CurlTalk

She Make$ More

CurleeDSTCurleeDST Posts: 467Registered Users
My husband was down in Orlando, Fl visiting with one of his frat brothers who informed him his wife wrote a book. She titled it “She Make$ More”. My husband was a little taken aback by the title. His boy’s wife is a radiologist and he used to be a school book salesman until he lost his job due to downsizing. His boy met his wife at a graduate chapter fraternity party event and constantly reminds my husband how he took her money but his boy ended up marrying her (my husband was dating me at the time). His boy has and always was impressed with the fact she was in medical school and was planning to be a doctor.
Prior to that unfortunate event of being downsized they bought this gorgeous home on a beautiful ½ acre of property with a pool and everything. They relocated to Florida because for no other reason – she wanted to. She felt that since she makes more he should follow her and she has a on-up to make the decisions for the family.
Here is a link to her blog on the subject and there is also a Facebook Page: /home/leaving?target=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.shemakesmoreblog.com%2F" class="Popup. You can find the link to the page if you search on She Makes More on FB.
What do you think about the subject? Do the dynamics change when the woman earns more money in her career than her husband? Is it fair the roles change simply because she makes more money?
I am a 3c/4a with medium/fine strands
No strict haircare regimen - trying my hand at the Curly Girl Method.

Fitness Blog: /home/leaving?target=http%3A%2F%2Ffemmefitalefitclub.com%2F" class="Popup
Check out the Femme Fitale Facebook page: facebook.com/FemmeFitaleFitness
«1

Comments

  • spiderlashes5000spiderlashes5000 Posts: 17,495Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    I don't think roles should change based on who makes more. But if one person doesn't work or only works parttime, then that person should do more of the household chores/childcare.

    I also feel like when a person works (a paying job), there are certain things that person deserves to have that a non-income producing person doesn't...such as better clothes, a better car, more money to spend eating out at restaurants, more professional services, etc. That is, if there aren't sufficient resources for both to indulge equally. Whe money is an issue, the wage earner should have the edge bc there are certain expectations and needs that go along with having to go to work every day that a person who stays home usually doesn't encounter (e.g., if you stay home, you have more time to cook your own lunch, if you stay home you have less need for expensive new clothes.)

    Other than that, I think the personalities of each person and their goals as a family should dictate who does what and where they live, etc.)

    Not sure what you mean by:
    constantly reminds my husband how he took her money

  • CurleeDSTCurleeDST Posts: 467Registered Users
    Sorry, clarification - he constantly reminds my husband how, when she stepped into the club, he took her money b/c he was working the door and had a chance to possibly get with her but he missed the opportunity which allowed my hubby's friend to get with her, marry her and start a family and life with her.
    I am a 3c/4a with medium/fine strands
    No strict haircare regimen - trying my hand at the Curly Girl Method.

    Fitness Blog: /home/leaving?target=http%3A%2F%2Ffemmefitalefitclub.com%2F" class="Popup
    Check out the Femme Fitale Facebook page: facebook.com/FemmeFitaleFitness
  • NejNej Posts: 2,444Registered Users
    I disagree that the wage earner automatically gets to indulge in or is entitled to nicer things. I don't see how this wouldn't lead to resentment.


    Sent from my iPhone - blame autocorrect for everything strange
    anigif_enhanced-buzz-2027-1364839025-19.gif
  • webjockeywebjockey Posts: 2,786Registered Users
    Looking at income alone is very narrow and doesn't represent the big picture. One can also look at cost savings through DIY activities, or the fixed assets each party brings to the table.

    For example, if it wasn't for hubby, I would pay to do taxes. We save lots of money because he does it,and he probably does a better job than my old tax person because he has a direct interest in saving us $.

    One person could bring financial assets, but another person can bring expertise, know-how and time. It's what you're building together that matters.

    As for who gets nicer stuff. That falls under "who cares" category for me. Whatever makes their relationship work. If that's what she needs to feel happy and secure AND it makes their relationship better go for it.
    hello.world.
  • midgimidgi Posts: 2,409Registered Users
    I agree Nej. I can't see how a relationship would work where the breadwinner feels entitled to more luxury items and "edge" just because he/she is producing the income. There is a given in such a relationship that the sole provider use his/her income for the benefit of the entire family. In other words, just because they make all the money doesn't mean it's just THEIR money. In many cases their SO is giving up the luxury of making their own income in order to take care of the house and perhaps the kids that they collectively own. So to me, it seems like the responsibilities are evenly distributed.

    IMO anyone who doesn't see it that way is selfish.

    Sent from The Brick
    I just want to do what I want to do when I want to do it.
  • SilverCurlsSilverCurls Posts: 294Registered Users
    Nej wrote: »
    I disagree that the wage earner automatically gets to indulge in or is entitled to nicer things. I don't see how this wouldn't lead to resentment.

    This.

    The partner who stays home is no less entitled to nicer things than the person who brings home the paycheck. To think otherwise is rather selfish and entitled, imo. Families with one wage earner support each other in different ways and it shouldn't be looked at as a contest.
    Formerly misspam.
    Joined: Feb. 2008

    Reminds me of my safari in Africa. Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for several days we had to live on nothing but food and water. - W. C. Fields
  • curlyarcacurlyarca Posts: 8,449Registered Users
    The rules of a marriage are very individualized. Personally, I would not be in a relationship where I was expected to do more household or more childcare based on my work status alone. Why?

    Because what the hockey sticks did you do before you were married?! Hopefully you did all of your own chores or if you brought kids into the marriage you took care of them 100% of the time. The point of marriage (to me) is sharing the load. It is one large part of the marriage contract that I look forward to besides simple companionship.

    So I would not want a June Cleaver kind of life (male or female version) where someone is expected to have dinner on the table and a glass of scotch on the rocks ready for me when I get home. Or the expectation that I can do fewer chores because I leave the home to work. And aren't the kids the partner's, too? No, you need to be just as invested in child care as I am. I would not be ok with my spouse wearing clothes from say the dollar store and I'm walking around in Prada on the daily. I think lopsided relationships like this make the higher wage earner look horrible and exploitive. Yes, we would be getting a divorce. Post-haste. LOL

    At the same time I wouldn't expect someone staying at home to sit at home and do nothing. Again, we share the load.

    My marriage would not be based on one of us submitting to the other. Compromise and mutual respect across the board. If the marriage relationship was going to be that lopsided, then there would be no point in me ever getting married.

    "In the depth of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer."

    4a, mbl, low porosity, normal thickness, fine hair.
  • sleepymekosleepymeko Posts: 1,002Registered Users
    Pfft. Women are always relocating for men. 'Bout time a man had to relocate somewhere else because a woman wanted to RME.

    Not sure what this thread is about though? Sounds like to me your husband's friend is perfectly fine with his current living conditions. As long as he is fine with it, then everyone else should be fine with it.

    And he knew what he was getting himself into when he went for an ambitious woman.
    Check out my personal blog :afro:



    s-event.png
  • CurleeDSTCurleeDST Posts: 467Registered Users
    I do not think because someone earns more they are entitled to more. Our stuff is OUR stuff. NOW if one just prefers more expensive stuff and the other has simpler tastes...cool. But don't dare try to step to me in a marriage claiming more simply because you think you bring more to the table because you earn more.

    I think it is a very narrow way at judging the value of each other's contributions simply to look at who is the greater earner. If a man makes less but earns and grinds does that mean he isn't a provider for his family?
    I am a 3c/4a with medium/fine strands
    No strict haircare regimen - trying my hand at the Curly Girl Method.

    Fitness Blog: /home/leaving?target=http%3A%2F%2Ffemmefitalefitclub.com%2F" class="Popup
    Check out the Femme Fitale Facebook page: facebook.com/FemmeFitaleFitness
  • CurleeDSTCurleeDST Posts: 467Registered Users
    I would not say his friend is fine with it. Well let me take it back - I think a man who is impressed by what a woman earns is not the type of man I would want because a man looks for different things in a mate than a woman.

    The guy is flashy, constantly brags about what he has BUT they let their house get foreclosed, his cc gets declined in public and invited us over for a fight party and passed a hat to help pay for PIZZA! REALLY but you brag about how much money ya'll make? Either you are setting it out or you setting it out!

    Who passes a hat and not in college?
    I am a 3c/4a with medium/fine strands
    No strict haircare regimen - trying my hand at the Curly Girl Method.

    Fitness Blog: /home/leaving?target=http%3A%2F%2Ffemmefitalefitclub.com%2F" class="Popup
    Check out the Femme Fitale Facebook page: facebook.com/FemmeFitaleFitness
  • CurleeDSTCurleeDST Posts: 467Registered Users
    Agreed - you both need to be equally invested! My hubby had a maid when he was single. We have one married! Always have!

    Before this I cleaned my own home and never hired one. But we agreed our finances could afford it and so we continued it. Changed services but it is still going on.

    We are both earners and do have investments earning as well. But it is equal. He earns more but it was never brought up as if he could do more because he makes more. It doesn't go down like that.

    He consults with me on EVERYTHING and not a purchase is made without my consent PERIOD!

    curlyarca wrote: »
    The rules of a marriage are very individualized. Personally, I would not be in a relationship where I was expected to do more household or more childcare based on my work status alone. Why?

    Because what the hockey sticks did you do before you were married?! Hopefully you did all of your own chores or if you brought kids into the marriage you took care of them 100% of the time. The point of marriage (to me) is sharing the load. It is one large part of the marriage contract that I look forward to besides simple companionship.

    So I would not want a June Cleaver kind of life (male or female version) where someone is expected to have dinner on the table and a glass of scotch on the rocks ready for me when I get home. Or the expectation that I can do fewer chores because I leave the home to work. And aren't the kids the partner's, too? No, you need to be just as invested in child care as I am. I would not be ok with my spouse wearing clothes from say the dollar store and I'm walking around in Prada on the daily. I think lopsided relationships like this make the higher wage earner look horrible and exploitive. Yes, we would be getting a divorce. Post-haste. LOL

    At the same time I wouldn't expect someone staying at home to sit at home and do nothing. Again, we share the load.

    My marriage would not be based on one of us submitting to the other. Compromise and mutual respect across the board. If the marriage relationship was going to be that lopsided, then there would be no point in me ever getting married.
    I am a 3c/4a with medium/fine strands
    No strict haircare regimen - trying my hand at the Curly Girl Method.

    Fitness Blog: /home/leaving?target=http%3A%2F%2Ffemmefitalefitclub.com%2F" class="Popup
    Check out the Femme Fitale Facebook page: facebook.com/FemmeFitaleFitness
  • curlylauracurlylaura Posts: 8,352Registered Users
    CurleeDST wrote: »

    He consults with me on EVERYTHING and not a purchase is made without my consent PERIOD!


    I would be quite resentful if I had to have my partners consent to buy something. Sure i'd discuss a big purchase but wait for consent? hell no.
    Fat does not make you fat. It's actually pretty important.
  • CurleeDSTCurleeDST Posts: 467Registered Users
    Let me rephrase - does he need my permission to buy gas? Umm, no. Does he need my permission to shop at Neimans and Saks - ummm YES!

    A new car, summer camp for the kids, etc.? Ummm YES! When something out of the ordinary is coming out of our checking account....he needs to consult with me.

    Same goes for investments - any stock purchases we discuss before we purchase them.

    We discuss if we plan to change contributions to our 401Ks.. because it impacts our future. Life insurance...if we pick up more or drop - we discuss it and make sure we agree on the tactic.
    curlylaura wrote: »
    CurleeDST wrote: »

    He consults with me on EVERYTHING and not a purchase is made without my consent PERIOD!


    I would be quite resentful if I had to have my partners consent to buy something. Sure i'd discuss a big purchase but wait for consent? hell no.
    I am a 3c/4a with medium/fine strands
    No strict haircare regimen - trying my hand at the Curly Girl Method.

    Fitness Blog: /home/leaving?target=http%3A%2F%2Ffemmefitalefitclub.com%2F" class="Popup
    Check out the Femme Fitale Facebook page: facebook.com/FemmeFitaleFitness
  • parislarueparislarue Posts: 235Registered Users
    Nej wrote: »
    I disagree that the wage earner automatically gets to indulge in or is entitled to nicer things. I don't see how this wouldn't lead to resentment.

    +1
    3C .....thru......10Z
    Holy Grail Products:
    KCCC, KT


    Nothing exudes confidence like a woman comfortable in her own skin.

    /home/leaving?target=http%3A%2F%2Fmembers.fotki.com%2Fparislarue%2Fabout%2F" class="Popup
  • parislarueparislarue Posts: 235Registered Users
    The Facebook page appears pretty insightful. She addresses issues that may arise in a marriage when the women is the high-income earner. Doesn't appear to male bash. Overall, seems like a nice site. I wonder how much traffic the site gets. Wonder how many males appreciate their SO putting their "biz" out in the public square though.
    3C .....thru......10Z
    Holy Grail Products:
    KCCC, KT


    Nothing exudes confidence like a woman comfortable in her own skin.

    /home/leaving?target=http%3A%2F%2Fmembers.fotki.com%2Fparislarue%2Fabout%2F" class="Popup
  • CurlyCanadianCurlyCanadian Posts: 10,780Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    CurleeDST wrote: »
    Does he need my permission to shop at Neimans and Saks - ummm YES!

    This would never fly with me :lol:


    I feel like this is two very seperate topics. A woman making more in a relationship and a couple obviously living beyonf their means (having people over for pizza and asking for money), unless they don't share their finances at all?

    As far as dinamics changing if the woman is making more, I think its very individual to every couple. I know two couples where the man stays home with the kids. They do the majority of the cooking cleaning, shopping, volunteering at school, etc and love it.

    If both are working, but the woman is working more (going with the op and she's a Dr), then the guy will have to put in more around the house. No different then if roles are flipped and the man is at work more and the wife may need to do more at home.

    I don't know that its so much role reversal as just team worw within the marriage.
    I believe in manicures. I believe in overdressing. I believe in primping at leisure and wearing lipstick. I believe in pink. I believe that laughing is the best calorie burner. I believe in kissing, kissing a lot. I believe in being strong when everything seems to be going wrong. I believe that happy girls are the prettiest girls. I believe that tomorrow is another day and I believe in miracles.
    Audrey Hepburn
  • curlylauracurlylaura Posts: 8,352Registered Users
    CurleeDST wrote: »
    Let me rephrase - does he need my permission to buy gas? Umm, no. Does he need my permission to shop at Neimans and Saks - ummm YES!

    A new car, summer camp for the kids, etc.? Ummm YES! When something out of the ordinary is coming out of our checking account....he needs to consult with me.

    Same goes for investments - any stock purchases we discuss before we purchase them.

    We discuss if we plan to change contributions to our 401Ks.. because it impacts our future. Life insurance...if we pick up more or drop - we discuss it and make sure we agree on the tactic.
    curlylaura wrote: »
    CurleeDST wrote: »

    He consults with me on EVERYTHING and not a purchase is made without my consent PERIOD!


    I would be quite resentful if I had to have my partners consent to buy something. Sure i'd discuss a big purchase but wait for consent? hell no.

    Hmm, some of those are combined choices/expenses and a joint agreement is necessary.

    I'm guessing Saks is a shop? If so, he needs consent/permission to go shopping?

    Would you feel the same if he told you what you could spend money on? I'm pretty sure most women on this board would see that as controlling by the man (with the exception of car buying, school camp, white goods etc where a joint decision is best imo)
    Fat does not make you fat. It's actually pretty important.
  • mrspoppersmrspoppers Posts: 7,223Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    If both my husband and I were working full time and one made more than the other, I would expect that our money was equally shared between both of us. I would not expect the one earning more to get nicer things. That's ridiculous to me. Over the course of our 10-year marriage, I consistently earned more money than my husband until a couple of years ago. (Now we earn exactly the same.) However, we have both had periods of unemployment. I figure it's a wash over our lifetimes and I don't see the point of calculating who's making more at any given time.

    I feel that both people should contribute to the family. If one is the sole money-earner, the other person should contribute in other ways. In my world, that means one person earns the money and the other takes care of the home day-to-day. If I'm working full time and my husband is not working or in school full time, I think the house should be clean, the dogs fed, and my dinner cooking when I get home from work. If it were reversed, I would do the same for my husband.

    Of course, every marriage is different. This is one of those things you discuss before getting married so you're sure you're on the same page after.
    When are women going to face the fact that they don’t know their own bodies as well as men who have heard things?

    Don Langrick
    Bonsai Culturist
  • xcptnlxcptnl Posts: 15,678Registered Users
    I agree mrspoppers. If one person is home I feel that person would be doing more around the house-cooking laundry etc. I work from home and make close to a 6 figure salary but i have no issues doing laundry during the day and cooking dinners. It would seem odd to me if I waited for B to get home to do laundry.


    Sent from my iPhone using CurlTalk. Siri may be typing for me.
    Central Massachusetts

    One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends is that three out of four murders are committed by people who know the victim. ~George Carlin~

    In regards to Vagazzling: They just want to get into the goods without worrying about getting scratched up by fake crystals. ~spring1onu~
  • JosephineJosephine Posts: 14,175Registered Users
    I don't believe in roles or sexism, so no. I definitely don't believe whoever makes more gets more, is that a marriage/team or is that more like a roommate situation? That being said, this is why I prefer to be with a guy that makes not too much less than me or obviously more would be nice. I wouldn't feel right about travelling alone or having nice things while he doesn't, I would share, and that would mean less for me which is something I'm not interested in right now. I like where I am right now, I don't make that much money where I can pay more for a partner and my lifestyle not be majorly impacted, and that is important to me.

    As for moving, I think that should be a joint decision. And naturally if lifestyle is improved dramatically because of moving that would be a big factor and reason to do so, that is just common sense. Traditionally it was usually for the man's job but not so much anymore. I don't see why there is an issue if it is the wife vs the husband unless people are just that sexist.
  • RedCatWavesRedCatWaves Posts: 31,258Registered Users
    My husband earns more than me. So what? Our money is just that...ours. He always treats it as ours, and doesn't take anything for granted that he's special or deserves more just because he earns the money. He even goes farther than that and says that he is able to earn more money because he has me at home, enabling him to put more of his attention in work versus having to worry about running the household. That doesn't mean I have more chores...only that I have more responsiblity for making sure the chores get done...and that entails assigning chores to him as well.

    If things were reversed and I earned more, it wouldn't change the dynamics of our relationship. If I won the lottery tomorrow, that money would still be ours, not mine. That's what marriage is...complete sharing of assets...in my view anyway. We both have rights and responsibilities to our community property.
  • CurleeDSTCurleeDST Posts: 467Registered Users
    The site is nice and so is the page but what strikes me is the contrast of his and mine. When you are married it is yours so I do not understand why the distinction is constantly pointed out and made.

    parislarue wrote: »
    The Facebook page appears pretty insightful. She addresses issues that may arise in a marriage when the women is the high-income earner. Doesn't appear to male bash. Overall, seems like a nice site. I wonder how much traffic the site gets. Wonder how many males appreciate their SO putting their "biz" out in the public square though.
    I am a 3c/4a with medium/fine strands
    No strict haircare regimen - trying my hand at the Curly Girl Method.

    Fitness Blog: /home/leaving?target=http%3A%2F%2Ffemmefitalefitclub.com%2F" class="Popup
    Check out the Femme Fitale Facebook page: facebook.com/FemmeFitaleFitness
  • CurleeDSTCurleeDST Posts: 467Registered Users
    My husband and I talked about winning the lottery. He was playing, I wasn't. The mega million ticket was purchased 3 miles from our home. Eventhough he played there were members from his and my family we said we would help out.

    Why my family too? Because the winnings would be OURS!
    I am a 3c/4a with medium/fine strands
    No strict haircare regimen - trying my hand at the Curly Girl Method.

    Fitness Blog: /home/leaving?target=http%3A%2F%2Ffemmefitalefitclub.com%2F" class="Popup
    Check out the Femme Fitale Facebook page: facebook.com/FemmeFitaleFitness
  • CurleeDSTCurleeDST Posts: 467Registered Users
    I blended the 2 topics because the main driver of this entire discourse is money. And when there is so much emphasis placed on money I am going to start focusing on how well you manage it.

    When it has been revealed you are not managing it well or have some shady practices...that invalidates your opinion on the topic because it has been revealed in my own assessment you have no clue what you are doing so I will stop listening to you talking about it in any form or context.
    CurleeDST wrote: »
    Does he need my permission to shop at Neimans and Saks - ummm YES!

    This would never fly with me :lol:


    I feel like this is two very seperate topics. A woman making more in a relationship and a couple obviously living beyonf their means (having people over for pizza and asking for money), unless they don't share their finances at all?

    As far as dinamics changing if the woman is making more, I think its very individual to every couple. I know two couples where the man stays home with the kids. They do the majority of the cooking cleaning, shopping, volunteering at school, etc and love it.

    If both are working, but the woman is working more (going with the op and she's a Dr), then the guy will have to put in more around the house. No different then if roles are flipped and the man is at work more and the wife may need to do more at home.

    I don't know that its so much role reversal as just team worw within the marriage.
    I am a 3c/4a with medium/fine strands
    No strict haircare regimen - trying my hand at the Curly Girl Method.

    Fitness Blog: /home/leaving?target=http%3A%2F%2Ffemmefitalefitclub.com%2F" class="Popup
    Check out the Femme Fitale Facebook page: facebook.com/FemmeFitaleFitness
  • nynaeve77nynaeve77 Posts: 7,135Registered Users
    I don't think roles should change based on who makes more. But if one person doesn't work or only works parttime, then that person should do more of the household chores/childcare.

    I also feel like when a person works (a paying job), there are certain things that person deserves to have that a non-income producing person doesn't...such as better clothes, a better car, more money to spend eating out at restaurants, more professional services, etc. That is, if there aren't sufficient resources for both to indulge equally. Whe money is an issue, the wage earner should have the edge bc there are certain expectations and needs that go along with having to go to work every day that a person who stays home usually doesn't encounter (e.g., if you stay home, you have more time to cook your own lunch, if you stay home you have less need for expensive new clothes.)

    Other than that, I think the personalities of each person and their goals as a family should dictate who does what and where they live, etc.)

    Not sure what you mean by:
    constantly reminds my husband how he took her money
    It took me a couple days to put my finger on why exactly that rubbed me the wrong way, and I finally can express it. It makes being the stay-at-home person seem like they should be an indentured servant instead of an equal partner in the relationship. A stay-at-home spouse isn't the hired help; they are (or should be) treated as an equal in the marriage. Just because you stay home or work from home doesn't mean that you aren't as valuable to the marriage as the person who earns more money. In many ways, the person who stays home is more so because very often what they do in keeping a home, raising the kids, etc. saves the family money that they would have to pay to others to fulfill the same functions. I don't think I could be married to someone who thought they were entitled to designer clothes, the latest gadgets, and an awesome car while I was dressed in Walmart clothes and drove a beater. I'd feel undervalued, to put it mildly. A family is a unit and everyone in it should share resources comparably.
    "Maybe Lucy's right. Of all the Charlie Browns in the world, you're the Charlie Browniest."--Linus, A Charlie Brown Christmas


    My fotki: /home/leaving?target=http%3A%2F%2Fpublic.fotki.com%2Fnynaeve77%2F" class="Popup
    Password: orphanannie
  • dia99dia99 Posts: 1,998Registered Users
    I agree with spiderlashes. I don't think it's about whether the person at home is worth less. The point is about the person who works outside the home typically having more of a need for the specific monetary items/activities spiderlashes mentioned, as a function of daily work activities. I would feel the same way whether I worked outside of the home or worked to take care of the home.

    Clothing - "If there aren't sufficient resources for both to indulge equally," as spiderlashes wrote, it makes sense to me that the person who has to present themselves as a professional outside the home, and is being held to a standard for dress which is usually documented or inferred as being more formal as salaries increase, would use a greater portion of any available clothing dollars to meet those needs. If I was home everyday, I wouldn't need to wear suits, heels, etc. to the extent I wear for work (or need to at all even if I like them).

    Cars - Depending on the job, you are expected to present a certain level of social class, which can include what you drive. Forgetting presentation, if we have two cars and I have to drive to the office daily and you stay home and maybe need to drive once or twice a week, it makes sense for me to use the nicer/newer/more fuel efficient car.

    If there are sufficient resources, everyone gets whatever they want. If not, resources should be divided equitably based on need, not equally just because everything belongs to us. I think spiderlashes was being practical rather than selfish.
    People rise to the standard expected of them. GC
  • wild~hairwild~hair Posts: 9,890Registered Users
    I think the word SL used -- "deserves" -- is quite loaded. The person working outside the home NEEDS certain things to present themselves well professionally. It has nothing to do with who deserves it, IMO.
  • dia99dia99 Posts: 1,998Registered Users
    wild~hair wrote: »
    I think the word SL used -- "deserves" -- is quite loaded. The person working outside the home NEEDS certain things to present themselves well professionally. It has nothing to do with who deserves it, IMO.

    You're right, that word can be loaded. In the scarcity of resources context, I think deserve or need are both fine as long as someone else is saying it about a hypothetical couple rather than one part of a real couple saying it about her or himself :).
    People rise to the standard expected of them. GC
  • sleepymekosleepymeko Posts: 1,002Registered Users
    I don't really agree with everyone 100% on this.

    While, I do agree that money should be shared, not all my money will be my husband's money. I do plan on putting SOME money into a joint account, but most of it will be going into my own separate account. Yes, we're married. But my money is my money. As long as the bills are paid (equally so, unless one makes more than the other then we can work something out that would be fair to the both of us), but that money is mine! xD

    Things like bills and grocery shopping will OFC be taken out of the joint account. But things like me buying things for myself (or others for that matter) will be taken out of my account. I wouldn't want my husband using our joint account to buy new rims! He can use his own money for that kind of ish

    IDK. I disagree with the notion that it should be "our" money. I worked hard for my money and if the bills are paid I should be able to buy myself a pair of shoes without hearing complaints.
    Check out my personal blog :afro:



    s-event.png
  • RedCatWavesRedCatWaves Posts: 31,258Registered Users
    If you feel that way, you'll need to write a prenup agreement before getting married, because the laws in most states consider most marital assets and incomes to be community property.

    sleepymeko wrote: »
    I don't really agree with everyone 100% on this.

    While, I do agree that money should be shared, not all my money will be my husband's money. I do plan on putting SOME money into a joint account, but most of it will be going into my own separate account. Yes, we're married. But my money is my money. As long as the bills are paid (equally so, unless one makes more than the other then we can work something out that would be fair to the both of us), but that money is mine! xD

    Things like bills and grocery shopping will OFC be taken out of the joint account. But things like me buying things for myself (or others for that matter) will be taken out of my account. I wouldn't want my husband using our joint account to buy new rims! He can use his own money for that kind of ish

    IDK. I disagree with the notion that it should be "our" money. I worked hard for my money and if the bills are paid I should be able to buy myself a pair of shoes without hearing complaints.
«1