CurlTalk

Is it Feb. 15, yet?

DiscgirlDiscgirl Posts: 746Registered Users
Ugh. I'm on the verge of tearing my hair out. I know it's a stupid Hallmark holiday. I know being without an SO or tons of dates doesn't make you a loser. I also know that everywhere I'm turning since the beginning of the year there seems to be some sort of ad campaign or event that's designed to make you think that if you're not with someone you're crap. I actually received a happy hour invite from Planned Parenthood for February 15 that's billing itself as a place to meet someone if you didn't/don't have a Valentine.

I'm going to boycott it out of principle. Plus, what kinds of single men show up at a Planned Parenthood event anyway? Married ones and sensitive, ponytail men, that's who. Blech.

Carry on. I'm probably bitter b/c I got dumped hard almost 2 years ago and frankly, the thought of actually dating made me want to throw up until relatively recently. I'm pretty low on the trust-o-meter right now.
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Comments

  • CurlyGina2CurlyGina2 Posts: 1,048Registered Users
    Next thursday. Next thursday. I'm not a valentines day lover either. I wanted to barf earlier as a coworker was cooing over the engraved dog tag necklace she got her new BF. From Tiffany's.
  • iris427iris427 Posts: 6,002Registered Users
    I've never been a big fan of Valentine's Day either. It seems so manufactured to me. Although I do like all the cute pink and red heart stuff.

    Discgirl, I'm sorry you've been having a rough time.
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  • Ab-starAb-star Posts: 1,128Registered Users
    I'm not a huge Valentine's Day fan either. I always get the kids some candy and I just bought my husband a very non-romantic card. And that will be about it from me this year!
    MY HAIR ALBUM
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    Going natural for the summer...just a dab of ArcAngell!
  • DiscgirlDiscgirl Posts: 746Registered Users
    First, it's tacky for her to say where she bought it just to say she bought it at Tiffany's. You can tell her, I raise my (self-purchased) Tiffany ring wearing middle finger to her tackiness.

    Iris -- Thanks. I'm fine. It just gets to be really hard to be a 1 in world that seems completely populated by or designed for 2s. It ain't easy sometimes being a swingle in your early 40's. Of course, it's no easier being a 2in your early 40's either.
  • sarasarasarasara Posts: 1,561Registered Users
    Are people so obssessed with this day? They're already buying presents and showing them?! The good thing about Valentine's here is that many don't belive in it and I can talk about how stupid it is and many will agree with me. Just tell yourself that evryone who's obssessed with Valentine's day don't get any love in their lives and can't wait for Valentine's so that someone canromance them.
  • RedCatWavesRedCatWaves Posts: 31,258Registered Users
    I can't stand Valentine's Day. It seems so forced. I made the mistake when my kids were little of getting them a little something for Valentines rather than candy. It was cute...a little stuffed toy or something, then when they got to be adolescents, I gave them a music CD or video game. NOW, my older boys expect a big gift as if it's christmas or something. One asked for a new laptop. After I stopped laughing, I said, "Um...I don't think so."

    I think I'll get them candy. Eff the teeth...
  • AmnerisAmneris Posts: 15,117Registered Users
    Discgirl wrote:
    First, it's tacky for her to say where she bought it just to say she bought it at Tiffany's. You can tell her, I raise my (self-purchased) Tiffany ring wearing middle finger to her tackiness.

    Iris -- Thanks. I'm fine. It just gets to be really hard to be a 1 in world that seems completely populated by or designed for 2s. It ain't easy sometimes being a swingle in your early 40's. Of course, it's no easier being a 2in your early 40's either.

    I think the grass always seems greener at times. Generally I am very happy to be married and having a baby still in my 20's, and I know many people would love that, but I have occasional flashes of regret when I talk to some of my single friends who are able to pursue goals, travel, go out, date, spend money frivolously, etc. seemingly without a care and not having to justify anything they do to anyone. It probably isn't really that way, and I know my unmarried days were not necessarily easy, but some days I get so nostalgic for them! I think we all wonder about the road less travelled or what it would be like if we were only xxxxxxx instead, but when it comes down to it, we are where we are in life and can only make the best of it.
    Get used to me. Black, confident, cocky; my name, not yours; my religion, not yours; my goals, my own; get used to me. -Muhammad Ali


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  • iris427iris427 Posts: 6,002Registered Users
    Amneris wrote:
    [
    I think the grass always seems greener at times. Generally I am very happy to be married and having a baby still in my 20's, and I know many people would love that, but I have occasional flashes of regret when I talk to some of my single friends who are able to pursue goals, travel, go out, date, spend money frivolously, etc. seemingly without a care and not having to justify anything they do to anyone. It probably isn't really that way, and I know my unmarried days were not necessarily easy, but some days I get so nostalgic for them! I think we all wonder about the road less travelled or what it would be like if we were only xxxxxxx instead, but when it comes down to it, we are where we are in life and can only make the best of it.

    ITA
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  • medussamedussa Posts: 12,993Registered Users
    Discgirl wrote:
    Plus, what kinds of single men show up at a Planned Parenthood event anyway? Married ones and sensitive, ponytail men, that's who.

    That made me laugh. Did you see Singles? Kyra Sedgwick's character had a ponytail boyfriend who was oh so sensitive, yet boring. Good movie. Rent it, if you haven't seen it.

    February 15th will be here soon. Hang tough.
  • CurlyGina2CurlyGina2 Posts: 1,048Registered Users
    Discgirl wrote:
    First, it's tacky for her to say where she bought it just to say she bought it at Tiffany's. You can tell her, I raise my (self-purchased) Tiffany ring wearing middle finger to her tackiness.

    :lol: I will do that.

    In actuality I mustered out a "errr... nice" and told her I was busy.

    Another one of my friends is absolutely inconsolable because she has jury duty on Valentines Day. Ugh.
  • PartyHairPartyHair Posts: 7,713Registered Users
    I can't be the only one who thinks that Singles Night at Planned Parenthood is at the very least really, really weird.

    I do not get the obsession with holidays and having to spend beaucoup bux. It's just ridiculous.
    *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

    Rock on with your bad self.

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    Be excellent to each other. ~ Abraham Lincoln

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  • WileE-DeadWileE-Dead Banned Posts: 24,963Banned Users
    medussa wrote:
    Discgirl wrote:
    Plus, what kinds of single men show up at a Planned Parenthood event anyway? Married ones and sensitive, ponytail men, that's who.

    That made me laugh. Did you see Singles? Kyra Sedgwick's character had a ponytail boyfriend who was oh so sensitive, yet boring. Good movie. Rent it, if you haven't seen it.

    February 15th will be here soon. Hang tough.
    That made me chuckle, too...
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    Ever since the sports thread wars I have sensed a special connection between [edit] & Wile. Like the connection oil has to water. I almost can't speak of it. Wait....my eyes are misting. ~asq
    Let’s just stay together and tell the world to kiss our ass. ~P


  • DiscgirlDiscgirl Posts: 746Registered Users
    That's where I plucked that line from. It's very true, although scary. That movie makes me laugh buckets. Citizen Dick. Hah.

    I hear you Amneris. I decided to go to Peru last summer and more or less just picked up and went. I didn't have to consult with anyone about money or when I was going or what I planned to do once I got there. I was able to do the same when I went to Alaska. The freedom to do that is a wonderful thing. Trust me. I value it. It just gets to me sometimes that society's message is that somehow I'm a failure b/c I'm not a "2." I actually had someone ask me "When are you going to settle down? Don't you want children?" I responded that I wanted children very much, but am physically incapable of having them and always have been. (Honestly, I don't know if I can or can't b/c it's not something I've ever checked into.) I know that was mean of me, but I figured he had it coming.
  • MoppyTMoppyT Posts: 998Registered Users
    I'm terribly excited for February 15... I'm getting the keys to my new place that day!

    I am a closet romantic (ssh!), but Valentine's Day is so not even on my radar. I don't buy into it, but I don't have any rage about it either. Heartsyfartsy silliness.
    The best revenge is living well. The second best revenge is fire ants.
  • DiscgirlDiscgirl Posts: 746Registered Users
    I know. If PP wants to be able to counter the people who are saying its adding to the decline of civilization, I don't think they should host events designed to raise money by putting booze filled adults together. Are they planning to have candy dishes full of contraceptives? I just think it's weird.
  • texascurlytexascurly Posts: 1,967Registered Users
    I think it's all a matter of attitude. I'm not dating anyone and the Valentine's stuff doesn't bother me at all. Who cares that I'm single?? Big deal...it will be just like any other day to me because I'm not focused on the fact that I'm single. I am where I am in life and I'm content. If someone special comes along, fine. If no one comes along for a while, that's fine too. I don't think it's a big deal at all to be single on Valentine's day.
  • JosephineJosephine Posts: 14,175Registered Users
    Discgirl wrote:
    That's where I plucked that line from. It's very true, although scary. That movie makes me laugh buckets. Citizen Dick. Hah.

    I hear you Amneris. I decided to go to Peru last summer and more or less just picked up and went. I didn't have to consult with anyone about money or when I was going or what I planned to do once I got there. I was able to do the same when I went to Alaska. The freedom to do that is a wonderful thing. Trust me. I value it. It just gets to me sometimes that society's message is that somehow I'm a failure b/c I'm not a "2." I actually had someone ask me "When are you going to settle down? Don't you want children?" I responded that I wanted children very much, but am physically incapable of having them and always have been. (Honestly, I don't know if I can or can't b/c it's not something I've ever checked into.) I know that was mean of me, but I figured he had it coming.

    Aww, please don't let it get to you. A lot of people have to live by molds instead of doing what makes them happy and just cant think outside their box that they were told they need to live in. It sucks that people just can't accept differences. Vday is really for those couples that are not really couples but need an excuse to do something special since they don't normally.
  • DiscgirlDiscgirl Posts: 746Registered Users
    I guess it's probably getting to me more than usual b/c I stumbled across the necklace former dude gave to me for V-day when we were together. I haven't worn it since. It's beautiful and I love it. That's why I kept it, but I still just can't wear it. I should just chuck it if I'm not going to wear it. I don't know why I keep it. It's not as if I'm still carrying a torch.
  • quickcurlquickcurl Posts: 1,310Registered Users
    Discgirl wrote:
    I guess it's probably getting to me more than usual b/c I stumbled across the necklace former dude gave to me for V-day when we were together. I haven't worn it since. It's beautiful and I love it. That's why I kept it, but I still just can't wear it. I should just chuck it if I'm not going to wear it. I don't know why I keep it. It's not as if I'm still carrying a torch.

    I'm right there with you!! I just broke up/got broken up with almost two weeks ago and I can't take this V-day bs. Every freakin' place I go, I get reminded of how important it is to be in a couple right now. And that reminds me of how great it felt to be in a couple. Which is depressing. I still have the necklace that he gave me for V-day a few years ago and I love it. It's the most precious thing any one has ever given me, and when we got back together last fall, I wore it all the time. But now, I can't even think of wearing it and I will never wear it again. Why do I keep it? Because I'm sentimental and right now tossing it or selling it would break my heart even more than it already is.

    I think it's important to try and focus on what is good in your life, and ignore the fact that society (or the great marketing "machine" that is every where you go) has no idea how good your life is outside of a relationship. Even though I'm not happy about being single and am honestly very bitter at the moment, I'm just plowing through it and I know that I'll be stronger in the end and this Valentine's Day isn't going to mess with my head any more than my break-up did. I try to avoid places that are decorated for the holiday (was in the drug store yesterday and went down every aisle except the one with all the Valentine's bs), I avoid the commercials on TV and the radio, and I know that in a week it will all be over and I can go back to trying to become happily single again. (I have also found that yelling a strong "F You" at the TV when one of those cheesy Valentine's Day commercials comes on to be very therapeutic! :lol: )
    "It's hard to remember a time, when I didn't have you", Richie Sambora
    "Boys are bad and men are stupid", WB's
    "After a while, you just want to be with the one that makes you laugh" Mr. Big
  • bushyheadbushyhead Posts: 1,676Registered Users
    V-day is fun when you're 5 and that's about it. If two adults need retail America to remind them to profess their love for one another then they have issues. If you love someone, it should be celebrated daily, and not in an obnoxious, giant teddy bear kind of way.
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    "Yesterday's history, tomorrow's a mystery, today is a gift . . . that's why it's called the present." - Unknown
  • quickcurlquickcurl Posts: 1,310Registered Users
    I'm a big romantic, so the chance to have a day dedicated to being romantic, is pretty cool in my book. When I was married, or when I was with my ex-BF, it was a reason to go a little above and beyond what we did on a daily basis. Especially with my husband, since he wasn't as romantic as I would have liked. With my ex-BF, I would get roses instead of him bringing me flowers that he thought were pretty from the food store or I'd get an extra-sweet card or he'd call me a few extra times during the day just because it was Valentine's Day. He did the same thing on my birthday. He was always telling me and showing me that he loved me, but did a little extra on holidays and the like.

    I agree that we shouldn't "need" a day to remind us to be sweet or kind or caring to those that we love. But, it exists. And when you're single (especially recently single), seeing all of this stuff about how fantastic it is to be in love, it's pretty depressing and hard to ignore.
    "It's hard to remember a time, when I didn't have you", Richie Sambora
    "Boys are bad and men are stupid", WB's
    "After a while, you just want to be with the one that makes you laugh" Mr. Big
  • BBBB Posts: 475Registered Users
    A friend sent this to me last year ... I think it makes some good points and may help some people get through next week.

    **
    Last Valentine's Day, I was supposed to attend a party where everyone had to dress as a V object. I was leaning toward vixen, or vamp, but wound up staying home because my boyfriend and I had just broken up in an awful, screaming, tear-filled fight that left both of us sucker punched and hysterical. The timing was ironic, but I was too upset to notice. My entire body felt like it might break apart from sadness, the kind of pain where you cry so long and hard you can hardly breathe, and your chest does actually start to hurt.

    But as the year wore on, and I'd laughingly respond to the kind question "When did you two break up?" with a slightly bitter laugh and "Valentine's Day," I started to hear people saying, "Me too." "Really?" I'd ask excitedly, glad that I'd found a kindred breakup soul, and we'd eagerly exchange stories. It got easier as I realized that I wasn't unique.

    In some cases, the importance of the most romantic day of the year forces people to assess the state of their relationships. For John, Valentine's Day spearheaded a breakup. "I felt things weren't going well and I couldn't imagine wholeheartedly participating in Valentine's Day, then a week later saying, 'All that stuff that's written in the card—I didn't mean it.' " While John generally associates the holiday with "mild trauma," it was more the realization that the two-year relationship was not going to last much longer that made him want to put the breaks on it sooner rather than later.

    Another friend's breakup happened to coincide with Valentine's Day. Lacey found out her boyfriend was cheating on her by breaking into his e-mail, where she found missives from several girls about their ongoing hookups with her man. February 14 was simply the tip of the liar's iceberg.

    Dana's five-year relationship ended last Valentine's Day—a move that, from what she describes, was long overdue. Her live-in boyfriend had cheated on her early in their relationship, and she'd had trouble trusting him ever since, especially for the long periods of time she lived in New York while he was still in Texas. On their way to a romantic sushi dinner, he finally exploded at her, yelling, "You don't trust me and never will." They fought in McCarren Park, where he left her sobbing, before detailing their fight in his online journal. For Dana, V Day played a small but vital part in pushing them their separate ways. Happily, she's in a new relationship and doesn't think the day's been forever tarnished by her ex.

    As Cindy Chupack pointed out in The Between Boyfriends Book (St. Martin's Press, 2003), holidays, for many couples, mean pressure, and none more so than Valentine's Day. There's so much incentive for everything to be perfect that it can make some people forget what the day is meant to celebrate: love. According to Bennett Madison, author of I Hate Valentine's Day (Simon Spotlight Entertainment, 2005), a snarky guide to surviving the dreaded holiday, it's a "cultural moment" ripe for relationship strife. "Anyone who expects a holiday to go totally smoothly is deluding themselves. The more ideal you expect it to be, the more potential for disaster there is, and some people set their expectations really high for Valentine's Day," he reveals.



    I have mixed feelings toward the day—like New Year's Eve, it's so oversignified that you're almost bound to be disappointed with the end result. On the other hand, if I'm dating someone on V Day, I wouldn't want to treat it like any other random day. But are candy and flowers really a good way of showing your love? Can't there be a happy medium between honest emotional expression and sappy, clichéd offerings? I'd rather be swept away for a spontaneous quickie, or receive a single handpicked rose at an unexpected moment, than have someone pursue such things on February 14 out of a sense of obligation. I have a theory that there are some people who are into Valentine's Day and some who aren't, but even for those, like me, who lean more toward the latter, it's hard not to want someone to kiss and cuddle with, to send cards and get giggly over, to be all the mushy things that Valentine's Day has come to stand for. Even if you don't want to be one of those girls who dresses in red and gushes about her lover and makes kissing noises into the phone, V Day can work its insidious effect into our brains.

    As for me, I hope the day arrives and leaves as quickly as possible, not because I'm not a romantic but because all the cheesy drama attendant upon the day is the farthest thing from romance I can imagine. Love can be expressed in countless ways, and often it's the little things, rather than the grand gestures, fancy dinners, or hours of processing that show you how someone really feels. Give me a spontaneous back rub, flowers for no reason (I like roses and gerberas), cupcakes, mix CDs, hugs, smiles, or heartfelt, racy e-mails, anything truly from your heart—not because I asked or you feel duty bound, but because you really mean it. True love is not only worth waiting for, it's worth suffering a little heartbreak along the way; but that's a lesson that needs more than one day to sink in.
    A coward is incapable of exhibiting love; it is the prerogative of the brave.

    -Mohandas Gandhi
  • love yourself firstlove yourself first Posts: 5,398Registered Users
    Discgirl -

    I don't even notice V day anymore. I used to get blue if I didn't have someone or go to anti-V day parties and events. Now, I'm just really into my freedom and play/ looking around. I guess that the majority of my friends are like Amneris now, but older. They have wonderful spouses and children and lives. But they feel more or less trapped. Happily so, most of the time. But they are locked in.

    And whether or not people may pity us adult single women sometimes, we do have freedom. And if we keep ourselves up and maintain a great outlook on life we have many, many options.

    The other thing I think about is what you said about it isn't easy for 2s either. It most definitely is not. That's why it pays to wait until someone very fitting and special and worthwhile comes into your life. THEN it could be worth all of the sacrifice and change. Meanwhile, freedom is priceless. Enjoy it. Because once it goes, it's hard to get back.
    "Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people."
    "I think that somehow, we learn who we really are and then we live with that decision."
    - Eleanor Roosevelt (both quotes)

    (taking a break from posting starting late august 2009)
  • AmnerisAmneris Posts: 15,117Registered Users
    Discgirl -

    I don't even notice V day anymore. I used to get blue if I didn't have someone or go to anti-V day parties and events. Now, I'm just really into my freedom and play/ looking around. I guess that the majority of my friends are like Amneris now, but older. They have wonderful spouses and children and lives. But they feel more or less trapped. Happily so, most of the time. But they are locked in.

    And whether or not people may pity us adult single women sometimes, we do have freedom. And if we keep ourselves up and maintain a great outlook on life we have many, many options.

    The other thing I think about is what you said about it isn't easy for 2s either. It most definitely is not. That's why it pays to wait until someone very fitting and special and worthwhile comes into your life. THEN it could be worth all of the sacrifice and change. Meanwhile, freedom is priceless. Enjoy it. Because once it goes, it's hard to get back.

    So are you saying I'm trapped? :roll:

    Just kidding.... :lol:
    Get used to me. Black, confident, cocky; my name, not yours; my religion, not yours; my goals, my own; get used to me. -Muhammad Ali


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  • love yourself firstlove yourself first Posts: 5,398Registered Users
    Amneris wrote:

    So are you saying I'm trapped? :roll:

    Just kidding.... :lol:

    Not at all, my love.
    But you know you are, girl.  The key is wanting to be in that state, with your man, carrying a child that is a unique reflection of both of you and your love and commitment to each other.  No better place to be, if you want it and are with the right person.  Much kudos and best wishes to you.  And all respect for taking on the burden and joys of motherhood
    
    "Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people."
    "I think that somehow, we learn who we really are and then we live with that decision."
    - Eleanor Roosevelt (both quotes)

    (taking a break from posting starting late august 2009)
  • EilonwyEilonwy Posts: 12,389Registered Users
    V Day is when they sell good chocolate. If someone special gives me the chocolate, that's a bonus. But the day itself really doesn't mean anything to me, aside from the knowledge that I'll have to peel red or pink foil off the chocolate before I eat it.

    Hooray, chocolate!

    I'm not really a "holiday" person, though. I just never get caught up in them.
  • NoblestarNoblestar Posts: 6Registered Users
    I'm not dating anyone, but for once I'm looking forward to the 14th because I'm in Vienna and it's ball season so I'm going to another real Vienese ball (not a Valentines ball either) Last year I was rather depressed about valentines day, but this year I don't even care that I'm not dating anyone. I agree with whoever said that Valentines day is only fun when you're 5.
  • CurlyCanadianCurlyCanadian Posts: 10,771Registered Users Curl Dabbler
    Eilonwy wrote:
    V Day is when they sell good chocolate. If someone special gives me the chocolate, that's a bonus. But the day itself really doesn't mean anything to me, aside from the knowledge that I'll have to peel red or pink foil off the chocolate before I eat it.

    Hooray, chocolate!

    Last night I was out shopping with a girlfriend and she said she can't until next weekend, all the good chocolate is going to be CHEAP!!!! :lol:
    I believe in manicures. I believe in overdressing. I believe in primping at leisure and wearing lipstick. I believe in pink. I believe that laughing is the best calorie burner. I believe in kissing, kissing a lot. I believe in being strong when everything seems to be going wrong. I believe that happy girls are the prettiest girls. I believe that tomorrow is another day and I believe in miracles.
    Audrey Hepburn
  • lazy loopslazy loops Posts: 8,792Registered Users
    All I have to say, & someone may disagree with me, but:

    I think the V-day jewelry advertised by Kay & Zales, all the frilly pink & red stuff, fake roses in whatever type material, glass decorations, etc. throughout every store is trashy looking.

    vomit.gif
  • PartyHairPartyHair Posts: 7,713Registered Users
    All I have to say, & someone may disagree with me, but:

    I think the V-day jewelry advertised by Kay & Zales, all the frilly pink & red stuff, fake roses in whatever type material, glass decorations, etc. throughout every store is trashy looking.

    vomit.gif

    I know you want a gold-dipped REAL ROSE of your very own! :lol:
    *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

    Rock on with your bad self.

    *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

    Be excellent to each other. ~ Abraham Lincoln

    *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
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