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Is bad credit a dealbreaker?

LadyV69LadyV69 Posts: 3,397Registered Users
According to this article, bad credit can be a dealbreaker for some people:

Perfect 10? Never Mind That. Ask Her for Her Credit Score. - Yahoo! Finance

This is particularly vexing for me because 10 years ago, my mother manipulated me into co-signing a mortgage for her. I never lived in the house. She was supposed to be responsible for making the payments. Last year, she retired and was suddenly unable to make the payments on her reduced income. As I could not afford to pay for housing for myself as well as for her, we had to let the house go. I settled with the mortgage company to do a "deed in lieu" instead of foreclosure, whereby they would seize the house, sell it and accept whatever it sold for instead of sticking me with the difference between what it would sell for and the remaining loan balance. Before all this, my credit was around 725. I'm sure it's dropped substantially since then, even though I pay all of my other bills on time. I hadn't wanted to co-sign in the first place and I'm angry at myself for not being strong enough to stand up to my mother at the time. It was a hard lesson. The fact that some people would consider me as little more than some number rather than the person I am and what I've learned really bothers me.
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Comments

  • claudine19claudine19 Posts: 4,486Registered Users
    I read the same article.

    Credit score isn't a first date conversation, imo. It's also not a solid predictor of a person's wealth or potential. I've dated men with far worse scores than mine, but who made far more money.

    I think it's creepy.
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  • The New BlackThe New Black Posts: 16,738Registered Users
    Tangential, but how'd she manipulate you into co-signing? I can see how feeling you've been reduced to a number would be demoralizing. But I can totally see that sort of situation being a dealbreaker for someone. And honestly that's not really reducing you as a person to just a number; it's making a rational assessment of the person's likelihood to end up in the poorhouse.
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  • claudine19claudine19 Posts: 4,486Registered Users
    But to some, I already am in the poorhouse, yet my credit score is high.
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  • JosephineJosephine Posts: 14,175Registered Users
    But I can totally see that sort of situation being a dealbreaker for someone. And honestly that's not really reducing you as a person to just a number; it's making a rational assessment of the person's likelihood to end up in the poorhouse.

    I agree. I've been with guys with bad credit. It depends on why. For first guy it should've been a dealbreaker, he was just lazy and it reflected in every other area of his life which was the main reason we broke up. Other guys, it was not completely their fault and if someones changed now then it's not so bad.
  • claudine19claudine19 Posts: 4,486Registered Users
    Maybe more of a third or fourth date issue?
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  • rouquinnerouquinne Posts: 13,498Registered Users Curl Dabbler
    i had a first date with someone last year where he told me that he was in the middle of bankruptcy proceedings.

    there was no second date.

    there's another man of my acquaintance here in town who told me one night at one of our group dinners about his ongoing financial troubles related to his divorce. he has 5 boarders in his house.

    but he's been a driver with the local transit commission for 25+ years and i happen to know that they make more money than i do.

    he also let it slip that the divorce took place over 20 years ago.

    if someone is still in financial trouble 20 years after a divorce where no children were involved and he's making upwards of $60k a year, i'd have to wonder what's going on.
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  • LotsawavesLotsawaves Posts: 8,660Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    With the economy, people losing their jobs & homes, I'm sure there are many, many with low credit scores. To me it would depend on why. Some people are irresponsible and that would be a dealbreaker for me.
    From Michael Berg:

    Every person has a unique connection to the Creator that can never be extinguished, and every person has a great soul that can manifest important things in our world. To make a person feel less than they are because of something inside themselves, be it faith, race, or sexual orientation, is the greatest sin of all."
  • LadyV69LadyV69 Posts: 3,397Registered Users
    I don't think it should be a first date matter for discussion either. It's way too soon. If the relationship is serious, I agree it should be brought up sometime before marriage. There are various reasons why somebody can have poor credit. Many people think that everyone with poor credit is irresponsible and clueless, but that's not the case with everyone. Some are victims of identity theft. And others are responsible, like me, but are/were weak when it came to demands from family members who are clueless about handling money because said family member felt entitled or believed that their offspring "owed" them something after 18 odd years of raising them.
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  • claudine19claudine19 Posts: 4,486Registered Users
    Maybe you're all right. I just know there are some variables which matter.
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  • murrrcatmurrrcat Posts: 9,596Registered Users
    Lotsawaves wrote: »
    With the economy, people losing their jobs & homes, I'm sure there are many, many with low credit scores. To me it would depend on why. Some people are irresponsible and that would be a dealbreaker for me.

    agreed.

    also if they have children in college, my sibling ruined my fathers credit (long story), luckily for him he's already married. :toothy4:


    the sad part is my dad always told us, whatever you do, don't ruin your credit.....so they ruined his instead. :-|
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  • curlypearlcurlypearl Posts: 11,970Registered Users Curl Novice
    LadyV, I don't think you were "weak." It's a tough call when a family member is in trouble and needs money.

    On topic: I think it should depend entirely on the circumstances. Clearly, in your case you weren't irresponsible at all.
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  • jeepcurlygurljeepcurlygurl Posts: 19,250Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    It is not a deal breaker for me. I have great credit but my boyfriend has NO credit. Has never had a credit card, pays cash for most everything, has owned his property since right out of high school, has a couple small loans for business vehicles and equipment and that's it. If he were to check his credit I'm sure it would be horrendous. I couldn't care less.

    If a guy asked me what my credit score was, THAT would be a dealbreaker. : )
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  • claudine19claudine19 Posts: 4,486Registered Users
    Come to think of it, I dated a guy with fantastic credit, but found him to be somewhat cheap. That was the dealbreaker.
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  • LAwomanLAwoman Posts: 2,949Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    Lotsawaves wrote: »
    With the economy, people losing their jobs & homes, I'm sure there are many, many with low credit scores. To me it would depend on why. Some people are irresponsible and that would be a dealbreaker for me.

    I agree. There are many factors to consider than just the number itself.

    It's the circumstances surrounding the presumably low credit score which would be the make-or-break factors for me.
  • spiderlashes5000spiderlashes5000 Posts: 17,495Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    It's not like bad credit is a life sentence. I have had great credit, then did something stupid, lost 175 points, and built it back up in 12 months.

    Mine goes up and down like the Dow Jones...just the nature of my work.

    Is there some chronic, ongoing problem or just some circumstantial issue, is what I would want to know.

    It realy all depends.

  • LoloDSMLoloDSM Posts: 3,778Registered Users
    DH had bad credit when we started dating. He paid cash for everything and had more than $10,000 in his checking account. I had fabulous credit but was broke.

    I agree that the circumstances matter. Someone with bad credit because they are irresponsible about paying bills or live beyond their means are different than you, LadyV. :-)
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  • nynaeve77nynaeve77 Posts: 7,135Registered Users
    I agree that it depends on the circumstances. It's not necessarily a dealbreaker to me. People go through bad times financially that aren't always in their control. If the guy just wasn't paying his bills because he's irresponsible, that would not work for me, but anyone can fall on hard times for a while.
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  • LotsawavesLotsawaves Posts: 8,660Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    Lady V, I remember you posting about that situation. You did what you felt you had to do. It was your mother. That was completely understandable.
    From Michael Berg:

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  • seamelody14seamelody14 Posts: 282Registered Users
    It depends. If they have bad credit because they are irresponsible with money, then yes, it could be. I've seen my mom (I love her, but I'm just saying) absolutely ruin my dad's credit, and I've seen this with lots of couples. I have been very careful financially and I wouldn't want anyone to pull me down. Also in the future, bad credit could make a lot of things more difficult, like buying a car etc.
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  • dia99dia99 Posts: 1,998Registered Users
    In LadyV's situation, I would want to know if helping out family in a manner that puts our potential combined finances at risk is a future risk, or if this was an isolated incident that the person would not repeat. When a need is imminent, it's a struggle to have conversations about why someone shouldn't "help" a family member or friend in ways that can have potential long-term detriment. Often, emotions make it hard to have financial/business conversations.

    So I'd be more interested in joint loans, credit cards, business ventures, etc., than in the current credit score. And, I'd want to do some behavioral interviewing (tell me about a time when a family member or close friend needed something important and you were asked to help. How did that impact the relationship? Would you do anything differently in a similar situation today?). I would try not to make it feel like a job interview, but marriage is work :), just with more emotional and physical benefits than the average career. I absolutely think there should be financial benefits as well, and I write this as the greater earner in my marriage.

    Finances are just one part of an equation, so I won't say it would be a deal breaker, but poor money management would definitely be very difficult to overlook.
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  • OBBOBB Posts: 4,174Registered Users
    in Viet culture its expected that we help family members out so having bad credit can be the norm for some. in my family unless a particular member abuses our generosity we all reciprocate.
  • CurlyminxCurlyminx Posts: 5,581Registered Users
    If it is, that might explain my forever alone status.
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  • SunshineGrrlSunshineGrrl Posts: 3,823Registered Users
    Curlyminx wrote: »
    If it is, that might explain my forever alone status.

    Me, too! Mine is a result of hefty medical bills and being unemployed during that time, too. I couldn't make payments because I wasn't working because I was sick...it was a vicious cycle that I'm trying to dig myself out of now that I'm employed, but it seems like quicksand...

    murrcat: Unfortunately, I've seen this happen too much with students and their parents. It's not common, but it does happen.

  • rouquinnerouquinne Posts: 13,498Registered Users Curl Dabbler
    Curlyminx wrote: »
    If it is, that might explain my forever alone status.

    um no....

    i have good credit, own my house and paid down a whack of debt this year and i'm STILL single!

    :sad5:
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  • SunshineGrrlSunshineGrrl Posts: 3,823Registered Users
    rouquinne wrote: »
    Curlyminx wrote: »
    If it is, that might explain my forever alone status.

    um no....

    i have good credit, own my house and paid down a whack of debt this year and i'm STILL single!

    :sad5:

    rou, why you gotta ruin my dreams like that?!

  • CurlyminxCurlyminx Posts: 5,581Registered Users
    rouquinne wrote: »
    Curlyminx wrote: »
    If it is, that might explain my forever alone status.

    um no....

    i have good credit, own my house and paid down a whack of debt this year and i'm STILL single!

    :sad5:

    rou, why you gotta ruin my dreams like that?!
    Yeah. I need to be able to place the blame somewhere!

    It couldn't possibly be me.
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  • OBBOBB Posts: 4,174Registered Users
    Curlyminx wrote: »
    If it is, that might explain my forever alone status.


    what are you saying Minx? that you helped your family members out and they messed up your credit? or that you abused your family's generosity? or that you have a secret Viet family?
  • CurlyminxCurlyminx Posts: 5,581Registered Users
    OBB wrote: »
    Curlyminx wrote: »
    If it is, that might explain my forever alone status.


    what are you saying Minx? that you helped your family members out and they messed up your credit? or that you abused your family's generosity? or that you have a secret Viet family?
    OBB, My response is an answer to the thread name of: Is bad credit a dealbreaker?

    If it is, that might explain my forever alone status.




    No. I ruined my credit being a poor financial planner. For being irresponsible. My family benefitted nothing from my bad credit. And I unfortunately don't have a Viet family.

    And yes. I'm sure I have abused my family's generosity at least once (I'm ashamed to admit).
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  • Fifi.GFifi.G Posts: 15,490Registered Users
    It is not a deal breaker for me. I have great credit but my boyfriend has NO credit. Has never had a credit card, pays cash for most everything, has owned his property since right out of high school, has a couple small loans for business vehicles and equipment and that's it. If he were to check his credit I'm sure it would be horrendous. I couldn't care less.

    If a guy asked me what my credit score was, THAT would be a dealbreaker. : )

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  • SunshineGrrlSunshineGrrl Posts: 3,823Registered Users
    OBB wrote: »
    Curlyminx wrote: »
    If it is, that might explain my forever alone status.


    what are you saying Minx? that you helped your family members out and they messed up your credit? or that you abused your family's generosity? or that you have a secret Viet family?

    My name is Sunshine, not Minx. And who blabbed all my secrets to you?!

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