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Straightening Comments Getting To Me...

whirlyhairwhirlyhair Posts: 194Registered Users
I'm a little depressed today. Yesterday I came to work with one of the best hair days of my life, I mean my hair looked legitimately 3A that day with the most luscious body and volume I've ever seen before. I had a lot of compliments, but then, there's that evil straightening comment once more...

"You know, you have such lovely dark hair, and I seriously think you should straighten it. It would look so good if you did."

Before that, she complimented on my curls, but then she said that! I'm like wtf, if you like my curls so much you wouldn't even suggest that. It's like telling someone their car looks nice but they should buy a truck. Confusing!

This is like, oh I don't know, the tenth time since I've been employed in this job over half a year ago that I get that kind of comment, and now it's really getting to me. I feel as if I'm really not as blessed as I thought I was... that my natural hair texture simply does not work for my face or anything.

I'm sorry for the whining. I just wish I had more strength to resist to conform to others, but I'm so so sad. :( What do I do to deal with it?
CG since 3/11/2012

Engaged. :love5: Wedding date: 02/26/2016

Type 2C (Botticelli according to Curly Girl: The Handbook)
iii Density
Medium-Coarse Texture
Normal Porosity
Normal Elasticity
HATES: Traditional sulfates/cones.
LOVES: Lots of moisture and homemade FSG! :love10:
(Many thanks to /home/leaving?target=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.livecurlylivefree.com%2F" class="Popup for helping me figure out my texture, porosity, and elasticity properties! Check them out sometime!)

Comments

  • kimmidawnkimmidawn Posts: 900Registered Users
    I don't think these people really mean it as an insult (at least I can't think most people consciously mean to insult someone when they say stuff like that, or I would hope not)...if you're close to the person, you could mention to them that it came off insulting rather than the compliment they most likely intended. If you aren't close with them, maybe just remind yourself how many girls on here (and people who see you who may just not say anything) would love to have your curls. There are a lot of curlies and wavies I see on the street that, although I don't say anything to them, I would kill to have their hair. I hope this helps.
    2b, fine texture, normal porosity & elasticity (CG as of 12/2011)

    Low-poo: UFD Rich & Funky
    Cowash: VO5 Kiwi Lime
    RO: Tresemme Naturals, Aubrey Organics GPB, Ion Effective Care, MillCreek Keratin
    PT/DT: IAgirl's PT, GVP CB
    LI: KCKT, Cure Care, CJ CCCC Lite
    Styling: Curl Keeper, As I Am Jelly, UFD Curly Magic, CJ Curl Queen, TIGI Strong Hold Mousse


    /home/leaving?target=http%3A%2F%2Fpublic.fotki.com%2Fkdawn12%2F" class="Popup

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
    ^^ day 1 of going CG; avatar = 6 months later
  • SamiSami Posts: 94Registered Users
    Ugh I hate when that happens! It happened to me not a while back, when I went to a family friends party and I wore my hair curly. Like you, I was having a great hair day so I was super excited and got compliments until one person said, you would look reallyyy pretty if you straightened your hair! I got offended because that hurt more than she probably meant it to, so I just said "thanks but no thanks-I like my curly hair!"
  • proudcurlygirlyproudcurlygirly Posts: 478Registered Users
    kimmidawn wrote: »
    I don't think these people really mean it as an insult (at least I can't think most people consciously mean to insult someone when they say stuff like that, or I would hope not)...if you're close to the person, you could mention to them that it came off insulting rather than the compliment they most likely intended. If you aren't close with them, maybe just remind yourself how many girls on here (and people who see you who may just not say anything) would love to have your curls. There are a lot of curlies and wavies I see on the street that, although I don't say anything to them, I would kill to have their hair. I hope this helps.

    ;-)+1!
    :icon_smile: UK Curly
    Curl type : Boticelli, 3a, loose curls
    Porosity : High
    Texture : Fine/medium (I think!)
    Co-wash/rinse out/leave in : L'oreal Full Restore 5, GFR&S, Schwarzkopf Bio Pomegranite
    Gels : Umberto Giannini Flirty Curls Scrunching Jelly
    Finish product : Boots Naked Style Frizz Fighter Serum or a pea-sized blob of condish smoothed over canopy
    CG since Feb 2011
  • jeepcurlygurljeepcurlygurl Posts: 19,681Registered Users, Curl Ambassador Curl Virtuoso
    Whenever someone says "why don't you - flatiron your hair? dye your hair? cut your hair shorter?" I always respond with - "Why would I do that?!? I get many more compliments and much more attention with my hair curly/grey/long. If I straightened/dyed/cut it, I would just look like everyone else". I always say it in a nice cheerful voice.
    Just do what you're doing, be happy with your beautiful curly hair, and don't worry what others say.
    --I'm located in Western PA.
    --I found NC in late 2004, CG since February 2005, joined the forums in May 2005, started going grey in late 2005.
    --My hair is 3B with some 3A, currently at mid back length when dry,  texture-medium/fine, porosity-top is low, middle is medium, ends are porous, elasticity-normal.
    --My long time favorite products are Suave & VO5 conditioners, LA Looks Sport Gel, coconut oil, honey, vinegar.
    --My CG and grey hair progress -- http://www.naturallycurly.com/curltalk/going-gray/179328-jeepys-grey-hair-progress.html
    --My article at NaturallyCurly about going grey. Yes, it's in the senior section. : / -- https://www.naturallycurly.com/curlreading/seniors/how-i-went-completely-gray-and-loved-it
  • raindearraindear Posts: 356Registered Users
    And there's the rub. Everyone is brainwashed with a preconceived, prepackaged "ideal" of what is beautiful, and if we don't fit in the "box", we can't be beautiful. Well, I don't want to be put in a box and labeled. I am and will continue to be my own individual self. "Look like everyone else?" Don't think so.
    Be Happy!

    Type:2b/3ab?
    Texture:Medium/fine
    Porosity:Normal
    Elasticity:Normal

    Experimenting with too many products to name here. All this great info keeps my head spinning. :happy6:
  • GingerBearGingerBear Posts: 10Registered Users
    I HATE when people tell me that! Luckily, since I've figured out my hair a little bit more, I've gotten it less and less. Still, every time I do it annoys me. My curls are one of my favorite parts about me, why would I change it?
    Been CG for 2 years

    3A/Botticelli/low porosity

    New favorite product:
    It's a 10 Miracle Leave-In Plus Keratin
  • bobbybobby Posts: 669Registered Users Curl Novice
    I actually found that straightening it takes longer than taming the curls. OK, as a guy, I finally came around to embracing my curls seven years ago. Big step for me. Some days I would use the round styling brush while blow drying my hair. Granted that is not straghtening with a flat iron but sort of the same principle.
    2B always with potential of white man's fro

    http://www.naturallycurly.com/curltalk/members/bobby-albums-my-album.html

    "Curls aren't just for girls"
  • NaturalRemedyNaturalRemedy Posts: 371Registered Users
    Just ignore those comments. Everyone has straight hair...it's the norm and so it's expected. Imagine if celebrities started perming their hair and only wearing it curly? Everytime you wore your hair straight your friends would probably get on you about it. It's just how society is...It's like how I don't have my ears pierced, but I wear clip ons and I always get asked why I don't pierce them...Because I don't want to, that's why.
    Mostly 3c and lovin' my curls

    This is not a fashion trend, it's not a statement, it's pride for who we are and what we look like. And that is where our true beauty shines.


    /home/leaving?target=http%3A%2F%2Fpublic.fotki.com%2Fcocoalily%2F" class="Popup
  • bobbybobby Posts: 669Registered Users Curl Novice
    Whenever someone says "why don't you - flatiron your hair? dye your hair? cut your hair shorter?" I always respond with - "Why would I do that?!? I get many more compliments and much more attention with my hair curly/grey/long. If I straightened/dyed/cut it, I would just look like everyone else". I always say it in a nice cheerful voice.
    Just do what you're doing, be happy with your beautiful curly hair, and don't worry what others say.

    You can thank corporate America for that. As a guy it took me a long time to embrace my curls but I found that straightening actually takes longer and makes it look worse than figuring out ways to tame the frizz. Though I am a mixture of 2/3. When I decided to wear my hair long again, I used blowdry my hair and use the round styling brush. I even tried to curl it a few times. Looked good initially but not so much later in the day.
    2B always with potential of white man's fro

    http://www.naturallycurly.com/curltalk/members/bobby-albums-my-album.html

    "Curls aren't just for girls"
  • LilyaLilya Posts: 47Registered Users
    I really think that these people are reflecting their own ideals completely not connected to other aspects of what you look like. For example with my breasts (I get a lot of comments from other women about them), I have been told I would be "smokin'" if I just got implants. I tell them like what you say with your hair...No, thank you, I like what I've got. It doesn't mean that I am disproportionate, or that your face doesn't match your hair--this one feature that they prefer is taken out of context. Chances are, that person wouldn't like it on anyone.

    People like different features, and there are many men and women who adore curly hair. There is no biological reason why straight hair would be found to be more attractive than healthy, curly hair. And even if there was, who are other people to try to make you a flower in their personal garden??
    Dense but fine and delicate 3a hair. Feels like a dandelion without product. Difficulties in getting less puff and more definition when short.

    On a mission to grow out after my big chop! :cat:
  • MissKrisMissKris Posts: 288Registered Users
    Just wanted to chime in real quick......

    Some folk really are discriminating against the naturals......but......

    SOME people who say "Your hair would look good straightened" are saying it bcuz if you natural texture is luxurious, they're imagining how luxurious the straight look will be. They're not necessarily against the curls. I'm a curly and I've said that to my buddy who is "blaxican" LoL. My texture wouldn't be so flyy straightened so I always notice textures that look as though they would straighten well.

    Straightening should not be done cuz you hate your curls or bcuz others might find it more beautiful. If you're gonna do it, let it be bcuz you just wanna do sumthin different to mix it up. I'm the type that might want braids for a while, then do the India Arie type scarf, then do my fro, then do a sew in....cuz I like to change it up, not cuz I wanna be viewed a certain way. Whatever you're liking at the time is what works 4 you. If others prefer sumthin other than that, they can turn their eyes or close 'em!!!!!!



    Birth Feb 1984, First press 1990, First relaxer 1992, Last relaxer Oct 2006, BC Sept 2007, 4c.....
  • whirlyhairwhirlyhair Posts: 194Registered Users
    MissKris wrote: »
    Just wanted to chime in real quick......

    Some folk really are discriminating against the naturals......but......

    SOME people who say "Your hair would look good straightened" are saying it bcuz if you natural texture is luxurious, they're imagining how luxurious the straight look will be.

    Are you talking about the whole "good hair" thing? Because, I'm sorry, but all hair that is healthy is "good hair" to me! I do know what you mean, though!
    CG since 3/11/2012

    Engaged. :love5: Wedding date: 02/26/2016

    Type 2C (Botticelli according to Curly Girl: The Handbook)
    iii Density
    Medium-Coarse Texture
    Normal Porosity
    Normal Elasticity
    HATES: Traditional sulfates/cones.
    LOVES: Lots of moisture and homemade FSG! :love10:
    (Many thanks to /home/leaving?target=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.livecurlylivefree.com%2F" class="Popup for helping me figure out my texture, porosity, and elasticity properties! Check them out sometime!)
  • MissKrisMissKris Posts: 288Registered Users
    whirlyhair wrote: »
    Are you talking about the whole "good hair" thing? Because, I'm sorry, but all hair that is healthy is "good hair" to me! I do know what you mean, though!

    Ha! That "good hair" crap is irritating like a child scratching the chalkboard. Errthang God gave me is good. I'm glad you got what I was saying. I was hoping it would make some kind of sense to someone....



    Birth Feb 1984, First press 1990, First relaxer 1992, Last relaxer Oct 2006, BC Sept 2007, 4c.....
  • GroYoFroGroYoFro Posts: 237Registered Users
    Don't ever let somebody's opinion get to you!! There's 7,000,000,000 people on this planet. Some like curly hair and some don't, so don't let one encounter get to you or 100 for that matter
    "Life is too short to keep your hair short"

    Click here to visit - GRO YO FRO!
  • confusedcurly89confusedcurly89 Posts: 10Registered Users
    im so glad i came across this post and this whole site really!
    im really trying to embrace my curls but it doesnt help when you have relatives ready to take you out to put keratine on you hair!!!
    that really annoys me so for the longest time i used to blow dry my hair so that no one would tell me what to do!
    Big mistake! majority of my hair is now heat damaged! I've decided to finally ignore everyones comments and try to get healthy curly hair!
  • GroYoFroGroYoFro Posts: 237Registered Users
    im so glad i came across this post and this whole site really!
    im really trying to embrace my curls but it doesnt help when you have relatives ready to take you out to put keratine on you hair!!!
    that really annoys me so for the longest time i used to blow dry my hair so that no one would tell me what to do!
    Big mistake! majority of my hair is now heat damaged! I've decided to finally ignore everyones comments and try to get healthy curly hair!

    Ignore them!! You have our support : ) curly hair isn't popular bow, but. The tides will turn and people will soon wake up...
    "Life is too short to keep your hair short"

    Click here to visit - GRO YO FRO!
  • JohariJohari Posts: 673Registered Users
    Don't give in its so not worth it.One day I'll be strong enough to resist but when it comes from close friends+family I just can't help but listen.In the end you'll end up with split ends and frizzy hair and makes you want to straighten it even more which is a terrible cycle.
  • GoldenBlazeGoldenBlaze Posts: 342Registered Users
    whirlyhair wrote: »
    I'm a little depressed today. Yesterday I came to work with one of the best hair days of my life, I mean my hair looked legitimately 3A that day with the most luscious body and volume I've ever seen before. I had a lot of compliments, but then, there's that evil straightening comment once more...

    "You know, you have such lovely dark hair, and I seriously think you should straighten it. It would look so good if you did."

    Before that, she complimented on my curls, but then she said that! I'm like wtf, if you like my curls so much you wouldn't even suggest that. It's like telling someone their car looks nice but they should buy a truck. Confusing!

    This is like, oh I don't know, the tenth time since I've been employed in this job over half a year ago that I get that kind of comment, and now it's really getting to me. I feel as if I'm really not as blessed as I thought I was... that my natural hair texture simply does not work for my face or anything.

    I'm sorry for the whining. I just wish I had more strength to resist to conform to others, but I'm so so sad. :( What do I do to deal with it?

    Oh that's that green eyed monster called "Jealousy". NEVER allow ANYONE to make you doubt how fabulous you and your hair are! It doesn't matter what others think, it's about what YOU think and feel about YOU that matters. Honey, when they tell u that your hair looks better straight, you tell them: "my hair is GORGEOUS the way that it is, but thank you" turn that head so them curls can slap them in the eyes and walk away with your nose in the air. Do it and I promise the negative comments will stop. Been there, done that.
  • whirlyhairwhirlyhair Posts: 194Registered Users
    Honey, when they tell u that your hair looks better straight, you tell them: "my hair is GORGEOUS the way that it is, but thank you" turn that head so them curls can slap them in the eyes and walk away with your nose in the air.

    LMAO :toothy7:I sooo wish I can do that, but I might get fired. Oh well! Thank you so much!
    CG since 3/11/2012

    Engaged. :love5: Wedding date: 02/26/2016

    Type 2C (Botticelli according to Curly Girl: The Handbook)
    iii Density
    Medium-Coarse Texture
    Normal Porosity
    Normal Elasticity
    HATES: Traditional sulfates/cones.
    LOVES: Lots of moisture and homemade FSG! :love10:
    (Many thanks to /home/leaving?target=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.livecurlylivefree.com%2F" class="Popup for helping me figure out my texture, porosity, and elasticity properties! Check them out sometime!)
  • GoldenBlazeGoldenBlaze Posts: 342Registered Users
    whirlyhair wrote: »
    Honey, when they tell u that your hair looks better straight, you tell them: "my hair is GORGEOUS the way that it is, but thank you" turn that head so them curls can slap them in the eyes and walk away with your nose in the air.

    LMAO :toothy7:I sooo wish I can do that, but I might get fired. Oh well! Thank you so much!

    Oh u can do it and not put that neck roll with it. It was a manager that I did it to. Her mission was to attack my confidence in myself to get what she wanted and that's for me to get a relaxer. But see, she got more than she bargained for. This was back in 2007 when I did my BC and being natural was not readily accepted like it is now. All the negative comments are aimed to do is make u feel less confident. DON'T LET THEM.
  • GoldenBlazeGoldenBlaze Posts: 342Registered Users
    ImageUploadedByCurlTalk1348469813.632025.jpg

    Me in 2007. There was NOTHING wrong with my hair. My manager was just jealous cause she didn't have the confidence to chop her hair like I did. (I've BC several times)
  • whirlyhairwhirlyhair Posts: 194Registered Users
    ImageUploadedByCurlTalk1348469813.632025.jpg

    Me in 2007. There was NOTHING wrong with my hair. My manager was just jealous cause she didn't have the confidence to chop her hair like I did. (I've BC several times)

    I LOVE NATURAL HAIR!! I remember going to college classes in the past and seeing female students coming in with natural textured hair and I can't help but stare at it with wonder. :icon_smile: So don't worry about what your manager has to say, cause you're right, she's just jealous!
    CG since 3/11/2012

    Engaged. :love5: Wedding date: 02/26/2016

    Type 2C (Botticelli according to Curly Girl: The Handbook)
    iii Density
    Medium-Coarse Texture
    Normal Porosity
    Normal Elasticity
    HATES: Traditional sulfates/cones.
    LOVES: Lots of moisture and homemade FSG! :love10:
    (Many thanks to /home/leaving?target=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.livecurlylivefree.com%2F" class="Popup for helping me figure out my texture, porosity, and elasticity properties! Check them out sometime!)
  • PerkyCurlzPerkyCurlz Posts: 25Registered Users
    I hear this all the time, and I tell people the truth: I straightened my hair - ONCE - and hated how it looked! Not only were my ends not even at all, but I didn't look like "me".
    med/coarse texture; med/high porosity; 3b; iii; 30" long (waist)

    CWC using whatever works this week

    :love3: A curly girl married to a curly guy! :love3:






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