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Any LGBT Curlies?

amandamarieamandamarie Posts: 240Registered Users
Just out of curiosity ... I feel like we've got a lot of married women and mothers around here and I'm curious whether anyone else dates women or maybe has a different gender ID/expression and if so whether you feel like that affects how you think about your hair?

(Personally, obsessing over my hair makes me feel absurdly feminine in a way that I don't usually, but if it's going to get me attention from girls ... :angel12:)
2a/b (really thick but sort of fine with pretty weak waves), medium-to-fine texture, normal porosity (I think). Doesn't seem to like protein.

Favorite products: Kinky-Curly Knot Today, Kinky-Curly Curling Custard, Curl Junkie Curls in a Bottle, Curl Junkie Curl Rehab, Curl Junkie Curl Assurance Smoothing Lotion, Shea Moisture Curl and Style Milk, homemade flaxseed gel.

Still looking for a cleanser I like. :dontknow:
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Comments

  • ninja dogninja dog Posts: 23,780Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    There's a few; I know Minxy is gay (she's wonderful), and someone else is out as well, but I'm not sure of her name. She's nice, though ---- not sure she's still posting much.

    There's plenty of us singles around, too.
  • amandamarieamandamarie Posts: 240Registered Users
    :wav:

    :occasion7:
    2a/b (really thick but sort of fine with pretty weak waves), medium-to-fine texture, normal porosity (I think). Doesn't seem to like protein.

    Favorite products: Kinky-Curly Knot Today, Kinky-Curly Curling Custard, Curl Junkie Curls in a Bottle, Curl Junkie Curl Rehab, Curl Junkie Curl Assurance Smoothing Lotion, Shea Moisture Curl and Style Milk, homemade flaxseed gel.

    Still looking for a cleanser I like. :dontknow:
  • curlygirlyinVAcurlygirlyinVA Posts: 64Registered Users
    I'm bi but in a heterosexual relationship and I'm a mother. :-P
  • amandamarieamandamarie Posts: 240Registered Users
    Oooooh how epic fail of me it was not to mention that possibility, considering that I date men sometimes too! :oops:

    I think I just meant that there seems to be an awful lot of heteronormativity on this board, haha.
    2a/b (really thick but sort of fine with pretty weak waves), medium-to-fine texture, normal porosity (I think). Doesn't seem to like protein.

    Favorite products: Kinky-Curly Knot Today, Kinky-Curly Curling Custard, Curl Junkie Curls in a Bottle, Curl Junkie Curl Rehab, Curl Junkie Curl Assurance Smoothing Lotion, Shea Moisture Curl and Style Milk, homemade flaxseed gel.

    Still looking for a cleanser I like. :dontknow:
  • ninja dogninja dog Posts: 23,780Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    I like that word. It's descriptive, scientific, and yet obscurely funny.
  • 09robiha09robiha Posts: 683Registered Users
    Just out of curiosity ... I feel like we've got a lot of married women and mothers around here and I'm curious whether anyone else dates women or maybe has a different gender ID/expression and if so whether you feel like that affects how you think about your hair?

    (Personally, obsessing over my hair makes me feel absurdly feminine in a way that I don't usually, but if it's going to get me attention from girls ... :angel12:)

    me :color: <--- awesome gay pride rainbow smiley!

    i dont it affects how i think about my hair although everyone assumes im not gay because i dont have short hair or boyish hair. Its super annoying! I think its because my hair is very femine looking and people just assume femine equals straight. One this i can say there is a HELL of alot of hair in my relationship. My gf has hip length hair and i have waist length...try deal with that in your bathroom plug!!!

    Interestingly tho all in all tho most girls i have dated take great pride in there hair. More so than any of my straight girl friends...
    Mixture of 2c/3a curls, fine to med texture

    :love5: PROTEIN LOVER!!! :love5:

    Wishing my hair would be more like this
    > :angel13:
    and less like this
    > :evil5:
  • amandamarieamandamarie Posts: 240Registered Users
    Hahahaha my ex has long curly hair and we used to joke about that all the time too! "A lot of hair and a lot of chest," I remember saying at one point.

    Then again neither of us has/had waist-length or hip-length hair ... that's a lot to handle.

    My other ex-girlfriend listens to me talk about my hair and is like, "Oh. Okay. Cool. Don't care." though.

    And now I feel the need to explain the fact that I'm still close to both my exes except I feel like it's not too hard because even though I don't identify as a lesbian, I am pretty much this: **** Lesbians Say - YouTube
    2a/b (really thick but sort of fine with pretty weak waves), medium-to-fine texture, normal porosity (I think). Doesn't seem to like protein.

    Favorite products: Kinky-Curly Knot Today, Kinky-Curly Curling Custard, Curl Junkie Curls in a Bottle, Curl Junkie Curl Rehab, Curl Junkie Curl Assurance Smoothing Lotion, Shea Moisture Curl and Style Milk, homemade flaxseed gel.

    Still looking for a cleanser I like. :dontknow:
  • HelloBunnyHelloBunny Posts: 23Registered Users
    I'm a lesbian, and mmmm... I don't think it has changed how I view my hair lol. My girlfriend wears her hair in a faux hawk, though. I've always been pretty hair conscious, but now more so now that I'm natural. I have to limit how much I talk or complain about my hairr, because she doesn't like talking much about hair unless I'm saying something positive. :X But, on the other hand I understand why since she has straight blond hair and it's like the lowest maintenance ever.
  • kimmidawnkimmidawn Posts: 900Registered Users
    I'm bisexual, and while I tend to be in heterosexual/heteronormative relationships, I'm actually more attracted to girls.
    2b, fine texture, normal porosity & elasticity (CG as of 12/2011)

    Low-poo: UFD Rich & Funky
    Cowash: VO5 Kiwi Lime
    RO: Tresemme Naturals, Aubrey Organics GPB, Ion Effective Care, MillCreek Keratin
    PT/DT: IAgirl's PT, GVP CB
    LI: KCKT, Cure Care, CJ CCCC Lite
    Styling: Curl Keeper, As I Am Jelly, UFD Curly Magic, CJ Curl Queen, TIGI Strong Hold Mousse


    /home/leaving?target=http%3A%2F%2Fpublic.fotki.com%2Fkdawn12%2F" class="Popup

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
    ^^ day 1 of going CG; avatar = 6 months later
  • kimmidawnkimmidawn Posts: 900Registered Users
    And I don't think it really affects how I think about my hair/anyone else's hair, but I never really thought about it.
    2b, fine texture, normal porosity & elasticity (CG as of 12/2011)

    Low-poo: UFD Rich & Funky
    Cowash: VO5 Kiwi Lime
    RO: Tresemme Naturals, Aubrey Organics GPB, Ion Effective Care, MillCreek Keratin
    PT/DT: IAgirl's PT, GVP CB
    LI: KCKT, Cure Care, CJ CCCC Lite
    Styling: Curl Keeper, As I Am Jelly, UFD Curly Magic, CJ Curl Queen, TIGI Strong Hold Mousse


    /home/leaving?target=http%3A%2F%2Fpublic.fotki.com%2Fkdawn12%2F" class="Popup

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
    ^^ day 1 of going CG; avatar = 6 months later
  • amandamarieamandamarie Posts: 240Registered Users
    Hmm I brought it up because I feel like there are a lot of stereotypes about lesbians' hair but it seems like no one here really cares. Fair enough! Just seemed like something I should ask about on a hair board, haha.

    Kimmidawn, do you find it's sort of a numbers game? I'd rather date a girl but there are way more men interested in me.
    2a/b (really thick but sort of fine with pretty weak waves), medium-to-fine texture, normal porosity (I think). Doesn't seem to like protein.

    Favorite products: Kinky-Curly Knot Today, Kinky-Curly Curling Custard, Curl Junkie Curls in a Bottle, Curl Junkie Curl Rehab, Curl Junkie Curl Assurance Smoothing Lotion, Shea Moisture Curl and Style Milk, homemade flaxseed gel.

    Still looking for a cleanser I like. :dontknow:
  • kimmidawnkimmidawn Posts: 900Registered Users
    Hmm I brought it up because I feel like there are a lot of stereotypes about lesbians' hair but it seems like no one here really cares. Fair enough! Just seemed like something I should ask about on a hair board, haha.

    Kimmidawn, do you find it's sort of a numbers game? I'd rather date a girl but there are way more men interested in me.

    I would definitely agree with the stereotypes about lesbian hair styles (e.g. short crew cut = stereotypical butch lesbian on tv). There are certain haircuts that if a woman has, often combined with a certain way of dressing, she is assumed to be lesbian. Granted, I don't think that it's as assumed now as maybe ten years ago, but I think a lot of people still have that immediate thought.

    As far as my preferences, I definitely would like to date a girl, but it is somewhat of a numbers game. Most of my close friends are guys, but my "types" tend to be to go for very masculine men (muscular, tall, etc) and very feminine women (longer hair, more "stereotypically feminine" meaning like lipstick lesbians). I have definitely had feelings for men and women who didn't fit my "types", but those are just more what I go for. Like I said, I'd really like to date a girl, but thanks to society, I think it's somewhat "easier" to date a guy, both because of the numbers and because meeting and dating a girl can take a little more time.
    2b, fine texture, normal porosity & elasticity (CG as of 12/2011)

    Low-poo: UFD Rich & Funky
    Cowash: VO5 Kiwi Lime
    RO: Tresemme Naturals, Aubrey Organics GPB, Ion Effective Care, MillCreek Keratin
    PT/DT: IAgirl's PT, GVP CB
    LI: KCKT, Cure Care, CJ CCCC Lite
    Styling: Curl Keeper, As I Am Jelly, UFD Curly Magic, CJ Curl Queen, TIGI Strong Hold Mousse


    /home/leaving?target=http%3A%2F%2Fpublic.fotki.com%2Fkdawn12%2F" class="Popup

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
    ^^ day 1 of going CG; avatar = 6 months later
  • kimmidawnkimmidawn Posts: 900Registered Users
    And because I don't automatically come off as lesbian or bisexual, I think that has to do with me getting less approached by women compared to how often i get approached by men.
    2b, fine texture, normal porosity & elasticity (CG as of 12/2011)

    Low-poo: UFD Rich & Funky
    Cowash: VO5 Kiwi Lime
    RO: Tresemme Naturals, Aubrey Organics GPB, Ion Effective Care, MillCreek Keratin
    PT/DT: IAgirl's PT, GVP CB
    LI: KCKT, Cure Care, CJ CCCC Lite
    Styling: Curl Keeper, As I Am Jelly, UFD Curly Magic, CJ Curl Queen, TIGI Strong Hold Mousse


    /home/leaving?target=http%3A%2F%2Fpublic.fotki.com%2Fkdawn12%2F" class="Popup

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
    ^^ day 1 of going CG; avatar = 6 months later
  • diasporadiaspora Posts: 596Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    ...
    I think I just meant that there seems to be an awful lot of heteronormativity on this board, haha.

    Funny, a curly-haired friend and I were talking about this. I was suggesting she check out the hair boards because she's asking me questions about her hair that I can't answer, but she was wondering if she'd be annoyed by the culture here because she's queer.
    Formerly Urbancurl.
    Medium-high density, fine-medium, low-normal porosity, 3b/c, permanent color.
    CG, no heat, combs, brushes, parabens.
    Fall/Winter HG=Alba Botanica Soft Hold Style Cream.
    Spring/Summer HG=MGA Sculpting Gel
    Current fave LI=Madre Labs Made by Nature for Baby Conditioner.
    Limit oils, butters, glycerin.
  • CurlyminxCurlyminx Posts: 5,581Registered Users
    Ah!!! So I have finally found where Ninja said she mentioned me! Just checking in.

    Hi, hello!
    tumblr_mk2chrdnQe1qzwi58o1_500.gif
    Mix of 3s, thick, coarse, medium porosity

    Current hair styling technique: rake with a scrunch at the end. (works with my coarse hair)

    /home/leaving?target=http%3A%2F%2Fpublic.fotki.com%2Fcurlymix%2F" class="Popup
    pw: curls

    Known HGs: KCCC, homemade fsg, honey
  • SusieSuzeSusieSuze Posts: 524Registered Users
    I really have no idea what my sexual proclivities has to do with my hair.

    Other than hair is a sexy thing.

    If I want to look sexy, what does it matter if I am dressing up for my male partner or for the group of people (trans/bi/gay/lesbian/straight) that I wish to appeal to.

    Sexual orientation has nothing at all to do with how sexy one wants to appear.

    It seems to me there are a lot of people here that talk about church and mention their religious ties. Perhaps fear is one of the big reasons people don't talk about being in an alternative group. Or maybe the reason is that sexual preference is really no ones business and really has nothing to do with their hair, and talking about their sexual preferences is really off topic for the most part, on a board that is about hair.

    What is interesting however, is that you think that the act of wanting to appear more sexually attractive is only a feminine thing. Have you any idea how much the metrosexual types preen themselves? They work out for hours, cleanse, toner, mousse, gel... you name it just like us girls. The wealthy ones spend thousands on clothes, shoes, watches, cars and whatever, just to appear sexy enough for the women they want. It's ALL ABSURD. But it's normal and we all do it.

    So if you're worried about being too feminine, don't.
  • amandamarieamandamarie Posts: 240Registered Users
    Hello hello everyone!

    Diaspora, I don't think she would be necessarily annoyed by the culture here any more than in any other not-specifically-designated-as-queer space. It's a pretty pervasive thing. I find that I'm a lot more comfortable in any environment when I'm not having to wonder if I'm going to be alienating people by talking about "gay things" too much or at all, because I know who might have similar experiences to mine. Which is the reason I started this thread. Maybe it's just me, though? I just feel like it's easy to feel a little outnumbered, in the world at large, and since being queer isn't exactly 100% socially accepted, it's nice to be able to be supportive of one another.

    Kimmidawn, YES, that is exactly what I meant. I get approached by men a LOT more often because I don't get coded as not-straight. I don't usually take them up on it, but I feel like if I were to be more open and approachable in general, I would end up dating guys a lot rather than pretty much just falling for female friends ... Haha.
    2a/b (really thick but sort of fine with pretty weak waves), medium-to-fine texture, normal porosity (I think). Doesn't seem to like protein.

    Favorite products: Kinky-Curly Knot Today, Kinky-Curly Curling Custard, Curl Junkie Curls in a Bottle, Curl Junkie Curl Rehab, Curl Junkie Curl Assurance Smoothing Lotion, Shea Moisture Curl and Style Milk, homemade flaxseed gel.

    Still looking for a cleanser I like. :dontknow:
  • amandamarieamandamarie Posts: 240Registered Users
    SusieSuze wrote: »
    I really have no idea what my sexual proclivities has to do with my hair.

    Other than hair is a sexy thing.

    If I want to look sexy, what does it matter if I am dressing up for my male partner or for the group of people (trans/bi/gay/lesbian/straight) that I wish to appeal to.

    Sexual orientation has nothing at all to do with how sexy one wants to appear.

    It seems to me there are a lot of people here that talk about church and mention their religious ties. Perhaps fear is one of the big reasons people don't talk about being in an alternative group. Or maybe the reason is that sexual preference is really no ones business and really has nothing to do with their hair, and talking about their sexual preferences is really off topic for the most part, on a board that is about hair.

    What is interesting however, is that you think that the act of wanting to appear more sexually attractive is only a feminine thing. Have you any idea how much the metrosexual types preen themselves? They work out for hours, cleanse, toner, mousse, gel... you name it just like us girls. The wealthy ones spend thousands on clothes, shoes, watches, cars and whatever, just to appear sexy enough for the women they want. It's ALL ABSURD. But it's normal and we all do it.

    So if you're worried about being too feminine, don't.

    Thanks for your input, but that's actually not what I meant at all. I realize I wasn't very clear, but what I meant was that for a lot of people, femininity is very much tied in with their hair and the general principle of how much work and time they put into their appearance. Not always, not for everyone, but for a lot of people. I was wondering if anyone wanted to chime in and express something about their hair and experience of gender that they might not feel comfortable expressing elsewhere on the boards for reasons you've outlined pretty well.

    What I meant about my own femininity was just that it's not typical for me to feel that way, and the fact that this is where that side of me comes out is another interesting piece to incorporate into my personal identity matrix. I'm certainly not uncomfortable with it, and DEFINITELY not passing judgment on anyone of any gender who chooses to fuss over their hair a lot. It's just a thing I've noticed.
    2a/b (really thick but sort of fine with pretty weak waves), medium-to-fine texture, normal porosity (I think). Doesn't seem to like protein.

    Favorite products: Kinky-Curly Knot Today, Kinky-Curly Curling Custard, Curl Junkie Curls in a Bottle, Curl Junkie Curl Rehab, Curl Junkie Curl Assurance Smoothing Lotion, Shea Moisture Curl and Style Milk, homemade flaxseed gel.

    Still looking for a cleanser I like. :dontknow:
  • 09robiha09robiha Posts: 683Registered Users
    kimmidawn wrote: »
    And because I don't automatically come off as lesbian or bisexual, I think that has to do with me getting less approached by women compared to how often i get approached by men.

    This happens to me too...I do not look like a stereotypical lesbian at all - and get approached by men alot. It usually has to be up to me to approach a woman but confidence is key :)
    Mixture of 2c/3a curls, fine to med texture

    :love5: PROTEIN LOVER!!! :love5:

    Wishing my hair would be more like this
    > :angel13:
    and less like this
    > :evil5:
  • diasporadiaspora Posts: 596Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    Hello hello everyone!

    Diaspora, I don't think she would be necessarily annoyed by the culture here any more than in any other not-specifically-designated-as-queer space. It's a pretty pervasive thing. I find that I'm a lot more comfortable in any environment when I'm not having to wonder if I'm going to be alienating people by talking about "gay things" too much or at all, because I know who might have similar experiences to mine. Which is the reason I started this thread. Maybe it's just me, though? I just feel like it's easy to feel a little outnumbered, in the world at large, and since being queer isn't exactly 100% socially accepted, it's nice to be able to be supportive of one another.

    Amandamarie, I'm very glad you started this thread. I am sometimes uncomfortable with the culture here, as I am in any group of people that didn't come together based on shared goals for social justice or equality of some kind. Too many times I've been attacked for expressing my beliefs. I think it's really helpful when people with perspectives that are lesser-heard speak up and don't hold back, because it helps other people who tend to feel alienated feel more comfortable, and there are always others out there who feel the same way but we don't know it, and it educates some people out there who are open to listening. It is always taking a chance to speak up though.

    Anyway, I get what you are saying about hair and identity. The same friend I mentioned got her long curls cut very short, and admits that she does feel like she is given more cred by the people she hangs out with even though she thinks the reason is really stupid. This is with her new friends in SF, her old friends don't care of course. And she gets hit on less by guys now, though she still likes some (queer) guys too.
    Formerly Urbancurl.
    Medium-high density, fine-medium, low-normal porosity, 3b/c, permanent color.
    CG, no heat, combs, brushes, parabens.
    Fall/Winter HG=Alba Botanica Soft Hold Style Cream.
    Spring/Summer HG=MGA Sculpting Gel
    Current fave LI=Madre Labs Made by Nature for Baby Conditioner.
    Limit oils, butters, glycerin.
  • kimmidawnkimmidawn Posts: 900Registered Users
    I was just wondering, for those who have mentioned that they are bisexual/queer but are generally perceived as straight, how do you approach women? I have tried asking my friends who are bisexual/queer, but most of them "look the part" with their haircut or the way they dress or the way they carry themselves, they don't really have much advice to give me because they don't really understand my problem. I can go up and make small talk with women, but I think I have a problem translating that to "I'm interested in you."
    2b, fine texture, normal porosity & elasticity (CG as of 12/2011)

    Low-poo: UFD Rich & Funky
    Cowash: VO5 Kiwi Lime
    RO: Tresemme Naturals, Aubrey Organics GPB, Ion Effective Care, MillCreek Keratin
    PT/DT: IAgirl's PT, GVP CB
    LI: KCKT, Cure Care, CJ CCCC Lite
    Styling: Curl Keeper, As I Am Jelly, UFD Curly Magic, CJ Curl Queen, TIGI Strong Hold Mousse


    /home/leaving?target=http%3A%2F%2Fpublic.fotki.com%2Fkdawn12%2F" class="Popup

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
    ^^ day 1 of going CG; avatar = 6 months later
  • 09robiha09robiha Posts: 683Registered Users
    kimmidawn wrote: »
    I was just wondering, for those who have mentioned that they are bisexual/queer but are generally perceived as straight, how do you approach women? I have tried asking my friends who are bisexual/queer, but most of them "look the part" with their haircut or the way they dress or the way they carry themselves, they don't really have much advice to give me because they don't really understand my problem. I can go up and make small talk with women, but I think I have a problem translating that to "I'm interested in you."

    I pm'ed you!

    I also had a question for the LGBT thread regarding hair and looks in general...

    .... Do any of you that don't 'look' lesbian, bisexual, gay etc feel like..your less part of your culture? Do you think it affects your identity with the culture and your acceptance both with the rest of society and LGBT culture??

    Lately i've been feeling like how I feel on the inside and who I am on the inside doesn't match on the outside. I like the way i look and dress....but then i have conflicting feeling that for once I would just like my identity to be clear to both general people and the LGBT community. Even LGBT people question if 'i am really a lesbian' and I have be accused of 'faking' due to the way i look before. Sometimes it feels like my own culture is rejecting me due to my looks...

    What is everyone's feelings or opinions surrounding this?
    Mixture of 2c/3a curls, fine to med texture

    :love5: PROTEIN LOVER!!! :love5:

    Wishing my hair would be more like this
    > :angel13:
    and less like this
    > :evil5:
  • amandamarieamandamarie Posts: 240Registered Users
    Too many things I want to quote oh my goodness! Giant "yes!" to everything happening in this thread right now.

    Kimmidawn, I find I automatically go into flirtatious mode whenever I'm talking to someone I'm interested in, which, if you're someone who knows me a little, will be obvious. I also kind of go out of my way to let girls know it's on the options table by mentioning something early on--a story about a friend's reaction to my coming out or whatever. Problem is there's no way to tell for sure it's not just a way to bond! Recently a friendly acquaintance dropped a "when I date girls ..." into a conversation that it totally didn't belong in and I left the conversation giggling a little to myself because I knew it was her way of letting me know she's "part of the club", so to speak, but she wasn't hitting on me (at least I don't think). It's difficult.

    09rohiba, yes, I do find that. It's actually a little bizarre to me because on the one hand, I think it's stupid that you should have to look a part in order to avoid having your identity questioned, so I actually find myself joking about, "Is it way too queer of me to buy this plaid shirt?" etc (I'd rather be entirely myself at all times than be intentionally fitting or avoiding stereotypes). On the other hand, I feel frequently rejected by LGBT culture, and I feel like if I looked a certain way, I'd fit in more.

    I think for me and a lot of others similar to me, though, it's partly because some lesbians have a bit of a fear of dating non-lesbians. I've encountered the belief a lot that bisexual women or ambiguously queer women will decide they'd rather date a man and break it off with a lesbian and leave her broken-hearted ... Which is intensely frustrating to me, because I am not a person who can't make up her mind or just likes kissing girls in bars or whatever; I would be happy to marry a woman if I found the right one and I wouldn't think twice about it. Plus, if I met the love of my life tomorrow who happened to be a man, I would not in any way consider that to have negated my past experiences or made them less real or valuable.

    But, yeah, part of it is, "You have long hair and wear shirts with flowers on them so you must be straight."
    2a/b (really thick but sort of fine with pretty weak waves), medium-to-fine texture, normal porosity (I think). Doesn't seem to like protein.

    Favorite products: Kinky-Curly Knot Today, Kinky-Curly Curling Custard, Curl Junkie Curls in a Bottle, Curl Junkie Curl Rehab, Curl Junkie Curl Assurance Smoothing Lotion, Shea Moisture Curl and Style Milk, homemade flaxseed gel.

    Still looking for a cleanser I like. :dontknow:
  • kimmidawnkimmidawn Posts: 900Registered Users
    I don't think I necessarily have a hard time combining the way I look with who I am inside, but there definitely are days when it is frustrating where I'm automatically classified as straight and I literally just want to wear a sign that says "hi my name is kimmidawn and I'm bisexual". As far as what I wear or how I do my hair though, its more for me just how I feel prettiest, not so much a part of my identity. I'm not sure if it would differ if I was lesbian rather than bisexual (since now I'm thinking about it and while there's a clear physical image of lesbian that the media and pop culture likes to use, I can't think of an equally common physical image that's portrayed for bisexuals - physical image meaning a look as opposed to somewhat more abstract descriptions).

    @amandamarie, I never really consciously thought about inserting a comment that would make my sexuality known, but that's definitely a good idea. I guess part of it is since I've never actually dated a girl (I am more than open to it and could definitely see myself in a long term relationship with a woman), I don't feel like its something that can casually be dropped in conversation; I would probably be like your friend with that random comment lol. At first, I didn't even tell my female friends that I was bi because I didnt know if they would feel kind of "betrayed" that we had known each other for so long and I had kept that from them. But after nothing but positive responses, I am much more comfortable telling acquaintances and casual friends.
    2b, fine texture, normal porosity & elasticity (CG as of 12/2011)

    Low-poo: UFD Rich & Funky
    Cowash: VO5 Kiwi Lime
    RO: Tresemme Naturals, Aubrey Organics GPB, Ion Effective Care, MillCreek Keratin
    PT/DT: IAgirl's PT, GVP CB
    LI: KCKT, Cure Care, CJ CCCC Lite
    Styling: Curl Keeper, As I Am Jelly, UFD Curly Magic, CJ Curl Queen, TIGI Strong Hold Mousse


    /home/leaving?target=http%3A%2F%2Fpublic.fotki.com%2Fkdawn12%2F" class="Popup

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
    ^^ day 1 of going CG; avatar = 6 months later
  • kimmidawnkimmidawn Posts: 900Registered Users
    I think for me and a lot of others similar to me, though, it's partly because some lesbians have a bit of a fear of dating non-lesbians. I've encountered the belief a lot that bisexual women or ambiguously queer women will decide they'd rather date a man and break it off with a lesbian and leave her broken-hearted ... Which is intensely frustrating to me, because I am not a person who can't make up her mind or just likes kissing girls in bars or whatever; I would be happy to marry a woman if I found the right one and I wouldn't think twice about it. Plus, if I met the love of my life tomorrow who happened to be a man, I would not in any way consider that to have negated my past experiences or made them less real or valuable.
    And +1 to this
    2b, fine texture, normal porosity & elasticity (CG as of 12/2011)

    Low-poo: UFD Rich & Funky
    Cowash: VO5 Kiwi Lime
    RO: Tresemme Naturals, Aubrey Organics GPB, Ion Effective Care, MillCreek Keratin
    PT/DT: IAgirl's PT, GVP CB
    LI: KCKT, Cure Care, CJ CCCC Lite
    Styling: Curl Keeper, As I Am Jelly, UFD Curly Magic, CJ Curl Queen, TIGI Strong Hold Mousse


    /home/leaving?target=http%3A%2F%2Fpublic.fotki.com%2Fkdawn12%2F" class="Popup

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
    ^^ day 1 of going CG; avatar = 6 months later
  • amandamarieamandamarie Posts: 240Registered Users
    kimmidawn wrote: »
    I don't think I necessarily have a hard time combining the way I look with who I am inside, but there definitely are days when it is frustrating where I'm automatically classified as straight and I literally just want to wear a sign that says "hi my name is kimmidawn and I'm bisexual". As far as what I wear or how I do my hair though, its more for me just how I feel prettiest, not so much a part of my identity. I'm not sure if it would differ if I was lesbian rather than bisexual (since now I'm thinking about it and while there's a clear physical image of lesbian that the media and pop culture likes to use, I can't think of an equally common physical image that's portrayed for bisexuals - physical image meaning a look as opposed to somewhat more abstract descriptions).

    @amandamarie, I never really consciously thought about inserting a comment that would make my sexuality known, but that's definitely a good idea. I guess part of it is since I've never actually dated a girl (I am more than open to it and could definitely see myself in a long term relationship with a woman), I don't feel like its something that can casually be dropped in conversation; I would probably be like your friend with that random comment lol. At first, I didn't even tell my female friends that I was bi because I didnt know if they would feel kind of "betrayed" that we had known each other for so long and I had kept that from them. But after nothing but positive responses, I am much more comfortable telling acquaintances and casual friends.

    Haha, noooo, when that friend made that comment, I honestly just thought it was funny, because I've totally done things like that too. Once, I was in a bar and got to talking with this girl I met about her fiancee, and then we started talking about how I'm a writer. She asked me who my favorite author was and I thought and eventually gave a nod to Virginia Woolf. She was really excited and I just said, "Yeah, I feel like she's a very queer author to choose as your favorite ..."

    Also once some people I had just met were talking about how their roommates reacted to them being gay. I chimed in with my own stories, and then within three days one of the girls had asked me out. Sooo ... there's that? (That's another option, btw. Just straight-up ask for a girl's number or ask her to get coffee or a drink sometime, haha.)

    As far as friends' reactions, personally, I'm at a point in my life where I feel like anyone who isn't okay with it doesn't need to be around me. That has taken me years, though, and I recognize I'm really lucky in that respect because I'm able to be in environments that are mostly accepting. So, yeah, I think being comfortable being "out" is A+.
    2a/b (really thick but sort of fine with pretty weak waves), medium-to-fine texture, normal porosity (I think). Doesn't seem to like protein.

    Favorite products: Kinky-Curly Knot Today, Kinky-Curly Curling Custard, Curl Junkie Curls in a Bottle, Curl Junkie Curl Rehab, Curl Junkie Curl Assurance Smoothing Lotion, Shea Moisture Curl and Style Milk, homemade flaxseed gel.

    Still looking for a cleanser I like. :dontknow:
  • Fifi.GFifi.G Posts: 15,490Registered Users
    I hope no one finds me nosey or intrusive.

    I am straight, but 90% of my closest friends are G/L/B and fabulous drag queens. :) I am nothing but supportive.

    I wanted to share a story because it does touch on something you have brought up, just in reverse. In 1995 I decided to get a pixie cut. I did have a Julia Roberts/Steel Magnolia moment of shock and "Oh Dear" at first. I had never cut my hair that short and needed a moment to adjust. At first I found this hard to do because men no longer seemed interested in me. I could not go anywhere without them looking at me, and whispering. Then the boldness set in. I had countless men (strangers and a few who had known me my entire life) approach me and say, What's it like being a lesbian? It's a shame you're a lesbian. I wouldn't have thought you'd end up being a lesbian", etc... And many put in offensive terms. Every time I was approached and these comments were made I would ask the guy to sit down and explain his reasoning. It was always stereotypical and silly (your hairs short) but I was more than happy to point this out, and sometimes in more offensive terms. In an odd turn of events, this ended up helping me love my new do even more. It was somehow liberating. In fact, bleep all, I went back to the salon and had it buzzed. I was not asked out by a man until my hair grew out, below my ears, but that was okay. I fully expected it and after that nonsense, I was more than ready to take a breather from those odd creatures.

    Hair in no way should define your preference, but just try telling someone else that. Lol
    When I hear terms like "hipster" I think, who told cliques they could leave high school??

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
  • 09robiha09robiha Posts: 683Registered Users
    kimmidawn wrote: »
    I think for me and a lot of others similar to me, though, it's partly because some lesbians have a bit of a fear of dating non-lesbians. I've encountered the belief a lot that bisexual women or ambiguously queer women will decide they'd rather date a man and break it off with a lesbian and leave her broken-hearted ... Which is intensely frustrating to me, because I am not a person who can't make up her mind or just likes kissing girls in bars or whatever; I would be happy to marry a woman if I found the right one and I wouldn't think twice about it. Plus, if I met the love of my life tomorrow who happened to be a man, I would not in any way consider that to have negated my past experiences or made them less real or valuable.
    And +1 to this

    +1 to this also...im soooo glad you said this amandamarie! This especially has been my own experience (as a lesbian dating bisexual woman). I hope this doest offend anyone its just my personal experience but.... I generally do not date bisexual woman as a rule anymore because i find it to be far to complicated. i have even had bisexual woman ask me if i can be there 'bit on the side' whilst they date men because for some reason i don't count as much or I am somewhat lacking in some way which means they cant be in a real relationship. For me its hard to find a genuine bisexual girl that wouldn't discount me for a man.
    Mixture of 2c/3a curls, fine to med texture

    :love5: PROTEIN LOVER!!! :love5:

    Wishing my hair would be more like this
    > :angel13:
    and less like this
    > :evil5:
  • kimmidawnkimmidawn Posts: 900Registered Users
    09robiha wrote: »
    kimmidawn wrote: »
    I think for me and a lot of others similar to me, though, it's partly because some lesbians have a bit of a fear of dating non-lesbians. I've encountered the belief a lot that bisexual women or ambiguously queer women will decide they'd rather date a man and break it off with a lesbian and leave her broken-hearted ... Which is intensely frustrating to me, because I am not a person who can't make up her mind or just likes kissing girls in bars or whatever; I would be happy to marry a woman if I found the right one and I wouldn't think twice about it. Plus, if I met the love of my life tomorrow who happened to be a man, I would not in any way consider that to have negated my past experiences or made them less real or valuable.
    And +1 to this

    +1 to this also...im soooo glad you said this amandamarie! This especially has been my own experience (as a lesbian dating bisexual woman). I hope this doest offend anyone its just my personal experience but.... I generally do not date bisexual woman as a rule anymore because i find it to be far to complicated. i have even had bisexual woman ask me if i can be there 'bit on the side' whilst they date men because for some reason i don't count as much or I am somewhat lacking in some way which means they cant be in a real relationship. For me its hard to find a genuine bisexual girl that wouldn't discount me for a man.

    I don't know about anyone else, but that didnt offend me; everyone has different experiences and just because I may not agree with your experience doesn't mean it's not valid. My question to you is, what do you mean you find dating bisexual women far too complicated? I think, if your relationship with your partner ends, you could open the possibility of dating a bisexual woman but still be very cautious, by only being open to that possibility with bisexual women who are interested in actually dating a lesbian, not simply the sexual aspect.

    Even though I can't exactly discount all the negative experiences with bisexual women you've had, but personally, I would never have anyone on the side (man or woman) because that would be disrespectful to my primary partner. I'm bisexual, and I'm attracted to women in terms of both sexually and as far as a relationship. I would be equally happy in a relationship with a woman as a man. I appreciate your experience, as it's important to know both good and bad experiences (not just good ones), but I hope I've been able to show that not all bisexuals are like the ones you've encountered. :)
    2b, fine texture, normal porosity & elasticity (CG as of 12/2011)

    Low-poo: UFD Rich & Funky
    Cowash: VO5 Kiwi Lime
    RO: Tresemme Naturals, Aubrey Organics GPB, Ion Effective Care, MillCreek Keratin
    PT/DT: IAgirl's PT, GVP CB
    LI: KCKT, Cure Care, CJ CCCC Lite
    Styling: Curl Keeper, As I Am Jelly, UFD Curly Magic, CJ Curl Queen, TIGI Strong Hold Mousse


    /home/leaving?target=http%3A%2F%2Fpublic.fotki.com%2Fkdawn12%2F" class="Popup

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
    ^^ day 1 of going CG; avatar = 6 months later
  • amandamarieamandamarie Posts: 240Registered Users
    kimmidawn wrote: »
    09robiha wrote: »
    kimmidawn wrote: »
    And +1 to this

    +1 to this also...im soooo glad you said this amandamarie! This especially has been my own experience (as a lesbian dating bisexual woman). I hope this doest offend anyone its just my personal experience but.... I generally do not date bisexual woman as a rule anymore because i find it to be far to complicated. i have even had bisexual woman ask me if i can be there 'bit on the side' whilst they date men because for some reason i don't count as much or I am somewhat lacking in some way which means they cant be in a real relationship. For me its hard to find a genuine bisexual girl that wouldn't discount me for a man.

    I don't know about anyone else, but that didnt offend me; everyone has different experiences and just because I may not agree with your experience doesn't mean it's not valid. My question to you is, what do you mean you find dating bisexual women far too complicated? I think, if your relationship with your partner ends, you could open the possibility of dating a bisexual woman but still be very cautious, by only being open to that possibility with bisexual women who are interested in actually dating a lesbian, not simply the sexual aspect.

    Even though I can't exactly discount all the negative experiences with bisexual women you've had, but personally, I would never have anyone on the side (man or woman) because that would be disrespectful to my primary partner. I'm bisexual, and I'm attracted to women in terms of both sexually and as far as a relationship. I would be equally happy in a relationship with a woman as a man. I appreciate your experience, as it's important to know both good and bad experiences (not just good ones), but I hope I've been able to show that not all bisexuals are like the ones you've encountered. :)

    Sigh. Okay. I find it really frustrating--less offensive and more just annoying, not of you, 09robiha, but as a cultural thing--because being bisexual or any other non-monosexual orientation should not, IMO, imply a tendency to cheat or have reckless or inappropriate sex or anything like that. For me, it's as simple as being much more interested in the insides than the outsides of my partner, and I know a lot of other people who either describe it that way or who are more like what it sounds like is true of kimmidawn and happen to be interested in attractive women and attractive men (but not at the same time). It's upsetting and a bit hurtful to me to feel like I might get rejected on those grounds, or that a girlfriend's friends might tell her not to date me on those grounds, when I know perfectly well that what I am looking for is a long-term, loving, monogamous relationship, and I don't care what the body of the person who I have it with looks like. That does not seem like a reason to reject me?!

    On the other hand, there are a lot of these girls out there who really do call themselves bisexual because boys think it's hot, or who might really like women but aren't ultimately ready to accept the societal implications that go with being in a lesbian relationship. I know a bunch of those ones too (and usually don't like them nearly as much as people). So it's rough because I can't totally blame lesbians for feeling this way--or the women in question, because hey, I don't know their lives, I can't say how queer they are or aren't--I just wish it generally were taken for granted a little more that people fall in love with who they fall in love with and that these labels don't tell you much about what's really in a person's heart.

    Ew, I just got really cheesy. But you guys know what I mean?!
    2a/b (really thick but sort of fine with pretty weak waves), medium-to-fine texture, normal porosity (I think). Doesn't seem to like protein.

    Favorite products: Kinky-Curly Knot Today, Kinky-Curly Curling Custard, Curl Junkie Curls in a Bottle, Curl Junkie Curl Rehab, Curl Junkie Curl Assurance Smoothing Lotion, Shea Moisture Curl and Style Milk, homemade flaxseed gel.

    Still looking for a cleanser I like. :dontknow:
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