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How should I interpret this?

slinky1slinky1 BannedPosts: 1,612Banned Users
Mom: I don't blame people who commit suicide if they're in some kind of severe pain and they can't take it anymore.
Me: You go to church every week and this is what you believe? I don't agree.
Mom: *repeats above*
Me: That's how I feel in my life.
Mom: I know.

To me, this woman is the phoniest, ugliest, most disgustingly self-involved and self-serving woman I've ever met.
;)

Comments

  • SpiderSpider Posts: 3,380Registered Users
    Is there more to this? I guess I'm not seeing the harsh conclusion. One can attend church and still have their own personal opinion, especially on something as personal and painful as suicide.

    ETA. I re-read your post and I think
    your reaction is that you imply you're in enough pain to consider suicide as a way to end it ? and she
    Don't let your heart be broken. Let it love.
  • slinky1slinky1 Banned Posts: 1,612Banned Users
    She's been saying this a lot. I believe she's insinuating that I commit suicide. But, I also believe she's either mentally ill or demented. I wish I could get a brain scan for her.
    ;)
  • CanItBeChristineCanItBeChristine Posts: 6,343Registered Users
    I understand what you mean, and, at heart, you WANT your mom to know how you're feeling and to be worried like crazy about you. That's exactly how I feel right now...I've been struggling with really bad, scary depression for a while and my mom blows off my problems all the time because they're not as bad as her money problems or her relationship problems. I want my mom to say, "I am SO worried about you and I'll do anything I can to help you" but she's not. I feel like she doesn't care.
  • redcelticcurlsredcelticcurls Posts: 17,502Registered Users
    Are we missing some back story here, because I don't see the issue with her statement.


    Siri types my posts for me.
    Kiva! Microfinance works.

    Med/Coarse, porous curly.
  • roseannadanaroseannadana Posts: 5,632Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    I don't think you need to focus on interpreting what she may or may not have meant. It was just the thoughtless comment of a woman you've already said is self-involved. It wasn't about you.

    I was born to be a pessimist. My blood type is B Negative.
  • amandamarieamandamarie Posts: 240Registered Users
    Do you think there's a chance she's trying to let you know, not that you should commit suicide, but that she understands you're going through something very, very painful and that she doesn't want to minimize your pain or make you feel as though you should just be able to get over it? I have a hard time believing there are many mothers who would try to goad their children into suicide.
    2a/b (really thick but sort of fine with pretty weak waves), medium-to-fine texture, normal porosity (I think). Doesn't seem to like protein.

    Favorite products: Kinky-Curly Knot Today, Kinky-Curly Curling Custard, Curl Junkie Curls in a Bottle, Curl Junkie Curl Rehab, Curl Junkie Curl Assurance Smoothing Lotion, Shea Moisture Curl and Style Milk, homemade flaxseed gel.

    Still looking for a cleanser I like. :dontknow:
  • CanItBeChristineCanItBeChristine Posts: 6,343Registered Users
    Are we missing some back story here, because I don't see the issue with her statement.


    Siri types my posts for me.

    I think it's pretty obvious. Slinky's mom said she understands if people who are in a lot of pain every day commit suicide. Slinky responded that she is in a lot of pain every day of her life, and Slinky's mom responded that she knows that, meaning that, indirectly, she would understand if Slinky wanted to commit suicide.

    It's the casual "I know" that sounds careless/insensitive. Unless this conversation went on and on and Mom said something like, "I know, and it terrifies me to think you'd ever want to end your life and I'll do what I can to get you all the help you need so you're not in pain"...then I would be hurt as well.
  • CanItBeChristineCanItBeChristine Posts: 6,343Registered Users
    Do you think there's a chance she's trying to let you know, not that you should commit suicide, but that she understands you're going through something very, very painful and that she doesn't want to minimize your pain or make you feel as though you should just be able to get over it? I have a hard time believing there are many mothers who would try to goad their children into suicide.

    That's what I was hoping, too.

    There's also the chance that she's just writing you off as being dramatic or trying to get attention...but even if that's the case, then she should STILL be concerned and realized you're doing things or saying them for a reason, as a cry for help.
  • subbrocksubbrock Posts: 8,212Registered Users
    Are we missing some back story here, because I don't see the issue with her statement.


    Siri types my posts for me.

    I think it's pretty obvious. Slinky's mom said she understands if people who are in a lot of pain every day commit suicide. Slinky responded that she is in a lot of pain every day of her life, and Slinky's mom responded that she knows that, meaning that, indirectly, she would understand if Slinky wanted to commit suicide.

    It's the casual "I know" that sounds careless/insensitive. Unless this conversation went on and on and Mom said something like, "I know, and it terrifies me to think you'd ever want to end your life and I'll do what I can to get you all the help you need so you're not in pain"...then I would be hurt as well.

    I dont/didn't know the back story and I took slinky's comment to mean that she disgrees with how her mom feels about suicide not and the "I know" as "Yes I know you disagree with me about suicide." So I totally understood RCC's comment.

    Blame it on the cell phone...
  • redcelticcurlsredcelticcurls Posts: 17,502Registered Users
    Are we missing some back story here, because I don't see the issue with her statement.


    Siri types my posts for me.

    I think it's pretty obvious. Slinky's mom said she understands if people who are in a lot of pain every day commit suicide. Slinky responded that she is in a lot of pain every day of her life, and Slinky's mom responded that she knows that, meaning that, indirectly, she would understand if Slinky wanted to commit suicide.

    It's the casual "I know" that sounds careless/insensitive. Unless this conversation went on and on and Mom said something like, "I know, and it terrifies me to think you'd ever want to end your life and I'll do what I can to get you all the help you need so you're not in pain"...then I would be hurt as well.

    Slinky never mentioned her own pain in her post.


    Siri types my posts for me.
    Kiva! Microfinance works.

    Med/Coarse, porous curly.
  • CanItBeChristineCanItBeChristine Posts: 6,343Registered Users
    Are we missing some back story here, because I don't see the issue with her statement.


    Siri types my posts for me.

    I think it's pretty obvious. Slinky's mom said she understands if people who are in a lot of pain every day commit suicide. Slinky responded that she is in a lot of pain every day of her life, and Slinky's mom responded that she knows that, meaning that, indirectly, she would understand if Slinky wanted to commit suicide.

    It's the casual "I know" that sounds careless/insensitive. Unless this conversation went on and on and Mom said something like, "I know, and it terrifies me to think you'd ever want to end your life and I'll do what I can to get you all the help you need so you're not in pain"...then I would be hurt as well.

    Slinky never mentioned her own pain in her post.


    Siri types my posts for me.


    I took the "that's how I feel in my life" to mean that Slinky is in pain every day of her life, but maybe I'm wrong.
  • amandamarieamandamarie Posts: 240Registered Users
    Do you think there's a chance she's trying to let you know, not that you should commit suicide, but that she understands you're going through something very, very painful and that she doesn't want to minimize your pain or make you feel as though you should just be able to get over it? I have a hard time believing there are many mothers who would try to goad their children into suicide.

    That's what I was hoping, too.

    There's also the chance that she's just writing you off as being dramatic or trying to get attention...but even if that's the case, then she should STILL be concerned and realized you're doing things or saying them for a reason, as a cry for help.

    Agreed completely.

    I would be hurt in that conversation as well, for absolute sure, and am not trying to minimize the hurtfulness of it; it's not good either way, but I wanted to provide an alternate interpretation.
    2a/b (really thick but sort of fine with pretty weak waves), medium-to-fine texture, normal porosity (I think). Doesn't seem to like protein.

    Favorite products: Kinky-Curly Knot Today, Kinky-Curly Curling Custard, Curl Junkie Curls in a Bottle, Curl Junkie Curl Rehab, Curl Junkie Curl Assurance Smoothing Lotion, Shea Moisture Curl and Style Milk, homemade flaxseed gel.

    Still looking for a cleanser I like. :dontknow:
  • LAwomanLAwoman Posts: 2,949Registered Users Curl Neophyte

    I think it's pretty obvious. Slinky's mom said she understands if people who are in a lot of pain every day commit suicide. Slinky responded that she is in a lot of pain every day of her life, and Slinky's mom responded that she knows that, meaning that, indirectly, she would understand if Slinky wanted to commit suicide.

    It's the casual "I know" that sounds careless/insensitive. Unless this conversation went on and on and Mom said something like, "I know, and it terrifies me to think you'd ever want to end your life and I'll do what I can to get you all the help you need so you're not in pain"...then I would be hurt as well.

    Slinky never mentioned her own pain in her post.


    Siri types my posts for me.


    I took the "that's how I feel in my life" to mean that Slinky is in pain every day of her life, but maybe I'm wrong.

    I interpreted it the same way as you.

    Slinky I hope you are getting some professional help.
  • diasporadiaspora Posts: 596Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    Slinky, I'm sorry. Like you and CanItBeChristine (and I'm sure lots of others) I've had ongoing bouts of depression and anxiety that have led to several hospitalizations. It would be even harder if my mom didn't have some understanding and compassion for what I was going through. Hugs to you and I hope you have support, both professionally and otherwise, because your mother's sure not helping. Do you live with your mom? When we're in pain, we need all the help we can get, and that includes minimizing or abstaining from contact with people who make us feel worse.
    Formerly Urbancurl.
    Medium-high density, fine-medium, low-normal porosity, 3b/c, permanent color.
    CG, no heat, combs, brushes, parabens.
    Fall/Winter HG=Alba Botanica Soft Hold Style Cream.
    Spring/Summer HG=MGA Sculpting Gel
    Current fave LI=Madre Labs Made by Nature for Baby Conditioner.
    Limit oils, butters, glycerin.
  • slinky1slinky1 Banned Posts: 1,612Banned Users
    My mother knows full well what my life has been like with physical health and related emotional issues. I don't have to mention things to her or try to get attention. She's always been the type of person who would be in a funk for 3 weeks if someone said some benign thing to her...all crying and beyotchy. She's also vain to the point where if she had a rash on her neck where no one could see, she'd fall into a deep depression and bark at anyone who tried to look at it. And the rash would be the focus of her conversation for weeks on end...like it was a cancer.

    She's just a selfish person. I think that she's getting demented like her mother and grandfather did at her age and verbalizing things that she normally would not. I tell her this, and she tries to retaliate by bad-mouthing me to friends and anyone she can get ahold of. Just pi$$es me off. I know I should know better, but it just pi$$es me off and I want to be wrong about all of this.
    ;)
  • slinky1slinky1 Banned Posts: 1,612Banned Users
    My heart goes out to all of you who have struggled with personal and mother issues.

    I'm also angry because my father wants to be in denial about my mother. Even though he knows she says things that don't make sense, he just wants to go on with life and have me act like nothing's wrong. He tries so hard to believe that, and will even try to blame me for how she acts. I want to disassociate, but I feel they need my help, and that you shouldn't cut out the people who are supposed to care about you the most.
    ;)
  • NejNej Posts: 2,444Registered Users
    Can you ask her to elaborate?

    You can set healthy boundaries with people and still love and care about them very much. It's done to help heal you not to punish.
    anigif_enhanced-buzz-2027-1364839025-19.gif
  • diasporadiaspora Posts: 596Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    slinky1 wrote: »
    My heart goes out to all of you who have struggled with personal and mother issues.

    I'm also angry because my father wants to be in denial about my mother. Even though he knows she says things that don't make sense, he just wants to go on with life and have me act like nothing's wrong. He tries so hard to believe that, and will even try to blame me for how she acts. I want to disassociate, but I feel they need my help, and that you shouldn't cut out the people who are supposed to care about you the most.

    I don't know how old you are, but you are the child, they are your parents, you need their help, you shouldn't have to take care of them or their feelings. And I don't know nearly enough about your relationship with your parents to suggest anything much, but unfortunately, in some cases, not having contact with one of them (or both) for periods of time or forever is the healthiest option. Sometimes it's impossible to do this, like if you live with them or need them for financial support. But it's definitely ok to emotionally distance yourself from them if you think it will make you feel better. It's best to put yourself first.
    Formerly Urbancurl.
    Medium-high density, fine-medium, low-normal porosity, 3b/c, permanent color.
    CG, no heat, combs, brushes, parabens.
    Fall/Winter HG=Alba Botanica Soft Hold Style Cream.
    Spring/Summer HG=MGA Sculpting Gel
    Current fave LI=Madre Labs Made by Nature for Baby Conditioner.
    Limit oils, butters, glycerin.
  • slinky1slinky1 Banned Posts: 1,612Banned Users
    Yes, I did tell her how I felt about what she said right after she said it, and she just repeated the same thing over and over.

    I know I have to let it go.
    ;)
  • SpiderSpider Posts: 3,380Registered Users
    I'm sorry my comment was cut off - my app locked up. I'm even more sorry for your pain and suffering. I hope you are getting help to manage it as well as counseling.

    My initial comprehension was that you and your mom had different views about suicide and that she was hypocritical because she attends church.
    Don't let your heart be broken. Let it love.
  • NorahBuggNorahBugg Posts: 134Registered Users
    Spider wrote: »
    I'm sorry my comment was cut off - my app locked up. I'm even more sorry for your pain and suffering. I hope you are getting help to manage it as well as counseling.

    My initial comprehension was that you and your mom had different views about suicide and that she was hypocritical because she attends church.

    That's how I understood it, but I don't know your mom or what your relationship with her is like. If you're suicidal and need immediate help, you need to go to a hospital. If you feel like you have it under control and aren't in immediate danger, you still need to see a doctor pronto. If you've been seeking treatment, you need to get more aggressive with it or get another opinion b/c you shouldn't be having those thoughts.

    If your mother meant that in a malicious way, you should limit the time you spend around her. It sounds to me, at worst, she meant that if you do commit suicide, she believes that you won't be punished for it.
  • slinky1slinky1 Banned Posts: 1,612Banned Users
    No, I'm not suicidal, just going through really hard times. What she said just sounded very insensitive. And out of place, because her beliefs used to be more aligned with that of the Catholic church. You are used to being brought up with certain values, and then...

    I'm not sure if my mother was being passive-aggressive, or if she's just not 100% mentally present these days.

    I guess it is just a waste of energy being upset about this.
    ;)
  • BlackAngelPlayahBlackAngelPlayah Posts: 1,419Registered Users
    If you're a teen, I know how you feel. I've been where you are.

    But girl.., your mom don't want you to kill yourself. Parents never wanna believe this is their child. Wanting to die. Her comment didn't have anything to do with you. She was just saying... Period. It was not that deep. Tell her how you felt about her comment. And it'll be over.

    Jen :D




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