CurlTalk

Do you ever apologize when you don't think you were in the wrong?

spiderlashes5000spiderlashes5000 Posts: 17,495Registered Users Curl Neophyte
Why? And how do you feel after? Does it "work" (for whatever your reasons are)?

Comments

  • NejNej Posts: 2,444Registered Users
    When it involves the other people feeling slighted or their feelings then yes. Even if I feel right if the person is important to me I will usually always apologize.

    If it's happening enough that it's costing me too much of myself then I'll reevaluate my relationship with that person.
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  • munchkinmunchkin Posts: 2,909Registered Users
    On occasion if it is something that is meaningless. Sometimes it is easier than fighting/arguing/holding a grudge.
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  • SunshineGrrlSunshineGrrl Posts: 3,823Registered Users
    Sure do. I usually apologize because it prevents tension and it isn't that big a deal to apologize for something. If it sully's my character, ethics or reputation, then I'll stick by it for the most part. Sometimes I'm resentful because words were taken out of context, taken offense at, tone exaggerated, etc., but if someone took it wrong and absolutely needs it to move on, then who am I do really refuse to apologize for actual words spoken, regardless of intent.

    I would, however, appreciate the benefit of the doubt until I'm able to defend myself either way and discuss whether an apology is needed or wanted, not demanded.

  • Rubber BiscuitRubber Biscuit Posts: 1,294Registered Users
    Yes, I frequently apologize even if I don't feel I'm at fault. I'd prefer to move on from trivial issues than argue semantics.

    I only argue my point when there is something to be "gained." To me, "gaining" would be something physical, like money owed, or something emotional, like respect from someone important to me.

    ETA: I generally feel fine after, as I've stopped wasting my time and can devote attention to more important matters.
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  • theliothelio Posts: 5,374Registered Users
    Nope, but i wont hold a grudge if the person in the wrong doesnt apologize either. i usually say somehting along the lines of, "i'm right, you're wrong, and aint nothing going to change it. want to bake some cookies?"
  • curlypearlcurlypearl Posts: 11,970Registered Users Curl Novice
    OT: I never understood "let's agree to disagree." Weird.

    On topic: I sometimes apologize to my sister when I don't think I'm in the wrong because she gets hysterical otherwise and I can't deal with all that yelling and drama. No skin off my nose to apologize, and too exhausting to deal with her shenanigans. Peace at a price.
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  • NetGNetG Posts: 8,116Registered Users
    I apologize if I have hurt someone's feelings. I don't CARE about who is right and who is wrong - I care about clearing up whatever was happening, usually a misunderstanding of some sort, and that the other person was made to feel hurt in some way. And so I apologize for my role in their feelings being hurt, whether they were initially correct or not.
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  • wild~hairwild~hair Posts: 9,890Registered Users
    Frequently. It's the only way to maintain healthy relationships, especially intimate ones.

    There are many occasions where I find out what I did that was wrong and after gaining understanding I then feel I want to apologize.

    Then there are the times where I do see things differently, but the bottom line is my actions were nonetheless hurtful, whether or not I intended them to be. Therefore I need to at least apologize for that.
  • NetGNetG Posts: 8,116Registered Users
    wild~hair wrote: »
    Frequently. It's the only way to maintain healthy relationships, especially intimate ones.

    There are many occasions where I find out what I did that was wrong and after gaining understanding I then feel I want to apologize.

    Then there are the times where I do see things differently, but the bottom line is my actions were nonetheless hurtful, whether or not I intended them to be. Therefore I need to at least apologize for that.


    Better said than I managed. It's just part of being an empathetic and decent individual that you care about someone else's feelings.
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  • JosephineJosephine Posts: 14,175Registered Users
    Yes if it hurt someone and if it's unintentional on my part. Of course it works and I feel great.

    I don't apologize if I think they were in the wrong to begin with and if I think I would be justified in doing it again. I have before but then I took it back, because I can't live a lie or lead someone on.

    I probably have apologized to certain friends when I don't think I should have to keep the peace, but slowly distanced myself from them if I knew we'd keep having the same issue.
  • Fifi.GFifi.G Posts: 15,490Registered Users
    Nej wrote: »
    When it involves the other people feeling slighted or their feelings then yes. Even if I feel right if the person is important to me I will usually always apologize.

    If it's happening enough that it's costing me too much of myself then I'll reevaluate my relationship with that person.

    +1.

    I do not have a problem saying I am sorry if I have hurt someone, at all. I do not have a problem saying I am sorry when it comes to things I was not even a part of. Sometimes it is never said, period, and people deserve to hear it. Even if it is said in a comforting way alone.

    I could not have said Nej's 2nd statement better myself.
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  • SystemSystem Posts: 39,059 Administrator
    I did but it backfired on me because I ended up building resentment towards the person. I exploded on her and it made the situation 10 times worse but at least it gave me something to sincerely apologize about.
  • murrrcatmurrrcat Posts: 9,596Registered Users
    I say sorry if someone accidentally pushes me over, or over on purpose. I say sorry at least 10 times a day. So yea I have no problem, because I don't mean it either, its a social anxiety thing that I spazztically say all the time. Sorry, not sorry.

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  • juanabjuanab Posts: 4,037Registered Users
    Here is a question, when do you apologize? If you are in a disagreement and other person feels hurt, do you wait until you are no longer angry or upset? Or do apologize right away if you know you hurt the person's feelings?

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  • SunshineGrrlSunshineGrrl Posts: 3,823Registered Users
    juanab wrote: »
    Here is a question, when do you apologize? If you are in a disagreement and other person feels hurt, do you wait until you are no longer angry or upset? Or do apologize right away if you know you hurt the person's feelings?

    Generally I don't notice I hurt their feelings during the fight. It's afterward and they let me know I hurt their feelings that I apologize. I'm really not that observant when it comes to knowing if I hurt someone's feelings and I truly don't communicate with people that much in person (phone job). I would rather someone text/e-mail me if they need to reach me. I hate talking on the phone. So disagreements don't happen face-to-face anyway. And I generally don't argue with people unless I know I'm right about something.

  • CurlyCanadianCurlyCanadian Posts: 10,780Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    I do it a lot with my boss. He can just never be wrong, so I find myself apologizing to him even when I'm not sorry, or know I wasn't in the wrong.

    I've worked for him for 8 years and this works and makes things run smooth. I don't always like it, but it keeps the piece. Some times it even makes me giggle :lol:
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  • KookyCurlKookyCurl Posts: 1,980Registered Users
    All the time and not all the time. I know that's confusing, but let's say I say or do something that hurts someone or they take it in a way I didn't mean. I did not intend the hurt and I don't apologize for what I said. I do however recognize that regardless of my intention, they were hurt by it and for that I am sorry. Then I don't get resentful cuz I'm not really sorry for what I said and they see that I care about their feelings. Intention is not where I was wrong, I somehow didn't communicate properly. I use this strategy a lot with students to mitigate misunderstandings. Esp. when they make a bad joke and then get all indignant that someone is judging them for making a bad joke. It recognizes both the intent which was harmless but helps them realize that even jokes can have bad consequences and at the end of the day what matters is that you hurt someone's feelings.


    Then there are times I'll apologize and it's not specified for what. I may be apologizing for one thing, and the other person thinks it's for something else but it opens up communication and makes us both happy.
  • empressriempressri Posts: 4,812Registered Users
    ONLY if I've accidentally hurt someone's feelings, which I never ever intentionally do.

    But other than that...I find that some people get sensitive when the wind blows in a different direction and I refuse to pander to them, sorry. I don't do drama.

    Cause if I'm wrong, I have no problem saying that I am, but if I'm not, I won't say otherwise.
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  • SarcasmIsBeautySarcasmIsBeauty Posts: 5,640Registered Users
    empressri wrote: »
    ONLY if I've accidentally hurt someone's feelings, which I never ever intentionally do.

    But other than that...I find that some people get sensitive when the wind blows in a different direction and I refuse to pander to them, sorry. I don't do drama.

    Cause if I'm wrong, I have no problem saying that I am, but if I'm not, I won't say otherwise.

    +1
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  • Rubber BiscuitRubber Biscuit Posts: 1,294Registered Users
    I do it a lot with my boss. He can just never be wrong, so I find myself apologizing to him even when I'm not sorry, or know I wasn't in the wrong.

    I've worked for him for 8 years and this works and makes things run smooth. I don't always like it, but it keeps the piece. Some times it even makes me giggle :lol:

    The husband and wife team I used to work for are like this! They are horrible, nasty, and mean when they think you are wrong. Dog forbid if you manage to prove that they are wrong. Not only will they not apologize, they will find a way to blame you for their mistake.

    I always just said that I was "sorry I disappointed you, how can I do better next time?" and kinda blew smoke just to get them to STFU. They loved me. Narcissistic fools.
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  • hairhealthhairhealth Posts: 90Registered Users
    Why? And how do you feel after? Does it "work" (for whatever your reasons are)?

    No. I would not apologize for anything 'I' did not believe 'I' was culpable for.

    The confusion comes with others' perceptions of what they 'assume' YOU should feel sorry for/not sorry for/is right or wrong.

    but if 'I' apologize, it is because I feel like I did something to apologize for.

    On the other hand...that is not the same thing as regretting something, different answer for THAT...

    I digress...

    THAT isn't what you asked, though...

    Great thread, it may help one reevaluate the reasons for their actions/ self esteem/self worth when such questions are presented.

    There have been many threads like this lately, on various forums. It is a good thing. :happy3:
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  • YomYom Posts: 1,146Registered Users
    wild~hair wrote: »
    Frequently. It's the only way to maintain healthy relationships, especially intimate ones.

    There are many occasions where I find out what I did that was wrong and after gaining understanding I then feel I want to apologize.

    Then there are the times where I do see things differently, but the bottom line is my actions were nonetheless hurtful, whether or not I intended them to be. Therefore I need to at least apologize for that.

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