Kid poured sand on my daughter's hair!!!

tapanga800tapanga800 Posts: 6Registered Users
I think this is the only place I can vent. FYI: my daughter and her friend are two and a half years old.
So today my daughter (she has 3c hair) and I met my friend and her son, Henry, at a playground. The playground has sand as the playground flooring. While my daughter was playing with the sand and a shovel, Henry poured a bucket of sand all over her hair! My friend put him in time-out, which was just him standing a few feet away from us for six seconds, while I tried to dust the sand off of my daughter's hair. When he got out of time-out, he did it again!!! My friend didn't think it was a big deal. Then I explained how difficult it is to get sand out of her hair but I guess she didn't understand because when her son did it again, she didn't say anything. I was so mad but I kept calm. I hate sand myself and just watching my daughter play with sand in her hair irritated me.
Needless to say, we left early. My friend wanted to know why we were leaving so early and I said her bedtime was at 8:30 and I had to wash her hair. Then she invited us back again and I'm thinking, "Hell no!"
It took half an hour to get all the sand out of her hair. Even my husband said we shouldn't hang out with them anymore.
I don't want to end a friendship over this, but seriously, since when is it acceptable to let kids pour sand over someone's head? To me, that is a huge no-no. For me it's on the same level as throwing sand in someone's face.
Am I overreacting?

Comments

  • CurlyCutie1394CurlyCutie1394 Posts: 348Registered Users
    NOOOOOO! I wouldn't let my daughter play with him again and after the first time I would've left after going on a rant about how hard it is to get sand out of curly hair. You didn't overreact at all her child is bad and needs to be popped with a belt for doing that.
  • mycurlytressesmycurlytresses Posts: 275Registered Users
    I don't think you're overreacting. The fact that she didn't take it seriously says a lot about how much she does/doesn't value your friendship. She could have put him time out for longer and explained why he was in time out and told him the consequences of repeating the same behavior (such as no more park time or removal of favorite toy).

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  • cax89cax89 Posts: 22Registered Users
    I don't think you're overreacting but I also don't know that this is something worth ending a friendship over. If you're close friends, talk to her. Maybe she's one of those parents that does not know how/is afraid to discipline kids (seriously though, I have friends who are actually scared to discipline their kids). Otherwise it shows a lack of respect on her behalf.
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  • AfrotasticAfrotastic Posts: 37Registered Users
    Wow the same thing happened to my when I was eight except it was this brat who didn't like me! She took my shoe, filled it up with sand and dumped it on my head. Haha my mom was pissed because it took hours to get that stuff out. I don't think you're overreacting at all.
    Maybe try calling her up and telling her that your daughter can't play unless she explains to her kid why it's wrong to pour sand on people. i honestly can't think of a nicer way to say it. Let us know what happens :)
  • KilajoKilajo Posts: 786Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    I think you're overreacting. Although my daughter has super thick hair that takes forever to wash and detangle, I wouldn't necessarily end a friendship over this. The child did what toddlers do. Have a heart to heart with his mother and explain why you're upset (by both his behavior and her lack of response.) If she blows you off and doesn't make an effort to understand why this is an issue for you then maybe revisit ending the friendship at that time.

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  • BlackAngelPlayahBlackAngelPlayah Posts: 1,419Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    NOOOOOO! I wouldn't let my daughter play with him again and after the first time I would've left after going on a rant about how hard it is to get sand out of curly hair. You didn't overreact at all her child is bad and needs to be popped with a belt for doing that.

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  • subbrocksubbrock Posts: 8,212Registered Users
    I think you're overacting too. That's developmentally appropriate behavior for that age. And his mother could offer some developmentally appropriate discipline or punishment too. Or you could simply avoid the situation and not go to that particular park anymore.

    Blame it on the cell phone...
  • irociroc Posts: 7,890Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    I understand how upsetting it is when another child does something 'mean' to your child, but for that age, they don't really know any better. The only thing the mom can really do is remove the child from the situation. A 2 year old doesn't know why its not okay to dump sand on someone's head, nor does he/she know that it's difficult to get sand out of curly hair.


    Pop the kid with a belt??!! He's 2! Its sand! I'm not against the occasional spanking if needed, but I'm horrified at the idea of belting any child, let alone a 2 year old. I hope you don't have children.


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  • adthomasadthomas Posts: 5,525Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    For me the issue is more than the sand. I wouldn't let my child play with him again until mom showed she has better control over him. The first time he didnt know it was naughty but yes he did after that. Two year olds understand 'no'. He was being defiant and she should have removed him from the playground so he could see the consequences of bad behavior. She was probably embarrased but she needs to get over that. I don't have kids but my friend's two year old doesn't listen to a word she says but will listen to her husband and neither of them spank. Why?? Because toddlers can smell a pushover from miles away. When I babysit her, she doesn't pull the kind of stuff she does with her mom because she knows Ad don't play that. With me she can scream and throw fits when she doesn't get her way until she is blue in the face and I don't budge but my friend will run to coddle her. Baby thinks "sucker!!" Once at a restaurant the child was taking dishes, knives and whatever and throwing it. Her mom strapped her in high chair and we put everything out of reach. But the girl started screaming and reaching wanting to be let out. I told my friend it was a bad idea but she let her out and of course the girl did it again. Back in the chair. Crying. But when mom left to go to bathroom all the crying stopped because she knows I don't care. Pause. Resume tears when mom got back. LOL
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  • subbrocksubbrock Posts: 8,212Registered Users
    There is truth to what you're saying adthomas, but sometimes it's not about being a pushover. I went to school for human development with a concentration in birth through kindergarten an have worked with that age group for the better part of 12 yrs. I have a 5 yr old and a 17 month old and let me tell you, my 17 month old is a holy terror. I used to scoff at those parents who had kids like her ("no child of mine would EVER act like that!")...and she's made me eat a lot of crow. I could see her repeatedly dumping sand on someone. Hell, the last time we went to the park she was throwing sand in the sandbox. I told her no, we don't throw sand and when she did it again I took her right out. Naturally, she screamed bloody murder and threw a fit. The same thing happened another time so I removed her from the sandbox again. She understands no and that she's not supposed to do it, but that doesn't stop her. And that's why the next time we go to that park Little Miss E won't be allowed in the sandbox. :)

    Blame it on the cell phone...
  • adthomasadthomas Posts: 5,525Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    subbrock wrote: »
    There is truth to what you're saying adthomas, but sometimes it's not about being a pushover. I went to school for human development with a concentration in birth through kindergarten an have worked with that age group for the better part of 12 yrs. I have a 5 yr old and a 17 month old and let me tell you, my 17 month old is a holy terror. I used to scoff at those parents who had kids like her ("no child of mine would EVER act like that!")...and she's made me eat a lot of crow. I could see her repeatedly dumping sand on someone. Hell, the last time we went to the park she was throwing sand in the sandbox. I told her no, we don't throw sand and when she did it again I took her right out. Naturally, she screamed bloody murder and threw a fit. The same thing happened another time so I removed her from the sandbox again. She understands no and that she's not supposed to do it, but that doesn't stop her. And that's why the next time we go to that park Little Miss E won't be allowed in the sandbox. :)

    Blame it on the cell phone...

    I may eat crow myself one day. The Lord doesn't give us more than we can handle and He knows I got bad nerves. LOL

    As difficult as it is I think you do like a good mother should. Naughtiness then consistent consequences. The OP said that mom didn't really put much effort into discipline. I wouldn't stop my child from playing with the other child for the bad behavior so much as the mom's lack of response to bad behavior. it gets me to see kids acting a straight fool by running through the aisles at church service screaming so loud I can't hear the priest or kids tearing down store displays and then parents acting like they don't notice.

    Btw i hope the sand didnt get in the op's daughter's eyes.
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  • irociroc Posts: 7,890Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    There are definitely daft parents that go into a trance to avoid their disobedient child.

    But keep in mind that biologically children do not have the ability to determine right from wrong themselves until about 18 months old.

    So while you want the repetition of reminding, telling them no, and removing them if necessary, its not worth punishing them at this point. They really do not know. And they are unable to know for themselves that what they're about to do is 'wrong'.

    And while I'm no expert, I do have 2 school aged children. Toddlers are difficult, but while we don't want to let them act crazy, and we don't want them to disturb others, remember they are just children. Babies in this case. And babies will do things like that. That's why they need to be supervised at all times. And not just 'keeping an eye on them' but being right there to intervene right away. There's just no sense in punishing a child too young to know better for something that an adult should have been there to prevent.

    And I know all too well that what you say will come back to haunt you! I did all that 'MY kid won't do that', or 'I'll know how to raise my kid so they don't act that way' ya, sure. Fact is, all kids do those things. And in most cases its a phase they go through. Usually excessive punishment and spanking is unnecessary and pointless. They're going to grow out of it and stop doing it whether you beat them for it, or told them no, and redirected their interest.

    My now 8 year old was possessed from ages 15 months to almost 4. She was horrible. I did not like her. She's a model child now. I've never met a more behaved kid.




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  • ILoveHimILoveHim Posts: 25Registered Users
    I hate being in sand in general.. hair, shoes, socks, clothes, car lol it gets everywhere...

    Not a big deal.. You need to have a talk with the mother about how you feel, and you'd prefer her son not dump sand on your daughter.. Kids will be kids, sand, water, mud, snow, etc...
  • subbrocksubbrock Posts: 8,212Registered Users
    At two and a half children know right from wrong as far as rules go...if you teach them. A lot of times it's impulse control that is lacking. But repeating the rules and consequences is how they learn and it not a waste of time.

    Blame it on the cell phone...
  • irociroc Posts: 7,890Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    subbrock wrote: »
    At two and a half children know right from wrong as far as rules go...if you teach them. A lot of times it's impulse control that is lacking. But repeating the rules and consequences is how they learn and it not a waste of time.

    Blame it on the cell phone...

    Repeating rules and consequences is not a waste of time. Beating a 2 year old for pouring sand on someone else, is.

    And abusive.


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  • subbrocksubbrock Posts: 8,212Registered Users
    Did anyone with children suggest beating the kid? I just assumed it was someone who had never parented before and ignored that mess.

    Blame it on the cell phone...
  • *Marah**Marah* Posts: 8,032Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    Subrock.. excellent points ALL thru this thread you've made.
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  • AnnieRoseAnnieRose Posts: 87Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    iroc wrote: »
    I understand how upsetting it is when another child does something 'mean' to your child, but for that age, they don't really know any better. The only thing the mom can really do is remove the child from the situation. A 2 year old doesn't know why its not okay to dump sand on someone's head, nor does he/she know that it's difficult to get sand out of curly hair.


    Pop the kid with a belt??!! He's 2! Its sand! I'm not against the occasional spanking if needed, but I'm horrified at the idea of belting any child, let alone a 2 year old. I hope you don't have children.


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    I agree with this.
    The statement about hitting the kid really worried me, too.
    He didn't hurt her physically neither did he intend to. And tbh I don't think that what he did was all that dramatic. We're talking about children at a playground! They will do that to your daughter for years to come. It is meant to be fun and there is nothing inherently wrong about it.

    I have 3c/4a hair and it used to happen to me every other day. No big deal.
  • adthomasadthomas Posts: 5,525Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    AnnieRose wrote: »
    iroc wrote: »
    I understand how upsetting it is when another child does something 'mean' to your child, but for that age, they don't really know any better. The only thing the mom can really do is remove the child from the situation. A 2 year old doesn't know why its not okay to dump sand on someone's head, nor does he/she know that it's difficult to get sand out of curly hair.


    Pop the kid with a belt??!! He's 2! Its sand! I'm not against the occasional spanking if needed, but I'm horrified at the idea of belting any child, let alone a 2 year old. I hope you don't have children.


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    I agree with this.
    The statement about hitting the kid really worried me, too.
    He didn't hurt her physically neither did he intend to. And tbh I don't think that what he did was all that dramatic. We're talking about children at a playground! They will do that to your daughter for years to come. It is meant to be fun and there is nothing inherently wrong about it.

    I have 3c/4a hair and it used to happen to me every other day. No big deal.

    What was wrong about it is the OP told the mom she didn't want her son dumping sand in her child's hair and the mom watched did nothing as he continued to do it. People have a right to what they consider a "big deal" and I'm sure it varies for everyone. But when your kids get to the point they are disturbing or causing problems for other people then yes it is a big deal and that was disrespectful on the mom's part. So whether it was sand or glue is the same to me.
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  • kimmidawnkimmidawn Posts: 900Registered Users
    I agree with the previous poster, my issue would not be what the child did (although I would be incredibly annoyed at the sand), it would be at the fact my "friend" didn't respect me enough to attempt to stop her child from doing something that I felt was an issue. If I'm friends with someone and they see something I'm doing as a problem or something they asked me to stop, I may not understand it but I would respect them enough to try and fix it.
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  • LexieconLexiecon Posts: 6Registered Users
    I'm not a parent, but my best friend is. My understanding of the time out is that it should be 1 minute long for each year of age. So, 2 years old, 2 minutes in time out. And when the child gets out of time out, they have to tell whoever put them in time out why they were in time out, and promise to behave. A two and a half year old child should be perfectly capable of this.

    Also, after a repeat of the behavior, the consequence should be removal from the situation. Yes, kids will be kids, but there is no excuse for bad parenting.

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  • AnnieRoseAnnieRose Posts: 87Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    adthomas wrote: »

    What was wrong about it is the OP told the mom she didn't want her son dumping sand in her child's hair and the mom watched did nothing as he continued to do it. People have a right to what they consider a "big deal" and I'm sure it varies for everyone. But when your kids get to the point they are disturbing or causing problems for other people then yes it is a big deal and that was disrespectful on the mom's part. So whether it was sand or glue is the same to me.

    I agree there. It was disrespectful and I didn't include that in my post. And I'm sure I'd be pissed too in her situation.
    Just shocked about the comments wishing the boy to be whipped with a belt. That goes too far imo.
  • murrrcatmurrrcat Posts: 9,596Registered Users
    the friend always like that?

    I mean maybe she was having a I can't moment. and she just couldn't with her child.....when I did day camp, somedays I would just have to leave the room because I couldn't. I just couldn't with children.

    big ups to those who have children, cause I can't.


    Sometimes I would watch my nephew and I would want to cry because he has terrible twos and you're tired and it never ends with a toddler, it's like they have a magic power that allows them to get all their energy from you, so they just drain it from you and become more powerful. When my brother would come I would just run away...immediately, finally an escape!


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  • KilajoKilajo Posts: 786Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    murrrcat wrote: »
    the friend always like that?

    I mean maybe she was having a I can't moment. and she just couldn't with her child.....when I did day camp, somedays I would just have to leave the room because I couldn't. I just couldn't with children.

    big ups to those who have children, cause I can't.


    Sometimes I would watch my nephew and I would want to cry because he has terrible twos and you're tired and it never ends with a toddler, it's like they have a magic power that allows them to get all their energy from you, so they just drain it from you and become more powerful. When my brother would come I would just run away...immediately, finally an escape!


    And that is why I'll only have adult cats.

    Because I can't. Children do the most. They're fun....for like...an hour or two.

    Lol. ITA. But I have kids so there's no escape!

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