A Sleep Training Funny

mad scientistmad scientist Registered Users Posts: 3,530 Curl Neophyte
I'm not sure if anyone has read this before, but someone posted it on another board I belong to and it totally cracked me up:

Sleep Training...

OK, here's my situation. My Mommy has had me for almost 7 months. The
first few months were great--I cried, she picked me up and fed me, anytime, day or night. Then something happened.

Over the last few weeks, she has been trying to STTN (sleep thru the
night). At first, I thought it was just a phase, but it is only getting worse.
I've talked to other babies, and it seems like it's pretty common after
Mommies have had us for around 6 months.

Here's the thing: these Mommies don't really need to sleep. It's just a
habit. Many of them have had some 30 years to sleep--they just don't
need it anymore. So I am implementing a plan. I call it the Crybaby Shuffle.

It goes like this:

Night 1--cry every 3 hours until you get fed.
I know, it's hard. It's hard to see your Mommy upset over your crying. Just keep reminding yourself, it's for her own good.

Night 2--cry every 2 hours until you get fed.

Night 3--every hour.

Most Mommies will start to respond more quickly after about 3 nights.
Some Mommies are more alert, and may resist the change longer. These
Mommies may stand in your doorway for hours, shhhh-ing. Don't give in. I cannot stress this enough: CONSISTENCY IS KEY!!

If you let her STTN (sleep through the night), just once, she will
expect it every night. I KNOW IT'S HARD! But she really does not need the sleep, she is just resisting the change.

If you have an especially alert Mommy, you can stop crying for about 10
minutes, just long enough for her to go back to bed and start to fall asleep.
Then cry again. It WILL eventually work. My Mommy once stayed awake for
10 hours straight, so I know she can do it.

Last night, I cried every hour. You just have to decide to stick to it
and just go for it. BE CONSISTENT! I cried for any reason I could come up with.

My sleep sack tickled my foot.

I felt a wrinkle under the sheet.

My mobile made a shadow on the wall.

I burped, and it tasted like pears (I hadn't eaten pears since lunch -
what's up with that?) The cat said "meow" (I should know. My Mommy reminds me of this about 20 times a day. LOL.)

Once I cried just because I liked how it sounded when it echoed on the
monitor in the other room.

Too hot, too cold, just right--doesn't matter! Keep crying!!

It took awhile, but it worked. She fed me at 4am. Tomorrow night, my
goal is 3:30am. You need to slowly shorten the interval between feedings in order to reset your Mommies' internal clocks.

P.S. Don't let those rubber things fool you, no matter how long you
suck on them, NO milk will come out! Trust me.


  • DarkAngelDarkAngel Registered Users Posts: 2,671 Curl Neophyte
    That's hilarious. I think the shortest member of my family has been reading up on that. :cry:

    "Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." -- Theodor Seuss Geisel
  • geekygeeky Registered Users Posts: 4,995
    To Trenell, MizKerri and geeky:
    I pray none of you ever has to live in a communist state.

    Geeky is my hero. She's the true badass. The badass who doesn't even need to be a badass. There aren't enough O's in cool to describe her.
  • marielle448marielle448 Registered Users Posts: 1,823
    oh my gosh that is too funny!
  • SigiSigi Registered Users Posts: 2,379
    That is hilarious! :lol:
  • picklesgirlpicklesgirl Registered Users Posts: 1,955
    that has got to be one of the funniest things I've ever read


  • medussamedussa Registered Users Posts: 12,993
    Funny stuff. :lol:
  • deedlesdeedles Registered Users Posts: 2,467 Curl Connoisseur
    How cute!!
    Liam: 6 years old
    Colin: 3 years old
    Location: Williamsburg, Virginia
    Member Since: August 2000
  • M2LRM2LR Registered Users Posts: 8,630 Curl Connoisseur
    SO TRUE!!!

    I forwarded it on to my mom, husband and my cousin with a 8 month old. LOVE IT.
  • inheritedcurlsinheritedcurls Registered Users Posts: 2,954 Curl Connoisseur
    Oh my gosh, this is so true although I still don't know what a full night of sleep is like. I think Chas doesn't want me to know...he's keeping me on the 3 hour schedule.

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