Dating more than one person

LadyV69LadyV69 Posts: 3,397Registered Users
I alluded to this somewhere else, but 10 days ago I went to a singles party at a lounge, which was geared toward dating. I haven’t gone to a lot of events like that previously mainly due to a belief that they are a waste of time. For the past four years, I've dated very little and while it isn't one of my favorite things to do, once I was certain that wouldn't be doing it for the wrong reasons (e.g. to fill a void, something I was guilty of doing in the past), for the past several months, I've begun to entertain the possibility of having someone to share my life with and that while not doing anything about it would mean I wouldn't get hurt, it would also guarantee I wouldn't feel any joy either. Hence going to that event. I had no expectations but I actually did meet someone. The thing is, I'm kind of on the fence about him. He's nice enough, but while I'm not repulsed by him, the "wow" factor isn't there either. We went out to dinner this past Sunday and we're going to the movies tomorrow. Since I haven't dated much in the last few years, I feel totally clueless. Some people think that relationships with little spark aren't worthwhile but I know there are instances where it can take a while for the spark to ignite. The thing about me is that I've never been one to date more than one person at a time. A lot of dating experts say it is advantageous to see more than one person but that's unthinkable for me. It's hard enough for me to find one person to see, let alone several. To me I don't feel I'm giving the person a fair chance if I am looking all over the place but supposedly if I see more than one person, I won't be as likely to get emotionally invested as quickly which is another problem I had with dating before. So is it unhealthy of me to keep doing what I'm doing or should I switch it up?

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  • AmnerisAmneris Posts: 15,117Registered Users
    So you don't have a second or third person to see right now, but you're saying what you want to do is keep seeing this guy a few more times to see if a spark ignites but also keep your eye open for others and if someone else interesting comes along, see him too?

    I don't see anything wrong with that. You haven't made a commitment to the current guy. You're just getting to know him. And I personally think you made the right decision to try a little bit longer to see if anything comes of it. But that doesn't mean you're obligated to focus only on him and can't see others if the opportunity arises. I don't think anyone expects exclusivity at the very beginning when that hasn't been discussed. And you met this guy at a dating event, so he knows you're putting yourself out there. For all you know, he's seeing other people too. I think that's assumed until you agree otherwise.
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  • irociroc Posts: 7,890Registered Users
    If youre just dating - meeting for dinner or coffee, getting to know each other - I see no reason to be exclusive. Most people don't tie themselves down to one relationship upon the first meeting. Of course you need time to see if something can build!

    I like a little more spark too. One guy, on our second time even meeting we looked like soulmates. People thought we'd known eachother for years. We had an unbelievable communication connection. I was so taken aback by it that I had to see how much was there. At the end of the night I kissed him. Pffftt. Nothing. Dead. No spark. That wasn't going to do it for me.

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  • spiderlashes5000spiderlashes5000 Posts: 17,495Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    IDK what you mean by "keep doing what you're doing or switch it up." What have you been doing?

    But I think you should continue to spend time w/ him to see if something develops. But IMO, if you feel nothing after a handful of dates, you will be just leading him on if you continue to go out w/ him w/o explaining you only feel friendship for him.

    Yes, you should feel free to go to other singles events and talk to other men.

    Until he asks you to be his woman, no harm, no foul.

    But I do know what you mean about it not feeling right. It's very hard for me to date more than one man at a time. Aside from my time being so limited, it just feels gross and insincere to me. But it's not! Especially if you're not sleeping w/ them (JMO).

  • annabananaliseannabananalise Posts: 1,913Registered Users
    I say do what you're comfortable with. If dating other people while you're seeing this guy doesn't sit right with you then don't do it.

    But I do think it's totally fine to see more than one person at once. Especially if you're just getting a feel for them. And while you're seeing other people, you may realize that you like one of them significantly more and end things with the others. Because like others have said, you are not obligated to one person because you started seeing them first. And you are giving them a fair chance by giving them a chance at all.
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