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Should I tell a girl her boyfriend is a cheater?

sleepymekosleepymeko Posts: 1,002Registered Users
This guy on my FB is always flirting with me and hinting that we should meet up. Actually, the last thing he said to me was that I need a "big man" to beat that a** up. NOT KIDDING.

Anyway, when he first started talking to me I found out he had a gf because I'm a detective on FB LOL. He hid his relationship and friends obviously, but I found out anyway.

So, IDK if I should message this girl and tell her that her dude is an *******. What should I do?

My ex was like this guy and I found out by myself. I think I would've loved it if one of the girls told me. But then every girl is not like me, and maybe she knows? Help?
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Comments

  • LadyV69LadyV69 Posts: 3,397Registered Users
    If you don't have concrete proof that this guy is in fact a cheater, keep your mouth shut. Most likely, it'll just come back to bite you in the rear.
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  • sleepymekosleepymeko Posts: 1,002Registered Users
    LadyV69 wrote: »
    If you don't have concrete proof that this guy is in fact a cheater, keep your mouth shut. Most likely, it'll just come back to bite you in the rear.

    The proof is him talking to me over messenger and begging to hang out with me all the time to make men jealous. If that isn't proof then IDK what is :confused5: and he asked me how I found out he had a gf. He obviously does it often. I doubt I'm the only one.
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  • LadyV69LadyV69 Posts: 3,397Registered Users
    It's just talk though. He hasn't actually acted on it. Even if he were to act on it, I'd think very carefully about telling the girl because they often don't appreciate the information and she could make you out to be the bad guy.
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  • sleepymekosleepymeko Posts: 1,002Registered Users
    LadyV69 wrote: »
    It's just talk though. He hasn't actually acted on it. Even if he were to act on it, I'd think very carefully about telling the girl because they often don't appreciate the information and she could make you out to be the bad guy.

    Talking about how you want to do this and that to a girl is cheating to me. I don't know the girl so I don't really care if she decides to attack me or not, but IDK if it's something I should say. Especially since she just graduated from dental school. This dude has a front and the only reason he didn't take anything further is because I found out he had a girlfriend. Since I found out, he hid more info on his FB so I'm sure it's something he does often. He purposefully gave me his number to go on dates. He told me (and keeps telling me) he wants to take me out but I keep saying no.

    That's a cheater to me.
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  • sleepymekosleepymeko Posts: 1,002Registered Users
    I do think he's a huge manipulator so she probably wouldn't listen to me anyway. IDK.
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  • trawls20trawls20 Posts: 8Registered Users
    If u don't know her n that's not your friend don't get into that 9x out of 10 she may curse you out for writing her that message

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  • sleepymekosleepymeko Posts: 1,002Registered Users
    trawls20 wrote: »
    If u don't know her n that's not your friend don't get into that 9x out of 10 she may curse you out for writing her that message

    Sent from my HTC Sensation 4G using CurlTalk App

    Probably and that's sad. He's a public speaker for UCs and started his own company (now makes bank). He has a way of speaking (tricked my mother into thinking he was a good guy). And even posts bible quotes on his FB and talks about bible study. He's such a fake and a manipulator. I feel bad for her, but then again, it's not my problem either! LOL.

    Thank god I found out before I did anything with him. He's sneaky. But I knew something about him was weird.
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  • claudine19claudine19 Posts: 4,486Registered Users
    No.

    Stay out of it.
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  • mcherycemcheryce Posts: 363Registered Users
    You could arrange a meetup with him. Tell her about it. Let her show up, not you. She can see for herself. Put yourself in her shoes. Would you wanna know??
  • trawls20trawls20 Posts: 8Registered Users
    But she doesn't know her so y should she care???

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  • sleepymekosleepymeko Posts: 1,002Registered Users
    mcheryce wrote: »
    You could arrange a meetup with him. Tell her about it. Let her show up, not you. She can see for herself. Put yourself in her shoes. Would you wanna know??

    You see, the problem is she lives in San Francisco and he has his company down here so he comes once in a while and keeps trying to get me to show up.

    And I have been in her shoes before and I would've loved it if one of them told me versus me having to find out myself. I do have messages form him.
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  • LayaliLayali Posts: 561Registered Users
    Defriend him and stay out of it. It seems like the right thing to do, but this kind of scenario almost always goes wrong and will likely backfire on you.
    naturally 3b/3c

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  • sleepymekosleepymeko Posts: 1,002Registered Users
    ^^

    This is true. IDK why women like to blame other women besides actually blaming the dude SMH!
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  • LayaliLayali Posts: 561Registered Users
    sleepymeko wrote: »
    ^^

    This is true. IDK why women like to blame other women besides actually blaming the dude SMH!

    I know, it's pretty effed up. The reasoning is she knows him, she doesn't know you. Why would she believe you over someone she "trusts." Proof or no proof. He can always find a way to spin it, you know?
    naturally 3b/3c

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  • claudine19claudine19 Posts: 4,486Registered Users
    It's a classic "blame the messenger" scenario. It's ugly and unfair, and even if you'd respond differently (as would I), you don't know what she'll do. Spare yourself.
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  • coilynappcoilynapp Posts: 4,233Registered Users
    She won't believe you unless she actually suspects he is cheating. More likely than not, she doesn't suspect him and she will likely not believe you.

    If you have no friendship to lose with this guy and you don't know the other woman, KIM.
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  • sleepymekosleepymeko Posts: 1,002Registered Users
    I don't consider him much of a friend, honestly. He pursued me but when I found out, I started avoiding him. I avoid him when he writes on my FB status updates that we need to meet up. The only reason why I spoke to him recently was because he caught me online on FB and chatted with me :/

    Otherwise, I do avoid his texts, etc. Hopefully he goes away. I'm sure he has other girls lying around anyway!
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  • mcherycemcheryce Posts: 363Registered Users
    Well then a good way to get him to leave you alone is say "I know you are with xyz chick. So unless you want me to forward your messages/texts to her, I will ask one last time that you lose my number." Use her real name so he knows you're serious. That would shut me up real quick! lol
  • cyndicyndi Posts: 3,341Registered Users
    mcheryce wrote: »
    Well then a good way to get him to leave you alone is say "I know you are with xyz chick. So unless you want me to forward your messages/texts to her, I will ask one last time that you lose my number." Use her real name so he knows you're serious. That would shut me up real quick! lol

    And unfriend him on FB...that's a no-brainier.
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  • The New BlackThe New Black Posts: 16,738Registered Users
    sleepymeko wrote: »
    ^^

    This is true. IDK why women like to blame other women besides actually blaming the dude SMH!

    Because anger at a stranger is easier to deal with than hurt, shock and grief caused by someone you love. The first step of grief (of anything major, including relationships) is disbelief. To that end, most people will somehow try to make it not be their BFs fault. "He wouldnt do that. It was that itch's fault. She tried to seduce him," etc etc.
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  • The New BlackThe New Black Posts: 16,738Registered Users
    And how does he know your mom?
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  • 09robiha09robiha Posts: 683Registered Users
    Just stop talking to him and leave it alone.

    I know I would be fuming of I was the other woman and you messaged me, but not at him, at you. I know that's an unreasonable reaction but like The New Black Said it is alot easier to be angry.

    Plus, I think your fuelling the fire by still talking to him and it's innapproprate that you are.







    Plus I think youstill talking to him
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  • spiderlashes5000spiderlashes5000 Posts: 17,495Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    If you were close w/ the gf, then yes, def. But it seems you don't know her...so what reason would she have to believe you?

    Besides, "flirting" or whatever on FB is really not cheating. He could be playing around w/ his friends and sending you these messages just for ishes and giggles or for any other reason. If he was saying it in person and trying to act on it, OK. But I wouldn't stir up a lot of drama over some FB messages.

  • Who Me?Who Me? Posts: 3,181Registered Users
    cyndi wrote: »
    mcheryce wrote: »
    Well then a good way to get him to leave you alone is say "I know you are with xyz chick. So unless you want me to forward your messages/texts to her, I will ask one last time that you lose my number." Use her real name so he knows you're serious. That would shut me up real quick! lol

    And unfriend him on FB...that's a no-brainier.

    It's only a no brainer if you actually want the guy to stop paying attention to you. If you get off on the drama, of course you wouldn't defriend him!

    sleepymeko, you should have stopped talking to this guy a long time ago if you believe he his a cheating dirtbag. Instead you've allowed him to keep in touch, building drama, and are now considering jumping right into the middle of a big dramatic immature relationship. Maybe you should put some of that energy into considering why you attract this type of person to you, and why you allow it to continue?
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  • JosephineJosephine Posts: 14,175Registered Users
    I would stay out of it. Seems like this is normal for him. If she was a friend of some sort, then it obviously be different. I also wonder why do you continue to talk to him (fb chat). I would defriend him as well.
  • rouquinnerouquinne Posts: 13,498Registered Users Curl Dabbler
    sleepymeko wrote: »
    I don't consider him much of a friend, honestly. He pursued me but when I found out, I started avoiding him.

    i'd block the idiot. can't you do that on FB?
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  • sleepymekosleepymeko Posts: 1,002Registered Users
    And how does he know your mom?

    He met me through my mother. He was telling her he likes Black women, etc. My mother showed him a picture of me.

    09robiha wrote: »
    Just stop talking to him and leave it alone.

    I know I would be fuming of I was the other woman and you messaged me, but not at him, at you. I know that's an unreasonable reaction but like The New Black Said it is alot easier to be angry.

    Plus, I think your fuelling the fire by still talking to him and it's innapproprate that you are.







    Plus I think youstill talking to him

    I'm not talking to him. I haven't talked to him in months. I'm not fueling anything. Why am I being blamed for his doggy behavior. Women sometimes, I swear LOL.

    Who Me? wrote: »
    cyndi wrote: »
    mcheryce wrote: »
    Well then a good way to get him to leave you alone is say "I know you are with xyz chick. So unless you want me to forward your messages/texts to her, I will ask one last time that you lose my number." Use her real name so he knows you're serious. That would shut me up real quick! lol

    And unfriend him on FB...that's a no-brainier.

    It's only a no brainer if you actually want the guy to stop paying attention to you. If you get off on the drama, of course you wouldn't defriend him!

    sleepymeko, you should have stopped talking to this guy a long time ago if you believe he his a cheating dirtbag. Instead you've allowed him to keep in touch, building drama, and are now considering jumping right into the middle of a big dramatic immature relationship. Maybe you should put some of that energy into considering why you attract this type of person to you, and why you allow it to continue?

    Doing it for attention? Oh boy! This feels like the typical response women seem to have for other women. I'm to blame eh? Anyway, I thought I did delete him off my FB, but I blocked him instead so I wasn't seeing his updates (I block everyone). I already deleted him off my FB. Got some moody women on here. Sheesh. I was just asking if I should tell the women, now I'm being accused of wanting attention, LOL ok. FYI, it is not my responsibility to do anything. Whether that's talk to him or not (which I don't, which I already stated but some of you have seemed to not have read what I said).

    I didn't attract him to me. My mother gave him my contact info and he contacted me. Some of you chicks have problems. lol.

    Anyway, I decided to tell her. I'm going to do it annoymously so I don't get anything. But I'm not going to stand by and let someone get **** on. She can do whatever she wants.

    Me "looking for attention" or not, I'm going to tell her because it's the good thing to do. RME at this woman blaming.
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  • coilynappcoilynapp Posts: 4,233Registered Users
    I don't blame you at all. But yes, that's the typical response you will get here and I suspect on other forums from some women. LOL. You MUST be encouraging him. LOL. C'mon...seriously. She stated the facts in the OP.

    You already said you are not talking to him anymore after you found out he had a gf.

    Goodluck with telling her. I DO consider when a man is pursuing another woman (even if it's just words--but only he knows that---probably is looking to get the opportunity to act on it) and he has a partner, cheating. To those who don't think it is, would you call it harmless if you found out your partner was doing the same thing? I think not. If my partner was sending PMs to another woman and talking about "hanging out" and "beating that ass up" best believe I would be FUMED and he'd be gone.

    Good luck Sleepymeko! (even though I would stay out of it)
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  • itsKelCeeEeeitsKelCeeEee Posts: 1,084Registered Users
    No.

    I say this based off experience. Im a waitress and one of my coworkers, a cook, tried to get me to sleep with him. Never mind that his pregnant girlfriend is a fellow server. I told him no and stopped answering his messages, and never mentioned it to anyone. No use in causing any drama over something that I was putting a stop to.

    Not that I feel like that's what you're doing...i don't know why some of ya'll are spazzing on her. She asked a genuine question to help guide her to a decision. Chill out.


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  • sleepymekosleepymeko Posts: 1,002Registered Users
    rouquinne wrote: »
    sleepymeko wrote: »
    I don't consider him much of a friend, honestly. He pursued me but when I found out, I started avoiding him.

    i'd block the idiot. can't you do that on FB?

    I did hid him or blocked him on FB about two months ago. I haven't spoken to him since I found out about the GF which was in late May. I was FB chatting a friend and he popped up again. At first it was the usual small talk so I thought he was just being friendly (as in platonic) and I assumed he probably made a mistake with trying to pursue me in the spring, but then he started it again and I kept telling him he has a cute GF and he kept brushing it off. A complete dog! I did delete him later though and his number. Probably shouldn't have deleted his number though, just in case he calls and I answer it b/c I don't know who it is. But I'm going to assume he'll go away since I haven't been bitting.
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