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Monogamy - an adult discussion

CocoaCoilyCocoaCoily Posts: 2,648Registered Users
Do you think that you'll be happy having sex with one person for the rest of your life?

I sometimes wonder about that, and I think I may have to ask my husband how he feels. And I wonder about the those couples who have "arrangements". Are they happy and are thier relationships solid?

Or, maybe I'm just weird for thinking about such things.
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Comments

  • PartyHairPartyHair Posts: 7,713Registered Users
    At this point in my life, I am happily a one-man woman. I can't even imagine wanting to be with someone else.
    *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

    Rock on with your bad self.

    *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

    Be excellent to each other. ~ Abraham Lincoln

    *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
  • internetchickinternetchick Posts: 6,191Registered Users
    For us, monogamy works.
  • yagottaloveyacurlsyagottaloveyacurls Posts: 5,766Registered Users
    We are monogamous but not monotonous.
    And really, I would say that I'm NOT going to be with the same person for the rest of my life, because we both change and evolve. He is not the same person he was 10 years ago, and neither am I. I think that's part of the magic in monogamy. To share that growth with a person. Being a part of something that is ever changing and expanding. It's interesting and exciting. Especially when you look back over the years...and see who you each were, and who you each are now, today. Anyway, it works for us. :)
  • internetchickinternetchick Posts: 6,191Registered Users
    We are monogamous but not monotonous.

    :lol: I like that.

    Great post BTW.
  • geekygeeky Posts: 4,995Registered Users
    CocoaCoily wrote:
    Do you think that you'll be happy having sex with one person for the rest of your life?

    I sometimes wonder about that, and I think I may have to ask my husband how he feels. And I wonder about the those couples who have "arrangements". Are they happy and are thier relationships solid?

    Or, maybe I'm just weird for thinking about such things.

    As far as couples who have arrangements, I think they are just like couples who don't have arrangements. Some of them are happy with solid relationships, some are not. I don't think monogamy and polyamory are the determining factor of relationships. Communication, generosity of spirit, honest self-assesment, empathy and patience are what it takes to make any relationship work.

    I don't know if I will be happy having sex with one person for the rest of my life. Right now I am. My husband and I have also theoretically discussed the idea of allowing others into the relationship. Neither of us is categorically opposed to it, but we're not in a place and time where it is more than just idle talk. I think going into a monogamous relationship with the idea that you will never want to have sex with another person again is asking for trouble. Every relationship has highs and lows and I think it's normal to think about sex with others occasionally. But in order for the monogamous relationship to succeed you choose not to act on those desires, and you choose to make your relationship a priority.
    To Trenell, MizKerri and geeky:
    I pray none of you ever has to live in a communist state.

    Geeky is my hero. She's the true badass. The badass who doesn't even need to be a badass. There aren't enough O's in cool to describe her.
  • three rivers curlythree rivers curly Posts: 994Registered Users
    I think monogamy is a choice. We choose to be monogamous because that is what works for us. I don't necessarily think that it is natural or even something that you have to do - but I do think it is a choice.
    Better everyone think your a fool, than to open your mouth and prove them right.

    Perception is not reality.

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  • PartyHairPartyHair Posts: 7,713Registered Users
    I think going into a monogamous relationship with the idea that you will never want to have sex with another person again is asking for trouble.

    Totally agree.
    *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

    Rock on with your bad self.

    *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

    Be excellent to each other. ~ Abraham Lincoln

    *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
  • bostonwavesbostonwaves Posts: 727Registered Users
    For me, once I found my husband, the thought of sleeping with someone else just doesn't enter my mind. It's not that I fight off the urge, it's just not appealing to me. I rather have none than have it with anyone else.
    But then again I'm an old married lady. :wink:
    "What's the good of having naturally curly hair if nobody's jealous?" Freida - Peanuts

    ~CG 8/06 ~
    fine, wavy - 2b/3a
    KCNT and KKCC
  • 2happy2happy Posts: 5,138Registered Users
    Yes. - But I'm old enough and have had enough life experience to know. Everyone is different as are their situations.
    Handle every stressful situation like a dog. If you can't eat it or hump it.....Piss on it and walk away.
    Location - WI
  • fraufrau Posts: 6,130Registered Users
    no.
  • CocoaCoilyCocoaCoily Posts: 2,648Registered Users
    Thanks ladies... I love getting other people's perspectives. I don't know how I feel about it.
  • Who Me?Who Me? Posts: 3,181Registered Users
    I think I have no problem with the idea of having sex with only one person for the rest of my life. I do have a problem with the idea of not hanging out with other guys, and flirting and stuff. I guess I'll just have to find a relationship that is right for me, where there's no problem hanging out with other people like that.
    "I don't know! I don't know why I did it, I don't know why I enjoyed it, and I don't know why I'll do it again!" -BART SIMPSON
  • hayseedladyhayseedlady Posts: 646Registered Users
    And I wonder about the those couples who have "arrangements". Are they happy and are thier relationships solid?

    I'm very happy and my relationship is very solid.
  • wonderdiana - shopaholic takes a napwonderdiana - shopaholic takes a nap Posts: 1,728Registered Users
    I think I'll be happy being with one person for the rest of my life. I think the sex gets better as a relationship goes on. I also think I am too jealous for *arragements*, as intriguing as they may be.
    2C/3A -- wurly!
  • zmanzzzzzmanzzzz Banned Posts: 3,826Banned Users
    im not in a relationship and enjoy my freedom. i could prolly settle with one girl if she were right.
  • SaKkehSaKkeh Posts: 986Registered Users
    CocoaCoily wrote:
    Do you think that you'll be happy having sex with one person for the rest of your life?

    I'm happy now, but there have been times when I've felt restless.
    Its all a matter of making a conscious decision to forsake all others so to speak. :wink:
    Generally, I dont think its natural to have sex with one person forever and ever amen. I think instinctively, we want to feel what its like to be with others --- BUT, in a civilised society, you chose a partner and do the couple thing, because its what's acceptable. And its whats safe too. Or safer, supposedly.

    I think people should enjoy being single, because once you are in a relationship, its next to impossible to think/act just for yourself anymore and as a human being, there will be times when you will crave that, no matter how happy you are in a relationship/marriage. I am happy with my partner, but there are the times when i just want to go home, leave my clothes on the floor and just 'be' without having to think about anything or anyone else. Its kind of like having children, and that added responsibility, I guess.
  • CurlyMireyaCurlyMireya Banned Posts: 956Banned Users
    Generally, I dont think its natural to have sex with one person forever and ever amen. I think instinctively, we want to feel what its like to be with others --- BUT, in a civilised society, you chose a partner and do the couple thing, because its what's acceptable. And its whats safe too. Or safer, supposedly.


    I agree with that. I have those conflicting feelings. Society is telling me one thing (though I would like to live with someone exclusively), but something is pushing me in the other direction.

    At 25, I'd like to get married, settle down, yada yada, sooner than later, but I think a lot of that desire comes from the fear of being an old maid. I'm with a great guy that I love, but there is also something inside telling me that this isn't the time or the right person. 25 just seems so young to decide that this is it, I'm with this person forever. At the same time I look around, and most women my age are married and starting families. I've never been one to sit back and watch others experience things before me.

    Maybe this is why so many marriages fall apart, because I can't be the only one feeling this way, with all of this conflict. I guess those who make it work have great control over their emotions and instincts.
    "I'm half Hispanic, half white, and look like an Indian." - Bill Richardson
  • solangesolange Posts: 2,539Registered Users
    After many years with my husband, I am still extremely happy with my choice and even more attracted to him than ever.

    I have no desire to be with anyone else. I may see other men that have one thing or another thing going for them, but for me he is the only one with the whole package.
    3C, BSL Unstretched -
  • rainshowerrainshower Posts: 4,420Registered Users
    how high on the list of importance is "variety in sex"?

    if i don't have the mindset to keep sex enjoyable and special with just my husband, then i'd probably also be thinking that sharing my home with just him; vacationing with just him; sharing nonphysical intimacy with just him; kissing and cuddling just him; sharing holidays with just him; and going to shows/dinner/movies (dating just him), etc., would also not keep me completely satisfied for the rest of my life.

    i don't know how i could single out sex while not considering the other aspects of our relationship.

    and if i'm that unsure, i never should have gotten married to begin with.
    "Dogs stink too, but I like dog stink." ~ rileyb
  • picklesgirlpicklesgirl Posts: 1,955Registered Users
    And I wonder about the those couples who have "arrangements". Are they happy and are thier relationships solid?

    I'm very happy and my relationship is very solid.

    details please :wink:
  • hayseedladyhayseedlady Posts: 646Registered Users
    It's hard to pinpoint where I'm at right now. I've changed a few things in my life and have headed into a different direction.

    Right now I'd say I want more of a poly relationship.

    People in the lifestyle have started to scare me.
  • JosephineJosephine Posts: 14,175Registered Users
    zmanzzzz wrote:
    im not in a relationship and enjoy my freedom. i could prolly settle with one girl if she were right.

    Same here, except substitute girl for boy. I sometimes wonder though if I'd only been with one person my whole life if I'd be happy and wonder how other guys would be like. I was already doing it towards the end of my 5 year relationship with my ex. I think now I'd like to say I'd be okay with settling down with one person only since I've done something with my oats(dont know the correct saying :D).
  • RheannaRheanna Posts: 2,614Registered Users
    Josephine wrote:
    zmanzzzz wrote:
    im not in a relationship and enjoy my freedom. i could prolly settle with one girl if she were right.

    Same here, except substitute girl for boy. I sometimes wonder though if I'd only been with one person my whole life if I'd be happy and wonder how other guys would be like. I was already doing it towards the end of my 5 year relationship with my ex. I think now I'd like to say I'd be okay with settling down with one person only since I've done something with my oats(dont know the correct saying :D).

    Sow your wild oats? :)
    DPTFm5.png
  • MegaraMegara Posts: 424Registered Users
    I wouldn't dream of being with anyone else. I'm happy and satisfied, and if I wasn't, I wouldn't be with him. And I'm pretty sure he feels the same way, although I don't know if we've expressly ever had this conversation.
    If I wasn't ready to settle down, I wouldn't have. I know many people why settled down too soon then got divorced over infidelity or whatever.
    I'm a one man kind of girl, and I love the one man I have.
    pw:curls

    To quote wild_sasparilla:
    'Thou shaketh it a little and it feeleth alright.'
  • Oregano  (formerly babywavy)Oregano (formerly babywavy) Posts: 5,297Registered Users
    Right now in my life I couldn't imagine being with anyone else - but that's because no one else of interest is around.

    Basically I feel that most people are okay with monogamy, and when it gets to a point where they feel they want to experience more, it's because there's a certain someone in mind that they want to experience it with.

    In any relationship, if I'm happy with the relationship, sexually AND emotionally, I'm not going to have a reason to feel restless, however, if I have my eye on someone, I'm going to feel suddenly unfullfilled in my current relationship. And this is when the trust of marriage, and vows come in. Once you feel this way, you need to remove yourself from the object of restlessness. It's the only responsible way to handle yourself if you're in a monogamous relationship.

    I totally agree w/ what TRC said about monogamy being a choice.
    ~ the artist formerly known as babywavy ~

    Please excuse any typos. For the time being, we are blaming it on my computer.
  • WileE-DeadWileE-Dead Banned Posts: 24,963Banned Users
    We are monogamous but not monotonous.

    :lol: I like that.

    Great post BTW.
    Yep
    Just check out my kid thread...lol
    
    And I gotta agree w/ bostonwaves too.
    0004.gif

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  • MephistoMephisto Posts: 555Registered Users
    I guess sex with a lot of people might be fun and exciting to some, and perhaps does work with some... but for me, the best and finest sex comes with my SO and all of the feelings that go with the whole of the partnership.

    If you want to experience a variety of sex, change positions, change outfits, whatever. Or stay single.

    She is looking over my shoulder and saying, CHANGE OUTFITS?!?!?! HA!!! YOU NEVER EVEN HAVE AN OUTFIT ON FOR ME!!!

    Guess I'll have to go with body paints or something. :?
    The good people do is interred with their bones. Their mistakes live on forever...
  • Oregano  (formerly babywavy)Oregano (formerly babywavy) Posts: 5,297Registered Users
    Mephisto wrote:
    I guess sex with a lot of people might be fun and exciting to some, and perhaps does work with some... but for me, the best and finest sex comes with my SO and all of the feelings that go with the whole of the partnership.

    If you want to experience a variety of sex, change positions, change outfits, whatever. Or stay single.

    She is looking over my shoulder and saying, CHANGE OUTFITS?!?!?! HA!!! YOU NEVER EVEN HAVE AN OUTFIT ON FOR ME!!!

    Guess I'll have to go with body paints or something. :?


    I'm always shocked to hear how many couples stay in one position throughout set. That's mind boggling to me.

    But maybe you should dress up in a little french maids outfit for her. :wink:

    Dh just shaved all his facial hair off last night, and it's totally freaking me out. I'm not in the mood right now b/c I'm really sick, but he keeps playing this 'little boy who needs to be taught' angle with me right now.

    He looks so young, I feel like I'm going to be arrested. :lol:
    ~ the artist formerly known as babywavy ~

    Please excuse any typos. For the time being, we are blaming it on my computer.
  • FoxyCurl2FoxyCurl2 Posts: 136Registered Users
    I'm married to a good man but I don't think it's enough. I'm definitely restless. I don't know how to get rid of the feeling.
    I have been wondering if I'm capable of being with one person for the rest of my life.
  • MephistoMephisto Posts: 555Registered Users
    FoxyCurl2 wrote:
    I'm married to a good man but I don't think it's enough. I'm definitely restless. I don't know how to get rid of the feeling.
    I have been wondering if I'm capable of being with one person for the rest of my life.

    Seems a bit late for that now. :lol:
    The good people do is interred with their bones. Their mistakes live on forever...
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