CurlTalk

Dating for fun?

JosephineJosephine Posts: 14,175Registered Users
Are you able to date one person for a short period of time knowing it's not serious? How do you not get attached?

I've been hanging out with this one guy for about a month now. He's fun, we have chemistry but I know he is not my type for a long term bf/future husband and he has kids which is no for me. I am also moving out of state by the end of the year and do not want a relationship. Problem is, he wants more with me. I've told him my issues and he is okay with whatever we have but he is very nice and I can feel myself getting close. We are trying to mantain some distance but have not been great at doing so lately. We have indirectly hinted at exclusivity but not really. I also don't feel like I could trust him which is fine because I don't want a relationship and I'm have some other stuff going on with me.

There are two other guys(both out of state) that I was talking to before that I have not been paying much attention to now. One I was supposed to visit last weekend(the 24 year old thats not that serious) and one is supposed to visit me soon(but he asked me last weekend if I still wanted him to come). The latter is someone I liked a lot beforehand but I haven't seen him since we first met back in April because of scheduling conflicts. I know he senses I've met someone. I am not good at this multiple guy thing but I'm afraid if I only see the current guy I'm going to get too deep into it. At the same time I am not a multiple guy person and this is all new to me. I was just trying to have fun and look what happened.

Comments

  • spiderlashes5000spiderlashes5000 Posts: 17,495Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    I am horrible at juggling, too. But for various reasons, that's kinda what I'm doing now.

    No real advice for you but all I can say is that for me, the quality of the men I've been meeting lately (since I decided I needed to date casual/juggle) has been making it easier for me! LOL

    Some of them are really nice...but less attractive. Or very attractive but brain dead. One is a retired professional athlete but doesn't have his ish together in a way that would make me want to get super serious.

    Don't you think visiting the other two guys and forcing yourself to go out w/ someone else local help put some distance btwn you and the main guy?

  • JosephineJosephine Posts: 14,175Registered Users
    Don't you think visiting the other two guys and forcing yourself to go out w/ someone else local help put some distance btwn you and the main guy?

    Yes of course, but I feel bad doing so. :/ I know I need to get over it.
  • MunchyMunchy Posts: 5,206Registered Users
    I decided to date casually about two years ago and I've been having fun hanging out, meeting people, and just enjoying myself.

    I am always upfront about my intentions and have even been blunt to the point of rudeness.

    I don't find that it's hard for me to be casual, but I do find that it's hard for the men I've met to be casual. They always call/text too often, and start to get emotional after a while which really pushes me away.

    If I wanted all that emotional noise, I would already be married again! LOL
  • Who Me?Who Me? Posts: 3,181Registered Users
    I started dating a guy just for fun a couple years ago. He was so nice and he made me laugh and treated me like a princess, but he was just SO not my type. Well, about 4 years later we own a house together and will likely be engaged soon. And I've never been happier. I never knew I could be this happy. So....if you like a guy, have fun with him, have chemistry, trust him, etc.... then he might just be the guy for you, even if he doesn't meet your checklist. There's only drama where you make drama.
    "I don't know! I don't know why I did it, I don't know why I enjoyed it, and I don't know why I'll do it again!" -BART SIMPSON
  • spiderlashes5000spiderlashes5000 Posts: 17,495Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    Who Me? wrote: »
    I started dating a guy just for fun a couple years ago. He was so nice and he made me laugh and treated me like a princess, but he was just SO not my type. Well, about 4 years later we own a house together and will likely be engaged soon. And I've never been happier. I never knew I could be this happy. So....if you like a guy, have fun with him, have chemistry, trust him, etc.... then he might just be the guy for you, even if he doesn't meet your checklist. There's only drama where you make drama.

    But she's moving away and doesn't want a happily-ever-after right now.

  • MunchyMunchy Posts: 5,206Registered Users
    Who Me? wrote: »
    I started dating a guy just for fun a couple years ago. He was so nice and he made me laugh and treated me like a princess, but he was just SO not my type. Well, about 4 years later we own a house together and will likely be engaged soon. And I've never been happier. I never knew I could be this happy. So....if you like a guy, have fun with him, have chemistry, trust him, etc.... then he might just be the guy for you, even if he doesn't meet your checklist. There's only drama where you make drama.

    Absolutely. I think that I'm just not ready to be in a relationship, especially if it will affect my living situation (more importantly, my daughter's living situation).

    Living with me and/or being around me a lot is not an option. My time alone is too rare, and I'm not willing to give up my time with my child by having someone else tag along.
  • LadyV69LadyV69 Posts: 3,397Registered Users
    I've never been able to date casually or date more than one person at a time. I have a couple of friends who are able to, but it's not within my makeup. I'm very sensitive and get invested, often too quickly.
    I don't find that it's hard for me to be casual, but I do find that it's hard for the men I've met to be casual. They always call/text too often, and start to get emotional after a while which really pushes me away.

    I've experienced the opposite, expecting too much from men who didn't want anything serious. I keep hearing that dating is supposed to be fun, but if it's supposed to be fun, why is it so damn hard?
    Fine haired, low density, highly porous curly kinky lady
    Last relaxer: Not sure. 3/08 or 4/08
    BC'd: 9/18/09
    Co-wash: Suave Naturals, HEHH, Trader Joe's Tea Tree Tingle, CJ Daily Fix
    Leave-In: KCKT, Giovanni Direct Leave-In, CJ Smoothing Lotion
    Stylers: ORS Twist and Loc Gel, KCCC, Ecostyler, SheaMoisture Deep Treatment Masque
    Deep Conditioner: DevaCurl Heaven In Hair, CJ Deep Fix

    /home/leaving?target=http%3A%2F%2Fconfessionsofladyv69.wordpress.com%2F" class="Popup
  • MunchyMunchy Posts: 5,206Registered Users
    LadyV69 wrote: »
    I've never been able to date casually or date more than one person at a time. I have a couple of friends who are able to, but it's not within my makeup. I'm very sensitive and get invested, often too quickly.
    I don't find that it's hard for me to be casual, but I do find that it's hard for the men I've met to be casual. They always call/text too often, and start to get emotional after a while which really pushes me away.
    I've experienced the opposite, expecting too much from men who didn't want anything serious. I keep hearing that dating is supposed to be fun, but if it's supposed to be fun, why is it so damn hard?

    If I like someone's conversation enough to give them my phone number, we likely at least have a surface connection. When I go out with a guy, I expect basic respect, some laughs, and whatever we're planning to do to be fun. I expect nothing more from the person other than what is happening at the moment.

    It's so freeing!
  • JosephineJosephine Posts: 14,175Registered Users
    Who Me? wrote: »
    I started dating a guy just for fun a couple years ago. He was so nice and he made me laugh and treated me like a princess, but he was just SO not my type. Well, about 4 years later we own a house together and will likely be engaged soon. And I've never been happier. I never knew I could be this happy. So....if you like a guy, have fun with him, have chemistry, trust him, etc.... then he might just be the guy for you, even if he doesn't meet your checklist. There's only drama where you make drama.

    I know but here's the issue(even if he did not have kids), he has a lot of qualities that are unattractive to me. He has cheated before, he's a little too easy with women and a huge flirt, he's a bit sexist (and acknowledges this), a bit too traditional for me, and a few other things. I know from past experience it won't work for me. But since I'm treating it more like a friendship I dont let those things bother me and I'm having fun with it. I really enjoy spending time with him, we have lots of fun and I'd just like to keep it at that but he is the one getting 'clingy' and now I'm getting just a bit sucked in. I feel like I'm on dangerous territory.
  • JosephineJosephine Posts: 14,175Registered Users
    Munchy wrote: »
    LadyV69 wrote: »
    I've never been able to date casually or date more than one person at a time. I have a couple of friends who are able to, but it's not within my makeup. I'm very sensitive and get invested, often too quickly.
    I don't find that it's hard for me to be casual, but I do find that it's hard for the men I've met to be casual. They always call/text too often, and start to get emotional after a while which really pushes me away.
    I've experienced the opposite, expecting too much from men who didn't want anything serious. I keep hearing that dating is supposed to be fun, but if it's supposed to be fun, why is it so damn hard?

    If I like someone's conversation enough to give them my phone number, we likely at least have a surface connection. When I go out with a guy, I expect basic respect, some laughs, and whatever we're planning to do to be fun. I expect nothing more from the person other than what is happening at the moment.

    It's so freeing!

    And this is all I want from this guy. But he's getting intense and I find myself missing him during the days I'm not with him. Do you find that you have to make yourself not think about someone?
  • spiderlashes5000spiderlashes5000 Posts: 17,495Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    Josephine wrote: »
    Munchy wrote: »
    LadyV69 wrote: »
    I've never been able to date casually or date more than one person at a time. I have a couple of friends who are able to, but it's not within my makeup. I'm very sensitive and get invested, often too quickly.

    I've experienced the opposite, expecting too much from men who didn't want anything serious. I keep hearing that dating is supposed to be fun, but if it's supposed to be fun, why is it so damn hard?

    If I like someone's conversation enough to give them my phone number, we likely at least have a surface connection. When I go out with a guy, I expect basic respect, some laughs, and whatever we're planning to do to be fun. I expect nothing more from the person other than what is happening at the moment.

    It's so freeing!

    And this is all I want from this guy. But he's getting intense and I find myself missing him during the days I'm not with him. Do you find that you have to make yourself not think about someone?

    There's that word again! LOL

    Anyway, have you considered the possibility it's a bit of an act? That he wants the satisfaction of knowing he caused you to derail your plans...that he caused you to fall for him despite yourself?

    Honestly, I've been a little guilty of this myself at times. Kind of enjoying the process of making the guy-who-loves-no-one fall in love w/ me.

    Not saying that he doesn't genuinely care about you...just that he is trying harder to get you since you've said you don't want to be gotten?

    I think you should just tell him you're starting to hang out w/ other guys...and just let him deal w/ it.

  • JosephineJosephine Posts: 14,175Registered Users
    Josephine wrote: »
    Munchy wrote: »

    If I like someone's conversation enough to give them my phone number, we likely at least have a surface connection. When I go out with a guy, I expect basic respect, some laughs, and whatever we're planning to do to be fun. I expect nothing more from the person other than what is happening at the moment.

    It's so freeing!

    And this is all I want from this guy. But he's getting intense and I find myself missing him during the days I'm not with him. Do you find that you have to make yourself not think about someone?

    There's that word again! LOL

    Anyway, have you considered the possibility it's a bit of an act? That he wants the satisfaction of knowing he caused you to derail your plans...that he caused you to fall for him despite yourself?

    Honestly, I've been a little guilty of this myself at times. Kind of enjoying the process of making the guy-who-loves-no-one fall in love w/ me.

    Not saying that he doesn't genuinely care about you...just that he is trying harder to get you since you've said you don't want to be gotten?

    I think you should just tell him you're starting to hang out w/ other guys...and just let him deal w/ it.

    I don't think so. He was like this a few months ago and that's why I didn't pay him much attention. He's contacted me last minute to hang out in between and it never worked out. I called him to watch the final Heat game because he's from Miami and I knew he'd be out watching it somewhere. We hung out, had a good time and hooked up that night and have been dating since then. We've gone canoeing, to a braves game, world of coke, pool parties, etc. We have even talked about doing a weekend trip. He's told me that he doesn't want to invest in me too much since I've been upfront about not wanting anything serious. I guess I can tell him I'm seeing other guys if I decided to. Part of me doesn't want to, hate this internal struggle. I have a feeling this is not going to end well lol.
  • Who Me?Who Me? Posts: 3,181Registered Users
    Josephine wrote: »
    Who Me? wrote: »
    I started dating a guy just for fun a couple years ago. He was so nice and he made me laugh and treated me like a princess, but he was just SO not my type. Well, about 4 years later we own a house together and will likely be engaged soon. And I've never been happier. I never knew I could be this happy. So....if you like a guy, have fun with him, have chemistry, trust him, etc.... then he might just be the guy for you, even if he doesn't meet your checklist. There's only drama where you make drama.

    I know but here's the issue(even if he did not have kids), he has a lot of qualities that are unattractive to me. He has cheated before, he's a little too easy with women and a huge flirt, he's a bit sexist (and acknowledges this), a bit too traditional for me, and a few other things. I know from past experience it won't work for me. But since I'm treating it more like a friendship I dont let those things bother me and I'm having fun with it. I really enjoy spending time with him, we have lots of fun and I'd just like to keep it at that but he is the one getting 'clingy' and now I'm getting just a bit sucked in. I feel like I'm on dangerous territory.

    If he has all these negative qualities (way above and beyond just not your type, and not the type of guy you thought you'ld end up with) then why are you getting attached to him? In fact, why are you even spending any time at all with this jerk?

    Even when it's just dating for fun and for the short term, you should respect yourself enough to not spend time with jerks and losers, IMO.
    "I don't know! I don't know why I did it, I don't know why I enjoyed it, and I don't know why I'll do it again!" -BART SIMPSON
  • Who Me?Who Me? Posts: 3,181Registered Users
    Who Me? wrote: »
    I started dating a guy just for fun a couple years ago. He was so nice and he made me laugh and treated me like a princess, but he was just SO not my type. Well, about 4 years later we own a house together and will likely be engaged soon. And I've never been happier. I never knew I could be this happy. So....if you like a guy, have fun with him, have chemistry, trust him, etc.... then he might just be the guy for you, even if he doesn't meet your checklist. There's only drama where you make drama.

    But she's moving away and doesn't want a happily-ever-after right now.

    I was so not interested in happily ever after at the time either. But you can't pick the timing. Life isn't something you can fully plan... Especially not love!
    "I don't know! I don't know why I did it, I don't know why I enjoyed it, and I don't know why I'll do it again!" -BART SIMPSON
  • spiderlashes5000spiderlashes5000 Posts: 17,495Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    Who Me? wrote: »
    Josephine wrote: »
    Who Me? wrote: »
    I started dating a guy just for fun a couple years ago. He was so nice and he made me laugh and treated me like a princess, but he was just SO not my type. Well, about 4 years later we own a house together and will likely be engaged soon. And I've never been happier. I never knew I could be this happy. So....if you like a guy, have fun with him, have chemistry, trust him, etc.... then he might just be the guy for you, even if he doesn't meet your checklist. There's only drama where you make drama.

    I know but here's the issue(even if he did not have kids), he has a lot of qualities that are unattractive to me. He has cheated before, he's a little too easy with women and a huge flirt, he's a bit sexist (and acknowledges this), a bit too traditional for me, and a few other things. I know from past experience it won't work for me. But since I'm treating it more like a friendship I dont let those things bother me and I'm having fun with it. I really enjoy spending time with him, we have lots of fun and I'd just like to keep it at that but he is the one getting 'clingy' and now I'm getting just a bit sucked in. I feel like I'm on dangerous territory.

    If he has all these negative qualities (way above and beyond just not your type, and not the type of guy you thought you'ld end up with) then why are you getting attached to him? In fact, why are you even spending any time at all with this jerk?

    Even when it's just dating for fun and for the short term, you should respect yourself enough to not spend time with jerks and losers, IMO.

    She's not dating James Holmes...just someone she doesn't consider marriage material. LOL

  • JosephineJosephine Posts: 14,175Registered Users
    Who Me? wrote: »
    Josephine wrote: »
    Who Me? wrote: »
    I started dating a guy just for fun a couple years ago. He was so nice and he made me laugh and treated me like a princess, but he was just SO not my type. Well, about 4 years later we own a house together and will likely be engaged soon. And I've never been happier. I never knew I could be this happy. So....if you like a guy, have fun with him, have chemistry, trust him, etc.... then he might just be the guy for you, even if he doesn't meet your checklist. There's only drama where you make drama.

    I know but here's the issue(even if he did not have kids), he has a lot of qualities that are unattractive to me. He has cheated before, he's a little too easy with women and a huge flirt, he's a bit sexist (and acknowledges this), a bit too traditional for me, and a few other things. I know from past experience it won't work for me. But since I'm treating it more like a friendship I dont let those things bother me and I'm having fun with it. I really enjoy spending time with him, we have lots of fun and I'd just like to keep it at that but he is the one getting 'clingy' and now I'm getting just a bit sucked in. I feel like I'm on dangerous territory.

    If he has all these negative qualities (way above and beyond just not your type, and not the type of guy you thought you'ld end up with) then why are you getting attached to him? In fact, why are you even spending any time at all with this jerk?

    Even when it's just dating for fun and for the short term, you should respect yourself enough to not spend time with jerks and losers, IMO.

    I know it came across that way but he's not a total jerk, just too 'typical' for me. He's sexist in a traditional way moreso than a chauvinist way. I believe him when he says he tried hard with his marriage(10 years) and never cheated but did with this girl he casually dated last year and told her about it. Either way, he cheated and I know he's not my type. I have fun with him and that's all I'm looking for now. He's very respectful with me when he's with me and he's that way with women in general from what I can tell. Not looking for anything deeper but he's so sweet.



    Sent from my SAMSUNG-SGH-I897 using CurlTalk App
  • Fifi.GFifi.G Posts: 15,490Registered Users
    I would assume that I am lousy at juggling. I have not done it since 1st grade. ;)

    I will not, or for some reason can not, date a guy unless I am interested in a relationship. Yes, I will go out on date to see if something could be there, but beyond that I see no point unless it could somewhere. I'm always worried he will fall, and I will have waisted his time and hurt his feelings. I've had that done to me so I try to not return the favor.

    Honest observation, I see a great deal of confusion in your posts about this guy. You are not interested, he is not your type, you see it going no where, you can not trust him, you have kind of talked about exclusivity, you have chemistry or a connection, you miss him when you are not with him, and you feel bad speaking to the other two men. Whew!!

    I'm not calling you out or saying there is anything wrong with confusion or mixed emotions. I think most people have been there at some point. It happens. My honest advice, take time to be really figure out how you feel about him before you decide anything. Is there or is there not something between you? Have you been attracted to the (stereotypical) "bad boys" in the past? I have, so no judgement there. Etc...

    If you honestly feel there is nothing there, and you are not willing to compromise your future plans, I would end it. But that is just me.

    Worn out iPhone. Need I say more?
    When I hear terms like "hipster" I think, who told cliques they could leave high school??

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
  • claudine19claudine19 Posts: 4,486Registered Users
    I've done it (dated casually, and more than one person at a time). It requires a certain determined mindset, but it can be lots of fun. I think Mr. Wrong is getting "intense" because you're keeping him at a distance, and he senses a challenge.

    I base this on his old fashioned, flirtatious, unfaithful behavior (past or present).
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
    Dogs and nature abhor a vacuum.
    http://geaugadoggy.wordpress.com
  • SariaSaria Posts: 15,963Registered Users
    This is a foreign concept to me because how do you even find more than one man to date? I can't even find one I want to date, much less more than one. Only once in my life have I interacted with multiple guys at a time that I found attractive. In that case, I was physically attracted to two guys, though I really didn't feel any sort of spark with one (he was nice and we got along, but that was it), and well, even finding two dudes I felt attracted to didn't lead to dating of any sort.
    por-que-no-te-callas.jpg
  • ursulaursula Posts: 1,461Registered Users
    Saria wrote: »
    This is a foreign concept to me because how do you even find more than one man to date? I can't even find one I want to date, much less more than one. Only once in my life have I interacted with multiple guys at a time that I found attractive. In that case, I was physically attracted to two guys, though I really didn't feel any sort of spark with one (he was nice and we got along, but that was it), and well, even finding two dudes I felt attracted to didn't lead to dating of any sort.

    Internet dating? I just don't meet men otherwise, to be honest.
    In search of a lost signature...
  • ursulaursula Posts: 1,461Registered Users
    I am horrible at juggling, too. But for various reasons, that's kinda what I'm doing now.

    No real advice for you but all I can say is that for me, the quality of the men I've been meeting lately (since I decided I needed to date casual/juggle) has been making it easier for me! LOL

    Some of them are really nice...but less attractive. Or very attractive but brain dead. One is a retired professional athlete but doesn't have his ish together in a way that would make me want to get super serious.

    Don't you think visiting the other two guys and forcing yourself to go out w/ someone else local help put some distance btwn you and the main guy?

    This is my situation, too--multiple guys each with obvious flaws--and it sounds similar to yours, Josephine. The guy you're seeing might not be a jerk, but he is missing enough of the qualities you'd want in a long-term thing that you know he's not the one for you in the end. And one of the other guys is 24, so possibly not marriage material either!

    I can sort of relate to how you feel. I got caught up in dating someone who was really wrong for me, even though I went into it thinking it would be casual. (Actually, my thing wasn't exactly the same, but it's not worth getting into details.) It's not abnormal to start to develop some feelings after a while for someone you're intimate with and spend a lot of time with. Your conscious mind can't always override that.

    Dating multiple men definitely can be hard. I agree with spiderlashes that you have nothing to lose by spending some time with the other 2 men. It could help divide your emotions and lessen your connection to the first guy. But also be prepared for that not to happen! It's also possible that you'll find yourself thinking of him or wanting to talk about him when you're with the other two. That's when you know you're in trouble... ;-)
    In search of a lost signature...
  • MunchyMunchy Posts: 5,206Registered Users
    claudine19 wrote: »
    I've done it (dated casually, and more than one person at a time). It requires a certain determined mindset, but it can be lots of fun. I think Mr. Wrong is getting "intense" because you're keeping him at a distance, and he senses a challenge.

    I base this on his old fashioned, flirtatious, unfaithful behavior (past or present).

    Have you told him that you're just not looking for a relationship and that you're open to dating other people? I don't know if it would help, but it helps me to know that I'm being very clear about what I want out of our time spent.

    I want fun.

    I don't really find myself thinking of anyone on a regular basis because between a busy job, being a single mother, having two God children who are always having preteen breakdowns, co-founding a non-profit, my ten very close friends, and having a home to take care of, it's BUSY! That's the biggest reason why I just don't/can't be committed to a relationship right now - it all boils down to time. I'm too committed to all of the things I mentioned to be able to give them up for someone else.

    It annoys me to no end when someone assumes that my time will be spent with them. My friends never do that, and I don't expect someone that I went on a few dates with to do that either. Usually whining about the way I spend my time is the signal for me to just stop responding to a particular guy.
  • JosephineJosephine Posts: 14,175Registered Users
    Fifi.G wrote: »
    I would assume that I am lousy at juggling. I have not done it since 1st grade. ;)

    I will not, or for some reason can not, date a guy unless I am interested in a relationship. Yes, I will go out on date to see if something could be there, but beyond that I see no point unless it could somewhere. I'm always worried he will fall, and I will have waisted his time and hurt his feelings. I've had that done to me so I try to not return the favor.

    Honest observation, I see a great deal of confusion in your posts about this guy. You are not interested, he is not your type, you see it going no where, you can not trust him, you have kind of talked about exclusivity, you have chemistry or a connection, you miss him when you are not with him, and you feel bad speaking to the other two men. Whew!!

    I'm not calling you out or saying there is anything wrong with confusion or mixed emotions. I think most people have been there at some point. It happens. My honest advice, take time to be really figure out how you feel about him before you decide anything. Is there or is there not something between you? Have you been attracted to the (stereotypical) "bad boys" in the past? I have, so no judgement there. Etc...

    If you honestly feel there is nothing there, and you are not willing to compromise your future plans, I would end it. But that is just me.

    Worn out iPhone. Need I say more?

    Yes I am confused because of feelings. Logically I know what i want. I want to date him and have fun with him for a little while. Emotionally I am trying to keep myself in check. I'm not compromising future plans but I'm wondering how this will end. We even talked about a 'breakup' plan even though we are not officially together.

    I could end it but I like that I have someone to have carefree fun with. Something my ex never did with me. We had to plan weeks just to go to a damn game. I'm tired of caring and being too serious with someone. Combine that with my lack of having friends that have similar interests as me or that they live far, it makes hanging out with this guy more attractive. His friends are also fun(that live in his building) and he lives so close. If I can keep myself from getting too attached I can do this.

    Oh yes I've been attracted to sorta stereotypical bad boys. He's not completely a bad boy, he's a nerd like me which is weird, i've never dated a guy close to my field(he's in IT network security and I'm a developer). My ex was probably more a bad boy but now mature.
  • JosephineJosephine Posts: 14,175Registered Users
    Saria wrote: »
    This is a foreign concept to me because how do you even find more than one man to date? I can't even find one I want to date, much less more than one. Only once in my life have I interacted with multiple guys at a time that I found attractive. In that case, I was physically attracted to two guys, though I really didn't feel any sort of spark with one (he was nice and we got along, but that was it), and well, even finding two dudes I felt attracted to didn't lead to dating of any sort.

    It's a foreign concept to me as well as this is the first time it's happened to me. Current guy I met at a st pattys day party in March. Orlando guy I met at a house party when we went down in April. I saw him, thought he was cute and nice we've been talking and texting since then(there could be absolutely nothing there when and if i see him). He's the only guy I could see as potential since he's my age, no kids, good job, cooks, seems decent. Other dude I met at a club back in January and we casually kept in touch. I decided to meet up with him when I went to Destin last month with friends and there was an immediate connection(physical and mental). We have skyped a couple times and text regularly although it's slowed down the last couple of weeks. I meet a lot of guys when I'm out that are nice to talk to initially but I generally never like them after talking to them some more.
  • medussamedussa Posts: 12,993Registered Users
    ursula wrote: »
    Dating multiple men definitely can be hard. I agree with spiderlashes that you have nothing to lose by spending some time with the other 2 men. It could help divide your emotions and lessen your connection to the first guy. But also be prepared for that not to happen! It's also possible that you'll find yourself thinking of him or wanting to talk about him when you're with the other two. That's when you know you're in trouble... ;-)

    I agree with this. I also think dating more than one person has the potential to become complicated when things get physical.
  • NetGNetG Posts: 8,116Registered Users
    He sounds like someone I would be friends with and not date.

    It's not in my makeup to date casually/for fun. I will give any guy I don't know for sure I have no future with a chance if he asks for one, because I think often times you can't tell at first. But if I know there's no future or he has an issue that I take things slowly as far as physical stuff (I have to have emotional attachment to want to go there) then I end it. I usually am willing to stay friends, though, because I feel like you can't have enough friends who are decent people, fun, who you enjoy being around - even if they're not people with whom you would like to be romantically linked.
    The pews never miss a sermon but that doesn't get them one step closer to Heaven.
    -Speckla

    But at least the pews never attend yoga!
  • Fifi.GFifi.G Posts: 15,490Registered Users
    Josephine wrote: »
    Fifi.G wrote: »
    I would assume that I am lousy at juggling. I have not done it since 1st grade. ;)

    I will not, or for some reason can not, date a guy unless I am interested in a relationship. Yes, I will go out on date to see if something could be there, but beyond that I see no point unless it could somewhere. I'm always worried he will fall, and I will have waisted his time and hurt his feelings. I've had that done to me so I try to not return the favor.

    Honest observation, I see a great deal of confusion in your posts about this guy. You are not interested, he is not your type, you see it going no where, you can not trust him, you have kind of talked about exclusivity, you have chemistry or a connection, you miss him when you are not with him, and you feel bad speaking to the other two men. Whew!!

    I'm not calling you out or saying there is anything wrong with confusion or mixed emotions. I think most people have been there at some point. It happens. My honest advice, take time to be really figure out how you feel about him before you decide anything. Is there or is there not something between you? Have you been attracted to the (stereotypical) "bad boys" in the past? I have, so no judgement there. Etc...

    If you honestly feel there is nothing there, and you are not willing to compromise your future plans, I would end it. But that is just me.

    Worn out iPhone. Need I say more?

    Yes I am confused because of feelings. Logically I know what i want. I want to date him and have fun with him for a little while. Emotionally I am trying to keep myself in check. I'm not compromising future plans but I'm wondering how this will end. We even talked about a 'breakup' plan even though we are not officially together.

    I could end it but I like that I have someone to have carefree fun with. Something my ex never did with me. We had to plan weeks just to go to a damn game. I'm tired of caring and being too serious with someone. Combine that with my lack of having friends that have similar interests as me or that they live far, it makes hanging out with this guy more attractive. His friends are also fun(that live in his building) and he lives so close. If I can keep myself from getting too attached I can do this.

    Oh yes I've been attracted to sorta stereotypical bad boys. He's not completely a bad boy, he's a nerd like me which is weird, i've never dated a guy close to my field(he's in IT network security and I'm a developer). My ex was probably more a bad boy but now mature.

    I completely understand. It can be hard to not get attached when you have much in common and have fun with that person. Add your plans/wants to the equation and it would be hard to not become confused.

    I hope everything goes smoothly with it, which ever way it goes.

    Worn out iPhone. Need I say more?
    When I hear terms like "hipster" I think, who told cliques they could leave high school??

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]