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I feel like I'll never get married

sKorpio1190sKorpio1190 Posts: 1,862Registered Users
Does anyone else feel this way? Let me explain what I mean exactly. I have never had a bf, and I'm going to start graduate school this year, so it's not like I'm a kid in high school. I never get asked out on dates. Period. So I have no idea what that's like. Guys dont talk to me in general. It's gotten to the point where I honestly just don't think I will ever have anyone, yet alone get married and have a family. My mother always tells me "if u REALLY wanted a bf u could have one. U just don't want it" and that always pisses me off. I hate feeling this way, but as time goes by I have lost all hope at this point. I'm starting to become bitter as well which really bothers me because I don't want to be that type of person. When I see all my ex- friends with their significant others and moving on with their lives I feel like I am the same old lonely, depressed girl who's only activity in life is school. At this point I don't even have friends. Now that everyone has a S.O they are moving on and don't bother talking to me anymore. Sigh. Now I just assume that I will always be alone and depressed and end up just living with a bunch of pets (not to be cliche but just cuz I love animals) :(
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Comments

  • SariaSaria Posts: 15,963Registered Users
    Don't fret. It's not your fault males are mostly ugly and undesirable :evil4:

    I find it a lot more common now for women to be in their twenties without having dated anyone. So, you're not alone there. When I was in high school I used to worry about this, but sure enough I eventually met guys I liked. Don't stress. At least not till you're older and can see nothing but an endless sea of ugly.
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  • RedCatWavesRedCatWaves Posts: 31,258Registered Users
    Eh...I'm kinda with your mom on this one. If you really wanted to date, you'd make it happen. Use some dating sites, tell your friends you want to meet people, be brave and flirt a little. You'll get some dates. I can't guarantee you'll find a relationship or get married, but you really can put yourself out there more and meet eligible men if you want to.
  • newseasonnewseason Posts: 98Registered Users
    I agree to a point that you are reason that partially the reason that you are single only because it sounds like you are a bit frustrated and discouraged with not having someone in your life. There is a vibe that that is going to unconsciously give off and its a man repellant. So is desperation. So don't worry about it. I know that's easier said than done but I'm speaking with experience. I was single for a long time and most friends were moving on husbands and starting families. I started focusing on my life and what I wanted to do and started to get out and enjoy myself single and all. After some time while I was content being single, my husband began to pursue me. And I wasn't interested at first because I was tired of not finding Mr right and didn't want to be bothered. So it took a while but I finally caved and went out with him and we were married less than a year later. So it can happen. And all this happened in my 30's. So its not too late. Just figure out what you want out of life, better yourself (which sounds easy for you since your completing your education) and focus on yourself. You'll be surprised how a new confident attitude will change how you appear to people. Hope this helps!
  • sKorpio1190sKorpio1190 Posts: 1,862Registered Users
    Saria wrote: »
    Don't fret. It's not your fault males are mostly ugly and undesirable :evil4:

    I find it a lot more common now for women to be in their twenties without having dated anyone. So, you're not alone there. When I was in high school I used to worry about this, but sure enough I eventually met guys I liked. Don't stress. At least not till you're older and can see nothing but an endless sea of ugly.

    Lol!
    Medium texture, normal porosity, normal elasticity :shock:
  • sKorpio1190sKorpio1190 Posts: 1,862Registered Users
    newseason wrote: »
    I agree to a point that you are reason that partially the reason that you are single only because it sounds like you are a bit frustrated and discouraged with not having someone in your life. There is a vibe that that is going to unconsciously give off and its a man repellant. So is desperation. So don't worry about it. I know that's easier said than done but I'm speaking with experience. I was single for a long time and most friends were moving on husbands and starting families. I started focusing on my life and what I wanted to do and started to get out and enjoy myself single and all. After some time while I was content being single, my husband began to pursue me. And I wasn't interested at first because I was tired of not finding Mr right and didn't want to be bothered. So it took a while but I finally caved and went out with him and we were married less than a year later. So it can happen. And all this happened in my 30's. So its not too late. Just figure out what you want out of life, better yourself (which sounds easy for you since your completing your education) and focus on yourself. You'll be surprised how a new confident attitude will change how you appear to people. Hope this helps!

    Thank u newseason :)
    Medium texture, normal porosity, normal elasticity :shock:
  • JosephineJosephine Posts: 14,175Registered Users
    You're pretty young to worry about that but I wonder if you are not going to social events or being social when you go. That is why you wouldn't get asked out.

    Rarely I feel that I also won't ever get married but generally I've never felt that way.
  • spiderlashes5000spiderlashes5000 Posts: 17,495Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    Don't get bitter and start internalizing the fact you're a late bloomer into a pity party. Please stay positive. I have two gfs who never had bfs until after they graduated college, and now both are married w/ kids.

  • sKorpio1190sKorpio1190 Posts: 1,862Registered Users
    Don't get bitter and start internalizing the fact you're a late bloomer into a pity party. Please stay positive. I have two gfs who never had bfs until after they graduated college, and now both are married w/ kids.

    Thank u spiderlashes :) I'm trying my best not to be. It just gets hard sometimes u know? Like I keep asking myself what don't I have that everyone else does? Aside a bf lol u know what I mean
    Medium texture, normal porosity, normal elasticity :shock:
  • Who Me?Who Me? Posts: 3,181Registered Users
    I think a lot of young women seem to think that men should just be approaching them out of the blue and and asking to take them to dinner. And that's just really not how it works.

    First, I'd suggest forgetting about finding a boyfriend, and start by finding a social life. This doesn't have to be drastic. You could start out by just talking to people in your classes more. Ask them out for coffee to discuss the class or share notes or study. Maybe turn that into some kind of study group. Or you could join some kind of school-related activity or group. But don't JUST join--join and then try to start a conversation. Ask people about themselves. And again, try to move the relationship outside of the initial setting. Go out for coffee, or a drink. The best way to make friends is to HAVE friends. Then you can meet their friends. And do social things together.

    And this is basically the same way you can meet men. You put yourself in social situations where you are both enjoying yourself alone, and actively interested in getting to know other people.
    "I don't know! I don't know why I did it, I don't know why I enjoyed it, and I don't know why I'll do it again!" -BART SIMPSON
  • spiderlashes5000spiderlashes5000 Posts: 17,495Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    Don't get bitter and start internalizing the fact you're a late bloomer into a pity party. Please stay positive. I have two gfs who never had bfs until after they graduated college, and now both are married w/ kids.

    Thank u spiderlashes :) I'm trying my best not to be. It just gets hard sometimes u know? Like I keep asking myself what don't I have that everyone else does? Aside a bf lol u know what I mean

    But let me just qualify that by saying, no one is promised marriage. Some ppl experience marriage, others don't and some other experience it multiple times. There is no guarantee. And I know plenty of lovely, attractive women who have never been married and who really want to be.

    But some women expeience certain challenges in their dating and social lives and turn really bitter and defeatist over it. And that is a HUGE turn off when they meet new men. Baggage!

    Just try to be the best person you can be. And if it's meant for you to get married one day, the guy will find you...or you will find him or whatever your beliefs on that would dictate.

    eta - and until then, use this time wisely to educate yourself, start your career, travel or whatever so you are not still trying to sow your oats once the husband and kids happen.

  • LadyV69LadyV69 Posts: 3,397Registered Users
    I agree with a lot of previous posters. To an extent, I do think that if you wanted to be in a relationship, you'd make it happen. However, since you also said that you don't have any friends right now period,I'm concerned that you may be subconciously thinking that a man will fill some void in your life. That is the absolute WRONG reason to enter into a relationship. No one person can fulfill every emotional or social need and it's unfair as well as unhealthy to place that kind of burden on someone. Instead of focusing on getting a man right now, focus on expanding your social circle. See if there are any clubs or activities you may be interested in and join (school newspaper, sorority, chess club, whatever). Once there, speak to whomever is there and ask them about themselves, what classes they are taking, what books they like to read, etc. Extend invites to them to join you for lunch, coffee, movies, etc. If someone turns you down, move on to the next person. Expanding your social circle will ensure that you won't be dependent on just one person to fulfill your needs and will ultimately make you more dynamic and interesting when you do meet men.

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  • multicultcurlymulticultcurly Posts: 5,132Registered Users
    ITA with what has already been posted. I just want to stress the importance of getting involved in something you like, putting yourself out there to be noticed, making friends, and not thinking something is wrong with you. Try not to get discouraged and take baby steps if you need to.
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  • sKorpio1190sKorpio1190 Posts: 1,862Registered Users
    Thanks everyone
    Medium texture, normal porosity, normal elasticity :shock:
  • kaybkayb Posts: 5,054Registered Users
    My two cents include:

    1. I do not agree with the "if you want a relationship you will make it happen." The whole world knows I want to date, problem is there is no one around me that I find interesting or attractive. There is also no one around me that is single. It's not that easy "to make something happen" so I most certainly do not agree with that position.

    2. Grad school is a new experience and you will meet a ton of new persons. If you are an introvert, or even not, you will find yourself working closely with a bunch of new people. This is a great way to get to know people better as you spend many late nights together studying.

    3. Maybe study/try some place new (even by yourself) once a week. Always walk with a book. It can be a conversation starter and you still get work done. Getting out there is no guarantee that something will happen and you will find someone but getting out of our comfort zones helps us meet new people and is a good way of finding out what we like and what we don't like. It cannot hurt.

    Good luck, S.
    I ain't thirsty. There's plenty of fish in the sea, but I don't want all of them, can I have some standards? Or do we just have to settle, for someone's who meh and will do.
    "
  • murrrcatmurrrcat Posts: 9,596Registered Users
    yea, I agree you need to put yourself out there, unless you want your boo thang to break into your house and rob you but then fall in love with you. BUT, I disagree that if you want a relationship you can get one, ummm I mean I guess if I want a relationship with someone who's ugly and I don't like. I ain't thirsty. There's plenty of fish in the sea, but I don't want all of them, can I have some standards? Or do we just have to settle, for someone's who meh and will do.
    tumblr_mji9u1Fwza1rh1wv4o1_500.jpg
  • SariaSaria Posts: 15,963Registered Users
    murrrcat wrote: »
    yea, I agree you need to put yourself out there, unless you want your boo thang to break into your house and rob you but then fall in love with you. BUT, I disagree that if you want a relationship you can get one, ummm I mean I guess if I want a relationship with someone who's ugly and I don't like. I ain't thirsty. There's plenty of fish in the sea, but I don't want all of them, can I have some standards? Or do we just have to settle, for someone's who meh and will do.

    Or to re-use this awesome pic that cailin posted:

    ImageUploadedByCurlTalk1361329965.486985.jpg

    It's like when we had that thread about male prostitutes and women were posting they could just get it for free. Uh, I don't care if it is free, I don't want it and you'd have to pay me to hit what's available.
    por-que-no-te-callas.jpg
  • CocoTCocoT Posts: 5,330Registered Users
    murrrcat wrote: »
    yea, I agree you need to put yourself out there, unless you want your boo thang to break into your house and rob you but then fall in love with you. BUT, I disagree that if you want a relationship you can get one, ummm I mean I guess if I want a relationship with someone who's ugly and I don't like. I ain't thirsty. There's plenty of fish in the sea, but I don't want all of them, can I have some standards? Or do we just have to settle, for someone's who meh and will do.

    Lmao

    +1 I concur.

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  • kaybkayb Posts: 5,054Registered Users
    murrrcat wrote: »
    yea, I agree you need to put yourself out there, unless you want your boo thang to break into your house and rob you but then fall in love with you. BUT, I disagree that if you want a relationship you can get one, ummm I mean I guess if I want a relationship with someone who's ugly and I don't like. I ain't thirsty. There's plenty of fish in the sea, but I don't want all of them, can I have some standards? Or do we just have to settle, for someone's who meh and will do.


    Some of this just needs to go in my signature. :love3:


    As soon as I figure out how to edit my signature. :stop:
    I ain't thirsty. There's plenty of fish in the sea, but I don't want all of them, can I have some standards? Or do we just have to settle, for someone's who meh and will do.
    "
  • sKorpio1190sKorpio1190 Posts: 1,862Registered Users
    kayb wrote: »
    My two cents include:

    1. I do not agree with the "if you want a relationship you will make it happen." The whole world knows I want to date, problem is there is no one around me that I find interesting or attractive. There is also no one around me that is single. It's not that easy "to make something happen" so I most certainly do not agree with that position.

    2. Grad school is a new experience and you will meet a ton of new persons. If you are an introvert, or even not, you will find yourself working closely with a bunch of new people. This is a great way to get to know people better as you spend many late nights together studying.

    3. Maybe study/try some place new (even by yourself) once a week. Always walk with a book. It can be a conversation starter and you still get work done. Getting out there is no guarantee that something will happen and you will find someone but getting out of our comfort zones helps us meet new people and is a good way of finding out what we like and what we don't like. It cannot hurt.

    Good luck, S.

    Thanks Kayb! I'm gad to see that not everyone agrees with my mother's statement. She does not understand where I am coming from at ALL. I mean, she's been with my father for over 30 years already! I too hope I'll meet people in law school, or at least be too stressed to care lol :sad8:
    Medium texture, normal porosity, normal elasticity :shock:
  • sKorpio1190sKorpio1190 Posts: 1,862Registered Users
    murrrcat wrote: »
    yea, I agree you need to put yourself out there, unless you want your boo thang to break into your house and rob you but then fall in love with you. BUT, I disagree that if you want a relationship you can get one, ummm I mean I guess if I want a relationship with someone who's ugly and I don't like. I ain't thirsty. There's plenty of fish in the sea, but I don't want all of them, can I have some standards? Or do we just have to settle, for someone's who meh and will do.

    lmao :laughing4:
    Medium texture, normal porosity, normal elasticity :shock:
  • gagirl09gagirl09 Posts: 2,316Registered Users
    sKorpio in the almost same boat as you. Not to depress u but I am about to be 26 and never no boyfriend,date, or relationship. I have no idea where I went wrong. I finished with my masters August 2012. I am getting things done that I want to do and I'm not thirsty enough to just be dating ANYBODY. Now I'm in a new state and want to socialize and have even joined two meetup groups but every single time an event happens I have no cash flow. I am about ready to join a dating site because I feel like I don't have any options left. My parents aren't saying the if u wanted to make it happen u would bit and like others have posted I don't know if I agree with that philosophy. I am from an old fashioned man chases woman household and I have been chased before (granted high school) but it taught me a lesson: if a man wants you HE will make it happen. Out of the two guys in undergrad I seriously crushed on, I tried being the initiator a bit with one and it seemed ok until I found out he had a GIRLFRIEND. (This all was discovered in a week and we had not moved from phone conversations). And I am about to commit serious pro woman faux pad but I have even managed to lose a little over 50 lbs from 2012-2013 and still boo. So all I can really say is keep on achieving what you want so that you won't look back and see this life you could have had but didn't because you were so worried about marriage, relationships, love etc.
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  • sKorpio1190sKorpio1190 Posts: 1,862Registered Users
    Thanks gagirl. U didn't depress me. I'm actually comforted in knowing I'm not the ONLY person in this situation. I think it's awesome that u got ur masters! I hope I can successfully get my JD. I was actually contacted by one of the schools I applied to yesterday and told that they sent me an offer for a scholarship and grant in the mail. I'm dying to see for how much! So I'm just "riding that wave" of happiness as long as I can and trying not to think about my loneliness for now
    Medium texture, normal porosity, normal elasticity :shock:
  • Jenny CJenny C Posts: 1,195Registered Users
    gagirl09 wrote: »
    sKorpio in the almost same boat as you. Not to depress u but I am about to be 26 and never no boyfriend,date, or relationship. I have no idea where I went wrong. I finished with my masters August 2012. I am getting things done that I want to do and I'm not thirsty enough to just be dating ANYBODY. Now I'm in a new state and want to socialize and have even joined two meetup groups but every single time an event happens I have no cash flow. I am about ready to join a dating site because I feel like I don't have any options left. My parents aren't saying the if u wanted to make it happen u would bit and like others have posted I don't know if I agree with that philosophy. I am from an old fashioned man chases woman household and I have been chased before (granted high school) but it taught me a lesson: if a man wants you HE will make it happen. Out of the two guys in undergrad I seriously crushed on, I tried being the initiator a bit with one and it seemed ok until I found out he had a GIRLFRIEND. (This all was discovered in a week and we had not moved from phone conversations). And I am about to commit serious pro woman faux pad but I have even managed to lose a little over 50 lbs from 2012-2013 and still boo. So all I can really say is keep on achieving what you want so that you won't look back and see this life you could have had but didn't because you were so worried about marriage, relationships, love etc.

    I am an old fashioned girl in this regard too, but 'making it happen' doesn't just mean being the initiator. It's fine to want a guy to take the lead, but you have to put yourself in situations where you meet men, and then you have to be approachable.

    Why not try online dating? It's how I met my husband, and it'a very popular way to meet people. I put up my ad and only respond to guys who wrote to me first - I made it happen by putting myself out there.
    If you got nothing to bring to the table - don't even bother sitting down.
  • sKorpio1190sKorpio1190 Posts: 1,862Registered Users
    Jenny-
    I've thought of that. I'm just nervous u know? I wish my self esteem was higher cuz I think that's my biggest issue, or one of them anyway lol. I might do that , but first I need to know where I'm going to school. I'm waiting to hear back from one school regarding a scholarship, so maybe after that I can take the plunge. As long as it doesn't impede on my studies.
    Medium texture, normal porosity, normal elasticity :shock:
  • Who Me?Who Me? Posts: 3,181Registered Users
    Jenny C wrote: »
    I am an old fashioned girl in this regard too, but 'making it happen' doesn't just mean being the initiator. It's fine to want a guy to take the lead, but you have to put yourself in situations where you meet men, and then you have to be approachable.

    Exactly! It's one thing to not want to be chasing guys. It's another to just sit there quietly and expect guys to walk up to you out of the blue and ask you out (not that I'm saying anyone here is expecting that, but some people do). You gotta think that any guy you think is worth being in a relationship with probably has other girls that think the same way. And no offense to anyone here, but you're not the hottest thing on earth. The world doesn't stop and admire your hotness and want to be near you. There are a LOT of attractive women in this world. You need to be friendly. And interesting. It's not chasing a guy to say hello, and ask him how he's liking that book he's reading. Or to be engaged in a mutual activity together, where he realizes how attractive it is that you're having a ton of fun, and laughing, and how you keep making interesting observations to the group.

    Some other thoughts: I think that anyone who says "you can have a relationship if you want one" is completely true--but you don't want ANY relationship. You want the right relationship. And that's not something you can just go out and get because you want it.

    HOWEVER...you shouldn't judge a book by it's cover. You should go out on dates with anyone. Everyone. Get to know people. That guy you think is too goofy, too short, not educated enough, kinda dull, has a weird sense of humor, not quite hot enough for you, etc.? That's superficial. Give him a chance and get to know him. It's not "settling" because the guy is only 5'8" and balding and didn't finish college, if he turns out to be the most wonderful man you've ever met and the best sex you've ever had and an amazing partner. It is "settling", however, if you are with the guy even though he doesn't make you feel amazing, even if he's 6'3", hot, and a millionaire.
    "I don't know! I don't know why I did it, I don't know why I enjoyed it, and I don't know why I'll do it again!" -BART SIMPSON
  • spiderlashes5000spiderlashes5000 Posts: 17,495Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    I concur w/ a lot of the above. "Get dressed and get in the way!" or "You gotta be in it to win it!"

    Personally, I would not give every guy a chance; I have certain standards I won't compromise...and yes, they include height and other "superficialiaties" others might scoff at LOL. But I do believe in stretching one's comfort zone a little. And in prayer...but that's just me.

  • murrrcatmurrrcat Posts: 9,596Registered Users
    I don't believe in the whole don't be superficial I'm not gonna force myself I date someone who's not sexually attractive to me. I've tried before I was repulsed lol.
    tumblr_mji9u1Fwza1rh1wv4o1_500.jpg
  • murrrcatmurrrcat Posts: 9,596Registered Users
    That being said, I'm not saying they need to be perfect, everyone has flaws. Even the sexy guy in my class has horrible dress style but that's okay he can be naked....LOL
    tumblr_mji9u1Fwza1rh1wv4o1_500.jpg
  • PigletPiglet Posts: 1,451Registered Users
    I turned 27 never having had a proper boyfriend. I was starting to think it would never happen. Ten days after my birthday, I received an email through an online dating site I was signed up to. One month and one day after my 27th birthday, I was out on a date. Nearly two years later, Im in a serious relationship with the same man and we are planning a future together.

    Im not saying this to make you feel worse - quite the opposite. I want to show you that things can happen out of the blue and they can happen to you. I have no doubts youll find a wonderful man.
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  • Who Me?Who Me? Posts: 3,181Registered Users
    murrrcat wrote: »
    I don't believe in the whole don't be superficial I'm not gonna force myself I date someone who's not sexually attractive to me. I've tried before I was repulsed lol.

    Are you saying you've never known someone and didn't think of them sexually at first, but then got to know them and thought they were super hot?

    I mean, I'm not saying you should date men you find physically repulsive! I'm just saying that you should give a guy a chance even if he doesn't make you forget what you were doing the first time he walks by.

    It's like if you're at a bar and there's a bunch of totally average guys there. You're totally not into any of them. And then the band goes on stage, and one of those "totally average" looks guys is the lead singer. And the band's really good. And all of a sudden that guy goes from just average wouldn't-look-twice to "man he's sexy". I mean, isn't that why boys start bands in high school in the first place?! To get girls who see them as "whatever" to think they're sexy?!
    "I don't know! I don't know why I did it, I don't know why I enjoyed it, and I don't know why I'll do it again!" -BART SIMPSON
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