but this is not one of them. I think we need explicit (pardon the pun) guidelines about what topics are acceptable.

murrrcat

I think because the thread said something about giving advice to young girls was where the line was drawn?

I don't know, that's the only thing I could see as being semi inappropriate.

System

It's ok to talk about what kind of pooper you are but not ok to discuss first time you had sex? :?: What's the different as far as topic appropriateness besides a hole? (*)(!)

annabananalise

Can you hear the voices sing?
Singing the songs of angry (wo)men.

Jaynee

This is really getting ridiculous, it seems that only the most mundane topics are ok here these days.

wild_sasparilla

I am disgusted to see that thread locked. I remember a very similar thread a few years back about whether your first time hurt, and I found it very reassuring to read such an open discussion on the topic. It showed me a far more healthy attitude toward sex than the one I was presented IRL. I still haven't had my first time but threads like that one and others have been instrumental in teaching me stuff like how to discuss things openly with your partner and know when you're really ready, not to mention making details like how and why it sometimes hurts less taboo and thus less mysterious and scary.

That thread was clearly marked "adult," so properly supervised 12-year-olds would not end up in there anyway, and honestly, teens aren't even a large enough portion of Non-Hair to act like this board is frequented by children. Locking that thread says, "Sex is so dirty the very subject is tainted. Good girls don't ask questions or speak up about their fears. If you want to hear something more comforting than 'IT WILL HURT LIKE HELLFIRE AND YOU'LL GET AIDS AND DIE' then find it somewhere else." NC.com used to be a place where such disturbing messages weren't the only ones being sent. Not anymore, I guess.

Nej

i just farted. in disgust.

kat180

I find myself annoyed it was closed as well.

It's nothing compared to threads we've had in the past.

But mostly because I see nothing wrong or remotely offensive about women in a forum talking/sharing about their first time having sex.

A lot of the posters here have been posting a long time and have always been open and friendly and full of advice for anyone, old or new, who had questions about sex, periods, relationships, health etc. I've learnt a lot over the years and it has been great to know you could ask the women here questions you wouldn't always feel comfortable asking someone face to face IRL and you'd receive an honest and open answer.

It's a shame that, apparently, is no longer the case. I don't understand the 'this is not the place for this' comment by the mod and would like to know what the problem was.

rouquinne

great post, sas!



did someone see CurlyEyes' post about being 12 when she joined here and have a freak-out?

Josephine

I know this was definitely discussed before here. I've definitely shared my first time experience at least once.

curlypearl

I was also very surprised and disappointed that the thread was locked. I'm perplexed. I don't agree with this decision at all. I feel like we are being muzzled unnecessarily. This is such an inflammatory topic, really, really? SMH.

Josephine

Ok I just saw the response and I'm really annoyed. We used to talk about sex here all the time. And since women are so different it's nice to get a variety of viewpoints and facts here as opposed to just asking my few of my female friends that are probably like me anyways. I remember even starting a thread on doggy style here and got tips on different positions/angles/timing which was very helpful.

Fifi.G

Josephine wrote: »

I know this was definitely discussed before here. I've definitely shared my first time experience at least once.

Yeah, I brought up my first time in Say It I Dare You 2 or 3 days ago. I would have discussed it again. It doesn't bother me to talk about it and I can remember finding it reassuring, and sometimes not so much, when I heard other women discussing it.

It would be rare to find a girl/young woman that was not curious about first time experiences.

claudine19

rouquinne wrote: »

great post, sas!



did someone see CurlyEyes' post about being 12 when she joined here and have a freak-out?

Great cheerleader, rou!

CurlyEyes

wild_sasparilla wrote: »

I am disgusted to see that thread locked. I remember a very similar thread a few years back about whether your first time hurt, and I found it very reassuring to read such an open discussion on the topic. It showed me a far more healthy attitude toward sex than the one I was presented IRL. I still haven't had my first time but threads like that one and others have been instrumental in teaching me stuff like how to discuss things openly with your partner and know when you're really ready, not to mention making details like how and why it sometimes hurts less taboo and thus less mysterious and scary.

That thread was clearly marked "adult," so properly supervised 12-year-olds would not end up in there anyway, and honestly, teens aren't even a large enough portion of Non-Hair to act like this board is frequented by children. Locking that thread says, "Sex is so dirty the very subject is tainted. Good girls don't ask questions or speak up about their fears. If you want to hear something more comforting than 'IT WILL HURT LIKE HELLFIRE AND YOU'LL GET AIDS AND DIE' then find it somewhere else." NC.com used to be a place where such disturbing messages weren't the only ones being sent. Not anymore, I guess.

a very good point! When I was twelve, my parents sat with me when I went on the internet and knew I was active on nc.com! (and anyway, I was too much of a goody-two-shoes scaredy cat to ever click on threads marked adult) so honestly, if kids have parents that aren't monitoring their internet usage, they'll find this stuff out eventually, and probably get incorrect/harmful information.

Nej

I used to look at porn and cyber sex with strangers when I was 12. i turned out fine. I think nc.com is fine

RedCatWaves

If I had started this thread complaining about another thread, I would have been banned.

Josephine

Lol

Antonia

Ugh. I was so happy when I saw that thread. It is super helpful to hear other women talk positively about sex.

goldencurly

I saw the thread earlier today and thought since I was at work I'd wait to get home to read it. I've been married twice and given birth twice but I would like an open, honest discussion about sex.

Antonia summed it up perfectly.

System

My, what a difference a day makes.

I know any answer that is given will not be sufficient, however I shall give one. This line makes it problematic:
"Anyway, hopefully this thread can be informative to younger people with similar concerns".

Discussions in SIDY or threads that have these discussions without specifically targeting young girls are a different story. Simply put, this particular thread can be construed to be instructing young girls about sex. That is not something NC.com is about.

Nej

Couldn't that part be adressed without locking the thread?

FieryCurls

But we have to mark threads with "Adult" which a big freakin' neon sign for young teens to come and look...

Josephine

I would not assume that. She said younger people, not young girls. And even so, what is wrong with that? Many topics are informative to most but a first time experience would be more informative to those who haven't experienced it yet and are most likely younger, isn't that the point?

Also most people here are adults so.. Not good marketing IMO

I also really don't get what's wrong teaching girls about sex??

RedCatWaves

Guide22 wrote: »

My, what a difference a day makes.

I know any answer that is given will not be sufficient, however I shall give one. This line makes it problematic:
"Anyway, hopefully this thread can be informative to younger people with similar concerns".

Discussions in SIDY or threads that have these discussions without specifically targeting young girls are a different story. Simply put, this particular thread can be construed to be instructing young girls about sex. That is not something NC.com is about.

She said "younger people". Not children. Not girls. Not minors. She said informative, not instructing.

Words matter.

suellen

I don't see anything wrong with having a sex discussion thread in any forum. Avoiding the subject of sex because it's too taboo makes it feel like we're back in the dark ages.

The "little ears shouldn't be hearing this stuff" excuse is the worst. Need I mention how the abstinence method being taught in schools now (aka the method of pretending that sex doesn't happen in real life so learning how to do it safely isn't important) has worked SO WELL lately. :roll:

Narnia

I was also put off that the thread was locked, which I mentioned in SIIDY.
People have said that things were getting ridiculous around here, and I noticed a BIT, but when that happened I finally realized the real extent of it.
This entire forum is like a large group of friends for some people, and we have some real connections with people. A lot of us talk about things here in that we wouldn't even mention to people IRL.
I don't know what to say, but I'm just really put off by that. And even the response given here, to say you know that the answer will not be sufficient, just screams of a lack of concern for the members concern. SMH.

claudine19

I didn't read that thread, so it isn't fair for me to have an opinion. I'm wondering though if an advertiser complained?

I feel like we've been heard more lately, and that's great. Is it possible there's more to this than we realize (re: ads, contests, etc.)?

Lovemenappy

WOW...Im flattered and happy to see that other women supported the thread! Yes, I too was surprised it was closed as I was intentionally as PG as possible and thought it was okay simply because, I commented on a libido thread just earlier that week!

It's very unfortunate. The thread was supposed to serve as a place for REAL women to share their honest experiences and dispel any myths surrounding sex. This is a forum of mostly women for goodness sakes! It wasn't even vulgar. Also the line that allegedly lead to the closing of the thread is very subjective and to construe the thread as "instructing young girls about sex" is far reaching. There are 50 year old women on this board, a "younger person" would be anyone younger than 50. That includes 40, 30, and 20 year olds....all of whom are by law adults. I am an adult. One old enough to use the phrase "younger people" and still refer to other younger adults. The thread wasn't for children which is why I indicated "adult" in the title. With all do respect, I believe the reasoning for locking the thread is grasping at straws. Also "instructing"? Instructing mean's teaching and the connotation implies "telling someone to do something". Nowhere in that topic was anyone attempting to tell/instruct girls on sex or have sex. That's comparable to saying informing young women on birth control is the same as telling them to HAVE sex. Once again, with all do respect, that's a very antiquated view of looking at the thread and it's those type of views that has women well into their forties ashamed of being sexual beings!

The thread was supposed to be supportive. There isn't a woman on this board who hasn't heard a myth regarding their body and sex, and I think that any topic that supports educating (adult women young and old) by way of hearing other women's experiences is not a bad thing. Just as I stated in the topic, for the LONGEST time (yes as even an adult) I was afraid of sex, not because of ME but because of what I "heard" from other uninformed women. I know I am not the only one. Our bodies aren't nasty or "taboo" and sex isn't either. I honestly feel that by locking that thread it inadvertently reinforced the attitude that "women shouldn't be talking about sex"...which is EXACTLY what the thread was supposed to dispel. It's just extremely unfortunate.....

Also I think that it was clear that the thread was supposed to be supportive and a place for women to share their experiences, so for that reason alone, if there were small minute things that lead to the topic being closed, wouldn't it have been okay to have edited the portion of the topic that was "inappropriate"? I would have gladly have done it to have prevented it from just being locked.