CurlTalk

Are you mean?

The New BlackThe New Black Posts: 16,738Registered Users
Yes? No? Other?

Feel free to elaborate.
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  • theliothelio Posts: 5,374Registered Users
    I use to be, now i cant even stomach when other's are mean.
  • nynaeve77nynaeve77 Posts: 7,135Registered Users
    Generally, no.
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  • rouquinnerouquinne Posts: 13,498Registered Users Curl Dabbler
    some people tell me i am.

    other people would laugh uproariously if anyone characterized me that way.

    so i'm not sure...

    :angel12:
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  • papayahedpapayahed Posts: 1,282Registered Users
    Not on purpose.

    Now I can be direct and demanding, people might istake that for mean so I'm not sure.
  • xcptnlxcptnl Posts: 15,678Registered Users
    Not mean. But sometimes I do not have empathy for people. That is usually when I feel they could do something to change their situation but all they do is complain.


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  • NetGNetG Posts: 8,116Registered Users
    papayahed wrote: »
    Not on purpose.

    Now I can be direct and demanding, people might istake that for mean so I'm not sure.

    I don't think I'm mean.

    People definitely will mistake me asking for what I want and correcting something which affects me as mean. (Simple example: You want to park in such a way that I can't get my truck out of its spot? I will ask you to fix it, without inappropriate language or an overly rude tone of voice.)

    I DO NOT intentionally hurt people. There are situations where doing the right thing may hurt someone, but in those cases it's a matter of not being able to avoid it. (Sorry, I won't see you anymore even though you really like me... sorry it hurts your feelings.) I tease people, but if I have a sense they are sensitive about something I specifically do NOT tease them about that.

    I try not to judge others, as I can't know what it's like to be them. I'm human, so of course sometimes I fail at that.


    I consider the mean people those who lack empathy for others at all and intentionally hurt others for their own enjoyment.
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  • irociroc Posts: 7,890Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    No. Not at all.

    I wish I was. There are times when I should be and I'm not. I'm very nice to strangers I see. I smile and make small talk. I'm trying to get away from that. Why do I feel obligated? Most people aren't nice to me.

    I usually put other people first, and myself last. I dont like it.

    I wish I was mean.

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  • PoodleheadPoodlehead Posts: 6,959Registered Users
    Most people would characterize me as nice. I have definite snarky moments, though.
    Minneapolis, MN
  • LAwomanLAwoman Posts: 2,949Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    No. But I don't tolerate foolishness, either.
  • LisaLisaLisaLisa Posts: 42Registered Users
    Depends on who you ask. LOL. I know I can have a mean streak. I am blunt and don't hide my emotions or opinions in very well. So when I say something, a sensitive person might get upset but another less sensitive person may not. What's the saying? "It is what it is." You take what I say or leave it.
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  • legendslegends Posts: 3,073Registered Users
    If I think someone deserves it, then yes, I'll be deliberately mean. And I'm definitely mean in my head.* But, while I don't think I'm particularly nice, since I think "nice" requires a lot more effort than I'm willing to exert, I'm not a mean person in my interactions with people. I'm usually too lazy for confrontation with people I don't know well, so most people categorize me as nice.

    *One of my closest friends, when I was *****ing about how I often get harassed by proselytizers and why does it happen so often to me, said, "You look and act nicer than you are, that's the problem." She knows me so well! :love8:
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  • KilajoKilajo Posts: 786Registered Users
    My kids tell me I'm mean every day. But, I think I'm quite nice.

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  • SCGSCG Posts: 5,416Registered Users
    I'm not mean on purpose. However, I'm definitely not "sweet" so I automatically get characterized as being "mean" - as if there isn't some sort of a middle ground. *eye roll*

    I think I just have a no-nonsense personality, and some people just can't seem to cope with that and/or accept it, so they feel the need to characterize me in a way that makes them feel better about themselves.

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  • spiderlashes5000spiderlashes5000 Posts: 17,495Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    My bark is worse than my bite. I'm really a big softie.

  • roseannadanaroseannadana Posts: 5,632Registered Users
    No I am not mean. My husband says I am too nice but I don't think that is a fault.

    This is a timely topic. I just saw a story on CBS This Morning about how there is evidence that "niceness" is in your DNA.

    I was born to be a pessimist. My blood type is B Negative.
  • divegirldivegirl Posts: 1,286Registered Users
    LAwoman wrote: »
    No. But I don't tolerate foolishness, either.

    This.

    I am extremely generous with my friends and family, and they with me. I have had to curb that trait with acquaintances and strangers due to being taken advantage of, but I'm not mean about it at all.
  • cmb4314cmb4314 Posts: 984Registered Users
    No I am not mean. My husband says I am too nice but I don't think that is a fault.

    My husband says I'm too nice as well.

    I don't like to cause conflict or hurt feelings. I have gotten more assertive as I've gotten older, which I think is a confidence thing.

    I sometimes think I need to be meaner, because I build up a lot of internal anger at times because I'm too nice to say anything when someone is really frustrating me.




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  • SariaSaria Posts: 15,963Registered Users
    Yeah, sure.

    Truth is I think I'm nice, but I get told I'm mean.
    Like, I'll answer a question as matter-of-factly as possible and I get the "that's so mean" reaction and I'll be left puzzled as to how my answer was mean.
    For example, I mentioned this one guy who seems to be a ladies' man and I just don't get it because he's super short and not possessing what could be called a handsome face. Apparently that's mean. :dontknow:

    Really I'm not very friendly most of the time, which is different than not being nice in my book. A lot of people are friendly enough, but will not hesitate to cut a *****. I'm pretty much the opposite. It can take a while to make me warm up to you, but even if I don't, I'm not one to try to screw anyone over or try to hurt anyone's feelings.

    I don't care for people (read: men) trying to make mindless small talk and throw flattery at me to get in good with me. I'm pretty damn honest (I'm a terrible liar), and I have my temper, my snark, and just generally don't suffer fools.

    And actually, the people who get me are often puzzled and will defend me when someone points out how "mean" I am. I've had it happen a few times and the reaction is usually "she's so nice" or "she's one of the nicest people I know" because they just know what I'm like and that mostly I just don't feel the need to be "in" with everyone (or most people really).
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  • SpringcurlSpringcurl Posts: 8,002Registered Users
    NetG wrote: »
    papayahed wrote: »
    Not on purpose.

    Now I can be direct and demanding, people might istake that for mean so I'm not sure.

    I don't think I'm mean.

    People definitely will mistake me asking for what I want and correcting something which affects me as mean. (Simple example: You want to park in such a way that I can't get my truck out of its spot? I will ask you to fix it, without inappropriate language or an overly rude tone of voice.)

    I DO NOT intentionally hurt people. There are situations where doing the right thing may hurt someone, but in those cases it's a matter of not being able to avoid it. (Sorry, I won't see you anymore even though you really like me... sorry it hurts your feelings.) I tease people, but if I have a sense they are sensitive about something I specifically do NOT tease them about that.

    I try not to judge others, as I can't know what it's like to be them. I'm human, so of course sometimes I fail at that.


    I consider the mean people those who lack empathy for others at all and intentionally hurt others for their own enjoyment.
    Me to a T.




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  • DedachanDedachan Posts: 1,644Registered Users
    cmb4314 wrote: »

    I sometimes think I need to be meaner, because I build up a lot of internal anger at times because I'm too nice to say anything when someone is really frustrating me.

    Exactly how I feel.
  • JosephineJosephine Posts: 14,175Registered Users
    Definitely not, I think I'm too nice sometimes. But superficially, yes I am told I'm mean because of my communication style(direct, don't show emotion easily, shy, lacking certain social skills that people need). In general people close to me always joke I am mean.
  • NejNej Posts: 2,444Registered Users
    No. I don't have a mean bone in my body. I try to stand up for myself and I always take the higher road, treat everyone with empathy and compassion, and do the right thing.

    Sometimes I wonder if it's a defense mechanism I developed to feel better about myself. Sometimes people deserve to be taken down a few notches and I wish I had it in me to be a honey badger every now and then.
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  • Like.AustraliaLike.Australia Posts: 2,544Registered Users
    Eh. I'm a nice person, but I don't go out of my way to talk to people or even smile at them if I'm not in the mood. I'm not terribly social in general and don't get the appeal of chitchatting, so people have told me I come off as snobby or mean. Maybe I'm even meaner than I thought because I don't care? *shrug*
  • Fifi.GFifi.G Posts: 15,490Registered Users
    No. Im just me. I base everything on my interactions with people. I approach them with kindness knowing full and well that I might not get it in return and that many people out there are "fake nice" and some are truly genuine. If you are good to me in return, it's very nice to meet you. I wont turn down a potential friend. If you are mean when I have personally done nothing to you, I'll see you on the flip side.

    People have perceived me as being mean at times and I've had no idea how they came to that conclusion. most of what I say and do comes from a good place, based on my experiences/thoughts. It might be a bit more direct than some are used to, but that's just coming with age. I don't care to play around.

    For example, A guy I know asked me out on a date. He is a very nice guy but I am not attracted to him. There is nothing there that "clicks", and I am also distantly related to him. Something I didn't find out until shortly before he asked me out, and I doubt he knew this himself. I thanked him for asking me out but simply said no. According to everyone that heard about it (thanks to a by stander) I was a horribly mean person. I don't understand this. To me, pretending to be interested, accepting, and giving him a sense of false hope would be cruel. I like him too much as a person to do that.

    I've also known people who others thought were mean as a snake, but they are not. Their personality can come across as very "fake rude". Lol. People view, say and do things differently. I'm pretty laid back when it comes to the differences in human beings. Now if you try to personally attack those I love, or me, for no real reason, you'll meet mean Fifi. She's a ***** on wheels.
    When I hear terms like "hipster" I think, who told cliques they could leave high school??

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  • JosephineJosephine Posts: 14,175Registered Users
    Saria wrote: »
    Yeah, sure.

    Truth is I think I'm nice, but I get told I'm mean.
    Like, I'll answer a question as matter-of-factly as possible and I get the "that's so mean" reaction and I'll be left puzzled as to how my answer was mean.
    For example, I mentioned this one guy who seems to be a ladies' man and I just don't get it because he's super short and not possessing what could be called a handsome face. Apparently that's mean. :dontknow:

    Really I'm not very friendly most of the time, which is different than not being nice in my book. A lot of people are friendly enough, but will not hesitate to cut a *****. I'm pretty much the opposite. It can take a while to make me warm up to you, but even if I don't, I'm not one to try to screw anyone over or try to hurt anyone's feelings.

    I don't care for people (read: men) trying to make mindless small talk and throw flattery at me to get in good with me. I'm pretty damn honest (I'm a terrible liar), and I have my temper, my snark, and just generally don't suffer fools.

    And actually, the people who get me are often puzzled and will defend me when someone points out how "mean" I am. I've had it happen a few times and the reaction is usually "she's so nice" or "she's one of the nicest people I know" because they just know what I'm like and that mostly I just don't feel the need to be "in" with everyone (or most people really).

    This is pretty much exactly how I am.
  • cymprenicympreni Posts: 9,609Registered Users
    .
  • fraufrau Posts: 6,130Registered Users
    yes, i am mean, to my family members mostly.
    my daughter says i'm evil, but mean is a fair description.
    i tend to judge and criticize.
  • The New BlackThe New Black Posts: 16,738Registered Users
    legends wrote: »
    If I think someone deserves it, then yes, I'll be deliberately mean. And I'm definitely mean in my head.* But, while I don't think I'm particularly nice, since I think "nice" requires a lot more effort than I'm willing to exert, I'm not a mean person in my interactions with people. I'm usually too lazy for confrontation with people I don't know well, so most people categorize me as nice.

    *One of my closest friends, when I was *****ing about how I often get harassed by proselytizers and why does it happen so often to me, said, "You look and act nicer than you are, that's the problem." She knows me so well! :love8:
    Lord, you're honest!
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    I am the new Black.

    "Hope the Mail are saving space tomorrow for Samantha Brick's reaction piece on the reactions to her piece about the reactions to her piece." ~ Tweet reposted by Rou.
  • LadyV69LadyV69 Posts: 3,397Registered Users
    To strangers, certain family members and probably co-workers, I'm a no nonsense person. To friends and some family members, I'm as sweet as sugar. When I was younger, I was nice and meek to everyone and people tended to walk all over me and I got taken advantage of because I didn't know how to stand up for myself. Once I started setting some boundaries and started standing up for myself, some people (particularly some family) began labeling me a mean *****, which proves that women who defy the social norm of being "nice" can end up with negative social consequences and that our socialization to be nice only serves to hold us down. There are still times when I have trouble confronting someone but not as often as I used to.
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  • M2LRM2LR Posts: 8,630Registered Users
    I know some people (here) would disagree, but no, I am not mean.

    I think I am of the mind that I hve a very hard time deal with stupidity or people that complain about the same stuff over and over and over again. I don't get 'enjoyment' in terms of telling people what I think, even if it tends to be blunt or rude. I think that if they are asking for an honest opinion or advice, that's what I am giving them. Sure, that might come off as mean.

    I know I was mean when I was younger. Esp to my brother. heck, I'm still mean to him now sometimes but moreso because he can be a real dumba** sometimes.



    My kids think I am mean.
    :rambo:
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