Please help.

MsBMsB Registered Users Posts: 115 Curl Connoisseur
I'm looking for help for my oldest son who just graduated from college and is living at home with us. He has a one year appointment locally and then he'll be off on his own. Since he has been away at college I haven't paid all that much attention to his hair but since he has been home, and is shedding enough hair for me to make a bath mat, I started taking notice .

His hair is a type 4a, low porosity, coarse, medium density and extremely dry. No one else in the family, except for my mother inlaw, has hair like his. So there is really no one for him to go to for advice. Over the years he has tried many different products but none of them seemed like the perfect answer. For the last few years his go to shampoo and conditioner has been Giovani smooth and silky or Trader Joes Nourish line. His hairdresser suggested one n'only Keratin Brazilian tech leave-in. Although it left his hair nice and soft his curls were no longer defined. Most recently he's been using kinky curly knot today as his leave-in and although it is ok there has to be something better for him.

When he was much,much younger he would wash his hair with a combo shampoo and conditioner and then spray in a detangled and his curls looked and felt healthy. I also remember his hair seemed to look good after occasionally using netrogena clarifying or anti residue shampoo. But once he was in his later years of high school and in college he always picked his hair into a huge fro on the weekends and then washed and let it curl during the week. Although his fro looked great on the weekends his wash and go didn't look so great anymore. His hair became more frizzy and the curls were less defined.

I think he has become so frustrated with his hair that he is thinking of cutting it all off. What I'm hoping for is once and for all he can find products or an easy simple routine he can follow so that he can look good going to job interviews etc.

Here is some stuff about him and what I know he is looking for. He plays basketball or goes to the gym a few times a week so feels the need to at least wash his scalp after. He always takes his shower at night and just wets his hair in the morning before going to work. He always uses conditioner after washing, uses a microfiber towel when drying, puts a leave-in while his hair is still damp and sleeps on a silk pillowcase. He occasionally would get dandruff but once he started using nizerol every now and then he no longer seems to have that problem. I think what would work best for his lifestyle is something simple, possibly an all in one leave-in product that will moisturize, leave-his hair soft with curl definition. He doesn't like hair products that make his hair crisp or greasy and would rather have his hair shrink then be elongated. Recently while at the store I picked up some shea moisture coconut & hibiscus curl & style milk but he said it smelled too much like a girls product. Products having too strong a scent or smelling like they are for women has been one of the issues he has had for years while looking for products.

I’m sorry this is so long and it feels weird asking these questions for a grown man. But there is really no one else around to ask these questions of. Thanks in advance for not only reading this but for any advice you can give.

p.s. Should I also post this in the 4a forum? Oh and I also posted this on another board other than naturallycurly.


  • adthomasadthomas Registered Users Posts: 5,525 Curl Neophyte
    You're a great mom. I tried to read carefully. And I understanding the problem is excessive shedding and/or lack of definition? Thanks for telling us properties because that is helpful. The one thing I suggest you figure out is protein tolerance. Not having the right moisture protein balance will cause issues. This is something that takes experimentation because not everyone's needs are the same. Example My hair only likes certain kinds of protein and only as rinse outs. Not strong protein treatments for me. And no protein leave ins for me either.
    You might try a Reconstructor and see how that does. Pts should generally be followed with a deep conditioner to get the balance back. One way to tell is get everything he uses and organize what works well, what doesn't and why. Then look for common ingredients for what is not working. That in time will show what your hair hates and what to avoid. It could be aloe, glycerin, coconut oil. If more people did this they would save so much money on stuff that doesn'y work.

    Also you didnt say that he was sealing after applying his li. A little oil might help keep the moisture in his hair.
    Yes, it's real. No, you can't touch it. :wav:
  • manemanmaneman Registered Users Posts: 136
    It sounds like your son is pretty knowledgeable about hair so that's a good thing. He may want to try hair pomades to control the frizz. Gel also helps but may not give him his desired look, as his hair may be elongated on the first day or two. Also, I would highly recommend he consider co-washing some days given the amount he washes his hair. That will better help him retain moisture which may help with curl definition as well. I should also say that maybe he doesn't have a lot of curl definition. That's largely determined by genetics and can't be helped much. Personally, I don't have much (mine is more loosely coiled) but gel and curl creams have really been my saving grace. HTH!
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