CurlTalk

Would you date...? Would you marry...?

spiderlashes5000spiderlashes5000 Posts: 17,495Registered Users Curl Neophyte
A person who was living in the US illegally, if you were a legal US citizen?

Not a slam on any particular country or on undocumented immigrants in general.

Limiting it to the US bc I know have an understanding of the laws (e.g., if you get married, they may be able to apply for citizenship, depending on the circumstances of the expired visa...if there ever was one, etc. And if the marriage is deemed fraudulent, the person can be deported. And if children are born, they are citizens, et., etc.

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  • redcelticcurlsredcelticcurls Posts: 17,502Registered Users
    Unless it was life or death, no.
    Kiva! Microfinance works.

    Med/Coarse, porous curly.
  • CurlyminxCurlyminx Posts: 5,581Registered Users
    If I was in love, yes.

    Just to help with citizenship? No.
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  • spiderlashes5000spiderlashes5000 Posts: 17,495Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    Oops, I should have clarified: you have genuine romantic feelings for this person. Not trying to "help" the person.

  • The New BlackThe New Black Posts: 16,738Registered Users
    Nope.
    montage-3.gif No MAS.

    I am the new Black.

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  • moodydovemoodydove Posts: 1,721Registered Users
    Yea.
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  • LotsawavesLotsawaves Posts: 8,660Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    If he was here illegally....no. No matter my feelings about him romantically, I don't think I would trust him. That's just me.
    From Michael Berg:

    Every person has a unique connection to the Creator that can never be extinguished, and every person has a great soul that can manifest important things in our world. To make a person feel less than they are because of something inside themselves, be it faith, race, or sexual orientation, is the greatest sin of all."
  • SigiSigi Posts: 2,379Registered Users
    In my early 20s I fell for a person who had immigration issues. He was a Russian who had left the USSR, and was denied residency here. He had lived here for quite a few years though, I guess, through appeals. But at some point the govt put it's foot down and said no more appeals, it's time for you to go back to your country of origin. I went there and lived with him and his family for 3 months. But in the end, the long distance relationship just didn't work out for us.

    He was very upfront about his immigration problems. I think he honestly did care about/love me, but I do wonder if he was trying to snag a green card. There was a proposal, but I felt it was genuine at the time. :oops:

    23 year old Sigi = gullible

    :error:
  • spiderlashes5000spiderlashes5000 Posts: 17,495Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    :love3:

    ^^ "Say you, say me, say it for always, that's the way it should be.."

  • SpringcurlSpringcurl Posts: 8,002Registered Users
    My daughter did. He was brought here when he was 7 by his parents and they overstayed their visa and never left. She met him in middle school and started dating him in 9th grade and they got married just after she got out of college.

    When they went to immigration last year so he could apply for a green card she said it was just like the movies and kind of scary. She had pictures of them from their sophomore formal, junior and senior prom and the woman looked at them and then said, "That's a nice story." But she said it like it was a story, not the truth.
    He said he was a bartender and she asked him his date of birth and a bunch of stuff then out of nowhere said, "what's in a Manhattan?"

    But they were approved and now he has a green card.

    They married for love, obv.
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  • JosephineJosephine Posts: 14,175Registered Users
    A person who was living in the US illegally, if you were a legal US citizen?

    Not a slam on any particular country or on undocumented immigrants in general.

    Limiting it to the US bc I know have an understanding of the laws (e.g., if you get married, they may be able to apply for citizenship, depending on the circumstances of the expired visa...if there ever was one, etc. And if the marriage is deemed fraudulent, the person can be deported. And if children are born, they are citizens, et., etc.

    Yes I have, both. Really not an issue to me except that most likely it would be no because usually when you dont have your papers you have a sucky job and that's not going to cut it for me anymore. Obviously once you get married you can start filing right away and at least get the work visa(at least that's how it was back around 99).
  • NetGNetG Posts: 8,116Registered Users
    Theoretically, no.

    Could it happen in a situation somehow? Possibly. Because I deal with technology and import/export laws constantly I'm less likely to even want to date someone who isn't a US citizen because it means I wouldn't ever be able to have work out around that person and be a pain to deal with. But, for example, I knew a Canadian citizen who was a physicist working here, and was very attracted to him. I'm not sure why we didn't date, but I definitely didn't think of not wanting to date him because he was foreign in that time and situation. With all the various immigration laws something easily could have happened to make his presence here no longer legal, and if we'd already been dating I suspect I would have kept dating him.


    In high school I knew a guy who found out our senior year he wasn't actually in the US legally. His parents hadn't explained expired visas or whatever their situation was to him before that, and he was turning 18. His then girlfriend was 18 and they were definitely in love, and she offered to marry him. I believe he was able to gain legal status and stick around, and don't know if they ended up married eventually or not.
    The pews never miss a sermon but that doesn't get them one step closer to Heaven.
    -Speckla

    But at least the pews never attend yoga!
  • spiderlashes5000spiderlashes5000 Posts: 17,495Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    Would it matter if the person's staus was such that even after you married him/her, the person would never get a green card or citizenship?

  • JosephineJosephine Posts: 14,175Registered Users
    Would it matter if the person's staus was such that even after you married him/her, the person would never get a green card or citizenship?


    Well of course, that doesn't make sense. No one wants to stay here illegaly? You're at risk. Why would anyone not want to??
  • spiderlashes5000spiderlashes5000 Posts: 17,495Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    Josephine wrote: »
    Would it matter if the person's staus was such that even after you married him/her, the person would never get a green card or citizenship?


    Well of course, that doesn't make sense. No one wants to stay here illegaly? You're at risk. Why would anyone not want to??

    Not that they don't want to get a green card...but they will never be permitted to get one.

  • jeepcurlygurljeepcurlygurl Posts: 19,251Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    It would depend on the issues behind it. I know people who are here illegally AFTER they have been here legally (problems with work visas, etc, that were not of their doing). This I might be able to live with as long as they are trying to right that wrong.

    But in general I guess I would have less of a problem with someone who did porn (as discussed in another thread) than with someone here illegally who has no intention of becoming a citizen or legal member of society here.
    --I'm located in Western PA.
    --I found NC in late 2004, CG since February 2005, started going grey in late 2005.
    --My hair is 3B with some 3A, texture-medium/fine, porosity-normal except for the ends which are porous, elasticity-normal.
    --My long time favorite products are Suave & VO5 conditioners, LA Looks Sport Gel, oils, honey, vinegar.
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  • OBBOBB Posts: 4,174Registered Users
    so jeepy would you marry me if i was here illegally and doing porn?
  • AmnerisAmneris Posts: 15,117Registered Users
    Would it matter if the person's staus was such that even after you married him/her, the person would never get a green card or citizenship?


    To your original question, absolutely yes I would if I loved the person and who they were and was certain they weren't using me for citizenship. People are illegal for many reasons. Some, like springcurl's son in law, are brought by their parents and have little control. Others are fleeing for their lives or fleeing extreme poverty. If someone could come from those circumstances and become a person I'd be interested in with the appropriate attributes/credentials etc. they would be a remarkable and interesting person. Some of my ancestors were illegal immigrants - I don't like how immigration is restricted and illegals are stigmatized today when we look at the facts of how the new world was built.

    If they would never get citizenship, I am not sure I would marry them, because this would leave our family life at constant threat of disruption if they could be deported or denied certain rights. I would not want to have children in such circumstances and I would not get married without knowing children were an option.
    Get used to me. Black, confident, cocky; my name, not yours; my religion, not yours; my goals, my own; get used to me. -Muhammad Ali


    .png


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  • LotsawavesLotsawaves Posts: 8,660Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    OBB, I took it as you could do porn, but you would have to be here legally.
    From Michael Berg:

    Every person has a unique connection to the Creator that can never be extinguished, and every person has a great soul that can manifest important things in our world. To make a person feel less than they are because of something inside themselves, be it faith, race, or sexual orientation, is the greatest sin of all."
  • JosephineJosephine Posts: 14,175Registered Users
    Josephine wrote: »
    Would it matter if the person's staus was such that even after you married him/her, the person would never get a green card or citizenship?


    Well of course, that doesn't make sense. No one wants to stay here illegaly? You're at risk. Why would anyone not want to??

    Not that they don't want to get a green card...but they will never be permitted to get one.

    I am not that familiar with the laws but in the U.S. why would one not be able to after marriage unless they are a criminal and not allowed to stay? In that case, no it would be very hard. You are always worrying about deportation on some level and hiding. I guess you'd have to be mad crazy in love and be willing to move out of country if the love was that strong. I never say never..(looking at my situation now lol).
  • AmnerisAmneris Posts: 15,117Registered Users
    Lotsawaves wrote: »
    OBB, I took it as you could do porn, but you would have to be here legally.

    A lot of porn stars are illegal, since it is an exploitative industry.
    Get used to me. Black, confident, cocky; my name, not yours; my religion, not yours; my goals, my own; get used to me. -Muhammad Ali


    .png


    534Pm5.png





  • LotsawavesLotsawaves Posts: 8,660Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    I didn't know that.....interesting.
    From Michael Berg:

    Every person has a unique connection to the Creator that can never be extinguished, and every person has a great soul that can manifest important things in our world. To make a person feel less than they are because of something inside themselves, be it faith, race, or sexual orientation, is the greatest sin of all."
  • jeepcurlygurljeepcurlygurl Posts: 19,251Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    OBB, sorry but you can't be both. I have my scruples. : )
    --I'm located in Western PA.
    --I found NC in late 2004, CG since February 2005, started going grey in late 2005.
    --My hair is 3B with some 3A, texture-medium/fine, porosity-normal except for the ends which are porous, elasticity-normal.
    --My long time favorite products are Suave & VO5 conditioners, LA Looks Sport Gel, oils, honey, vinegar.
    --My CG and grey hair progress -- http://www.naturallycurly.com/curltalk/going-gray/179328-jeepys-grey-hair-progress.html
  • WurlyLoxWurlyLox Posts: 4,858Registered Users
    Never say never, but I don't think so - it's just asking for trouble. If madly, deeply in love, who knows, though?
    2C/3A/3B - modified CG - fairly fine now, normal/low porosity/normal elasticity

    Current Main Rotation: MG217 medicated or Aim2Health 'poos for scalp, Elucence cond., Spiral Solutions Protein & Deeply Decadent Cond., CJCCCC reg or lite,CJ Pattern Pusha,, Giovanni LA Hold Hair Spritz + lots more, sporadically

    HG Method: Super Soaker + Smasters-ing, brief upside down diffusing w/360o diffuser then clips/clamps & air dry. Newly gray - stopped my henna glosses!

    www.fotki.com/auntnett
  • LotsawavesLotsawaves Posts: 8,660Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    Jeep, you crack me up!
    From Michael Berg:

    Every person has a unique connection to the Creator that can never be extinguished, and every person has a great soul that can manifest important things in our world. To make a person feel less than they are because of something inside themselves, be it faith, race, or sexual orientation, is the greatest sin of all."
  • spiderlashes5000spiderlashes5000 Posts: 17,495Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    Josephine wrote: »
    Josephine wrote: »


    Well of course, that doesn't make sense. No one wants to stay here illegaly? You're at risk. Why would anyone not want to??

    Not that they don't want to get a green card...but they will never be permitted to get one.

    I am not that familiar with the laws but in the U.S. why would one not be able to after marriage unless they are a criminal and not allowed to stay? In that case, no it would be very hard. You are always worrying about deportation on some level and hiding. I guess you'd have to be mad crazy in love and be willing to move out of country if the love was that strong. I never say never..(looking at my situation now lol).

    I guess it's at the discretion of the INS, but if you once had a legal visa, you have a much better chance of being given amnesty. But if you just came over w/o ever any documentation, you have less of a chance. And if you came here illegally before, were caught and deported and then came back illegally again, you have basically no chance.

  • OBBOBB Posts: 4,174Registered Users
    OBB, sorry but you can't be both. I have my scruples. : )


    :(
  • ShrekLoverShrekLover Posts: 2,551Registered Users
    I did, we were madly in love. He had already been married to an American and had not applied for a green card, because he wasn't really interested. That should have warned me because we divorced after 15 years because he felt he needed to be home and I didn't want to go. By then though even though we still loved each other we realized we weren't getting along that well, there was nothing in common and love is not enough. I knew going over there would result in divorce anyway, so why go someplace I didn't want to go with a man I spent more time fighting with anymore than loving.

    He did get a green card and citizenship during our marriage.
  • SunshineGrrlSunshineGrrl Posts: 3,823Registered Users
    Josephine wrote: »

    Not that they don't want to get a green card...but they will never be permitted to get one.

    I am not that familiar with the laws but in the U.S. why would one not be able to after marriage unless they are a criminal and not allowed to stay? In that case, no it would be very hard. You are always worrying about deportation on some level and hiding. I guess you'd have to be mad crazy in love and be willing to move out of country if the love was that strong. I never say never..(looking at my situation now lol).

    I guess it's at the discretion of the INS, but if you once had a legal visa, you have a much better chance of being given amnesty. But if you just came over w/o ever any documentation, you have less of a chance. And if you came here illegally before, were caught and deported and then came back illegally again, you have basically no chance.

    It might be different now, but my sister-in-law's entire family was here illegally. She's from Mexico and her dad came first. Once there was enough money, they were transported over the border in trunks of cars. Three of them got caught an sent back, then they were transported over again and made it. The story is awful to hear. I believe at least 1 if not 2 of her siblings almost suffocated in the trunk.

    My brother married my sister-in-law when she was illegal and to get her legal they had some pretty hefty fines or legal fees. Something to the tune of $3500. She worked off fake SSN's until she got married, which was at 25. Her entire family is legal now and all her siblings are citizens. Her mother died in a car accident after they had been married for like 5 years and her father doesn't speak enough English to apply for the citizenship test.

    I don't know if their story is rare or not, but I guess they demonstrate that if you do get caught and sent back and come over illegally again, it's still possible to get either a green card or citizenship.

    For me? That would be an extremely hard decision. Obviously we've experienced it as a family, so I doubt it would be much of an issue there. I really cannot afford to pay those kinds of fines and if he is unable to work until he gets his green card, then it's a hosed situation.

    If I decided it was something I could handle, then to me it wouldn't matter whether or not they came in completely illegally or was legal once and the Visa expired. As long as they're a hard worker and willing to work. I'm not going to support somebody for the rest of my life. The previous 2 sentences would really apply to anybody I married, though, doesn't have anything to do with the fact they might be here illegally.

  • CurlyCanadianCurlyCanadian Posts: 10,780Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    Living in Canada, I would work through it for the right person. Living in the US though, the system is too messed up to go through that.
    I believe in manicures. I believe in overdressing. I believe in primping at leisure and wearing lipstick. I believe in pink. I believe that laughing is the best calorie burner. I believe in kissing, kissing a lot. I believe in being strong when everything seems to be going wrong. I believe that happy girls are the prettiest girls. I believe that tomorrow is another day and I believe in miracles.
    Audrey Hepburn
  • JosephineJosephine Posts: 14,175Registered Users
    Josephine wrote: »

    I am not that familiar with the laws but in the U.S. why would one not be able to after marriage unless they are a criminal and not allowed to stay? In that case, no it would be very hard. You are always worrying about deportation on some level and hiding. I guess you'd have to be mad crazy in love and be willing to move out of country if the love was that strong. I never say never..(looking at my situation now lol).

    I guess it's at the discretion of the INS, but if you once had a legal visa, you have a much better chance of being given amnesty. But if you just came over w/o ever any documentation, you have less of a chance. And if you came here illegally before, were caught and deported and then came back illegally again, you have basically no chance.

    It might be different now, but my sister-in-law's entire family was here illegally. She's from Mexico and her dad came first. Once there was enough money, they were transported over the border in trunks of cars. Three of them got caught an sent back, then they were transported over again and made it. The story is awful to hear. I believe at least 1 if not 2 of her siblings almost suffocated in the trunk.

    My brother married my sister-in-law when she was illegal and to get her legal they had some pretty hefty fines or legal fees. Something to the tune of $3500. She worked off fake SSN's until she got married, which was at 25. Her entire family is legal now and all her siblings are citizens. Her mother died in a car accident after they had been married for like 5 years and her father doesn't speak enough English to apply for the citizenship test.

    I don't know if their story is rare or not, but I guess they demonstrate that if you do get caught and sent back and come over illegally again, it's still possible to get either a green card or citizenship.

    For me? That would be an extremely hard decision. Obviously we've experienced it as a family, so I doubt it would be much of an issue there. I really cannot afford to pay those kinds of fines and if he is unable to work until he gets his green card, then it's a hosed situation.

    If I decided it was something I could handle, then to me it wouldn't matter whether or not they came in completely illegally or was legal once and the Visa expired. As long as they're a hard worker and willing to work. I'm not going to support somebody for the rest of my life. The previous 2 sentences would really apply to anybody I married, though, doesn't have anything to do with the fact they might be here illegally.

    I know of one case where a girl was deported but came back. It didn't take as long expected, less than a couple years or even within one year. 3500 is not bad actually.
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