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No, apparently men and women CAN'T be just friends

The New BlackThe New Black Posts: 16,738Registered Users
montage-3.gif No MAS.

I am the new Black.

"Hope the Mail are saving space tomorrow for Samantha Brick's reaction piece on the reactions to her piece about the reactions to her piece." ~ Tweet reposted by Rou.
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Comments

  • JosephineJosephine Posts: 14,175Registered Users
    I've always known this(well since college). I totally believe in when Harry met Sally.

    Also what a waste of a study!
  • luvmylocsluvmylocs Posts: 7,578Registered Users
    didn't read the article but i can say that even if my guy friends are "attracted" to me in the beginning or even now, they've proven to be good friends. i talk to them about relationship stuff and things where i need a guys opinion and they give advice and none of them get out of line and try to make a move. so yeah, the might be "driven by sexual attraction" but at the end of the day....we are friends and that's good enough for me.
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  • JosephineJosephine Posts: 14,175Registered Users
    luvmylocs wrote: »
    didn't read the article but i can say that even if my guy friends are "attracted" to me in the beginning or even now, they've proven to be good friends. i talk to them about relationship stuff and things where i need a guys opinion and they give advice and none of them get out of line and try to make a move. so yeah, the might be "driven by sexual attraction" but at the end of the day....we are friends and that's good enough for me.

    Oh yea of course, I don't care what their motives are. But when I'm dating someone seriously, my relationships with them may change.
  • Fifi.GFifi.G Posts: 15,490Registered Users
    ^ Well said, LML.

    I still would not lump any and every man (or woman for that matter) on the planet into that category. Have I had guy friends who I shared a mutual attraction with? Yes. Did we put aside this to never mess up our friendship? Yes. Have I had guy friends that were attracted to me but I was not attracted to them? Yes. Have I had a 'buddy' in mutual single moment that I fully trusted? Yes. Have I had true male friends who were absolutely in love with their girlfriend/spouse and that I have never picked up on once ounce of attraction with? Yes. More than one.
    When I hear terms like "hipster" I think, who told cliques they could leave high school??

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  • OBBOBB Posts: 4,174Registered Users
    welp i guess the secret is out. im on here trying to get as much curly sex as i can
  • goldencurlygoldencurly Posts: 2,385Registered Users
    My best friend is a man. We've been friends since we were very small children and didn't know the difference between male and female. One of my favorite memories of him is someone asking us what we wanted to be when we grew up. I said a pirate. He said Wonder Woman. Neither of us understood why this was troublesome then. Now, it is hilarious! At the party after my wedding, he wore Wonder Woman's tiara. No, he's not gay, he's just fun. I don't think ours was motivated by gender or attraction. Unless it was my Tonka truck earth-mover he was attracted to.
  • LotsawavesLotsawaves Posts: 8,660Registered Users
    I always suspected that, OBB.
    From Michael Berg:

    Every person has a unique connection to the Creator that can never be extinguished, and every person has a great soul that can manifest important things in our world. To make a person feel less than they are because of something inside themselves, be it faith, race, or sexual orientation, is the greatest sin of all."
  • gemidevigemidevi Posts: 510Registered Users
    But aren't all friendships derived through some sort of attraction? Even Women-to-Women relationships. We tend to pick out the people we believe is 'attractive' or have that 'quality' about them...and then we build from there.

    So, maybe men and women can't be friends, in the beginning. But after the attraction fades, that's when a relationship is truly born, right? Friendship isn't just meeting someone and then wham-bam, you are friends. There is a 'courting' period to see if that person can be a friend, through similar goals, beliefs, values, etc. And this is true for all friendships - same sex or opposite sex.

    Mind you, I am in a relationship so my 'friendships' with men are catagorized as either "brotherly friends", "work friends/collegeaus" or "associates". I have a male best friend, that is my boyfriend and if I need 'manly advice' I go to him or if it's about him, I go to by "brothers".

    Just my 2 cents...I'll jump off my soap box now. :)
    *disclaimer* spelling, grammatical and psychological errors are for your enjoyment. :)
  • coilynappcoilynapp Posts: 4,233Registered Users
    I think the article should say "some men can't be JUST friends with women"
    th?id=H.4940802350254088&pid=1.7&w=183&h=144&c=7&rs=1
  • CanItBeChristineCanItBeChristine Posts: 6,343Registered Users
    Most of my guy friends are gay or my cousins, but I also have a lot of straight ones. One of my closest friends is a straight guy, and he's also the person I probably trust most in the world.

    That said, I was actually just telling him the other day, "You know, you're the only straight male that I consider a good friend that never says anything inappropriate or suggestive and makes me uncomfortable." (And I'm not saying I'm any Scarlett Johaanson.)

    So...I believe that.
  • Fifi.GFifi.G Posts: 15,490Registered Users
    gemidevi wrote: »
    But aren't all friendships derived through some sort of attraction? Even Women-to-Women relationships. We tend to pick out the people we believe is 'attractive' or have that 'quality' about them...and then we build from there.

    So, maybe men and women can't be friends, in the beginning. But after the attraction fades, that's when a relationship is truly born, right? Friendship isn't just meeting someone and then wham-bam, you are friends. There is a 'courting' period to see if that person can be a friend, through similar goals, beliefs, values, etc. And this is true for all friendships - same sex or opposite sex.

    Mind you, I am in a relationship so my 'friendships' with men are catagorized as either "brotherly friends", "work friends/collegeaus" or "associates". I have a male best friend, that is my boyfriend and if I need 'manly advice' I go to him or if it's about him, I go to by "brothers".

    Just my 2 cents...I'll jump off my soap box now. :)

    That is a good point, even though it there is a large difference in sexual and plutonic attraction. There has always been something I truly liked about any of my friends, and that made me want to know them better. It is a quality or qualities that attract you to the person. You can have a close and strictly 'friend' relationship with anyone, and also be hurt by them.

    Agreed with CN that it should say 'some'. In a way it is saying that women can never sense a sexual attraction. A few might slide by, but that is not true of all either. Most of the time, you know.
    When I hear terms like "hipster" I think, who told cliques they could leave high school??

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
  • sarah42sarah42 Posts: 4,034Registered Users
    I think it's true in a large majority of cases.
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  • coilynappcoilynapp Posts: 4,233Registered Users
    The comments on the article are hella funny.

    It's true, a lot of social research really just confirms what we already know. There are rarely any surprises ever, but these comments are giving me life rofl.
    th?id=H.4940802350254088&pid=1.7&w=183&h=144&c=7&rs=1
  • curlypearlcurlypearl Posts: 11,970Registered Users Curl Novice
    I'm friends with a guy. He doesn't like my "type" (he prefers girls with straight hair, bangs, and a look out of Walton's Mountain). He hates makeup. Reverse all that and you get me.

    He is totally unattractive to me. He is cross-eyed, flabby and generally a disaster in my eyes.

    We became friends at work. We both like software, clocks, lighthouses and have very little else in common except we worked in the same place for 25 years or so and respected each others work a great deal. We helped each other at work in important ways.

    Our communication is limited because we have so little in common. Mostly we joke around, but still, I consider him a friend.
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  • SariaSaria Posts: 15,963Registered Users
    While I can say that most of my male friends found me attractive at some point, I've also had some that have never been the least bit attracted to me. I'm friends with these men due to mutual respect as colleagues, or common interests. Seriously zero physical interest there.
    And the ones who were at some point interested have long moved past that.
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  • irociroc Posts: 7,890Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    I think most male-female relationships have the ability to become romantic. At some point during the friendship, at least one (if not both)of the individuals will most likely develop an attraction, or 'feelings' for the other person. It may be for a short time, it may be long.

    There are a lot of questionable situations. There's alcohol involved, one of you just broke up with your significant other, there was a death in the family, you're locked in a bathroom and its a zombie apocalypse. I don't know, anything can happen.


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  • NetGNetG Posts: 8,116Registered Users
    Most of my guy friends are gay or my cousins, but I also have a lot of straight ones. One of my closest friends is a straight guy, and he's also the person I probably trust most in the world.

    That said, I was actually just telling him the other day, "You know, you're the only straight male that I consider a good friend that never says anything inappropriate or suggestive and makes me uncomfortable." (And I'm not saying I'm any Scarlett Johaanson.)

    So...I believe that.

    Of course, a lot of us think (and hope) he is VERY attracted to you, and respects who you are as a person, thus the good behavior. ;)


    I agree with most of what has been said - one person being attracted to the other doesn't keep them from being friends. I've had guys I was friends with and attracted to and nothing happened at all. I've had guys who were attracted to me and I wasn't interested in them, and nothing happened and we stayed friends. And then there are the guys who I was friends with over the fact they liked one of my friends.... :)
    The pews never miss a sermon but that doesn't get them one step closer to Heaven.
    -Speckla

    But at least the pews never attend yoga!
  • Fifi.GFifi.G Posts: 15,490Registered Users
    iroc wrote: »
    I think most male-female relationships have the ability to become romantic. At some point during the friendship, at least one (if not both)of the individuals will most likely develop an attraction, or 'feelings' for the other person. It may be for a short time, it may be long.

    There are a lot of questionable situations. There's alcohol involved, one of you just broke up with your significant other, there was a death in the family, you're locked in a bathroom and its a zombie apocalypse. I don't know, anything can happen.


    Sent from my SAMSUNG-SGH-I997 using CurlTalk App

    And on the other hand you can be in those situations and still restrain. I can not even begin to count the number of times I spent alone with the guy I had a mutual attraction for. He is an incredibly good man who would never cheat on anyone. We were drunk and half naked together every other night, but both of us knew that we would put our friendship in danger, based on our personalities and interactions with each other.

    My buddy and I had a different relationship. We did have a drunken mishap (let me add kinda/sorta. i had made up my mind that I wanted to go there), but evolved from that, and had sober encounters as well. He eventually married my first cousin, and very close friend, and fathered 3 of my adorable second cousins. She is aware of our 'trysts' which took place because we cared for/trusted each other (loved but not in love) and we have never had an awkward moment. He was the second guy I was with, and I do not regret it.

    There are many different situations, but men and women can push past them, and remain close.
    When I hear terms like "hipster" I think, who told cliques they could leave high school??

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
  • Fifi.GFifi.G Posts: 15,490Registered Users
    I personally could never say that men and women can not be friends because after close to 40 years on this earth, many good and invaluable guy friend (with different attraction or no attraction variables) and only one real 'buddy'... I know that's not the case.
    When I hear terms like "hipster" I think, who told cliques they could leave high school??

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
  • jeepcurlygurljeepcurlygurl Posts: 19,241Registered Users Curl Dabbler
    Yes I'm sure there are some men who 'can't' be just friends with women. And there are some women who 'can't' be just friends with men. But there are also those who can.

    Most of my close friends are men (and only a few of them are gay). Some of them are men I used to be in relationships with so at one time there WAS sex, but not anymore. Others have been friends for decades with no sex at all.
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  • LadyV69LadyV69 Posts: 3,397Registered Users
    Josephine wrote: »
    I've always known this(well since college). I totally believe in when Harry met Sally.

    Also what a waste of a study!

    As much as I would like to believe that it's possible, I have to agree with you. I haven't had close male friends in years. And IME, trying to remain friends with an ex is just too awkward and painful, so I don't attempt to do that anymore. At my age, men aren't willing or able to be platonic, which isn't all that great for me since I have no interest in dating but I still desire male company.
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  • EilonwyEilonwy Posts: 12,389Registered Users
    A tabloid has misrepresented an academic study in order to protect the patriarchy.
  • curlyarcacurlyarca Posts: 8,449Registered Users
    Not exactly groundbreaking.

    I do have a female friend that I was very smitten with 15+ years ago-

    But- I was seeing others- as was she- and I didn't want to scare her away when we became good friends.

    Also- as petty as it sounds- she aged- and it helps that my last few GF's have all been more attractive than her.

    That comment is just beyond wrong, wow...

    ...and these ones:
    Many women are like vampires and total control freaks. Like Black Widow Spiders,they lure vulnerable men into their web and slowly but surely drain them of strength and willpower. They continually seek to control and question their every move.

    Better not to bother with them.
    The obesity apedemic among young women in the UK is reducing this effect.

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  • Fifi.GFifi.G Posts: 15,490Registered Users
    The next article in the link TNB posted is interesting too.

    "Men prefer women who act dumb" because they have not changed since the Neanderthal days.

    I am sensing a theme here. lol
    When I hear terms like "hipster" I think, who told cliques they could leave high school??

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
  • irociroc Posts: 7,890Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    Yes I'm sure there are some men who 'can't' be just friends with women. And there are some women who 'can't' be just friends with men. But there are also those who can.

    Most of my close friends are men (and only a few of them are gay). Some of them are men I used to be in relationships with so at one time there WAS sex, but not anymore. Others have been friends for decades with no sex at all.

    But there WAS sex. At one point there either is, or will be a potential sex situation in the future.

    That's all I'm saying.

    Of course there may be relationships where this isn't an issue, but I think in most cases it is. People should just keep that in mind.


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  • jeepcurlygurljeepcurlygurl Posts: 19,241Registered Users Curl Dabbler
    iroc wrote: »
    Yes I'm sure there are some men who 'can't' be just friends with women. And there are some women who 'can't' be just friends with men. But there are also those who can.

    Most of my close friends are men (and only a few of them are gay). Some of them are men I used to be in relationships with so at one time there WAS sex, but not anymore. Others have been friends for decades with no sex at all.

    But there WAS sex. At one point there either is, or will be a potential sex situation in the future.

    That's all I'm saying.

    Of course there may be relationships where this isn't an issue, but I think in most cases it is. People should just keep that in mind.
    Sent from my SAMSUNG-SGH-I997 using CurlTalk App

    Many of my male friends have been around for 10-20-30-40 years. How long do we have to wait to find out that they aren't after sex? : )
    --I'm located in Western PA.
    --I found NC in late 2004, CG since February 2005, started going grey in late 2005.
    --My hair is 3B with some 3A, texture-medium/fine, porosity-normal except for the ends which are porous, elasticity-normal.
    --My long time favorite products are Suave & VO5 conditioners, LA Looks Sport Gel, oils, honey, vinegar.
    --My CG and grey hair progress -- http://www.naturallycurly.com/curltalk/going-gray/179328-jeepys-grey-hair-progress.html
  • Fifi.GFifi.G Posts: 15,490Registered Users
    ^ I view those situations differently.

    I have been an acquaintance (through work or through social circles) with men than I ended up in a relationship with. We were friendly and chatted about day to day stuff, but they were not a close friend prior to romantic involvement.

    I have started out dating men and then discovered that we were better suited for friendship, and we have remained friends. The 'connection' or spark needed for romance was not there. Again, different situation.

    I can not be friends with a man that I have been in a romantic relationship with, and still have feelings for (as in I was very much so in love and needed time) or it ended very bitterly. That's about it.
    When I hear terms like "hipster" I think, who told cliques they could leave high school??

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
  • NetGNetG Posts: 8,116Registered Users
    Eilonwy wrote: »
    A tabloid has misrepresented an academic study in order to protect the patriarchy.

    I was reading responses and thinking "Well, isn't this convenient - men want women, therefore as the weaker sex we MUST give in... and therefore, women should obviously be kept in the home away from nefarious influences. Let men take care of business."
    The pews never miss a sermon but that doesn't get them one step closer to Heaven.
    -Speckla

    But at least the pews never attend yoga!
  • Fifi.GFifi.G Posts: 15,490Registered Users
    iroc wrote: »
    Yes I'm sure there are some men who 'can't' be just friends with women. And there are some women who 'can't' be just friends with men. But there are also those who can.

    Most of my close friends are men (and only a few of them are gay). Some of them are men I used to be in relationships with so at one time there WAS sex, but not anymore. Others have been friends for decades with no sex at all.

    But there WAS sex. At one point there either is, or will be a potential sex situation in the future.

    That's all I'm saying.

    Of course there may be relationships where this isn't an issue, but I think in most cases it is. People should just keep that in mind.
    Sent from my SAMSUNG-SGH-I997 using CurlTalk App

    Many of my male friends have been around for 10-20-30-40 years. How long do we have to wait to find out that they aren't after sex? : )

    Excellent point, Jeepy ;)
    When I hear terms like "hipster" I think, who told cliques they could leave high school??

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
  • Fifi.GFifi.G Posts: 15,490Registered Users
    NetG wrote: »
    Eilonwy wrote: »
    A tabloid has misrepresented an academic study in order to protect the patriarchy.

    I was reading responses and thinking "Well, isn't this convenient - men want women, therefore as the weaker sex we MUST give in... and therefore, women should obviously be kept in the home away from nefarious influences. Let men take care of business."

    We must play dumb and stay in the cave because the neanderthals are out to pounce. ;)
    When I hear terms like "hipster" I think, who told cliques they could leave high school??

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
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