CurlTalk

Age differences

Jasmine_13Jasmine_13 Posts: 54Registered Users
I'm in a 'thinking about life' sort of mood right now and I was just wandering what you guys thought was the most and age difference can be between a couple, or whether age doesn't matter when people love each other? What do you guys think? Random- I know, but im just curious... Xx ;)

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Comments

  • NalliaNallia Posts: 2,979Registered Users
    I think it depends. I don't see a big deal in a 20-year age difference between a 40-year old and a 60-year old, but a 15-year old and a 35-year old? No, no, NO!
    "...just because you're paranoid doesn't mean that there isn't an invisible demon about to eat your face." ~Harry Dresden

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  • NarniaNarnia Posts: 1,770Registered Users
    Yea it totally depends on your age.
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  • multicultcurlymulticultcurly Posts: 5,132Registered Users
    Nallia wrote: »
    I think it depends. I don't see a big deal in a 20-year age difference between a 40-year old and a 60-year old, but a 15-year old and a 35-year old? No, no, NO!

    Really? I would think there would be a huge difference between 40 and 60. The life stages would be too drastically different for a romantic relationship.
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  • The New BlackThe New Black Posts: 16,738Registered Users
    Agreed. It depends on the individuals too.
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  • NalliaNallia Posts: 2,979Registered Users
    Nallia wrote: »
    I think it depends. I don't see a big deal in a 20-year age difference between a 40-year old and a 60-year old, but a 15-year old and a 35-year old? No, no, NO!

    Really? I would think there would be a huge difference between 40 and 60. The life stages would be too drastically different for a romantic relationship.

    Possibly, but that's a determination that would need to be made by them. At 40, people are (usually) mature enough and have enough life experience to make a more objective decision as to what will and won't work in a relationship. Life stages can be drastically different between people of the same age group too. To continue with this particular age example, there are plenty of people in their 40s who have small children or are just having their first children today. Year there are also people in their 40s who have children in college or who are already married and starting their own families. Those people may be in life stages too different for a relationship between them to work too.

    Over time, I think age becomes less important in determining compatibility than life experience. But how important is up to the parties involved. In the case of a minor age always matters. With someone who is a new adult, I think it matters almost as much, even though legality may no longer be an issue, simply because of a lack of practical life experience. However, once someone is a legal adult it really isn't any of my business anymore.

    Personally, I have never had any desire to be involved with anyone more than 5 years older or younger than I am, but I don't care if other adults make a different choice.
    "...just because you're paranoid doesn't mean that there isn't an invisible demon about to eat your face." ~Harry Dresden

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  • RedCatWavesRedCatWaves Posts: 31,258Registered Users
    Having been in a (former) marriage where there was a large age difference (him older), I really think there is (almost) always something just a bit "off", and possibly unhealthy, about relationships where there is a large age gap.

    There is (almost) always a reason why the older person is looking for someone younger, rather than someone his or her, (usally his) own age...and it's usually creepy.

    As long as we're talking about consenting adults, 4 or 6 or even 10 years is not a big deal. More than that is a big deal.
  • BlackAngelPlayahBlackAngelPlayah Posts: 1,419Registered Users
    DH & I are 21 years apart!!!! And it is... Challenging. Honestly I'd never want someone 20 years younger than me. I see them as kids. Well.. Actually they'd be like 14, so I'd be in prison. So... But say a 20 year old guy. Try as he might, my mind just flashes "THIS IS A CHILD!! Don't do it!" LoL!

    As far as the creepy factor.., I can't dispute that even being in such a relationship. Not sure why his mind or other people's minds don't have that cut off. I think May/December relationships are complicated to say the least.
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  • jeepcurlygurljeepcurlygurl Posts: 19,238Registered Users Curl Dabbler
    For me personally I've gone out with someone 15 years older and younger. For a long term relationship I usually prefer someone close to my age. I just think it makes it easier.
    But whatever makes 2 adults happy is fine with me, whether it's a 2 week or 40 year difference.
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  • curlypearlcurlypearl Posts: 11,970Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    I'm very laissez-faire about it. If 2 people love each other and they are both above the age of consent, it's none of my business what their age difference is. It may seem weird to me, but if they are happy, go for it.

    ETA, maybe laissez-faire isn't the right term - substitute "relaxed"
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  • spiderlashes5000spiderlashes5000 Posts: 17,495Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    Roughly speaking, I think 10 yrs is the biggest age gap there should be. Otherwise, there can be too much difference in needs and also goals. And not much shared history.

    At 40 (to continue w/ the above example), a person's career might be starting to take off. The person is taking it more seriously and working hard to get ahead and make a name for him/herself. But the 60 yr old is getting ready to retire.

    The 40 yr old will still have a high sex drive (esp if female) and the 60 yr old's may be declining. If the 60 yr old is a man, he may be dealing w/ ED and other problems that strongly impair his sexual functioning.

    The 40 yr old grew up w/ totally different music, pop culture and social mores than the 60 yr old and their tastes and interests would likely be shaped by that.

    Generalizations, I know but...

    I have dated much older men and was even married to one who was quite a bit older and I agree w/ those who say it's not good for a LTR. I can see the appeal on both sides but that wears off and then you can be stuck w/ someone you can't relate to.

  • JosephineJosephine Posts: 14,175Registered Users
    For me 10 is the max, within a few years (up or down) is ideal and what I am currently attracted.

    When I was younger I was attracted to guys 10 years older than me because a dude in his early 30s was good and more mature than 20s(even though I still felt it was sorta creepy). I cant do that big of an age difference up anymore. 40s is just too old for me.
  • theliothelio Posts: 5,374Registered Users
    i think it depends on the situation.

    i have two exaples.

    1. a good friend is about 8 years younger then her husband. a lot of people thinks she is very much older then she really is because she is very mature and responsible. her husband is very silly and can be a big kid. they balance each other out. its a great match

    2. my cousin is about 8 years older then her boyfriend. she was once very mature, respondsible, no nonsense, take care of business kind of chick. since being with him on and off for almost a decade, she has been on a steady decline imo. she tries to do better, but then let him back in her life. she allows him to hold her down.

    i think like with all relationships, if its healthy its ok. but when one part is hindering, or one part allows themselves to be hindered in order to hold onto the relationship, its a no go.
  • LISA LISALISA LISA Posts: 566Registered Users
    My DF & I are 15 years apart. We're like two peas in a pod.
    My dad & his GF are 23 years apart. They're like peanutbutter & jelly.
    My DF's dad & stepmom are 20 years apart. They're like peanutbutter & chocolate.

    Age aint nothing but a number. If you're compatible you're compatible. If not, then not.
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  • NarniaNarnia Posts: 1,770Registered Users
    For me personally, I was born in 1986, so I'm 26 now. My rule is that he has to be born in the 80's, making the oldest 32 and youngest 23. Granted it depends on the guy, but that's my general, and I definitely wouldn't go younger than 23. Even then, I think 31 right now would be my max.
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  • ZinniaZinnia Posts: 7,339Registered Users
    LISA LISA wrote: »
    My DF & I are 15 years apart.


    What is DF? My google search loaded a bunch of odd meanings.
    Life shrinks or expands according to one's courage. Anais Nin
  • NalliaNallia Posts: 2,979Registered Users
    Zinnia wrote: »
    LISA LISA wrote: »
    My DF & I are 15 years apart.


    What is DF? My google search loaded a bunch of odd meanings.

    I assume it's Dear Fiancé.
    "...just because you're paranoid doesn't mean that there isn't an invisible demon about to eat your face." ~Harry Dresden

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  • ZinniaZinnia Posts: 7,339Registered Users
    Thank you!

    For some reason, that definition never entered my mind. :blackeye:
    Nallia wrote: »
    Zinnia wrote: »
    LISA LISA wrote: »
    My DF & I are 15 years apart.


    What is DF? My google search loaded a bunch of odd meanings.

    I assume it's Dear Fiancé.
    Life shrinks or expands according to one's courage. Anais Nin
  • irociroc Posts: 7,890Registered Users
    Having been in a (former) marriage where there was a large age difference (him older), I really think there is (almost) always something just a bit "off", and possibly unhealthy, about relationships where there is a large age gap.

    There is (almost) always a reason why the older person is looking for someone younger, rather than someone his or her, (usally his) own age...and it's usually creepy.

    As long as we're talking about consenting adults, 4 or 6 or even 10 years is not a big deal. More than that is a big deal.

    I agree completely. I even think 10 years is pushing it a little bit.

    I'm an ageist when it comes to relationships. I think about how different I am and how much I change over certain times of my life. I don't know how a person who is several years off in age than I, could be on the same level.


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  • irociroc Posts: 7,890Registered Users
    LISA LISA wrote: »
    My DF & I are 15 years apart. We're like two peas in a pod.
    My dad & his GF are 23 years apart. They're like peanutbutter & jelly.
    My DF's dad & stepmom are 20 years apart. They're like peanutbutter & chocolate.

    Age aint nothing but a number. If you're compatible you're compatible. If not, then not.

    Sounds like if you're hungry, you're all set. For everything else, who knows.


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  • EricachristinaEricachristina Posts: 496Registered Users
    I get a lot of mixed reactions about this too because my husband is 14 years older than me. Since I met him when I was 19 it seemed like quite a big difference to a lot of people but I found that I had a lot more in common with him than the guys my age who seemed a tad immature. Although there are times when I notice the age difference I think it depends on the compatibility of the people.

    It did seem like we were at different stages of life when we met, I was going off to University for my Psychology degree while living with my parents and I still had a curfew! while he had finished school long ago, with a good job, a house and an independent life. But he is an amazingly supportive person and we made it work and eventually we were on the same page.

    It has been 8 years now and we are still going strong. I think it is really important to talk about what you want and what you expect when you are planning on having a long term relationship, but if you want the same things then I don't see a problem. I do think that if we were 20 years apart or more it would probably be too big of a difference so I guess I do believe in limits to a degree but everyone is different.

    sometimes you don't plan things they just happen and you find a person so wonderful that you can overlook the number.
  • LISA LISALISA LISA Posts: 566Registered Users
    Zinnia wrote: »
    Thank you!

    For some reason, that definition never entered my mind. :blackeye:
    Nallia wrote: »
    Zinnia wrote: »


    What is DF? My google search loaded a bunch of odd meanings.

    I assume it's Dear Fiancé.

    Yes - Dear Fiancé. :)

    We actually have quite a bit in common - but we're older - I'm 35 and he's 50. It's not like one of us hasn't been 'round the block yet or anything. We are both well established and have earned our careers and our assets.

    Sure it might be different if we were younger, but we're not. We have common goals at this point, and we've agreed that those goals include each other.
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  • Jasmine_13Jasmine_13 Posts: 54Registered Users
    Wow this is a good subject, really interesting!!
  • Jasmine_13Jasmine_13 Posts: 54Registered Users
    Thanks for all the comments guys keep them coming!!! What I think? Well age IS just a number but I personally would only date people older than me or the same age and the biggest age difference for me would be 6 years, but nowadays the age difference between couples can be alot so it's not rare and strange. It's like friends, you could be friends with some one who is 50 when you're 20, that's not wierd.... you can't help it!! Let it's up to them ya know. Aha Xxx :)

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  • Knotty_MaddyKnotty_Maddy Posts: 518Registered Users
    Hmmm...well, I agree with all of the above posters! lol...they ALL have good points.

    My personal take? Keep it to a ten year diff, or else you become entangled in the "you will never understand me!" scenario, IMO. And...there is, to me, something oddly parental about choosing someone so much older than you. If the person is 20 years older than you, it's almost like dating your mom or dad ;p and that's - a little awkward, maybe?:tongue1:
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  • spiderlashes5000spiderlashes5000 Posts: 17,495Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    Jasmine_13 wrote: »
    Thanks for all the comments guys keep them coming!!! What I think? Well age IS just a number but I personally would only date people older than me or the same age and the biggest age difference for me would be 6 years, but nowadays the age difference between couples can be alot so it's not rare and strange. It's like friends, you could be friends with some one who is 50 when you're 20, that's not wierd.... you can't help it!! Let it's up to them ya know. Aha Xxx :)

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    I think it's quite a bit different than w/ friends bc you're not sexing your friends or pursuing financial goals w/ your friends or legally committed to your friends...or 100% responsible for them if they get sick or whatever.

  • sus811sus811 Posts: 98Registered Users
    I have personally tried to keep my relationships within my age range, but I think it depends on the people. I have never been close with people my age and guys my age tend to annoy me lol The friends I prefer to hang out with are 10+ years older.

    I'm with a guy now a year younger. We get along well in general, but oddly, this old soul doesn't feel as old as he does. He talks about being in a hurry to have kids because if he gets to be in his late 30s (he's 31) he won't want kids because he doesn't want to be an old dad. My take on it is that if I'm healthy enough to carry and birth a child, age doesn't matter. We will see how this pans out for us lol I'm not saying I want to wait til I'm 40 but if I'm older, so be it. That's life!! I'm sure there are guys 20 years older than I am that wouldn't feel the way this 31 year old does so while I used to say "life experiences have an impact" I just don't know anymore. The people and what they want matters more.

    Also, my bf was married to a woman who was in her 40s when he was in his 20s. She probably thought he was hot but he admits now that he had mommy issues and married someone who would cook and clean for him. SO glad I didn't know him then. He's not the best cook or cleaner, but he does and would do more if his beautifully loving gf asked him to (and who got ticked if he didn't lol) no way in H I'm anyone's mama (yet lol)
  • Jasmine_13Jasmine_13 Posts: 54Registered Users
    Most people seem to think a gap is okay is anyone younger than their partner/think its ok?