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Being forced to straighten my hair!?!

My father is forcing me to straighten my hair for Christmas when I really don't want to. I told him no and he said he will not let me get my permit (im 15) if I don't straighten it, and he's completely serious. I finally got to the point where I'm ready to not touch the flat iron ever again, to get my hair healthy, and embrace the curly hair on every occasion because I'm uncomfortable with it all straight. I told him this but he is adamant and I am stubborn. What do I do
2c/3a, fine texture, normal porosity, medium-to-thick
Co wash: Vo5 Extra Body
Conditioners: Deva One Condition, GVP CB, Loreal Evercurl
Stylers: Devacurl ArcAngel, KCCC, AG Recoil, Iso Bouncy Creme, Ecostyler Krystal, CCCCL, KCKT
Low Poo: Devacurl NoPoo, GTTT
Hair likes: plopping, diffusing, SMaster's, coconut and argan oil, honey, protein
"What makes a woman unforgettable? Her mind...surrounded by lots of naturally curly hair"
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Comments

  • prentonneprentonne Posts: 163Registered Users
    Wear a bun. That way you compromise.

    Sent from my GT-P1000N using CurlTalk App
  • dianemary126dianemary126 Posts: 184Registered Users
    :( im sorry your father ismt respecting your desire to wear your hair how you'd like for Christmas. That is so mean! I would say maybe do a cute half up half down style or a bun like suggested that way u dont have to use heat. It is a compromise, thats pretty fair to me.
    Diane
    NYC/NJ
    2c/3a..fine/regular texture..normal porosity..low elasticity..high density..cherub curls

    MONAT all natural hair products are the absolute BEST
    /home/leaving?target=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.dianemary.mymonat.com" class="Popup

    goals: grow out bad breakage cut and artificial hair color1
    last softener: Sept 2010
    last color: 2.14.15
    last cut/trim: 4.7.15

    blog: /home/leaving?target=http%3A%2F%2Fdianemarybeauty.blogspot.com" class="Popup
  • JessiebananaJessiebanana Posts: 940Banned Users
    Wow, I'm so sorry. That is really weird (and I'm being nice here) behavior on part of your father. It's bad enough society tells us there is a narrow standard of beauty, but no one should have to hear that from a parent. As a minor you really only have a couple choices. You can take a stand for your individuality and forgo driving until you no longer need his permission or you can bow to his unreasonable wishes until your an adult. It sucks, but if he isn't responding to conversation you're kind of stuck.

    Is there an adult who can reason with him on your behalf?
    3C/Fine to Medium/Low Porosity/High Density

    :love5:MoistureMoistureMoisture:love5:

    Low Poo: CJ Gentle Cleansing Shampoo
    RO/DC: DB Pumpkin Seed Curl Moisturizing Conditioner
    LI: CJ Smoothing Lotion
    Styler: Queen Helene Sculpturing Gel & Glaze

    No Salts, No Waxes, No Butters, No Heavy Oils
    No ACV, No Saponified Oils, Protein Sensitive
  • WavyshibbyWavyshibby Posts: 165Registered Users
    Thank you for all your suggestions. My father isn't usually overbearing like this. He has never came down so hard on something so unreasonable before. But I am a stubborn person, and I think I may choose to wear it curly, but not really because I like it curly but for the principle of the matter. To say that I am no longer a little kid and while you still have much control over my life, I have to have control over something, and my body is mine and what I do with it is my own choice.

    Is this a bad idea? I'm really not sure how to handle this like a mature coherent person and not come across as a spiteful rebellious teenager who doesn't know how to pick her own battles.
    2c/3a, fine texture, normal porosity, medium-to-thick
    Co wash: Vo5 Extra Body
    Conditioners: Deva One Condition, GVP CB, Loreal Evercurl
    Stylers: Devacurl ArcAngel, KCCC, AG Recoil, Iso Bouncy Creme, Ecostyler Krystal, CCCCL, KCKT
    Low Poo: Devacurl NoPoo, GTTT
    Hair likes: plopping, diffusing, SMaster's, coconut and argan oil, honey, protein
    "What makes a woman unforgettable? Her mind...surrounded by lots of naturally curly hair"
  • Jas76Jas76 Posts: 2,283Registered Users
    I think you are already handling this pretty maturely for someone so young. It's one thing if you wanted to dye your hair blue before the family photo, but to tell you you can't wear it in its natural state - this sends a poor message. And I'm sorry for that.

    Have you asked him why he feels so strongly about this? Or maybe the answer doesn't matter.

    I think you could calmly say "I have thought about what you said, and though I respect your authority, I have chosen to wear my hair natural because I feel more comfortable. If you feel you still need to withhold my permit, that's of course your right to do so. Please understand I dont meant any disrespect, and I understand that you don't like how I look with curly hair, but it's what I have and I prefer not to change my appearance to please someone else - not even my father. I hope you will try to understand."

    Of course put that in your own words! Lol!

    Btw, you have beautiful curls, and I'm glad you are proud of your natural self!

    If you do decide to straighten it, I would pull it back while damp into a tight twisted bun, and let it dry that way. (sleep overnight, even.). Then you can brush/blow dry the rest in the morning and it should be close to straight.

    That's IF you decide to - which is totally your choice. No right or wrong answer here.
    2c/3a/3b, Fine/med, Dense, high porous, & normal elas.

    Lo-poo - Renpure Keratin, SMR, Giovanni SaS
    clarifying - mix Johnson's H2T with low poo
    Co-wash - Suave Nats. clar. or coco.
    RO - GVPCB, Ion Eff. Care, TN.
    LI - SMR, Cure Care, or RO
    Seal - MO or Jojoba
    DT - + honey, ACV, & EVOO to SM masque & GVPCB
    PT - Gelatin!, CNPF
    Styling - FSG, AIF, BRHG, LALS/PS, GF curl spray gel, SM Souffle/Smoothie, LOOB
    Oils - MO!, EVOO, jojoba, GSO, SM Elixer, EVCO, VO5 Hairdressing
  • etosetos Posts: 221Registered Users
    oh my god, I suddenly feel how my life was when I was that age. Things like that are getting beter when you get older and can make your own desicions!

    Maybe you can try if it's okay when you wear your hair up, in a messy bun? You can make something very nice if you just stick some bobby pins in your hair and leave some of the curls in front of your face out of it?

    You can also tell your dad that you think it's like he doesn't think you are beautiful, or even accepted just how you naturally are. I think it's quite insulting to say that you have to change something about the way you look!
    highlighted 3a hair. Fine strands, medium to high density. Probably high porosity. Growing uit bad layering and aiming for waist lenght!

    Pre-poo: coconut oil
    wash: CJ Daily fix or SheaMoisture Coconut&Hibiscus
    RO + LI: different every time
    Styler: CJ Pattern Pusha, CJ CIAB

    dislikes: glycerin in low dews, scissor happy stylists, magnesium sulfate

    (modified) CG since june 25, 2012
    Hiarfinity + extra MSM since March 5., 2014

    SL - APL - BSBL- BSL - MBL - WL (stretched)
  • Jas76Jas76 Posts: 2,283Registered Users
    Yeah, I'm sorry, but what message does that send? What of some BOY told you to change how you looked?? Said he'd break up with you of you didn't?? How would your dad feel??

    Sorry... Probably best not to throw that in your dad's face in that blunt of a manner. ;) But I do think he's out of line here. Maybe he'll see that. What does your mom think of this situation??
    2c/3a/3b, Fine/med, Dense, high porous, & normal elas.

    Lo-poo - Renpure Keratin, SMR, Giovanni SaS
    clarifying - mix Johnson's H2T with low poo
    Co-wash - Suave Nats. clar. or coco.
    RO - GVPCB, Ion Eff. Care, TN.
    LI - SMR, Cure Care, or RO
    Seal - MO or Jojoba
    DT - + honey, ACV, & EVOO to SM masque & GVPCB
    PT - Gelatin!, CNPF
    Styling - FSG, AIF, BRHG, LALS/PS, GF curl spray gel, SM Souffle/Smoothie, LOOB
    Oils - MO!, EVOO, jojoba, GSO, SM Elixer, EVCO, VO5 Hairdressing
  • WavyshibbyWavyshibby Posts: 165Registered Users
    Thank you all for your wonder suggestions and kind words. My mother just thinks I should do it to make him happy-she doesn't see what the big deal is. I love my curls. They are not uncontrollably big or frizzy or unkempt, they are shiny and soft and healthy and most importantly they're me. I don't know what he has against my hair but my extended family (who I will see on Christmas) LOVES my natural hair and they like that I wear it curly. It's not that I don't want to make him (and my mother) happy-I just don't want to compromise my happiness and self esteem in order to please other people, including my family.
    2c/3a, fine texture, normal porosity, medium-to-thick
    Co wash: Vo5 Extra Body
    Conditioners: Deva One Condition, GVP CB, Loreal Evercurl
    Stylers: Devacurl ArcAngel, KCCC, AG Recoil, Iso Bouncy Creme, Ecostyler Krystal, CCCCL, KCKT
    Low Poo: Devacurl NoPoo, GTTT
    Hair likes: plopping, diffusing, SMaster's, coconut and argan oil, honey, protein
    "What makes a woman unforgettable? Her mind...surrounded by lots of naturally curly hair"
  • danmandanman Posts: 2Registered Users
    I have problems and I guess I'm the same hansraj
  • Jas76Jas76 Posts: 2,283Registered Users
    Wavyshibby wrote: »
    Thank you all for your wonder suggestions and kind words. My mother just thinks I should do it to make him happy-she doesn't see what the big deal is. I love my curls. They are not uncontrollably big or frizzy or unkempt, they are shiny and soft and healthy and most importantly they're me. I don't know what he has against my hair but my extended family (who I will see on Christmas) LOVES my natural hair and they like that I wear it curly. It's not that I don't want to make him (and my mother) happy-I just don't want to compromise my happiness and self esteem in order to please other people, including my family.

    This is very mature for a 15 year old to say and think! Your father should focus on that, and not on the shape of your hair!

    Good luck whatever you decide - and do keep us posted in how the conversation goes!!
    2c/3a/3b, Fine/med, Dense, high porous, & normal elas.

    Lo-poo - Renpure Keratin, SMR, Giovanni SaS
    clarifying - mix Johnson's H2T with low poo
    Co-wash - Suave Nats. clar. or coco.
    RO - GVPCB, Ion Eff. Care, TN.
    LI - SMR, Cure Care, or RO
    Seal - MO or Jojoba
    DT - + honey, ACV, & EVOO to SM masque & GVPCB
    PT - Gelatin!, CNPF
    Styling - FSG, AIF, BRHG, LALS/PS, GF curl spray gel, SM Souffle/Smoothie, LOOB
    Oils - MO!, EVOO, jojoba, GSO, SM Elixer, EVCO, VO5 Hairdressing
  • RoswentheRoswenthe Posts: 66Registered Users
    You could also put together some research about how straightening damages hair, and not only hair, but it can damage the skin underneath. Brazilian blowouts also release formaldehyde. They're not safe for anyone, in my opinion.

    Something that always stuck with me was Chris Rock's documentary on hair. He does an experiment where they stick a coke can in the straightener chemical. It melts it--totally, and in 24 hours or so. If you can find it, maybe ask him to watch it before you continue the discussion.

    I'm sorry your dad is so against your natural hair. I think you are taking a very mature approach to it, and while he may sound serious, he might not actually hold your permit hostage for it.
    Averages out at 2b, ranges from 1c to 3a, very fine
    Mane 'n Tail co-wash + leave-in

    Clarifying shampoo every few weeks
    Lavender Allergy
  • bobbybobby Posts: 669Registered Users Curl Novice
    Not that this makes you feel any better but if I were your father "keeping" your lovely curls is the only way you get your permit.:) That is jacked up that he is taking that approach.
    2B always with potential of white man's fro

    http://www.naturallycurly.com/curltalk/members/bobby-albums-my-album.html

    "Curls aren't just for girls"
  • WavyshibbyWavyshibby Posts: 165Registered Users
    I talked to my mother. She was trying to guilt me into it, saying how he gives me everything and she's annoyed that I can't do this one thing to make him happy. She just rolled her eyes when I said that I'm not going to do it because I'm not going to succumb to other peoples' perception of beauty. She just laughed; she doesn't understand what it means to me.

    This whole thing just kind of gets me down :/ but thanks to everyone who listened and agreed that it's not just me this time, my parents really are being whack :D
    2c/3a, fine texture, normal porosity, medium-to-thick
    Co wash: Vo5 Extra Body
    Conditioners: Deva One Condition, GVP CB, Loreal Evercurl
    Stylers: Devacurl ArcAngel, KCCC, AG Recoil, Iso Bouncy Creme, Ecostyler Krystal, CCCCL, KCKT
    Low Poo: Devacurl NoPoo, GTTT
    Hair likes: plopping, diffusing, SMaster's, coconut and argan oil, honey, protein
    "What makes a woman unforgettable? Her mind...surrounded by lots of naturally curly hair"
  • asianrunnerasianrunner Posts: 2,251Registered Users
    What is his reasoning?? That is really strange.
    Coarse texture, normal-high porosity, normal elasticity (Komaza Care), very weak waves
    cleanser: Redken Fresh Curls Shampoo, CJ Daily Fix

    rinse out: GVP Conditioning Balm, CJ Beauticurls, CJ Smoothing

    jellies/creams: CR Curl Maker, KCCC
    gels: CJ CQ, CJ Pattern Pusha, BRHG

  • EricachristinaEricachristina Posts: 496Registered Users
    You got some good advice thus far If you have tried to reason with them and they are not listening to you then you should wear your hair however you prefer, you are old enough to make those types of choices for yourself.

    parents are not always right even though some pretend they are. Your parents are sending you a very poor message about accepting yourself just the way you are by not accepting your hair the way it is and they should be proud of you! After all they are the ones that you inherited your natural curls from in the first place!
    It is great that you understand your father isn't right to ask you this. Even if he doesn't know any better it is very impressive that you do.
  • MojoDojoMojoDojo Posts: 702Registered Users
    I think you're taking a mature stand. You love it curly, it's you, and you shouldn't have to compromise yourself over what others think. And your hair is gorgeous so I really don't see his problem.

    I would do a nice updo so he doesn't equate curly hair with hair that's not 'done'. It might do a lot to prove your point.

    Maybe pin back most of your hair and leave some nice face-framing pieces out (maybe finger-curl them so they look neater)?
    I AM THE NEANDERTHAL SLAYER!!!
  • WavyshibbyWavyshibby Posts: 165Registered Users
    Thanks for the reassurance. I never stand up to my parents, but then again this is something that really hits me deep because now they want to change something that is a part of me just because it's what they want. I don't like dissapointing them or making them angry, but just because I'm their child doesn't mean I don't have rights too, right?

    Asianrunner, his reasoning is simply that he prefers my hair straight. He thinks it makes me look prettier, more presentable, and that its just overall superior to my curls. He said (about the refusing to let me get my permit-and I quote) " If you don't do something I really want then I wont give you something you really want, see how it feels". I knew he preferred my hair straight, but I had no idea how extreme his preference went...
    2c/3a, fine texture, normal porosity, medium-to-thick
    Co wash: Vo5 Extra Body
    Conditioners: Deva One Condition, GVP CB, Loreal Evercurl
    Stylers: Devacurl ArcAngel, KCCC, AG Recoil, Iso Bouncy Creme, Ecostyler Krystal, CCCCL, KCKT
    Low Poo: Devacurl NoPoo, GTTT
    Hair likes: plopping, diffusing, SMaster's, coconut and argan oil, honey, protein
    "What makes a woman unforgettable? Her mind...surrounded by lots of naturally curly hair"
  • Jas76Jas76 Posts: 2,283Registered Users
    I don't mean to be rude about your father - I'm sure you love him and e loves you, very much.

    But this is very concerning and angering to me. As a mother, and as a teacher of kids (mainly girls) your age, I find what he's doing rude and frankly manipulative and borderline abusive.

    Again, I don't mean to offend you, but this is over the line.

    I had my husband read your OP (also a teacher), and he rolled his eyes and said "that's awful."

    I wish I had further advice for you, and I swear I'll stop posting on here - LOL! - but I just had to let you know that.

    Hang in there, Hun!
    2c/3a/3b, Fine/med, Dense, high porous, & normal elas.

    Lo-poo - Renpure Keratin, SMR, Giovanni SaS
    clarifying - mix Johnson's H2T with low poo
    Co-wash - Suave Nats. clar. or coco.
    RO - GVPCB, Ion Eff. Care, TN.
    LI - SMR, Cure Care, or RO
    Seal - MO or Jojoba
    DT - + honey, ACV, & EVOO to SM masque & GVPCB
    PT - Gelatin!, CNPF
    Styling - FSG, AIF, BRHG, LALS/PS, GF curl spray gel, SM Souffle/Smoothie, LOOB
    Oils - MO!, EVOO, jojoba, GSO, SM Elixer, EVCO, VO5 Hairdressing
  • bobbybobby Posts: 669Registered Users Curl Novice
    Wavyshibby wrote: »
    Thanks for the reassurance. I never stand up to my parents, but then again this is something that really hits me deep because now they want to change something that is a part of me just because it's what they want. I don't like dissapointing them or making them angry, but just because I'm their child doesn't mean I don't have rights too, right?

    Asianrunner, his reasoning is simply that he prefers my hair straight. He thinks it makes me look prettier, more presentable, and that its just overall superior to my curls. He said (about the refusing to let me get my permit-and I quote) " If you don't do something I really want then I wont give you something you really want, see how it feels". I knew he preferred my hair straight, but I had no idea how extreme his preference went...

    At age 40, I'm actually old enough to be your father but that's another story. LOL You're taking the right approach. I have three little kids (two girls). Short my daughters coming home with a shaved head or dyed pink or purple, etc., I'm going to be pretty hands off on how they wear their hair. Definitely on the curly/straight front. My hair is actually curlier than both daughters.:)

    Do your thing with the curls. I mean what's he going to do kick you out of the house if you don't straighten it? And if he goes that far someone should kick him in the ass.
    2B always with potential of white man's fro

    http://www.naturallycurly.com/curltalk/members/bobby-albums-my-album.html

    "Curls aren't just for girls"
  • MyrnaMyrna Posts: 2,360Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    Young woman, a fellow curly alerted me to your post. Not that it matters, but I am a licensed professional counselor. This is a BOUNDARIES issue. Your father has NO right to be telling you to straighten your hair. I could understand his objection if you had a Mohawk and you were applying for jobs in corporations. Others may disagree with me, but sooner or later you will need to learn to stand up for yourself, and it may as well be now. Tell him that if you go against your principles of being true to yourself, you will not like or respect yourself, and as such, he should respect you enough to back off. It is YOUR hair.
  • MyrnaMyrna Posts: 2,360Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    I have read the other replies here and I have a few more words. to my fellow curlies: your responses are well intended but you are essentially advising this young woman to PLEASE an adult man, with whom there is a huge imbalance of power (he is her father); no one has identified this as controlling and abusive behavior. I am. Moreover, would the responses be the same if she was a male? well, if she was a male, this would not be happening at all, would it? So, the advise here is essentially to placate a controlling father; for her to be a "good girl" and do what she "needs" to do to calm him down. Sorry, but that sounds like the advise society used to give battered women to cope with their abusers. She needs to stand up to him. Sorry, thats how it is. If she doesnt start now, she will be bending to every man who wants to control her. My sympathies, Wavy, if you need more help with this, contact me privately.
  • RoswentheRoswenthe Posts: 66Registered Users
    Myrna wrote: »
    I have read the other replies here and I have a few more words...no one has identified this as controlling and abusive behavior. I am. Moreover, would the responses be the same if she was a male? well, if she was a male, this would not be happening at all, would it?

    Um, did you really read the other responses? Because most of us identified this as controlling, and I don't think anyone said to placate him at all, except the original poster, who said that her mother wanted her to do so.

    And yes, this does happen with males. My father, who is controlling, bullied my brother as much as me. He was maybe expected even more to keep a certain "macho" appearance, which is similar in vein. It's not a gendered issue.
    Averages out at 2b, ranges from 1c to 3a, very fine
    Mane 'n Tail co-wash + leave-in

    Clarifying shampoo every few weeks
    Lavender Allergy
  • tricellotricello Posts: 95Registered Users
    What is his reasoning?? That is really strange.

    This is my thought. But I will be blunt and go even further and say I think it is outright weird that he cares about this. Your hair is perfectly normal in your picture, and therefore I have to agree with Myrna thatthis is about some control issue. I am just ??? why wearing hair in any specific way would “please” a father. It’s one thing to say “I like your hair this way”…but to make it about “pleasing me”. Sorry, but odd.
    High Density, High Porosity, Medium Texture, 3B with some kink

    DT: SS DDMT - HG
    Lo-Poo: No Preference
    Co-wash: CJ Smoothing Conditioner
    RO: CJ Strengthening Conditioner - HG
    LI: CK Satin Roots
    Styler: CK Coil Jam
    Other Likes: Castor Oil; CK Twist Whip, MD CSC
    Dislikes: Wheat Protein; Aloe LIs or Stylers

  • RoswentheRoswenthe Posts: 66Registered Users
    Wavyshibby,

    It sounds to me like you are choosing to take your stand on this, even at the loss of your permit. I think we're all in agreement about that.

    Since you said the rest of your family is for your curls, could you talk to someone in your family who is close to your father, who he might listen to? It sounds like your mother is refusing to be a support in this, so can you find someone else who can be?

    I also wanted to share with you something about me--when I was in high school, I was very ill and in treatment. My mother, who generally was the awesomist woman on earth to me, refused to admit I was sick. She wanted me to pretend the same. My grades fell (a lot), and I felt very alone. I didn't feel like I could tell any of my teachers what was going on, even though most of them asked (and some punished me) for my grades falling. I begged my parents for tutoring, which they blew off, saying I didn't need help and just needed to keep being the perfect student and child. So I kept it in, and I didn't get out of high school all that I wished I could.

    I really regret not telling others and getting help. Your situation is similar in that I know that you really don't want to go against your parents in this, and you feel like you are disappointing them. It's probably making you feel miserable and like it's your fault, even though you didn't do anything wrong. One of the above posters is right, parents are sometimes wrong, and sometimes they need help seeing that. So, get help from your outside family, or even go to a trusted teacher or counselor if you need to do so. Perhaps even have them set up a mediation in this. Present all the evidence you can, about how it's hurting your self-image and how bad straightening chemicals are. But don't be afraid to ask someone for help like I was.

    My father now can talk to me about when I was ill, and we can talk about it openly. He feels sorry and doesn't know why they didn't help me more. He regrets it. I think this is a situation where your father might regret his actions in the future, he just can't see that right now and might need some help to do so. It does unfairly leave the burden on you, but it's worth taking the steps to ask for help.
    Averages out at 2b, ranges from 1c to 3a, very fine
    Mane 'n Tail co-wash + leave-in

    Clarifying shampoo every few weeks
    Lavender Allergy
  • MyrnaMyrna Posts: 2,360Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    Yes, Rosewenthe, I did read the other posts, and while some did say the father was wrong, others advised placating behaviors, including that she should present dad with "research" about healthy hair. I am sorry but I dont think that is appropriate advise, nor do I think that is appropriate assertive behavior. Young people need to learn appropriate assertive behavior to be able to cope in life. I would feel a lot better if she had been told, Dad, I am sorry, but it is my hair, and I must stand firm on this, and if that mean I dont get my permit, then I will need to speak with the school counselor so that I can get more help with this issue.
  • Jas76Jas76 Posts: 2,283Registered Users
    I agree (and think I said? I at least meant to) that it's controlling, out of bounds, and borderline abusive.

    For me the biggest issue is the message this sends. Wavy is being told by the most influential man in her life that he likes her better and thinks she only looks pretty when she straightens her hair. Those may not have been the words used precisely, but that is the message. It says she's not good enough unless she does this to please him. Furthermore, the message continues to say it's OK for a man to tell you how to look. And if you don't comply, you deserve to be punished.

    Punishment is valid and important for parents to use as needed with their children. But to punish behavior, not appearance. It shouldn't be used as a manipulative tool to get one's way on this type of issue.

    No punishment would be appropriate in this case, but dangling your permit over it is so overthetop, and very disproportionate. I agree maybe talking to a school counselor might be a good move.

    I know it's like "it's just hair - calm down." but there really is a deeper issue here, an inappropriate message, and a situation I feel you should stand your ground on. It will help remind you that that message is NOT correct. And surprisingly enough, those messages like that will creep into your head for years - and half the time you won't even know it.

    Take care, Wavy!! I hope all goes smoothly!!
    2c/3a/3b, Fine/med, Dense, high porous, & normal elas.

    Lo-poo - Renpure Keratin, SMR, Giovanni SaS
    clarifying - mix Johnson's H2T with low poo
    Co-wash - Suave Nats. clar. or coco.
    RO - GVPCB, Ion Eff. Care, TN.
    LI - SMR, Cure Care, or RO
    Seal - MO or Jojoba
    DT - + honey, ACV, & EVOO to SM masque & GVPCB
    PT - Gelatin!, CNPF
    Styling - FSG, AIF, BRHG, LALS/PS, GF curl spray gel, SM Souffle/Smoothie, LOOB
    Oils - MO!, EVOO, jojoba, GSO, SM Elixer, EVCO, VO5 Hairdressing
  • MyrnaMyrna Posts: 2,360Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    well said, Jas. :icon_smile:
  • triple_spiraltriple_spiral Posts: 249Registered Users
    I'm sorry your dealing with this! When I still lived at home my mother once asked me to accompany her to the grocery store.....and then drove me to the salon, pulled out a tub of relaxer and told me I was getting a relaxer (chemical straightener)! Instead I convinced the stylist to cut my hair into a little fro....mom was not pleased! But anyway, the point is I know the feeling of having your family pressure you to have straight hair!

    If you want to compromise, the bun idea is a good one. I know some people (and maybe yourself) are against the idea of compromising on this, but it is a way to NOT straighten your hair, but still have it be unquestionably presentable. To some people, loose hair in general just isn't very formal, compared to an up-do.

    If you don't want to compromise, as long as you are ready to deal with the consequences go for it! You may even find that it is an idle threat (don't count on that though), because how silly would your father sound explaining to people why his of-age daughter doesn't have a license?? "Well you see, she refused to straighten her hair for the holidays!" What???

    And finally, are you sure that you even need your father's permission to get a driver's license? I don't remember that being part of the process when I was in high school. You signed up for the class when it was time, and if you passed you got a learner's permit, and eventually you go to the DMV and take the test. Your father could certainly stop you from driving the family car, but not sure he can really legally stop you from getting a permit. I'm not a 100% on this though, it's been a while.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

    4a?? Maybe 3c...some 4b??? No clue

    tiny s-waves, coils, and spirals


    - Cleanser: CJ Daily Fix or KC Come Clean
    - Co-wash: Suave Naturals or V05
    - RO: GVP Conditioning Balm or Tresemme Naturals
    -Stylers: Garnier Pure Clean Gel, CJ Aloe Fix, KCCC


    "I remember your childhood hair....flowin' wild at the county fair" - kelley stoltz

    "and all the hours that you've been sitting at your vanity....may they carry you far from your misery" - conor oberst
  • SunshineGrrlSunshineGrrl Posts: 3,823Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    Parents here have to "give" permission for a license for anyone under 18. They have to sign on the application something about assuming responsibility for the minor or something. I don't remember...buy I do know they have to sign.

    Sent from my ADR6350 using CurlTalk App

  • WavyshibbyWavyshibby Posts: 165Registered Users
    I'm astonished by the amount of replies on this post as well as the immense support and concern you showed for me and this issue, and the personal stories of similar hurtful experiences. I appreciate them all. Actually, I have no other relatives really to talk to; my friends think its crazy but no one else sees the bigger picture except all of you.

    My father is a wonderful man. I admit I portrayed him in a negative light in all most posts and I agree his behavior is questionable, he does love me very much and I just don't think he realizes(or refuses to see) the subtext behind his demands.!I am the quintessential "daddy's little girl"- I never really have any problems with him. And i know they're just trying to be the best parents they can be. And I know I don't know everything, and that parents are supposed to be controlling, but some parents are just overprotective and smothering-but what can you do, you just have to deal with it until you're 18 right? What I'm trying to get at here (sorry for the life story haha I'm not trying to gain sympathy or anything) is that while my parents are extremely controlling, it does come from a place of love and I don't feel like its abusive. This one incident with my father is out of character and over the line; but I just want to make it clear to the counselor here that he is not an emotional abuser or anything, just a parent trying to navigate his way to parenting a teenager for the first time, and he doesn't know or refuses to acknowledge that he makes mistakes or crosses a line.

    I think Jas76 said something that really opened my eyes: "Punishment is valid and important for parents to use as needed with their children. But to punish behavior, not appearance. It shouldn't be used as a manipulative tool to get one's way on this type of issue." I feel he is doing this and I will bring up this point because it is so so true.

    The only reason I don't want to wear an updo is not because of compromise, it's just that I don't like how my face looks when I wear my hair up (LOL). I want to wear it down either way because thats the way i like to wear it. I am just choosing to wear it curly as a stance that I am no longer complying to ridiculous demands and that I'm fed up with being controlled so much.

    This turned into such a deeply personal thread! Thank you all for your input; I know I should probably talk to him but I just can't deal with it all right now. I'm such a passive and typically obedient person, so this little "rebell against injustice" thing is all new to me and nerve wracking, even if it is something so trivial as my hairstyle :)
    2c/3a, fine texture, normal porosity, medium-to-thick
    Co wash: Vo5 Extra Body
    Conditioners: Deva One Condition, GVP CB, Loreal Evercurl
    Stylers: Devacurl ArcAngel, KCCC, AG Recoil, Iso Bouncy Creme, Ecostyler Krystal, CCCCL, KCKT
    Low Poo: Devacurl NoPoo, GTTT
    Hair likes: plopping, diffusing, SMaster's, coconut and argan oil, honey, protein
    "What makes a woman unforgettable? Her mind...surrounded by lots of naturally curly hair"
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