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New guy and texting

wavyblondewavyblonde Posts: 1,637Registered Users Curl Neophyte
Okay, so I met this guy I like Friday night and gave him my info. Well, he's really excited about me (yay) and really wants to get to know me, and basically he wants to text me all day. And I find him fun and interesting and what not, but literally every time I answer his texts, I know we'll be texting until I tell him I have to go do something.

We're going to lunch tomorrow. Do you think I can bring up at some point that I'm not used to all-day texting, even though I like talking to him? I'm an introvert and it seriously makes me anxious and drains me. I don't want him to feel rejected, but I just can't keep this up. He won't ever be the one to stop the text-stream, and I'm tired of making excuses.
2c/3a with 2b underlayer. Fine, porous. Loves protein. But not hydrolized wheat protein. Yuck.

Wash: WEN Sweet Almond Mint or Pomegranate
Gels: LA Looks Sport Gel
Mousse: Tigi Catwalk Curlesque
Curling creams/gellies: Coffee Coco Curling Cream Lite, Spiral Solutions Curl Enhancing Jelly, Curls Gel-les'c
SOTC: JC N&S (LOVE)
http://public.fotki.com/wavyblonde/hair-2010/

Comments

  • multicultcurlymulticultcurly Posts: 5,132Registered Users
    Bring it up and explain how it makes you feel. Let him know that you do like to hear from him but you probably won't respond after two text exchanges. I'm an extrovert and I usually won't respond after three exchanges if the texts are just to chat.
    3b/c, medium-coarse, low porosity, high density
    HG: Jessicurl Too Shea and Kinky Curly Curling Custard
    Shampoo: nonsulfate shampoo and Suave Naturals sulfate shampoo when needed
  • spiderlashes5000spiderlashes5000 Posts: 17,495Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    For unimportant chitchat, don't feel you need to respond right away. Slow down the pace of your responses to a couple of hours, instead of a couple of minutes.

    When you see him just tell him not to take it personally but...(whatever your reason is).

  • JosephineJosephine Posts: 14,175Registered Users
    For unimportant chitchat, don't feel you need to respond right away. Slow down the pace of your responses to a couple of hours, instead of a couple of minutes.

    When you see him just tell him not to take it personally but...(whatever your reason is).

    Yes I usually respond hours later if I'm busy or not feeling up to texting. But I set that as the standard so they know I'm not the texting type like that.
  • EricachristinaEricachristina Posts: 496Registered Users
    Well you can let him know that usually you are only available in the evenings between certain times, that way you can text him back between those times and after or before that you don't have to respond if you don't want to because you have let him know you won't be available.

    It's good that he is excited about it but some guys can come on a little too strong and it can be rather annoying.

    I had this one guy start off as a nice enthusiastic texter and within a few days he was texting me at 2am telling me that he loved me!! Yes love after two days. Well I told him not to call me back and that it was going way too fast. He didn't stop and became more obsessed. I'd only been out with him once at that point so I don't even know how he ended up parked outside of my house watching me through my bedroom window (I use to live with my mom at this point I was in school still and had not yet met the guy who I would marry) but my sister and I were so scared of him! When I saw him out there I had to call the cops...and I wish I could say that it was the only time something like that has happened.

    Anyway I'm not trying to scare you but just set your own limits and rules.
  • NetGNetG Posts: 8,116Registered Users
    If he's not sending texts without a response, it's really simple. You just don't respond when you don't want to.

    I don't understand the wallflower-wimpy attitude many folks have that they MUST respond to a text right away and are required to answer their phone when it rings. You have more right to your life than any other person does, so take ownership!

    The guy has done nothing wrong - he has merely continued to text when you responded to him. I would not be having a conversation with him about too much texting until/unless he texts more than you. For now, you are every bit as much to blame.
    The pews never miss a sermon but that doesn't get them one step closer to Heaven.
    -Speckla

    But at least the pews never attend yoga!
  • ursulaursula Posts: 1,461Registered Users
    NetG wrote: »
    If he's not sending texts without a response, it's really simple. You just don't respond when you don't want to.

    I don't understand the wallflower-wimpy attitude many folks have that they MUST respond to a text right away and are required to answer their phone when it rings. You have more right to your life than any other person does, so take ownership!

    The guy has done nothing wrong - he has merely continued to text when you responded to him. I would not be having a conversation with him about too much texting until/unless he texts more than you. For now, you are every bit as much to blame.

    Whoa, that seems a bit harsh! I think she's just afraid of being rude, which I think is completely understandable. Some people really take it to heart when people ignore their texts. Plus, she seems to like him, so she probably doesn't want to send him the wrong message of "leave me alone."

    What I was going to suggest has already been suggested: wait hours between texts, and let him know that you're not a constant-texting kind of person. If that doesn't work, then... I don't know.
    In search of a lost signature...
  • murrrcatmurrrcat Posts: 9,596Registered Users
    I agree with NetG, I don't think she was being harsh, she was keeping it real. If you respond back, then of course he's gonna keep texting you, clearly he likes you or is anti social and too scared to talk to you in real life.
    tumblr_mji9u1Fwza1rh1wv4o1_500.jpg
  • coilynappcoilynapp Posts: 4,233Registered Users
    Well, you've already spoiled him by replying to all his texts all the time at the time you receive them. Not sure if there is a gentle way to say it to him. I'd say just change your behavior (don't answer texts at his becking call).

    Congrats on a new love interest. YAY!!
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  • LAwomanLAwoman Posts: 2,949Registered Users
    wavyblonde wrote: »
    Okay, so I met this guy I like Friday night and gave him my info. Well, he's really excited about me (yay) and really wants to get to know me, and basically he wants to text me all day. And I find him fun and interesting and what not, but literally every time I answer his texts, I know we'll be texting until I tell him I have to go do something.

    We're going to lunch tomorrow. Do you think I can bring up at some point that I'm not used to all-day texting, even though I like talking to him? I'm an introvert and it seriously makes me anxious and drains me. I don't want him to feel rejected, but I just can't keep this up. He won't ever be the one to stop the text-stream, and I'm tired of making excuses.

    So you haven't even really had a first date with him yet and he's already texting non-stop?

    Or was Friday night the date (after meeting/talking online)? In either case, yikes. That would send my "Need Space" hackles up for sure.

    Does he work? I don't see how he'd have the time to text all day either!

    That being said, yes, I would totally bring up the issue when you meet him for lunch. I think most sane, reasonable people will understand that people who work during the normal 9-5ish timezone don't have time to text all day long.

    I think how he reacts will be very telling!
  • JosephineJosephine Posts: 14,175Registered Users
    LAwoman wrote: »
    wavyblonde wrote: »
    Okay, so I met this guy I like Friday night and gave him my info. Well, he's really excited about me (yay) and really wants to get to know me, and basically he wants to text me all day. And I find him fun and interesting and what not, but literally every time I answer his texts, I know we'll be texting until I tell him I have to go do something.

    We're going to lunch tomorrow. Do you think I can bring up at some point that I'm not used to all-day texting, even though I like talking to him? I'm an introvert and it seriously makes me anxious and drains me. I don't want him to feel rejected, but I just can't keep this up. He won't ever be the one to stop the text-stream, and I'm tired of making excuses.

    So you haven't even really had a first date with him yet and he's already texting non-stop?

    Or was Friday night the date (after meeting/talking online)? In either case, yikes. That would send my "Need Space" hackles up for sure.

    Does he work? I don't see how he'd have the time to text all day either!

    That being said, yes, I would totally bring up the issue when you meet him for lunch. I think most sane, reasonable people will understand that people who work during the normal 9-5ish timezone don't have time to text all day long.

    I think how he reacts will be very telling!

    My ex and I worked and we were texting nonstop for a couple hours or so the first day I actually responded to him seriously. Finally I was getting tired of question after question so I told him I can't talk/text anymore for now(after I started slowing my response time). I don't think anything really has to be said besides that. So he asked when was a good time to call later and we talked later that night.

    We texted a lot just to get to know each other better. We talked and texted probably for a month before our first date. I didn't mind as I wasn't really interested in dating (as usual) at that point.
  • gekko422gekko422 Posts: 4,869Registered Users
    coilynapp wrote: »
    Well, you've already spoiled him by replying to all his texts all the time at the time you receive them. Not sure if there is a gentle way to say it to him. I'd say just change your behavior (don't answer texts at his becking call).

    Congrats on a new love interest. YAY!!

    It's beck and call.

    Not becking call.
    Democracy is not a spectator sport.

    You know why pandas are endangered? Cause pandas ain't got no game.

    Jesus loves you, but I'm his favorite.
  • multicultcurlymulticultcurly Posts: 5,132Registered Users
    gekko422 wrote: »
    coilynapp wrote: »
    Well, you've already spoiled him by replying to all his texts all the time at the time you receive them. Not sure if there is a gentle way to say it to him. I'd say just change your behavior (don't answer texts at his becking call).

    Congrats on a new love interest. YAY!!

    It's beck and call.

    Not becking call.

    Really? Lol maybe she knows that but didn't want to type it. I saw that earlier but i wasn't going to say anything. Lol you brought a smile to my face.
    3b/c, medium-coarse, low porosity, high density
    HG: Jessicurl Too Shea and Kinky Curly Curling Custard
    Shampoo: nonsulfate shampoo and Suave Naturals sulfate shampoo when needed
  • wavyblondewavyblonde Posts: 1,637Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    Thanks, all...we had lunch today, and I'm not sure it was a match. Nice, cute guy, and we have a bit in common, but I'm not sure we really clicked. Turns out he's also 15 years younger than me...I wasn't sure before. I don't think we'll be continuing the constant texting, but we left on good terms. If he contacts me tomorrow, I'll definitely space out the texts (and maybe just cut it off completely, since as of right now, I'm not hugely feeling it as a romantic connection).

    Just for clarification, I would respond to him and he'd know I was around my phone and just keep asking questions. Then I'd respond for a while and then make up an excuse to get off. Then hours later, he'd text again, I'd respond (not always immediately), and then he'd respond and ask another question. Next time I'll just know to take better control. I think he has texting but not calling minutes, or at least not many calling minutes. I was trying not to shut down the only avenue we had for contacting each other in the beginning. But it seriously was making me anxious. Live and learn!
    2c/3a with 2b underlayer. Fine, porous. Loves protein. But not hydrolized wheat protein. Yuck.

    Wash: WEN Sweet Almond Mint or Pomegranate
    Gels: LA Looks Sport Gel
    Mousse: Tigi Catwalk Curlesque
    Curling creams/gellies: Coffee Coco Curling Cream Lite, Spiral Solutions Curl Enhancing Jelly, Curls Gel-les'c
    SOTC: JC N&S (LOVE)
    http://public.fotki.com/wavyblonde/hair-2010/
  • murrrcatmurrrcat Posts: 9,596Registered Users
    nobody has time to say three words....
    I vote becking call

    YAY.
    tumblr_mji9u1Fwza1rh1wv4o1_500.jpg
  • gekko422gekko422 Posts: 4,869Registered Users
    Really? Lol maybe she knows that but didn't want to type it. I saw that earlier but i wasn't going to say anything. Lol you brought a smile to my face.

    I know when I am using words incorrectly, I would rather be told than continue using them wrong. I wasn't pointing it out to be rude. It's like when people on here were saying intensive purposes instead of intents and purposes. Or saying wallah instead voila. I figured she might want to know. :)
    Democracy is not a spectator sport.

    You know why pandas are endangered? Cause pandas ain't got no game.

    Jesus loves you, but I'm his favorite.
  • mrspoppersmrspoppers Posts: 7,223Registered Users
    gekko422 wrote: »
    Really? Lol maybe she knows that but didn't want to type it. I saw that earlier but i wasn't going to say anything. Lol you brought a smile to my face.

    I know when I am using words incorrectly, I would rather be told than continue using them wrong. I wasn't pointing it out to be rude. It's like when people on here were saying intensive purposes instead of intents and purposes. Or saying wallah instead voila. I figured she might want to know. :)
    Mineswell say something.

    ;)
    When are women going to face the fact that they don’t know their own bodies as well as men who have heard things?

    Don Langrick
    Bonsai Culturist
  • gekko422gekko422 Posts: 4,869Registered Users
    :lol:

    I forgot about mineswell!
    Democracy is not a spectator sport.

    You know why pandas are endangered? Cause pandas ain't got no game.

    Jesus loves you, but I'm his favorite.
  • wavyblondewavyblonde Posts: 1,637Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    Do people really say "mineswell" instead of "might as well?" I haven't seen that one! I do see "walla!" a lot, though. I usually see "beckon call" as a typo/confused word, rather than "becking call."
    2c/3a with 2b underlayer. Fine, porous. Loves protein. But not hydrolized wheat protein. Yuck.

    Wash: WEN Sweet Almond Mint or Pomegranate
    Gels: LA Looks Sport Gel
    Mousse: Tigi Catwalk Curlesque
    Curling creams/gellies: Coffee Coco Curling Cream Lite, Spiral Solutions Curl Enhancing Jelly, Curls Gel-les'c
    SOTC: JC N&S (LOVE)
    http://public.fotki.com/wavyblonde/hair-2010/
  • coilynappcoilynapp Posts: 4,233Registered Users
    LOL y'all. Thanks for the correction. Although I did not realise I typed it like that.

    Yes, mineswell say something because I shouldof known. (j/k)
    th?id=H.4940802350254088&pid=1.7&w=183&h=144&c=7&rs=1
  • gekko422gekko422 Posts: 4,869Registered Users
    wavyblonde wrote: »
    Do people really say "mineswell" instead of "might as well?" I haven't seen that one! I do see "walla!" a lot, though. I usually see "beckon call" as a typo/confused word, rather than "becking call."

    I know some of us now use wallah! because we think it's funny, but yes someone on here did use mineswell in all seriousness.
    Democracy is not a spectator sport.

    You know why pandas are endangered? Cause pandas ain't got no game.

    Jesus loves you, but I'm his favorite.
  • NetGNetG Posts: 8,116Registered Users
    Sorry it seems like it won't work out, WB. New love interests can be so fun!
    ursula wrote: »
    Whoa, that seems a bit harsh! I think she's just afraid of being rude, which I think is completely understandable. Some people really take it to heart when people ignore their texts. Plus, she seems to like him, so she probably doesn't want to send him the wrong message of "leave me alone."

    What I was going to suggest has already been suggested: wait hours between texts, and let him know that you're not a constant-texting kind of person. If that doesn't work, then... I don't know.

    That's what gets me. It is NOT rude to not respond to every text. And perhaps he felt it was rude not to respond to her when she responded to him. It's ridiculous. If someone is texting you without reciprocation and it bothers you, you should say something. But if someone is texting you and you're texting back, you have demonstrated that it is acceptable behavior. Even in texting women think it's "polite" to be whoever they think the other person wants them to be instead of who they want to be, and honestly, it's just BS! Take ownership of your life, people! You are NOT a slave to your phone or the wishes of men! I think the OP learned her lesson from what she posted, so I do mean it as a general "you" not at the OP.
    wavyblonde wrote: »
    Do people really say "mineswell" instead of "might as well?" I haven't seen that one! I do see "walla!" a lot, though. I usually see "beckon call" as a typo/confused word, rather than "becking call."

    I'd never seen "becking call" before this post. ;)
    The pews never miss a sermon but that doesn't get them one step closer to Heaven.
    -Speckla

    But at least the pews never attend yoga!
  • JosephineJosephine Posts: 14,175Registered Users
    NetG wrote: »
    Sorry it seems like it won't work out, WB. New love interests can be so fun!
    ursula wrote: »
    Whoa, that seems a bit harsh! I think she's just afraid of being rude, which I think is completely understandable. Some people really take it to heart when people ignore their texts. Plus, she seems to like him, so she probably doesn't want to send him the wrong message of "leave me alone."

    What I was going to suggest has already been suggested: wait hours between texts, and let him know that you're not a constant-texting kind of person. If that doesn't work, then... I don't know.

    That's what gets me. It is NOT rude to not respond to every text. And perhaps he felt it was rude not to respond to her when she responded to him. It's ridiculous. If someone is texting you without reciprocation and it bothers you, you should say something. But if someone is texting you and you're texting back, you have demonstrated that it is acceptable behavior. Even in texting women think it's "polite" to be whoever they think the other person wants them to be instead of who they want to be, and honestly, it's just BS! Take ownership of your life, people! You are NOT a slave to your phone or the wishes of men! I think the OP learned her lesson from what she posted, so I do mean it as a general "you" not at the OP.
    wavyblonde wrote: »
    Do people really say "mineswell" instead of "might as well?" I haven't seen that one! I do see "walla!" a lot, though. I usually see "beckon call" as a typo/confused word, rather than "becking call."

    I'd never seen "becking call" before this post. ;)

    I totally agree. People should be themselves and others who are worth anything to you will appreciate and like that. It's odd to me when people do something they don't want and then complain about it. I'm sure people have complained about the way I responded to them. Not my problem and we are probably not meant to be friends if they are not compatible with me.

    Actually current guy did complain about my short and blunt responses after we were getting semi serious. I fixed it, not a big deal, I was being lazy. It woulda progressed anyways.