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Should I respond to him?

sKorpio1190sKorpio1190 Posts: 1,862Registered Users
Last night my ex sent me an email. All it said was I'm deeply sorry for causing you pain... We dated for about 7 months and I thought he was "the one." But, he was too immature and was scared of being commited so I finally told him I can't do this anymore and we stopped seeing each other. We still saw each other everyday because we had classes with each other every semester, so it hurt me a lot and took me a long time to get over him. Well, I graduated this spring so it's making things easier not to see him. I was actually just thinking about him last night when he emailed me. Now, the last time we spoke was in December, and I told him not to speak to me because another girl told me that he was all over her and used to talk badly about me the previous semester. Talking crap I can get over, but the fact that he was chasing after her while still talking to me was what hurt. Let me explain... He emailed me in December telling me that I'm beautiful, intelligent, and will make some man a very lucky husband to have me one day. When I told the girl (who ironically I saw that night) about those sweet emails, she goes "oh.... That's interesting...." Then she proceeded to tell me how he used to complain about me and how he always stares at her in class and flirts with her etc., but she turned him down because she has a bf. Of course it broke my heart all over again so I replied to his emails and told him what the girl told me and told him never to contact me again because he hurt me for the last time. Well, it's been over 2 months and he sent me that last night. Idk if he contacted me before because I blocked his email and ironically just unblocked it 2 weeks ago. So.... I'm torn. Do I respond? Of course my friends say no because they don't want me getting hurt, but I did love him. So idk :-/ I would appreciate any advice. Sorry this was so long
Medium texture, normal porosity, normal elasticity :shock:
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Comments

  • RedCatWavesRedCatWaves Posts: 31,258Registered Users
    Um...do you really have to ask this?

    Don't respond, and put him back on block. And move on with your life.

    When men reveal their true selves...it's always a good idea to listen to them. He's already told you what an ashole he is...believe him.
  • annabananaliseannabananalise Posts: 1,913Registered Users
    No. It seems like he's jerking you around and being very passive about it. He either feels guilty and wants to you alleviate his guilt (up to you whether or not you do it) or he just wants to keep a door open (again up to you whether or not you want to). But I say no.

    Delete the email. Move on.
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  • sKorpio1190sKorpio1190 Posts: 1,862Registered Users
    Thanks guys. I was considering something short like "too little too late"
    Medium texture, normal porosity, normal elasticity :shock:
  • claudine19claudine19 Posts: 4,486Registered Users
    I'm with the others.

    Keep that door closed.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
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  • spiderlashes5000spiderlashes5000 Posts: 17,495Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    I'm not one to really delete ppl from this or that bc it seems a bit much to me. But if that's what you need to do to keep yourself from getting caught back up in his BS, then you should. He seems manipulative.

  • redcelticcurlsredcelticcurls Posts: 17,502Registered Users
    No. No way. Never.
    Kiva! Microfinance works.

    Med/Coarse, porous curly.
  • geekygeeky Posts: 4,995Registered Users
    Don't respond at all, not even a one-liner. Block him if you have to and move on.
    To Trenell, MizKerri and geeky:
    I pray none of you ever has to live in a communist state.

    Geeky is my hero. She's the true badass. The badass who doesn't even need to be a badass. There aren't enough O's in cool to describe her.
  • sKorpio1190sKorpio1190 Posts: 1,862Registered Users
    I'm just curious... Do u all feel that way because he was flirting with the other girl while sweet talking me as well, or...?
    Medium texture, normal porosity, normal elasticity :shock:
  • redcelticcurlsredcelticcurls Posts: 17,502Registered Users
    Most of the responders are middle aged. We've learned to spot manipulative bs. ;)
    Kiva! Microfinance works.

    Med/Coarse, porous curly.
  • sKorpio1190sKorpio1190 Posts: 1,862Registered Users
    Lol. Teach me! I'm genuinely curious to know why everyone says no. I want to learn! I know I will learn from experience unfortunately :-/ which I have a bit so far, but I'd like to know other people's logic in this. I haven't responded yet, and haven't decided if I will
    Medium texture, normal porosity, normal elasticity :shock:
  • goldencurlygoldencurly Posts: 2,385Registered Users
    Most of the responders are middle aged. We've learned to spot manipulative bs. ;)

    ^^^ This. Do not have any further contact with him. Delete all messages and BLOCK him.
  • Marie01141976Marie01141976 Posts: 13Registered Users
    I agree with redcelticcurls. He is being manipulative. I am 37, and I definitely kissed some frogs before I met my keeper! I kept getting sucked in by these types, always thinking that I might "miss out" if I didn't give them another chance. Just remember this little gem my mother shared with me when I was dating a jerky guy in my twenties: you are young and the relationship is "new" as well(meaning less than 1 or 2 years)...this is the best it is supposed to be (the honeymoon phase), if it sucks now, how bad will it be when you are older and have responsibilities, kids, stress, advancing age, health scares, etc...? That was a good piece of advice, so I thought I would pass it along :) puts things in perspective!
    Henna!!! Red Raj from Henna Sooq
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  • sKorpio1190sKorpio1190 Posts: 1,862Registered Users
    Lol that is good advice Marie. But, things were good when we were seeing each other (romantically, not casually)
    Medium texture, normal porosity, normal elasticity :shock:
  • Marie01141976Marie01141976 Posts: 13Registered Users
    Good, except when he was talking bad about you behind your back and flirting with another girl :( that shows a lack of maturity and a lack of respect...both major no nos in my book.
    Henna!!! Red Raj from Henna Sooq
    Co-washes: ABBA Pure Gentle (HG), Tresseme Naturals.
    Low-poo: Shea Moisture (all of them), Renpure my pretty hair is parched.
    Rinse-out: Tigi Bead Head Moisture Maniac, GF Length and Strength.
    Leave-in: ABBA Pure Gentle, KCKT, Henna Sooq cocoveda oil.
    Stylers: Fairy Tales Curly Q's gel (HG), KCCC, Shea Moisture curl enhancing smoothy, GF pure clean gel.
  • sKorpio1190sKorpio1190 Posts: 1,862Registered Users
    True true. That was always his biggest problem. He's really not a bad person, but he was just immature. I'm younger than him but I have always felt much older than I am. Almost like an old soul u can say. To be fair, I spoke badly about him as well, but just because I got sick of seeing him everyday and how happy go lucky he was after hurting me like nothing ever happened. I guess I was bitter, I hate to admit. I'm glad he has at least thought about me, and realized that he did hurt me. He was never really one to apologize, so I was shocked to get that email. Especially when I wasn't exactly nice when I sent him the message in december
    Medium texture, normal porosity, normal elasticity :shock:
  • redcelticcurlsredcelticcurls Posts: 17,502Registered Users
    He knows what good words to say to make a woman feel important. But, they're just words, not actions.

    He also knows how to insult a woman to another woman to make the other woman feel as if she's the better option. Words again. He knows that words can be impact full, even if the actions tell the truth. People can cling to words, especially if they're words they want to hear.

    His actions show that his interest is minimal and fleeting. Perhaps he likes the idea of having a group of adoring women. Perhaps he wants to keep a full bullpen to make booty calls easier.

    Regardless, the words don't match the actions. Judge the actions, not the words.
    Kiva! Microfinance works.

    Med/Coarse, porous curly.
  • RedCatWavesRedCatWaves Posts: 31,258Registered Users
    Lol. Teach me! I'm genuinely curious to know why everyone says no. I want to learn! I know I will learn from experience unfortunately :-/ which I have a bit so far, but I'd like to know other people's logic in this. I haven't responded yet, and haven't decided if I will



    A man who truly cares about you won't hurt you or chase other women or "talk crap" about you. There's probably one reason he's contacting you now...to keep you on a string for occasional booty calls. Don't be taken in by the "oh he never apologizes, so he must really mean it this time, he must really love me". It's BS.
  • sKorpio1190sKorpio1190 Posts: 1,862Registered Users
    More good points ladies. I see where you are coming from. However, keep in mind that we never slept together. He wants to wait until he's married. Who knew men like that existed huh?! Lol Shocking but true:-|
    Medium texture, normal porosity, normal elasticity :shock:
  • SystemSystem Posts: 39,059 Administrator
    If you reply then he'll reply back and you'll reply and so forth. It's not healthy to keep reopening partially healed wounds. Be careful because you might learn things you didn't need to know and get hurt worse. You can be just as hurt whether you slept with someone or not. If he was worth the effort than he'd have proven himself a long time ago. Sounds like he's playing with you.
  • redcelticcurlsredcelticcurls Posts: 17,502Registered Users
    He's still manipulative. Sexually active or not. And, for all anyone knows, he might be.
    Kiva! Microfinance works.

    Med/Coarse, porous curly.
  • RedCatWavesRedCatWaves Posts: 31,258Registered Users
    More good points ladies. I see where you are coming from. However, keep in mind that we never slept together. He wants to wait until he's married. Who knew men like that existed huh?! Lol Shocking but true:-|

    Well, that's what he told you at one point...doesn't make it true, and doesn't mean it can't change. He is still manipulative and mean...why settle for that when there are men who aren't manipulative and mean.
  • sKorpio1190sKorpio1190 Posts: 1,862Registered Users
    More good points ladies. I see where you are coming from. However, keep in mind that we never slept together. He wants to wait until he's married. Who knew men like that existed huh?! Lol Shocking but true:-|

    Well, that's what he told you at one point...doesn't make it true, and doesn't mean it can't change. He is still manipulative and mean...why settle for that when there are men who aren't manipulative and mean.

    You bring up a good point. I do it because I have yet to meet anything else. To be honest I am a lonely person, I'm not gonna lie. I've dealt with worse guys. Believe it or not he treated me the best so far. Not with the talking behind my back or anything like that of course, but with romance and sweet gestures that he did for me when we did date. Ugh :sad8: I hope you guys don't get mad for my bringing up these points either. I'm just honestly saying what's going thru my mind right now. I had a friend do that to me in the past. I told her about an issue I had with a guy and she told me never to bring it up again if I didn't do what she said. Needless to say she ended up being even worse than me when it came to guys and I stopped hearing from her when she got her bf
    Medium texture, normal porosity, normal elasticity :shock:
  • SystemSystem Posts: 39,059 Administrator
    Not to be rude but may I ask how old you are?

    ETA: Nevermind. Your user name explains your date of birth, right?
  • sKorpio1190sKorpio1190 Posts: 1,862Registered Users
    Speckla wrote: »
    Not to be rude but may I ask how old you are?

    ETA: Nevermind. Your user name explains your date of birth, right?

    right. what is eta?
    Medium texture, normal porosity, normal elasticity :shock:
  • redcelticcurlsredcelticcurls Posts: 17,502Registered Users
    Edited to add.

    It's sometimes used here when Simone edits a post to add a few things instead of making a new post.
    Kiva! Microfinance works.

    Med/Coarse, porous curly.
  • sKorpio1190sKorpio1190 Posts: 1,862Registered Users
    Edited to add.

    It's sometimes used here when Simone edits a post to add a few things instead of making a new post.

    ahhhh ok. thanks :)
    Medium texture, normal porosity, normal elasticity :shock:
  • RedCatWavesRedCatWaves Posts: 31,258Registered Users
    More good points ladies. I see where you are coming from. However, keep in mind that we never slept together. He wants to wait until he's married. Who knew men like that existed huh?! Lol Shocking but true:-|

    Well, that's what he told you at one point...doesn't make it true, and doesn't mean it can't change. He is still manipulative and mean...why settle for that when there are men who aren't manipulative and mean.

    You bring up a good point. I do it because I have yet to meet anything else. To be honest I am a lonely person, I'm not gonna lie. I've dealt with worse guys. Believe it or not he treated me the best so far. Not with the talking behind my back or anything like that of course, but with romance and sweet gestures that he did for me when we did date. Ugh :sad8: I hope you guys don't get mad for my bringing up these points either. I'm just honestly saying what's going thru my mind right now. I had a friend do that to me in the past. I told her about an issue I had with a guy and she told me never to bring it up again if I didn't do what she said. Needless to say she ended up being even worse than me when it came to guys and I stopped hearing from her when she got her bf


    LOL...you've dealt with worse guys? Now there's a testimony for the quality of this current guy.

    Frankly, I'm used to women asking for man-advice and then completely ignoring it and going back to the man who mistreated her. It's more common than not. You're free to do what you want. We'll be here to listen when he mistreats you again...because he will.
  • spiderlashes5000spiderlashes5000 Posts: 17,495Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    For me, the reason for you to leave him alone is bc you said when you were dating, he was unwilling to commit to you. And he was still unwilling to commit to you after you broke up, and he was trying to have his cake and eat it too. Why do you think anything has changed?

    You're way more invested in this than he is and he knows it. Not a good position to be in. Let him do his thing (it'll come back on him) and hold out for someone who really wants you.

    Don't respond to the email bc it will be obvious from your response that you're still hung up on him. And if he wants to be a prick, he will use that to his advantage.

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  • sKorpio1190sKorpio1190 Posts: 1,862Registered Users

    Well, that's what he told you at one point...doesn't make it true, and doesn't mean it can't change. He is still manipulative and mean...why settle for that when there are men who aren't manipulative and mean.

    You bring up a good point. I do it because I have yet to meet anything else. To be honest I am a lonely person, I'm not gonna lie. I've dealt with worse guys. Believe it or not he treated me the best so far. Not with the talking behind my back or anything like that of course, but with romance and sweet gestures that he did for me when we did date. Ugh :sad8: I hope you guys don't get mad for my bringing up these points either. I'm just honestly saying what's going thru my mind right now. I had a friend do that to me in the past. I told her about an issue I had with a guy and she told me never to bring it up again if I didn't do what she said. Needless to say she ended up being even worse than me when it came to guys and I stopped hearing from her when she got her bf


    LOL...you've dealt with worse guys? Now there's a testimony for the quality of this current guy.

    Frankly, I'm used to women asking for man-advice and then completely ignoring it and going back to the man who mistreated her. It's more common than not. You're free to do what you want. We'll be here to listen when he mistreats you again...because he will.

    wow.
    Medium texture, normal porosity, normal elasticity :shock:
  • lani13lani13 Posts: 45Registered Users
    We're the same age, and agree with the previous posters. Block him and move on. There are other dudes out there that will treat you better. You sound like you don't want to be alone, not necessarily that you are interested in him, which is also the way you make him come off.

    If you respond, it will come off as desperate for attention, and believe me, it's not a good look.

    Go on about your life and fuhgedabout him.
    Started as a flicker, meant to be a flame
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